Hit The Floor

I'm too scared to move, too scared to lose
Tell me what I am supposed to do
I'm too close to see you, too far to touch
And too many times I've not done enough

- Thousand Foot Krutch

"I'm curious: any of you guys ever heard the expression 'fair fight'?"

How do I get myself into these situations? Honestly, you think I would have learned by now. But apparently not. I must have a death wish or something. Or, at least that's what Leo would say. Man, I wish he were here right now.

Back to my present predicament: I'm outnumbered, to say the least. We're always outnumbered, but usually I've got three of my ninja brothers backing me. Not this time. So maybe sneaking into Foot headquarters, with no back-up other than a pizza delivery boy, wasn't one of my brightest ideas. Hope Keno got away safely …

I just had to look, after what I thought I saw. I mean, I guess it could have been something else, someone else, but no one in their right mind goes walking around in a suit made of pointy metal bits. So I get a little closer, and suddenly Keno and me are surrounded. I told him to run and he did—eventually—so I suppose it was only a matter of time before all fifty Foot ninja managed to get me flat on my shell. Still, I put up a decent fight.

They haul me to my feet, and I'm face-to-face with Shredder's eloquent underling, Tatsu or whatever. I never was one to pass up an opportunity. "Y'know, pal, if I had a face like yours, I'd try to make up for it with some sort of a personality."

He growls at me. Clearly, he doesn't appreciate my sense of humour. If only Mikey were here to laugh. And suddenly, my high spirits come crashing down. Shredder's in front of me, alive and well, despite being crushed to "death" in a garbage truck. Oh crap.

"Shredder!" I can't help but gasp. I mean, come on, you would too. I was damn sure old Bucket Breath was one of the dearly departed. So much for karma.

Shred-head doesn't sound so great, doing his weird raspy breath-growls. But I can swear he's smiling under that mask of his. And I just know I'm doomed. Yeah, I really wish Leo were here right about now …

Some lovely ninja gives me a nice thump on the head, and I'm out for the count.

I wake up in what has to be the most humiliating situation I've ever been in: tied to a lamppost in the middle of the junkyard, and gagged. Come on, I'm not a friggin' damsel in distress. Part of me isn't so excited for when my brothers show up. Maybe if I'm lucky, I can get out of this before they see. Mikey's never gonna let me live it down.

And then I notice I'm not alone. The Shredder and Tatsu are here, along with about fifty Foot ninja. Mr. Personality looks as pissed off and bored as ever, and it's sort of hard to tell how masked guys are looking. I'm sure they're gloating, over having finally caught one of us. Why is it always me? First I get ambushed on the rooftops a few months ago, and knocked into a coma for a few days, and now this. Man, I really need to stop going out on my own.

"I see you are awake." Even under the Shredder's creepy, echo-y voice, I can tell he's smug. "Do not worry, I am not going to kill you … yet."

Fantastic. I don't even want to know what this guy has in store for me, but I'm betting it's not going to be good. He waves his hands, and the audience vanishes. And then it hits me. He's waiting for my brothers to get here. It's a trap, and I'm the bait. Of course they'll come. What did I say to Keno?

"Get outta here, kid. Go tell the others."

I look up at the sky. The sun will be setting soon, so Keno's probably made it back to April's by now. That means my brothers know, and they're on their way here. To save me. But they're walking into a trap, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, I can to that weird ghost projection thing that Splinter did a while back. Even as I think that, I know it's no good. I'm useless at mediation; that's Leo's thing. And when Splinter contacted us, we were all mediating and focusing. Leo, Donny and Mikey won't be doing that. If I was in their place, I'd be hurrying my shell over here.

They're not stupid, but neither is the Shredder. The only thing I can do now is wait, and hope somehow to get free.

Nightfall comes slowly, but also too quickly. I've had plenty of time to check this place out, and I just noticed the net hidden in the dirt, about ten feet in front of me. It's been hours, so I know my brothers will be here soon. Hopefully they catch the net faster than I did. Please oh please don't let them walk into this …

There's noise up ahead. I think I hear Leo's voice. "You guys, knock it off!"

My head snaps up and I see them, lurking by Shredder's shed. Leo looks uneasy; his ninja sense must be tingling. Maybe they'll figure it out before—No, here they come, stealthing needlessly. The Shredder's goons have probably had eyes on them since they got here.

Come on, you idiots! Pay attention! No, don't come over here. It's no use. I try to warn them, shout something, but all I can get out are muffled grunts. They pop up from behind a pile of tires, looking perplexed. Someone should have jumped them by now. Can't they see this is all too easy?

