Aloha! Surprise!

I just rewatched all the episodes from Lexa's introduction to her death, and felt it needed rewriting because f#!£ that shizz.

It's not overly long, but I felt like leaving it there for now. Might be a one shot, might be more, but I don't have much luck with multichaps so... let's not place our hopes and dreams on that!

Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or the characters etc etc

A/N 1: Shout out to SGAFirenity who is writing 'Loving You is a Bloodsport' which is the one and only Clexa fanfic/any fic at all I have read in the past almost 3 years. The title comes from a song in one of the chapters which I have had on repeat since I first heard it. (It's an addiction, I've learnt it on the guitar too) -deffo recc the fic

A/N 2: Lemme know what y'all think. It's been a reaaaaaal long time since I've written fanfic so thougts would be appreciated :)

...

Following the fight between Clarke and Titus in 'Thirteen'

...

Passing Through

Clarke scrambled towards the door, her eyes finding Lexa at the same moment a loud ringing consumed her head.

"Lexa!"

Her eyes were wide with fear, but she kept them on Lexa's face as she watched her look down, checking for the wound Clarke didn't have the strength to look for. It was only when the Commander fell forward that Clarke sprang into action –catching her before she met the ground. In an instant, the shock that had kept her motionless was turned into frantic adrenalin, as she called for Titus to help carry her to the bed.

She was sure Titus had said something, but her mind was focused on Lexa alone. Sliding a hand down the abdomen of Lexa's armour, she could only hope it had been enough to slow the impact of the bullet.

"I need something to stop the bleeding!"

Black blood trickled out of the hole in the armour, as Clarke tried to work out how to get the clothing off. She kept one hand covering the hole as the other pulled at the shoulder of the garment to see if there was any way of undoing it. Lexa's hand found hers, but Clarke couldn't afford sentimentalities in that moment. She was going to save her, and Lexa's movements gave relief that she was still conscious –even as she contorted in pain. Clarke had been unable to meet her eyes for some time now.

"You're okay, just lie still, okay? Just lie still."

She looked frantically for anything to stop the bleeding, Titus lost from all memory.

Lexa's voice found her, "Don't be afraid."

Clarke looked at Lexa. She knew the words were intended to comfort her, but they sounded like defeat. She could only keep contact with those eyes for a moment, knowing she would be pulled out of her focus with the look of sadness that was home there.

"You're gonna be fine, stay still."

At last, Titus returned with a wet cloth for the wound. Knowing that it would do no good with the armour still in place, she called for Murphey who had been lingering by the door, seemingly unsure of what to think about the scene taking place in front of him.

"Quick, we need to get this over her head."

As instructed, Murphey helped to lift the wait of the Commander as they pulled the armour up and off. Lexa remained composed, only making minimal sounds of discomfort despite the movement. Clarke focused her attention on the bullet wound, pressing down with the wet cloth Titus had brought.

"Think, THINK!"

Clarke could feel the anxiety building in her chest, struggling to keep it under control as she tried to work out how to remove the bullet and treat the wound. To her left, Titus put down a tin next to Lexa and began removing instruments. Eyes wide, her heart seemed to swell and stop suddenly with the thought that she might actually be able to do this.

Her left hand slid under the Commander, checking for an exit wound. When there was none, she gave a sigh of relief that the armour had at least helped somewhat.

"This is going to hurt."

She had barely got the words out before sticking a finger into the open wound to feel for the remnants of the bullet. Lexa's stomach recoiled at the pain, her body lunging up as she cried out. Murphey took this as his cue and held the Commander down.

"The wound is shallow, the armour did its job."

She poured water over the wound in an attempt to see past the nightblood, but it was pointless as Titus had leaned over her to cup Lexa's face.

"Forgive me, Heda."

Lexa responded in her native tongue as Clarke watched on, frustrated that Titus was delaying her work on the wound.

"We don't have time for this!"

Clarke pulled Titus out of the way, having to take a breath to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. Titus responded to his Commander as Clarke grabbed the tweezers from Titus' instruments. She took a deep breath as she used her free hand to wipe once more at the blood covered wound.

"Titus needs to do his job, Clarke." Lexa's voice was steady, calm almost.

"He will have to wait. He's not a healer."

