Hello! Wow, I haven't posted anything in the Bleach catagory for quite a while. Been branching out a bit I suppose. Well, to anyone who happens to read this, this was just something that was bouncing around the back of my head, written down, lost, forgotten, found, remembered, then written. I kid you not. That is really how it went down. Also, this is one of those stories where it's like, a borderline crackfic, but you really don't feel like it crosses that important step into crackdom. This was written purely for my entertainment and because I was reeeeaaaallly bored today. And I'm a chick so writing about two guys was aa little difficult. No personal experiance and all that, but I think I did a good job! So, without further ado, I hope you like this little bit of hilarity I cooked up!
Signed, Thief of Black Winged Hearts
Spontaneous
Byakuya Kuchiki had a new life goal today. Screw everything else; he was going to find the idiot who had decided Captians and Vice Captains should share offices to foster a good work environment and he was going to obliterate him off of the face of the earth. In the most violent and painful way possible.
"Taiiiichooo," whined Renji Abari, collapsed over his desk. "I'm booored." Scattered papers crumpled under his arms as he shifted slightly. He was currently face down in a pile of uncompleted papers, which were getting more and more crumpled as he shifted about, trying to get comfortable. His long tattooed arms were draped over the desk's edge as he sat slumped in his straight backed, uncomfortable chair. Kicking his desk idly, he wished that he had a nice roll-y chair with a plush seat that swiveled, like Captain Hitsuguiya. Now that was a chair. Heaving a huge sigh, he turned his head so his cheek was resting on his small mountain of paperwork, giving his Captain a sulky look. "Why do I have to be stuck inside doing paperwork today? All of the Lieutenants were going to have a picnic today. A picnic! How could you make me miss a picnic, of all things?"
Captain Byakuya Kuchiki was starting to wonder why he had done this to himself. Barely resisting the urge to heave a sigh or better yet, heave his irritating Vice-Captain out of a third-story window, he simply allowed himself a single raised eyebrow while replying, "In case you have forgotten since the last time I reminded you five minutes ago, you are here because someone decided to write 'Nobles are sexy' on the back of my haori, and then failed to inform me as I was walking into the Captain's meeting. Therefore, I thought that this person, who was standing right next to me laughing in a hysterical manner while I was subjected to complete humiliation in front of all the Captains in the Thirteen Court Guard Squad, deserved a little extra work today. Also, seeing as this afore-mentioned person never completes his paper work in a timely fashion, choosing instead to go drinking in his spare time with Lieutenants Matsumoto and Iba and Third Seat Madarame, said paperwork is a month overdue, collectively. I would suggest putting some serious energy and effort into completing said paperwork, because I promise you, you will not be leaving this office until it is completed, unless you are in a body bag. Have I made myself perfectly, totally, crystal clear, Lieutenant Abari?" Byakuya felt his hand form into a fist around the pen he was using to sign paperwork at his own desk. Who was he punishing here, Renji or himself?
"Uuuuummmmm…" pondered Renji, seeming to think for a moment. "Nope!" he said brightly with a smile, and Renji felt the reitsu in the room creep up a notch. He snickered. His captain really was too easy to rile up. "It really doesn't help when you speak in hypotheticals like that, gets me all confused."
Byakuya's exhale was a little sharper than normal. It was the closest Renji had seen him get to huffing. "How on earth do you even know what the word 'hypotheticals' is, let alone what it means? I thought that below your current IQ level."
"I know! I did a good job- hey! Quit insulting me on the sly!" said Renji, sitting up and looking indignant. His hair was partially pulled out of its hair tie, falling in strands around his tattoo covered face. Byakuya felt a flash of desire run through him in a jolt. He looks so…sexy. In a cute and adorable way. Eyes widening, he mentally slapped himself and went back to looking at his paperwork. And that, he thought to himself, was the reason I was trying not to acknowledge his existence in this room. Trying to go back to ignoring the volatile redhead seated in the opposite corner of the room, Byakuya hunched over his papers and went back to signing or denying requisition forms for the Squad Barracks. Honestly. Who was stupid enough to think they could really get a hot tub in the barracks just by requisitioning it? How stupid did they think he was? Looking for the form applicant's name, he saw scrawled messily in the upper right hand corner, RENJI ABARI, in all caps.
Byakuya took a deep, slow breath in, trying to get his annoyance under control. How on earth could Renji even manage to be passively irritating?