"You know," Don says, "given the layout of this junkyard, and the proximity of certain structures—" They're walking right towards it, the net. Open your eyes, Leo!—"if they were gonna spring a trap, they'd probably do it right about …"

Donny doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence. Floodlights light up the area, and before I can blink, my brothers are caught up in the net.

"Let us outta here!" Leo growls, and I can't help but roll my eyes. Really, Leo? You think they're just gonna let you go? What a mook.

Everybody comes out of hiding, and the Shredder takes his place. I still get the shivers just looking at him. Why isn't he dead? Casey should have creamed him inside that garbage truck. How does anyone survive something like that?

"What the-?" Leo's just noticed him, and his eyes widen. He's probably thinking the same thing I am.

Don gasps, and Mikey exclaims, "The Shred dude!"

"Oh, no …" Donny moans.

"It's him!" Leo's still in shock. Hell, I'm still in shock.

"I've been waiting for you." There's a malicious delight in the Shredder's voice as he stares down my brothers. "I have a little surprise."

Four ninjas rush over to something covered beneath an old canvas. They pull the covering off, and reveal an assortment of sharp objects. Oh God … He's going to drop my brothers on there. Damn it. Damn! Why can't I do anything?

"Oh, no …" Don can't seem to find any other words.

"I don't like this!" I can hear the panic in Leo's voice. If I could just get free.

"Oh … I wonder what those are for!" Don again. He's freaking out. He knows what those are for, he just hopes someone's going to contradict him.

"Does the word 'turtle-kabob' mean anything to you?" Mikey. Damn it.

"Yeah, right!" Leo's pulling at the net, trying to free them. "Get your arm outta my face!"

The crane is moving the net—and my brothers—closer to the array of pointy objects. No, no, no! I have to get out. I have to help them! The Shredder glances down at me, and I know he's got a smug smile plastered all over his mutilated face. "Patience. First them, then you."

I'm going to kill him. I swear to God, I'll rip every single limb off his body. The minute they try to move me, he's dead. I turn my attention back to my brothers. Come on, guys. You have to get out. Leo's got his katana, please get out!

"You know, these nets are remarkably effective. Very well constructed." Don's trying to calm himself down, examining the ropes. Leo doesn't have enough manoeuvring room to get at his swords.

"Yeah, remind me to drop a line to Ralph Nader!" Even under pressure, Mikey's still sarcastic. What the hell does Ralph Nader have to do with anything? I could probably think it through if they weren't about to die.

"Wait for my signal to drop them."

My eyes flick back to the Shredder. He's dead. He's signed his death warrant, messing with my family.

"I never got to see Paris!" Mikey.

"A little closer …" There's a building tension in the Shredder's voice. He's about to get rid of his biggest enemies. My brothers …

"A little closer!"

"We're almost there!" Don shouts.

The Foot are getting excited. They flock over to the net, quivering with anticipation. I think my heart is going to explode. I should look away. I don't want to see this.

"Get ready!" The Shredder's practically pissing himself with excitement.

They're almost on top of it. Another few seconds and he's going to drop them and … I can't believe this is happening. This can't be happening. Something, someone has to stop this. Oh God, I can't look …

Just as I'm about to look away, something slices through the rope holding up the net. My brothers fall to the ground, a foot away from what could have been a painful death. I glance around, and spot Master Splinter, standing there with a bow. I could kiss him if I wasn't tied up. My brothers spring upright, ready for action.

"That's right, Shredder, you forgot: we carry insurance." The fear is gone from Leo's voice, replaced by smug relief.

"Yeah, mutual Splinter, dude!" I almost laugh at Mikey's comment. I think I'm giddy with relief as well. For a second there, I really thought they were goners.

"Get them!" Shredder roars. Boy, he must be furious. He was so close to achieving his goal, and once again, a rat ruins it. Thank God for rats.

All of the Foot ninja rush into action. They come tantalizingly close to my lamppost, and I can't help but to try and get a few of them. I'm ready to fight, if one of my brothers would let me loose. I finally manage to catch Donny's attention, and he bounds over and rips the tape of my mouth.

"Aaah!" It hurts like a bitch. "Geez! Why don't you just rip my lips off? You'd—" Before I can finish, Don rolls his eyes, and sticks the tape back on my face.

"Here, let me get this first."

I might hug him for not being dead, or beat him for being so cheeky. Either way, as he unties me from the pole, I am so unbelievably thankful that it's one of my brothers doing it, and not a Foot ninja.

As I'm freed, I charge remove my gag and charge forward. Time to bring the pain they almost caused me.