Rick had known from day one he was meant to be with Kate. Every case, every book, everything they showed with looks rather than actions or words, led them to this day.
She'd caught his attention when she flashed her badge and turned down his charming advances. His ego wasn't so massive that he couldn't admit to being denied before. But being turned down by someone who so clearly wanted him too? When she walked away, swinging her hips for his benefit, flaunting what she'd refused him, he was hooked.
She'd demanded his respect when she spoke of her loss, stoically baring herself to him when she had no reason to believe he wouldn't share it with the world. He was astounded by her determination, by how she could walk around wearing the reminders of her pain and still make it through the day without slowing down.
She'd earned his trust by not judging him for his many mistakes, for helping correct and prevent them with his daughter. He was a better father when she was around to guide him in a responsibility he never knew he would enjoy with someone else's help.
She'd won his love without meaning to, simply by being the extraordinary woman she had no idea she was. Every time she blushed when he complimented her, every time she scoffed when he pressed to get her to understand how stunning her very existence was, it only served to baffle him more.
His mission as he walked into the precinct every morning was to make her smile, to watch her shine while she was unaware he was looking. She made death an acceptable part of life by acknowledging its effect on the human race as a whole, not just the loved ones of a victim.
He was inspired by her to write, to fix the parts of himself he'd long ago deemed beyond repair. She never did grasp how many ways she'd become his muse.
He was dazzled by her strength and understanding, by how she empathized with mourners and murderers alike.
He was caught off guard by her quips. They never failed to make his blood warm in the most pleasant way. She filled his need for banter and fun, always challenging him to step it up a notch and scolding him when he went too far.
He was humbled that she accepted him into her life. Though she pushed when he asked for more, he had learned to ease in so he didn't trip any alarms. He claimed a part of her heart and protected it with even more determination than she had.
It hadn't been a perfect partnership. They fought bitterly, clashed so hard the boom could be heard all over New York City. She refused to ask for help, and he refused to take her at her word. He toyed with the line they walked so carefully on, and she didn't dare step onto the tightrope with him.
She retreated at the first sign of sincerity, so he made it all into a joke. He could read her like a book unless it was their own, so she pretended they didn't have one.
It was a jumbled mess. Their lines were crossed so frequently it resembled a ball of rubber bands. They couldn't pinpoint the beginning any better than they could find the end.
There was a beauty to their madness, though, and it was currently walking down the aisle, glowing in a white dress. She filled his vision, her smile huge and frozen in place.
Castle would die without seeing anything more stunning. His heart was pounding out of his chest as she floated toward her groom-to-be. Tears were banned from the ceremony; he didn't want anything to blur the sight before him.
It was terrifying, his worst fear come to life, the cause of his nightmares, but he couldn't look away. He never could bring himself to leave, even as it slowly killed him.
She briefly met his eyes, her smile never fading as she pretended not to see the hurt written on his face. This was her day; she had a right not to feel guilty.
He let himself go when she could no longer see him. His shoulders slumped, his face lost control and tilted endlessly to form a permanent frown.
She would be going home with another man who had a right to kiss her the way he never had the guts to, and who supported her the way he always wanted to.
Ben was a good man. It was clear in the way he looked at her like he was about to become the happiest person on the planet. She met his gaze with just as much emotion and hope.
It shredded him to pieces when they said "I do", his mind repeating "please don't" like a broken record.
But he hadn't begged her when he should have. When she showed signs of moving on and away from Castle, he encouraged it, thinking that's what she wanted.
When she tried to downplay her relationship with Ben to spare his feelings, he went out and got himself a girlfriend only to prove she was being ridiculous.
Now he was the fool. He didn't step forward when she would have said yes, didn't show her how serious he was about them.
He had broken down the walls she put up when she was nineteen. He tricked the guards, shouted at the injustice until he lost his voice, crawled when she fought him back to the point he couldn't walk. He did it all just to glimpse at a life Ben had gladly taken when he didn't step up.
He'd entered her fortress and asked "Now what?", and she slipped away while he wondered.
Kate told him she loved him with no hesitance, but the words fell on deaf ears because Ben heard them said in a different tone.
Castle gave her relationship advice when she was lost and was a shoulder when she needed to vent, never asking for what his heart yearned for.
With his support, she'd learned to open up and love someone fully, but he wasn't the man she welcomed home every night.
It was his own damn fault, and he was left with an emptiness he didn't know how to deal with. Nikki Heat was over, their partnership was done, his daughter was in college overseas, and he was alone in the hole he dug for himself.
But she was happy, and that's the only thing that mattered. So, he cheered as Ben kissed the bride, then went home and cried until the sun went down and came back up again.
Please don't hurt me for writing this. After reading a fabulous story by Peachy-x- (The Finish Line), I was inspired to write something depressing, though the tone in my ending is certainly different. I more than highly recommend any of her fics.