Story: Facing Fear
Summary: The war is on the horizon and Lily has had her side chosen for her, but with so much tragedy surrounding her young life and all her ambitions, can she pull through stronger than before or will this war will break apart everything she's ever known?
Disclaimer: None of it's mine.
A/N: This story has been a work in progress for years, changing constantly to remain canon and also every time I read through it. I've done my best to stay true to the story, only taking liberties when I felt it absolutely necessary to the plot or when I could not in all of my research find a concrete answer to my questions. If you notice anything out of canon let me know, I'll do what I can to fix it. Thanks for reading and PLEASE review and let me know what you think!
Chapter One: Loss of a Sister
Of two sisters one is always the watcher, one the dancer.
~Louise Glück.
Everything about the house at Number 3 Penbrook Lane in Surrey, looked exactly the same as Number 4 Penbrook, or in fact, Number 6 Cherry Street, which sat on the street running perpendicular to it, or for that matter any other home in the small suburban area. If there was anything at all that stood out about the residence it was only the pretty flower garden out front that someone had obviously devoted a good deal of time to and a small sign hanging on the front door which stated, 'Friends are welcome, all others get lost.'
The residents of Number 3 were not very extraordinary people either, though some of the nosier neighbors would call them an 'odd sort.' Mr. and Mrs. Charles Evans had lived in the home for something like twenty years with their two teenage daughters, Petunia and Lily. Some years back Mrs. Evans mother, Rose had moved in as well.
The neighbors liked the Evanses pretty well as whole. They were a quiet lot and unassuming. They went to bed at a reasonable hour and brought a good deal of attention to the neighborhood with their gardening. Petunia Evans had just started University last year and Lily was at a boarding school for the gifted in Scotland.
If they sometimes seemed a little shifty about the details of their life, the neighbors forgave them as socially aloof. If the Evanses often seemed to be mildly condescending at social gatherings where it seemed they were determined to laugh at tradition and propriety, they were forgiven as snobs who were, none the less, good hearted.
On September first of 1977 however, no matter how unassuming the house appeared from the outside, inside there was chaos reigning in the Evans household like there had never been before.
Lily Evans rested her head into her hands and allowed her long, slender fingers to make small soothing circles at her temples. Her locks, determined to curl at the bottom no matter how many straightening charms she used, hung past her shoulders framing her in a curtain of fiery hair. She was seventeen and she was exhausted. She'd spent the majority of the previous night sitting up with her older sister, something they hadn't done since before Lily had turned eleven.
Petunia, only a few years older than Lily, had apparently been keeping a big secret from their parents while Lily had been away for the school year and she'd been in search of advice.
If there was one thing that Lily understood, it was secrets. After all, she had a pretty big one herself. She supposed that was the reason why Petunia had sought her out for help even though the two hadn't spoken civilly to each other in about six years.
The sisters hadn't been on good terms with one another since the day that Lily was accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a magical boarding school in Scotland, and Petunia had been left behind. Perhaps that was why Lily had agreed to stay up all night talking against her better judgment. She'd always missed her sister.
"Tea?" The heavenly smell of citrus wafted to her senses and made Lily's eyes at least slightly more willing to stay open. She looked up and gratefully accepted the warm cup of Lady Grey. "Light on the cream and no sugar," her grandmother nodded to Lily's yet unasked question. The younger girl smiled as her grandmother, holding a cup of what smelled like breakfast blend in her own hand, joined Lily on the dayroom sofa.
In the kitchen Lily could still hear the raised voices of her parents' and older sister and though she couldn't make out the words, she knew the subject matter well. She hoped that it was going at least a bit like she and Petunia had rehearsed it so that her sister would be prepared. Still, even with the right words Lily knew that the conversation between her parents and her sister wasn't going to be easy.
Why do I care? Since when has she cared about me?
"Do you think everything is…okay?" Lily asked her grandmother, chewing nervously on her lip unconsciously. The truth was she did care. She cared a lot. No matter what, Petunia was still her sister.
The older woman chuckled softly and patted her granddaughter's knee. "Not to worry, Lily. What happens will happen and we will pick up the pieces from there."
Lily gazed into the wizened eyes of her mother's mother. Lily was the only person in her family to have inherited her grandmother's thick red hair. "Irish roots" they called it "a temper as fiery as the hair." Lily could barely remember a time when her grandmother's hair had been red like her own. Now it was barely visible through the streaks of dignified grey. The young face she'd seen in pictures also had faded to wrinkles and weariness. Lily wondered what it took to make a person unrecognizable by time.
She knew that her grandmother had seen a lot of tragedy. She'd lost children to the second war and her husband of forty-five years to a long illness. She'd moved in with Lily's family two years before when she could no longer make the payments on her house without her husband's support. Lily couldn't imagine not having Granny Rose in the house now. She nodded at the woman's words, taking strength in the knowledge that her roots were strong and she could be too.
Be strong.
Don't be so afraid all the time.
If there was one thing Lily hated, it was her fears. She resented them. It seemed though, that the more of them she faced, the more things she found to be afraid of. She was afraid of losing her sister, Petunia. She was afraid of the whispers of war in the Wizarding World. She was terrified of becoming who she was—a witch—and losing her family in the process.