Renji looked over at his Captain, and saw him practically throttling his pen, his eyes looking blankly at a piece of paper in front of him. His face could have been carved out of stone. Renji snickered. Oh boy, his Captain was pissed now. He leaned back, tipping his chair onto it's back two legs while he diligently went back to work on folding his paperwork into paper airplanes and flying them towards the outbox situated on his Captain's desk. Sometimes he would sign them off, and sometimes he would not. That way, he wasn't technically not doing any work. Technically. For every airplane he launched at the Captain Kuchiki's desk, he felt a little more satisfied with himself. He had a points system. If it hit the desk, one point. If it landed on top, five. If it made it's into the outbox, fifteen. And for every airplane that hit the Captain himself, he awarded himself twenty-five points. Renji snorted. No one could say that he couldn't entertain himself.
Byakuya found himself slowly but steadily growing more and more infuriated. Abari was throwing paper airplanes at him now. Airplanes. Every time one of those infernal things hit his desk, his tension level went up a bit, as well as his reitsu. He was trying to do his paperwork and ignore the infuriating redhead, he really was. But so far he had been hit in the head with three air projectiles, and the rest of them were littered on and around his desk.
Breathe in, breathe out,he told himself. Go to your happy place. So Byakuya closed his eyes and pictured himself in a peaceful Japanese style garden, with a small pond and plenty of cherry trees. He was sitting in the shade, relaxing and writing haiku. He really loved writing haiku. A minuscule smile grace his lips, eyes still closed. Suddenly, within the recesses of his mind, he saw an arm snake from behind him and grab his haiku pad. I can think of something more interesting you can look at, a voice said in his mindscape, and Byakuya turned from him tatami mat by the pond to see one Renji Abari, wearing nothing but pants and a cheeky grin. His hair was down, for once, falling over his shoulders and trailing down his bare chest, obscuring some of his tattoos. Renji's red eyes seemed to be alight with the fire and passion that filled everything he did, boring into Byakuya's. Ah, said the half-naked mind-Renji. I knew you'd find this interesting to look at. Slowly, mind-Renji leaned in, and Byakuya found himself being drawn towards him, helpless to resist.
Byakuya was pulled out of his soon-to-be fantasy when yet another paper airplane collided with his head, probably putting a small dent in his skull from its shear velocity. Having snapped out of whatever the hell his mind had been doing, he had to fight down a blush. What the hell was he doing? Renji was right there! Where the hell had his control gone? As another airplane connected with his head and a wave of anger swept through him, he realized where his control had gone. It had all been used up trying not to murder his Lieutenant, the man he just might have attraction-desire-love-lust for. As much as he might-probably-possibly like Renji Abari, some days he wanted to drop him off a very tall cliff and wave goodbye at him as he went down. Very much like right now, for instance.
Renji watched as the Captain stared emptily at the wood of his desk, definatly spacing. The reitsu he was exuding had defiantly gotten heavier every time he landed a paper on his desk, and was spiking whenever he got a decent shot at his Captain's head. Most sane people would have stopped long before this point, fearing the wrath of the great and noble Captain Kuchiki, but who had ever said Renji was sane anyway? Plus, he was such a perfect target, spacing out like that! Renji just couldn't resist. Carefully folding a paper airplane out of someone's official complaint sheet, he closed one eye for better aim and let it fly. True to its mark, it flew straight into the daydreaming head of Byakuya Kuchiki. Not sure if one would be enough to snap the Captain out of his daze, he sent another one flying, which also hit its mark. Renji squinted for a second, then thought, one more for good luck. His third missile was about to make contact with Kuchiki's skull a when flare of reitsu shredded it into dust in midair.
"Renji," said the Captain quietly, and Renji swallowed sharply. First name. That wasn't a good sign. "If these paper airplanes are not gone in the next five minutes, I will give you to Kenpachi as target practice. Have I made myself clear?"
"Perfectly, sir," said a pale Renji, rising quickly from his chair. Target practice for Kenpachi Zaraki? He would be worse than dead in five minutes flat! Hurrying to Kuchiki's desk, he began to collect the airplanes and throw them into the trashcan by the noble's desk. Byakuya bent back over his paperwork, pretending to fill something out as he yelled at himself in his head.
Why me? What did I do to deserve this irrational attraction? And what am I going to do about it anyway? I was so stupid for sticking myself in an office with him for a whole day. Dumb, dumb, dumb move! Argh!
