JAR OF HEARTS

Chuck Bass. When that name is heard, what comes to mind? Womanizer. Dangerous. Handsome. Charming. Young. Billionaire. Out Of His League. But what about heartbreaker? Life destroyer? Advantage taker? The one person to ever understand this fucked up world I dragged myself into, and helped me fall deeper into it then I ever wanted. That, that is the Chuck Bass I know. The only one I can see now. And every time I do see him… my heartbreaks.

Part 1

"The Beginning" or "Is It Possible?"

Does it sound like I love him? I'm afraid it might sound that way… believe me though; it's not quite that way. I'm not sure how to explain my feelings towards him. People say this a lot but, it's complicated. The only place I can think to explain this right is the beginning. So that's where I'll start.

Don't worry. I'll shorten it a bit.

I was fourteen. I was naïve. I was way over my head. Hell, I was a teenage girl going to my first big party… ever. This felt like my ticket to the in crowd, much more than their little minion to return their library books and get them yogurt. All I had to do was make the invites. So simple I finished them with time to spare (ok, so that morning. The point is I got them done).

A black dress, made by yours truly, hugged my body as I got ready to leave. My father told me I looked beautiful, that his little girl was growing up. I thought he was right. You know what happened when I got there though? I was alone. Making awkward conversation with people I've only glanced at as they gave their greetings to Blair Waldorf (Queen Bitch- er- Bee). I just figured everyone had to deal with this kind of awkwardness before they got accepted.

But then someone approached me. Not a greeter, not a minion, not some waiter passing out appetizers, but the heartbreaking handsome Chuck Bass. He wanted to talk to me. Crazy right? I mean, it seemed too good to be true, and this I'm ashamed to admit I was right about. I mean, why would a guy like him, want to talk to me? I was no one special. Just a young, Brooklyn girl in a crowd of Upper East Side royalty. Sure, I stuck out like no other, but that doesn't make me special. It just made me… different.

I'm going to go no further with that though; I think everyone knows how that night ended. From then on I avoided Chuck; I attempted to escape conversations about him. I couldn't handle all of it. Blair warned me, she asked me if I was prepared for their world. I said yes.

Now don't judge me! What? Did you expect me to tell her I wasn't ready for the one thing I was dreaming of? That because of some jackass I couldn't handle their magical life style? So I lied. Not like they don't do it. Now that I look back, I must admit that was my first big mistake, besides for wanting to be a part of it all in the first place. All I wanted was the happiness, and popularity, and "friendships" (which I've now learned weren't very friendly to begin with…) that they got the spotlight for. But everything looks different when the lights go out. Little did I know.

Back to the Bass. A year later, with very little conversations in-between, I was at the van der Woodsen's apartment. After Chuck's dad died, Lily van der Woodsen (also my dad's girlfriend at the time) legally adopted Chuck, since she was married to Bart Bass once upon a time. I was there with a date when Chuck came in, seeming drunk as usual, with some high class prostitute. Totally embarrassed I decided to get out there as fast as possible. Before I left, I finally gave the ass a piece of my mind.

Jenny: 1 Chuck: 0. At least, that's how it was for twenty minutes or so. I come back to meet with my dad, but what do I find? One Chuck Bass, solo, barely glancing at his scotch. I'd calm down, not wanting an actual conversation, but Chuck seemed to have a point to prove. This point? His deepest apologizes for "that night", as he liked to phrase it. I was so taken back I could barely speak, and before I could, he was gone.

This was a moment of realization. I was more to Chuck Bass then some Brooklyn girl. As that year ended, and a new one began, I learned more about Chuck and myself. He changed, I changed, everyone seemed to be changing, and for the better. Until I hit the rabbit hole, with a devilishly handsome rabbit named Damien Dalgaard trying to lead me down it. Chuck saved me from that, something I imagined my brother doing, or even Nate Archibald (the guy who seems to always be there to be my Knight in Shining Armani). I still fell though. Even with his warnings.

With different heartbreaks through the year, all very painful, we somehow ended up in the same room. Enemy, familiar friend. I finally confessed my hatred for the world I was now in, that I regretted it all. In a very Chuck Bass manner, he told me he knew it was fucked up, but that was exactly what it was. The only way to survive was to pretend. So I guess, in a sense, I pretended I was in love with him… And I gave him all I had. And I cried, a lot, after it was all "done".

Taylor Swift song any one…?

Now I've been out of that world, for a long, relaxing time. Safe and sound with my mom, where Blair Waldorf can't claw my eyes out, Serena van der Woodsen can't call me a home wrecker, Dan Humphrey (aka my brother) can't give my disapproving looks, Nate Archibald can't see me broken, and most importantly… Chuck Bass can't see me as another one of his mistakes.

That's my Upper East Side life in a nutshell, with the exceptions of boys (Nate), smack downs (Blair and/or Serena), outburst (Telling my dad off… three times), and jobs (Own fashion line with insane model!). And so now that you know that, I think I can answer the question "Do I love Chuck Bass"?

Like I said, he broke my heart. A broken heart usually means you must have loved the person quite a damn lot, right? That being away from them is now killing you. Maybe even it coming down to you choosing their life over your own. That's what heartbreak is supposed to be… right?

It makes me bring up the question (yes, I really am answering a question with another question) "Is it possible to be heartbroken over someone you don't love?" I believe it is, because Chuck Bass… you fucked up me and my life. I'll admit, you have a place in my heart, but saying I love you might be pushing it. I'll never know anything for sure until I come back home, and face the people from my past.

I fear that won't be for too long though. I found a train ticket home.

*Line*

A/N: What do you guys think? I like it, but I think it's a little awkward. Then again, I think ALL stories start off awkward (some more than others :x). So if you couldn't tell, this story is Jenny/Chuck-ish, but it's all going to be Jenny/Nate, Blair/Chuck, some Dan/Blair, MAYBE Serena/Dan, and if things need to get spiced up I will gladly throw in Damien or Georgy! :D If you think it's weird, PLEASE stick with it for at least another chapter or two! I have plans for it :) Which reminds me
QUESTION: Should I stick to Jenny's POV? Should it change every chapter/different parts of one chapter between characters? Or should I just switch to third person?

Honestly I'm fine with WHATEVER, so it's all up to you! :D
Anyways, love you guys! More soon! 3 (PS Sleep deprived, as always… so I apologize for spelling mistakes and stuff! :3)