AN: This is my very first fanific. Since English isn't my first language I would be most greatful to recive attention of any grammar or spelling mistakes. Thank you!
I am lying next to an angel, watching while she sleeps. Listening to her heartbeats, her breaths.
Every heartbeat that's left counts. Every breath for oxygen. Soon her breaths will be breathed just out of habit, out of comfortbility, for the sense of smell. And her heartbeat will be no more.
Every other second I curse myself, my very existence. If I had died when I should have died, she would not die when she should not.
And then, in the seconds inbetween, she tells me, with enough insurance to almost persuade me, that this - killing her - is right! She almost makes me forget the monster I am, but then again; the curse of the vampire brain; a part of me always remember. And I hate myself even more for almost forgetting, and for the danger I daily put her in.
I wish she could see that, see the truly despicable creature, the monster, I really am. That she could see how much more she deserves, that she deserves something so much better than anything I could ever be for her.
And at the same time, of course, I wish nothing more than that she never will see what I see. Because that would inevitably result in that she would immeadiatly leave me. And I know that I should hope that she will, but I can't. Because I love her. Because I can't stand even the thought of an existence without her. That she, by some unknown miracle, loves me back; in the same way I love her is, well, a miracle. And she must love me, she agreed to marry me. This is the twenty-first century, people doesn't get married without love anymore. Or so they say, at least.
Although, I know better than to doubt Bella's love for me, to compare it to the love of other humans. I did, and the result was devastating.
I go back to watching her sleep. Listening to her heartbeats, pushing the guilt aside, trying to think of happier things.
Like every other night.
AN: Reviews are much appreciated.