Chapter 1: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world FORGOT.
EterNAl sunshine of the spotless MInd!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigNEd;
This isn't supposed to be happening this way.
Wait.
I wanted this to happen. Well, err, she did. I think. Who are we talking about? This isn't some "in media res" plea to establish a sense of urgency that hooks any unassuming mind-readers currently tuning into my uneventful life, I seriously can't remember.
Ineventful? Noneventful? ⸻⸻ would know. ⸻⸻. Why can't I write her name? 〰〰〰〰. Italicizing it didn't help. Shit, focus Roxas. You logged onto your computer for a reason, a reason that until a minute ago seemed pretty important. Wait, was it important? It can't be that important if I forgot it in the span of a minute, right? I tried to shift my focus away, but my eyes kept drifting to the Jiminy word processing software I had open on my monitor, and what I had written in it up to that point.
"Staring at my monitor isn't going to help me remember, is it universe?" Silence. Lots of people talk to the universe, not too many listen though, failing to respect the veracity of signs that have the courtesy to smack you in the face, at least that was my problem. Hey, probably still is.
"Fuck you universe, first and fore-..." "What's this?" My eyes were drawn to a book on my desk. "Huh, I guess Xion left this in my room." Wait, why was Xion in my room? Not important right now, my little sister will get hers in due time. "The Tao of Pooh, huh? Like the Disney Character?" She's always reading something weird. While the dog-eared page caught my attention, it was the passage inscribed on it which I probably should have recognized as one of those "face-smacking-universe signs" I mentioned earlier.
"Things just happen in the right way, at the right time. At least when you let them, when you work with circumstances instead of saying, 'This isn't supposed to be happening this way,' and trying harder to make it happen some other way." This isn't supposed to be happening this way… The words hung in my mind as I looked up at the monitor.
"Have I read this befo-..." I looked back down and saw a post-it note on the page that I had somehow missed last time. "This is extremely important. Attend UDI in the fall." Huh, thanks Mickey Mouse shaped post-it that was obviously left here by Xion, but I've already decided on DI State because that's the best place my brother got into, bless his heart, and I can't leave that dolt alone for a second. My eyes darted back to the still uncompleted note. "Where Sora goes isn't important. ⸻⸻ is. Go to UDI."
Beads of sweat a few standard deviations from warm started to appear on my forehead. Less pretentious people might even say they were cold. Who is this from? Why is there no signature? Who is ⸻⸻? How in god's name did it know why I chose not to go to UDI? I didn't tell anyone that. I didn't even tell anyone that I got in. "Well Mr. telepathic post-it note that's forever ruined Mickey Mouse shaped objects for the duration of my life, you've both creeped me out, and failed at convincing me to attend UDI."
"Who are you talking to?" Xion appeared in my doorway, sporting the best faux-concerned face she could muster, her trademark grin already beginning to leak through. "Oh no, has bro-bro finally lost it? Has that day of legend finally arrived, where I, Xion, doting and beautiful younger sister, must take up that mantle as..."
"I'm going to stop you right there Xion. This is your book, correct? How did you know I got into UDI?" I eyed her quizzically. The limit of the quizzicality coefficient, as the length of the subsequent silence approached infinity, was the platonic ideal of awkward. Translation: Xion was confused. "What are you talking about? Wait." Oh no, why is she beaming. "You got into UDI? The UDI? Yes! The mantle-taking need not happen this day! Xion, doting and beautiful younger sister, can continue to waste her days devouring cheese balls and reading about other people watching anime. There is hope for the Ayano clan yet! Let it be known, Roxas 'Not just a pretty face' Ayano…"
It was impossible to stop her when she got like this. The girl had heart. A weird weird heart.
"Seriously Xion, can you suspend the serial japist persona for one second? I'd let you monologue at me any other day. You at least wrote this note, right?" I figure the adhesive connecting the post-it note and the book decided that then was as good a time as any to wage its mini rebellion against its one and only purpose, because the note drifted face-down onto the floor.
Whatever you do, don't show this to anyone.
- Roxas
It's my signature. This book isn't Xion's. This is my handwriting. I wro-. My train of thought was off railed by the sound of Xion's voice.
"Bro-bro, you're a week from finishing High School. You should be mature enough by now to know not to joke about jape." She shot me a mischievous smile. If you haven't realized it yet, she thinks she's exceedingly clever.