"Hey, Captain. You're spacing out there again," said Renji, tilting his head quizzically and leaning over Byakuya's desk to get a better look at his face. He watched as his Captain's eyes got just a little bit wider, and he leaned back inestimably in his chair. Renji blinked. Was that a…blush, on his taicho's face?
There was a dusting of pink on Byakuya's cheeks before he leaned back over his paperwork, saying, "I am fine, it's nothing Abari. Continue with your set task." His pen was about to shatter in his grip so he set it carefully on his desktop, hiding his shaking hands under the desktop as he pretended to be reading a report of some kind.
"You were blushing, Captain Kuchiki!" said Renji gleefully, pointing a finger at him. "What were you thinking about back there when you were spacing out?" Renji watched as the blush darkened a little on Byakuya's pale face. "I know!" said Renji triumphantly, and Byakuya held his breath. Could he possibly have…?
"Captain's got a girlfriend," Renji drew out teasingly, and Byakuya let out the breath he had been holding in. Renji had scared him there for a minute.
"Stop doing that Abari, its juvenile," said Byakuya without looking up from his paperwork. Renji grinned triumphantly. "That's it, isn't it? Captain finally ponied up and got a girlfriend!"
Renji continued to blather on, and Byakuya was starting to find himself getting more and more irritating. Why couldn't he just shut up and leave him to his thoughts? All he wanted was five minutes of quiet and peace while he attempted to sort out what the hell he was feeling right now. But no, Renji just wouldn't shut up as he continued to drift through his personal space, picking up paper airplanes. It was irritating beyond belief.
"Would you please be quiet, Abari, your nonsense is giving me a headache," said Byakuya tersely, annoyed. It that pen was still in his hand it would be crushed beyond repair.
"Aww, is good old Captain Kuchiki embarrassed?" said Renji playfully, slapping him on the back. Byakuya tensed even more as Renji continued to circle the desk and make inane comments. His hands were tight fists, his breathing hissing between clenched teeth as his shoulders hunched even more. Gods, Renji just needed to shut up. He needed quiet right now, or he was going to do something irrational and stupid, like punching his smug, sexy, adorable face. Gods, what the fuck had he just thought? I need quiet! NOW! If Abari wasn't quiet, this minute, then…
"You think I can come to the wedding?" asked Renji playfully, leaning into Byakuya's personal space, and there was an almost audible sound as he snapped.
Renji was surprised and shocked when Byakuya's hand shot out of nowhere, grabbing his chin. Unable to react, he was pulled down until he was leaning over Byakuya's desk. Before he could ask what the hell was going on, Byakuya's lips were mashed against his and he was suddenly in the most intense kiss he had ever received in his life. The Captain's other hand grabbing the front of his shihaksho, fisting in the fabric. Byakuya's lips moved hungrily, pulling and nipping at Renji's own. Instinctively, Renji found himself matching the Captain's passion, leaning in to deepen the kiss. Renji had never felt such scorching heat before, coursing through him as the Captain made a little noise that sounded almost like a growl. Then, and suddenly as it had started, the kiss stopped, the hand releasing the front of his shihaksho as Renji stood there blinking, relearning how to breathe, and wondering what the hell had just happened.
Byakuya leaned back into his seat, picked up his pen, and started signing papers. Nothing in his unruffled composure even faintly suggested he had been lip-locking with his Lieutenant seconds earlier. Renji, still leaning uncomfortably over Byakuya's desk, straightened slowly, still in a mild state of shock. "I certainly hope you'll be at the wedding," said Byakuya calmly, eyes not leaving his desk as his pen skated from one paper to the next. "Now shut up and get back to work, Abari."
After another second of blank-eyed shock, a slow smile spread over Renji's face. "I'll take what you said under advisement, sir," said Renji with a smile. "Wedding plans and work. Got it." Byakuya twitched, but that was all the reaction Renji got. Slowly walking back to his desk, he sat back down and looked at his paperwork, then at his taicho. Byakuya looked completely normal, if you didn't notice the small smirk gracing his features. Renji looked up at the ceiling and felt his smile widen. That sure as hell gave a new meaning to the word 'spontaneous'. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all.
"You know, Captain, nobles really are sexy."
Now, normally people beg, plead, and cry for reviews, followed by assorted bribery and threats of bodily harm. However, this is actually a fic that I would like some feedback on, seeing as this is new territory and I want to know how I did. So, if you whould be so kind...review. Please. With bribery and threats of bodily harm.