"Granny Rose," Lily sighed, "Do you think that Petunia and I could be friends again?" The question had been at the tip of her thoughts all through the night before and into the following morning. She and Petunia had almost been sisters again in the early hours of night as they decided if and how Petunia would break the secret to her parents.
"Sister," Granny Rose grinned, "Is a sacred word. There is no bond harder to break. You can't ever truly hate a sister; only love them from a distance." The old woman chuckled as Lily visibly rolled the confusing thoughts around her head. "That is to say," Granny Rose continued, "I think all manner of forgiveness can occur between sisters."
Lily nodded again. A loud thump came from behind the kitchen door and the voices rose to the point that Lily could make out words.
Here it comes.
"I will not have this!" Her father's deep baritone voice shouted, penetrating the swinging kitchen door. His voice boomed so that it seemed to cause the hinges to creak. Lily braced herself for the coming eruption. Her family, her father in particular, was not well-known for keeping calm in heightened situations.
"It's not your choice!" Petunia responded in kind. "I'm old enough to make this decision and I came to you hoping you'd understand!"
"Petunia you're not even twenty yet—" Her mother's voice sounded frail when it was raised so loudly.
"He makes me happy!" Petunia shouted, "Shouldn't that be enough for you?"
Lily felt her breath catch in her throat. She sent a silent prayer to God that Petunia did not do what Lily knew she would. Lily couldn't see what occurred on the other side of the door, but she knew that her parents were hesitating too long for Petunia's liking.
Say something! Say you love her!
"Why can't you just be happy for me? You love Lily no matter what, but not me? I hate this place, and I hate all of you!" Lily shut her eyes. This was not in the plan. Angry footsteps echoed across the kitchen floor and moments later Petunia burst through the swinging kitchen door with tears streaming down her face.
Her thin blonde hair was frazzled around her angular features and her pale skin was red with rage and hurt. For just a moment Petunia's chocolate eyes met Lily's emerald ones. 'Goodbye,' they said. Lily's heart wrenched in her chest and she put her hand there to make sure it was still beating.
It had happened. The final stroke which Lily had feared for years and was honestly surprised had not come from her but their parents. It was the last thing that would ever make Petunia Evans feel like she was not wanted or important in this family. She would walk away from them because she had always felt that they couldn't see her anyway.
"Tuney," Lily said softly, the old nickname surfacing of its own accord. She stood up from her spot on the sofa meaning to approach Petunia and hug her or slap her, both seemed good at the time.
I see you. I always have.
Lily wanted to say the words but knew now that they would come too late. The older girl shook her head. "You were the perfect child, Lily," she told her little sister bitterly, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, "It's wasn't you fault anymore than it was mine. But they don't need me when they have you."
Then, tall, blonde, insecure Petunia Evans crossed the space between the kitchen entrance and the staircase—where she'd earlier left a duffel just in case—and slung the bag over one shoulder. She turned towards the front door, careful not to make eye contact again as she walked by her little sister and grandmother. As she pulled the front door open for the last time, the sparkle of a diamond shone on her left ring finger. Then she walked out without another word.
Lily felt like she couldn't breathe. Her sister was gone, truly gone. She wouldn't be coming back, and she wouldn't be inviting any of them to her wedding in just a year. A piece of what Lily had always held onto dissolved. It was moments like this when she realized what she'd given up for her life as a witch. She sat back on the sofa with a weight heavy in her heart.
I'll have no family when this is all over.
After a few, silent, tense moments the kitchen door swung open again. Her father stood before her, stony-faced and red. His salt-and-pepper hair looked disheveled and his fists clenched and unclenched to the same rhythm of his working jaw. Lily didn't think she'd ever seen her father look so angry. He was almost a stranger to her.
"You knew about this, Lily." He said finally. There was no question in his voice so Lily felt no need to answer. Her father took her silence as the submission that it was and turned from her instantly, storming out of the back door. In the wake of his footsteps she could hear her mother sobbing quietly in the kitchen.
Lily wanted to cry too, but instead she looked to her watch. Petunia had given it to her for her eleventh birthday, moments before a letter changed everything between them. Lily had never stopped wearing it. It was all she had left of that relationship now.
It took a moment for her to realize what time she was reading. It was already almost ten. Lily had been planning on arriving early to the station since she'd been appointed Head Girl this year and it was her duty to oversee the prefect meeting for chosen, exemplary students who worked as a sort of student organization of discipline. In order to arrive when she wanted, she needed to be leaving for King's Cross Station very soon.
Even though she'd come of age in January, she'd only sat for the apparition test a month ago and she was nervous about it. Knowing how chaotic her emotions were and how easily she could mess up in such a state made the Lady Grey tea in stomach start bubbling.
She looked at her grandmother who seemed to be reading her thoughts. Granny Rose nodded towards the front door with a sad sort of smile of understanding.
"I'm sure they wouldn't forgive themselves if you missed school. They just need a bit of time to calm down."
Lily hugged her grandmother and after kissing the older woman on the cheek she walked to the front door where her trunk was already packed and waiting. She took the handle and gripped it tightly, trying desperately to reign in her emotions and then, biting her lip in concentration as much as anxiety, she spun on the spot. She felt the familiar sensation that accompanied apparition which felt to Lily a lot like being sucked through a narrow straw, and then the instant relief of her feet hitting a new, unfamiliar surface. She was standing in a stall of woman's lavatory in King's Cross Station.