Clarke didn't look up as she spoke, nor a moment later when she warned of more pain. She pushed the instrument into the wound, doing her best to pinch at the bullet fragments rather than flesh. Murphey had his work cut out in trying to keep the Commander as still as possible, but Clarke's focus remained undeterred. Each time she removed a fragment, she inserted her finger to guide her to the next piece. Eventually, she had removed as much as she could. Lexa's body had stilled moments before, passed out from the pain. Clarke exhaled deeply.

"Thread. I need some kind of thread and needle."

Murphey and Titus disappeared as Clarke poured some water over the wound in an attempt to clean it out. Moments later, Murphey had returned with some thread pulls and Titus offered what appeared to be a sort of fish hook; it wasn't ideal, but neither had any of the techniques she'd been using. After readying her repurposed fish hook, Clarke looked to Murphey; he instantly understood and put his hands on the Commander's shoulders.

Clarke pushed the needle into Lexa and immediately she was brought from her unconscious state with a scream. It was horrific. The only thing stopping Clarke from throwing up was the fact she knew she was doing the only thing she could to save Lexa's life.

Halfway through stitching the wound, Clarke allowed her eyes to glance at Lexa's face before returning to the task at hand.

"I'm sorry. Just don't give up on me, okay?"

"I'm not. My spirit WILL find-"

"No!" Clarke snapped her head from the work at hand to show Lexa just how serious she was. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes a mix of anger and frustration. Anger that this had happened, and frustrated that Lexa seemed so willing to let go.

She continued, "I'm not letting you die."

Clarke could only hope that Lexa could feel the ferocity of her words, that she meant them with every fiber of her being.

She finished the last stitch and looked back up to Lexa.

"There's nothing you can do now. The next Commander will protect you."

Finally, Clarke's resolve faltered. She felt the breath caught in her lungs, a choke squeaking out from the back of her throat.

"I don't want the next Commander;" she took a breath as tears began to well in her eyes, "I want you!"

Lexa lifted her hand to Clarke's cheek, pushing a tear away with her thumb. Clarke brought her own hand up to meet it, closing her eyes as she tried to control the wave of emotion rolling over her. They stayed there for a few moments before Clarke took a deep breath. She looked at Lexa and pulled the woman's hand from her face.

"Lexa, I know you're in pain, but I've closed the wound. You've lost a lot of blood, but-" she took a breath, the adrenaline leaving her system, leaving her body exhausted from her frantic concentration, "we just need to bring you and the Nightbloods to Arkadia, my mom will be able to do more for you."

Lexa clenched her jaw. Clarke couldn't tell if it was an attempt to hide the pain, or her frustration at Clarke's insistence. She looked to Titus, his worried face in view just behind Clarke.

"Ready the Nightbloods."

Clarke's heart jumped and she couldn't stop a small smile reaching her lips as Lexa relented to her plan. Murphey was lead out by Titus, presumably sent to pass the message that the Commander would need transport.

The smile was brief, and soon enough, her eyes were filled with worry again. She leant over Lexa, caressing her cheek and spoke in a tone Lexa hadn't heard from her before. Her voice was filled with raw honesty –fear and love.

"I thought I'd lost you."

Tears dropped onto the Commander's face as Clarke's eyes betrayed her. Alone in the room now, Lexa allowed her put together exterior to melt away. She couldn't truly believe that she would live through this injury, but she seemed somewhat stable in that moment, and found her brow crease as her bottom lip wobbled. With her eyes closed, she pulled Clarke's forehead to rest on hers as she admitted something for the first time.

"I told you Clarke, my spirit would find you; you will never lose me."

Clarke's body began to stiffen in rejection, but before she could say anything Lexa spoke again, this time in a whisper so quiet, it was almost inaudible.

"But I thought I'd lost you."

On the last word, Lexa's voice cracked and her body shook with silent tears. Clarke held her as close as she could without causing her further pain. The admission hit Clarke straight in the chest. She had been so quick to dismiss Lexa's words; she respected her beliefs, but knowing that more than anything, she wanted Lexa's soul –not the Commander's. In all their back and forth, she hadn't contemplated what that meant for Lexa, that she believed Clarke would have part of her, but that Lexa, herself, would be left with nothing -no one. Alone.

Clearing her throat, Clarke leant her cheek to Lexa's.

"I'm not going anywhere."