"Love is only half the illusion; the lover, but not his love, is deceived."
~George Santayana
How is it that he picked me?
I am nothing more than a liar. A murderer. An illusionist.
How is it at any way possible for Sawada Tsunayoshi to have chosen me?
I don't even understand why anyone would want to love me. I have spent the majority of my life in some form of prison. A guinea pig for my original family to the chains and water chambers of Vendice, I have always been a prisoner.
And for good reason too. I've murdered many people. Manipulated countless more to get what I wanted. Gained some followers along the way yes, but the only one I truly had some feeling of care towards was Chrome. After all, she was the one who allowed me to interact with the outside world while I was confined deep in Vendice.
I had even tried to kill Tsuna. I wanted his body so badly, to destroy the Mafia. When I knew it was no longer in reach, I decided to try and terminate him.
It didn't work. I ended up back with the Vindice because of him. Back in that cold, lonely prison.
And yet, we both fell in love with the other.
How? I still cannot give you that answer. I can't even tell you myself how or why I fell in love with him. Maybe because he was the first person to show me even a hint of compassion, someone who actually cared whether or not I lived or died. Or maybe I obsessed over him so much that I deluded myself into believing it was love, and truly fell when he accepted me.
Who knows?
All I know is that I love him and he loves me in return.
I almost feel like it's an illusion. That some illusionist with even greater power than mine has managed to delude me into falling in love.
Maybe that is what happened.
I will never know.
I am a criminal. Yet he holds me as if the lies never happened. As if I was as innocent as a newborn child resting peacefully in its crib, safe from the lies and manipulation that dominate the world.
And once again, maybe I am.
I can't tell the truth apart from the fiction anymore.