Being a Pathfinder required many skills. Combat proficiency, strategic thinking, ability to inspire people… The list was rather long. However, if anyone asked Amelia Ryder what was the most important quality of a Pathfinder, she would say it was patience. She inherited hers from her mother and, according to Scott, left him completely devoid of it as a result.
A lot of people she worked with admired her for the uncanny ability to tolerate any kind of stupid antics. Gil jokingly called it her superpower. Cora smiled proudly and said she would make an excellent matriarch. Peebee vowed she would keep trying until she made her lose it, and that little stunt of hers involving a dive into an active volcano came pretty close to achieving the goal. Not that Ryder would ever admit it.
And it was her patience that made the Initiative leadership decide that no matter, be it planning the next step of colonization or the next week's menu for the canteen, could be discussed without her. The human Pathfinder was now a buffer in the highest officials' head-butting contests. They were figurative head-butting contests, of course, though sometimes Kesh seemed just angry enough to make them literal.
It wasn't that Amelia hated this role. She disliked unnecessary conflicts, which probably was the very reason she constantly found herself eyeballs deep in quarrels of all sizes and shapes. Fighting she could do, and well, but it was only her second favourite option.
And now, stranded on Meridian with nothing better to do, she kind of made the whole keeping-the-Initiative-leaders-from-strangling-each-other thing her pet project. It was difficult, but she was able to keep everyone's explosive emotions at bay, and a couple of times even made them agree on something without pulling a sour face. She knew it was a silly notion, but she actually wanted them to get along. At least sometimes.
The window Ryder was standing by reflected her wan smile. She came to the docking area almost every day to check on the Tempest. She couldn't do anything to actually speed up the repairs, so she decided she would at least visit. And glare at the workers from behind the glass until they got the message and hurried the hell up.
It became a ritual of sorts. She would come here, stare at her ship, and think of the countless matters that begged for her attention. Because if she crammed her head with thoughts about supply chains, resource allocation and the probability of using remnant technology in order to boost crop yields, no space was left for anything else. Most importantly, thanks to that her traitorous mind had no chance of delving back into the memories of a certain third-rate-smuggler-turned-crime-lord she'd been struggling to forget.
In a sudden flash of purple and blue, a pair of gloved hands landed on her eyes, effectively ending the reverie.
"Guess who?" a cheerful voice sang into her ear.
"Are there any options?" Amelia snorted. "My favourite asari … doctor Lexi T'Perro, of course!"
"Ugh," Peebee removed her palms and turned the Pathfinder around. After a quick scrutiny of her friend's face she stated, "Yup, you are in a mood. Again."
Amelia frowned. "There is no mood. I was just … "
"Moping?" the asari supplied helpfully.
Ryder folded her arms and answered with the most unimpressed look she could manage.
Peebee threw her hands up in exasperation. "Come on, Lia! We both know you need to get out of here, or you'll go crazy! If you don't care about your own well being, at least consider mine, because looking at this stupid stoic face of yours is killing me!" she accentuated her point by squeezing the Pathfinder's cheeks as if she was trying to forcibly arrange her expression into one she didn't find life-threatening.
Amelia swatted the offending appendages away, a small but real smile lighting up her features. For the rest of the crew it took some time to adjust to Peebee's whimsical personality, but they two hit it off almost immediately. While sharing a passion for discovery and cheesy romantic comedies, their otherwise completely different personalities perfectly balanced one another. She was a fantastic friend, and the only one who Amelia could talk to about anything at all. However, that also meant it was impossible to fool her.
The futility of her attempts never stopped her from trying.
"I've held on so far, haven't I? It can't be much longer," Amelia replied, lifting her shoulder in a half shrug. It was sweet of Peebee to worry, really, but she was fine. How couldn't she be? The Archon got what he deserved. Her brother was safe and recuperating. Meridian was theirs. She would be back to her work ... sooner or later. What else was there to wish for?
Peebee rolled her eyes. "That's what you said last week! I even think you used the exact same words!"
Amelia started to object, but the asari cut her short.
"Don't wanna hear it! All right, let me put it that way," she let out a long-suffering sigh, catching Ryder's gaze and holding it. "You need a break. You can be sensible and admit it yourself, or I will make you admit it."
Punctuating her last sentence by pointing a threatening finger in Amelia's face, the rogue academic strolled away.
"Pathfinder, your meeting with director Tann starts in 5 minutes," SAM's calm voice reminded.
"Joy of joys," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"The rising level of cortisol in your blood suggests otherwise, Pathfinder. Are you being sarcastic?" the AI inquired after a short pause.
That little experiment started about a week ago. She decided that her frustration and the resulting abundance of sarcastic remarks could at least serve as a crash course in the matter for her AI companion. And as another much needed distraction for her.
"You are getting good at this, SAM," a corner of her mouth quirked up. "What's the current score?"
"11 out of 32. I still require more data for comparative analysis."
"Don't worry. By the look of things, you'll get plenty of it."
Drawing in a long breath and letting it out slowly, she cast one last longing glance at the Tempest, and headed to the director's office.
