'It's terminal.' Simply put, these two words are life changing. They affect everything and everyone around you. Selfishly you start to list all the things in your head that the person you are destined to lose will never see. Your wedding day, your prom, even simply your first day at high school. It's easy to just think of yourself in those first ten minutes but afterwards the world teaches you that you have to pick yourself up, brush yourself down and move on. But when you think about it really, that's ridiculous. At school we are taught a number of things; algebra, how to fake illness so you don't have to participate in gym, being different isn't 'cool' but one thing your teachers and piers alike can't teach you is how you're supposed to deal with the really hard stuff. I mean, you'd think that someone would be able to warn you about these things, wouldn't you? Grief is a fact of life. It's something that we all will experience in our lives so why has no one found a way to let us know that we are doomed to, one day, feel as if going on is just too much? I remember someone once said to me 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!' Well you know what I think? Fuck that. How is that supposed to make any of us feel better? How are you supposed to look into the eyes of a little boy who has just lost his mother and explain to him that eventually this 'fact of life' will make him feel stronger?
My name is Kurt Hummel and I have no idea what I'm doing. I live in New York City and no it's not all glitz and glamour. I'm living with my best friend in an apartment that can only be described as something close to shoe box and even that is being kind.
As a member of the 'I didn't get into college but decided to run away to pursue my unreachable dream club' I hold the right to tell you that life sucks. It does. We fill our lives with things to distract from the idea that we are all doomed. But don't get me wrong, I don't hate the idea of filling our lives with unnecessary collections of items that to anyone else would be classed as junk. 'Most likely to be featured of the show Hoarders' was my high school year book superlative so I have no room to say that buying things doesn't make you happy. But when you really stop and think about it we're all just on a conveyer belt that is set up by the government so we can all be controlled until we, eventually, die.
I also know what you're thinking right now. This is far too much to be putting on a dating website. 'Shouldn't this boy just be posting pictures and pointing out all the good things about himself?' No, because that wouldn't be me. I could easily post twelve pictures of me, looking fabulous I might add, but that wouldn't attract the person I'm looking for. You see my friends, I'm not just some guy. I'm Kurt Hummel, the person who is going to free himself, someday, from 'unreachable dream club.' I will achieve it. I will. There isn't a single doubt in my mind… Well maybe one. But that is beside the point.
To be honest, I didn't even want to make one of these, I don't want to use a dating website. I hate the idea of it. Let's be real, you also don't want to be on here do you? Really? But, as I have already said, you're looking for one of those things aren't you? Something to distract you from your obviously boring and semi dull life. You want to be loved. But don't worry, the thing that other people won't tell you is that they also want to be loved, desperately.
I should probably wrap this up, I'm not going to send out any pictures because I can't get over the idea that someone might use them against me. You have my name and you are free to contact me but who knows if I'll reply? I could easily log out of here and forget to log back in ever again. I'm also not as snarky as my writing might suggest. I'm actually a really nice person. Anyway, message at your own risk.
- K