"Xion, leave." I monotoned, my eyes locked on the note on the floor.
"You're no fun today. I'm telling mom." The usual me would find the way she simultaneously huffed and singsonged that last line as she dashed from my room to be incorrigibly cute. The usual me didn't have to deal with notes sent to himself from the past that he had no recollection of writing. Apparently past me wasn't on speaking terms with the usual me. Conclusion: Past me is a jerk.
I quickly tucked away the note into a drawer, turned my head toward my monitor again, and laid my fingers on the keyboard. Okay, let's lay out what I apparently expect of me:
1) Leave Sora to his own devices at Destiny Islands State.
Assessment: Doable. We never really ran in the same circles in high school, and he's probably going to join some frat anyway. Admittedly, I actually find this rather preferable.
2) Go to the University of Destiny Islands. DO it for ⸻⸻.
Pros: It's my dream school. Hell, it's everyone's dream school. I still don't understand how I got in. My grades aren't perfect. I mean, they're certainly not as bad as Sora's. They're just...firmly above average? I don't know, maybe they really liked my essay? I do have a lot more admissions officer friendly tragedy to peddle than Sora ever will, fortunately for him.
Cons: A Creepy note written by a past me that had "forget everything" penciled into his schedule is telling me to go there. Wait, am I being childish? Am I so authority averse that I'd reject that one wish of a past me that foresaw his own future obsolescence, a wish which I might add is not at all dissimilar from that dream I've had since childhood of attending UDI? Nah, past me's a jerk. Plus, I'm supposed to do it for ⸻⸻. I guess that's a name? A name the universe won't let me write. Huh.
Okay. I've taken AP stats, I can figure this out. There's a character string six letters long, and every time I try to write it, it comes out blank. There's 26 letters in the alphabet, so if I wanted to brute force this, I would only have to go through 26*26*26*26*26*26 different combinations and find the one that's blank. That's only 308 million, 915 thousand...
Never mind. I assume if I attend UDI in the fall, I'll meet ⸻⸻. Past me couldn't have left me any more information? Not even a, ⸻⸻ is totally hot? Wait, is sexual preference temporally invariant? Okay, fool proof revision, past me couldn't have even said ⸻⸻ is a totally hot girl? That would be motivation.
I felt my eyes rolling into the back of my head. "Hey Xion!"
"Yes, brother dearest!" She immediately chimed from the doorway. "I'm just gonna ignore that you didn't seem to actually leave the immediate vicinity around my room," I relayed before turning my desk chair to look at her. She eyed me disapprovingly. Heh, even her pout is cute. Wait, focus Roxas, you have a mission.
"If a creepy guy asked you to do something that you yourself really wanted to do, would their insistence deter you from doing it?" The question hung in the air for a minute. Huh, she actually looks pensive. Maybe she'll answer hones-
"You ask me to do things that I want to do all~ the time, and I've never once let that stop me from doing what I wanted." Like I said, exceedingly clever. I shot her a look. "Fine, fine. For serious, I would try to think of the differences between why they want me to do the thing, and why I want to do it. If their intentions were far enough from my own, or in a direction that I didn't like, I wouldn't do the thing."
She looked irredeemably proud of her answer. If we're being honest, I was too...don't tell her I said that.
"Wise beyond your years, Xion." I smiled coyly.
"I'm a year younger than you! Ugh~, respect me!" She stormed out of my room, saving me the trouble of dismissing her, and her the trouble of repeating false threats to the parentals.
I turned back to my computer. How far is the gap between the reasons my past self, and my current self want to go to UDI? Well my past self is for sure whipped by this ⸻⸻ girl, or, err, guy (proof on the temporal intransitivity of sexual preference still outstanding) and I can't say I'm not interested as well. If they were so important to me, why did I forget them completely? Not to mention, why did my past self go to all this trouble to ensure I would meet up with them again?
Regardless of all that, regardless of this whole ⸻⸻ business, regardless of the selective amnesia that my past self was able to predict and plan for, there's one reason I keep coming back to, a reason that part of me is screaming at the rest of me to listen to, that's telling me to just go along with all of these circumstances and everything will turn out alright. There's someone else planning to attend UDI in the Fall:
Kairi Kerrigan