Half an hour into the meeting - the third in one day - she realised that her famed patience started fraying. She kept telling herself the salarian meant well. That his insistence on analyzing her every decision for flaws was just in his character. That he probably couldn't help it.
It didn't work. She felt time slow to a torturous crawl, and the impulse to snap at the unsuspecting Initiative director grew harder and harder to ignore.
She remembered Vetra's ugly lamp story, and decided to use the same trick. Her searching eyes swept the room for potential distractions. To her disappointment, the office's owner preferred to keep his working space neat and devoid of any decorations, of questionable style or otherwise. Her gaze then shifted to the large window that took up almost one whole wall, and she sighed in relief. Thank god Tann was so picky. This was arguably the best view that the newly built administration block could offer.
Though it had been almost a month since they clawed their way to victory, claiming Meridian for their own, Amelia still couldn't get used to the beauty of this place. The harsh steel of its cliffs, the vibrant emerald of the grass, and flowers of so many hues that she had difficulty naming them all. It wasn't often that she had time to spare, but she used every chance she got to slip outside and just roam around, watching Initiative personnel slowly, but surely turn Meridian into a home.
She noticed a pair of engineers setting up a comm antennae on the roof of a nearby prefab. Unlike her, the two were definitely having a good time. The girl couldn't stop laughing at something her fellow worker was saying. Judging by the proud grin on his face, that was exactly the reaction he had hoped for.
Seeing people so happy and excited warmed her heart. Sure, she enjoyed the spirit of adventure, the thrill of discovery that being the Pathfinder provided, but knowing that she could help - had helped - so many was the reason that made the job so important to her.
" ...nder Ryder?" Tann's voice snapped Ryder back to her less-than-perfect reality. The salarian looked pleased with himself for some reason. That was always a bad sign. She tried, but couldn't for the life of her remember the topic of his latest bout of droning.
"I see my arguments are finally getting through to you," the director said, approval evident in his tone.
"Well, they are quite compelling," she answered evasively, fishing her memory for a clue to what he was on about.
"Then by the time I conclude my explanation, you will definitely change your mind about appointing the Moshae our interim ambassador," he replied cheerfully.
Oh no, not that again.
"So, like I've just stated, the repercussions…" Tann continued, but Amelia tuned him out immediately, returning to observing the engineers' work with renewed determination.
It seemed they decided to take a lunch break. The girl rummaged through her bag and pulled out a couple of ration bars, and the pair sat down at the edge of the roof, shoulder to shoulder, eating and talking animatedly. When they were done with the bars, the guy retrieved a bottle of water and offered it to his companion. She took a couple of swallows and passed it back.
Amelia's breath caught on the intake, her gaze dropping to the floor.
She made herself inhale and exhale. Once, twice. In and out. She was simply tired. It was difficult to keep her overactive mind in check when she was in this state. It was a completely different place, a completely different roof, and the sight didn't remind her of anything. It most certainly didn't remind her of him.
What she thought she remembered was just a bunch of lies anyway. Lies that she believed so eagerly. So stupidly. But that was in the past. She had learned her lesson and gotten over it. She had.
She exhaled and reprimanded herself for this stupid slip. This was all Lexie's fault. No matter how many times she assured her she was ready to get back in the field, the doctor still hadn't budged. Amelia didn't want to resort to begging, but it was possibly her only option by now. Or maybe she would just steal the Tempest from the dry dock. Surely Gil and Kallo could finish patching the ship up on their own.
Her composure restored, she lifted her gaze and tried to pay attention to the director. The attempt failed miserably, and she found herself staring at the pair on the roof yet again.
The witty engineer had probably cracked another joke, as the girl was laughing so hard that she was in serious danger of falling off. He must have thought so too, because he steadied her with an arm over her shoulders. Eventually she seemed to calm, but he didn't let go. Instead, he leaned even closer and captured her smiling lips in a kiss.
Amelia stood up so fast the chair she was sitting on almost toppled to the floor. She muttered something about a forgotten appointment and was out the door before startled Tann could say anything.
She rounded the nearest corner and pressed her forehead to the cool metal of the wall, squeezing her eyes shut. But behind her eyelids she still saw Govorkam's amber light. Still tasted the smoky tang of whiskey on her lips. Still felt the warmth seeping into her skin from a gloved hand caressing her cheek.
She pushed off the wall and rushed down the corridor at the fastest pace possible without breaking into a run, a tumble of emotions she didn't want to identify rolling through her.
She needed to get away. She needed to be alone, to clear her head. She needed a task that would occupy her mind.
Something. Anything.
She was halfway to her living quarters when her omnitool chimed a new message alert. Hopeful, Ryder opened the inbox, her eyes quickly scanning the text. As she read on, her steps began to slow, until she stopped completely.
The request was just what she needed. She wouldn't be gone too long, so there was no reason for anybody to start worrying, but it would be long enough to deal with … whatever her situation was.
She made a mental checklist: gather some supplies, pack her custom armour and weapons, grab Zap, then head to the port.
The rational part of her mind protested that this was absurd and reckless, but Amelia decidedly ignored it. Being rational hadn't helped her so far. It was time to try a different approach.