WRITTEN IN BLOOD
By Vampy
Summary: A decision is not taken lightly,
when one of the wolfriders feels left out and useless.
Disclaimer: I don't own Elfquest.
Genre: Adventure, Rate: PG-13.
AN: Thanks to my two beta's LunaK and Elaine.
PROLOUGE
It is the way.
It is, and will always be the way for wolves to disband the ones in the pack who are week or different.
It's for the good of the pack, because it must survive in a cold and harsh world in which there is no room for outcasts and weaklings.
Outcasts are difficult to handle with, they are unsure of themselves, confused. And this often leads to a dark way of pain and sorrow... and loneliness.
Weaklings are much the same... Unsure of what their fate has become. Trying to fit in once again. Knowing that they have yet a chance to change. Until it's too late... and they're abandoned... Done for. Forgotten.
There is no room for them. If it can't fight... it can't take care of itself. And not even the pack will take care of their weak. No contribute means no need for them, which means they will be banned, forever!
The sick.. The helpless.. The old.. The.. Outcasts..
All will be banned for the good of the pack.
For it is the way...
Two feelings... One of wolf. Another of Elf.
The one says "Ban". The other says "No".
Which one is stronger... Can you tell?
Elves are miraculous creatures... They do not ban other elves from their tribe. It just never happens, the same with killing. No elf will ever kill another elf.
Even though the Wolfriders are related in blood with the wolves they still don't ban other elves from their tribe. It just doesn't happen. No. Elves only leave tribes on their own choice (Skot, Krim) or because they're asked (Skywise). They never get banned, just like they never get killed by other elves.
But what if this whole "ban" thing is "the way"? What then? Okay so the Wolfriders will never, EVER ban an elf. But if a feeling comes from the deepest of your whole being... can you ignore it? Can a Wolfrider ignore his wolf spirit? You never know... But...
You would still know that it is the way...
It's awfully quiet. At least what counts for quiet. The Wolfriders are all asleep. Except for me.
It's not really quiet though. It never is during the day. When I was young I didn't even know how busy it could be during the day. There are so many animals who live during the day.
When I was young I was full of the night. I still am. I'm a Wolfrider, why shouldn't I be?
I sigh... Softly, while I hold my hand outside to catch a dozen or so raindrops... big fat drops, who had just worked their way through the leaves of the tree.
It's not the rain or the sounds of animal calls that's keeping me awake... no, in fact I'm not going to sleep today, I'm planning on leaving, while everyone else is just that, asleep.. I'm going to leave the tribe today.
It's not a decision I've taken lightly. I've thought of it a great deal of time. And the outcome was always the same... Leave.
I still hear that word in my mind, but that's because I'm still not leaving. It's just so hard... But I've got to leave. And I will. I will leave the wolfriders.
The reason?
Because I no longer belong amongst them. Sure I'm still a Wolfrider, and I will always say I am... But I don't belong here anymore.
Why?
I'm different.
I'm not the same I used to be.
It has stopped raining and I don't have anymore lame excuses not to get going, so I get up and leave my tree. I've got one last visite to make...
I'm doing this during the day because my tribe mates won't agree with me. They will say I've seen it all wrong and that I haven't changed a bit. But they would lie. And if I asked them to send that to me. They would not be able to do so.
I've seen the changes and I've tried to deal with it. But I do no longer feel welcome enough to live here. They will understand why I left though. I won't have to tell them that. They'll know why I have left and leave it with that. I'm certain of that. It's my choice and they'll respect it. Well... all except for one...
Cutter... I'm at his tree hut now. I took my time too, because I still feel the weight of my decision on my shoulders... but I have to.
I enter the small hut and am welcomed by faint smells of the ones I know as Cutter and Leetah. Ember, the little rascal has left this hut not so long ago to go bunk up with Mender. I'm just glad Cutter didn't make a big issue out of it. I'm happy for Ember. She has adjusted just fine after we came back... After we came back from being gone so long that I though everybody had died and gone to dust. But they hadn't and I was very grateful for that. I still am. I just... Why am I the only one who seems to have bad luck?
When we arrived here... - me, Leetah, the twins and that troll kid - I was so certain that I would have to do the impossible to get back.. ..back at what we all held so dear. So I asked Leetah to.. ..take my wolf blood from me.
If I had just waited a day or even less. I would've found out that everybody was still alive and it wasn't necessary. But I didn't. I didn't wait. And while the others adjusted just fine in their "new environment" I just... drifted away. Further and further... I wasn't a Wolfrider anymore, at least not in their eyes. And I was younger then the most of them. In their eyes I was a cub that caused more trouble than it was worth it. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. But it hurts.
It hurts so much...
Cutter, if you only knew how much it hurts, you would understand why I have to leave. You would have had peace with it. Just trust me.
I approach the couple while I take the lodestone from my neck and put it softly into Cutter's hand.
'Take good care of it...' I whisper, aching inside. 'It will protect you.' --------------------
I run!
I run as fast as my legs can carry me. Later... later I can rest and think things through. But now I've got to get as far away as possible. So I run.. Through the forest, on still familiar terrain. We've hunted here a lot. But now I'll be hunting on my own. I duck and jump to avoid some roots and branches before I realize that there's someone right behind me.
It's the blood. I'm not as alert anymore. Not as good...
I pull out my sword and turn to face my follower. My guess is that it's a human or a predator, but certainly not an elf, they would have send... I think...
I'm wrong on all points... Because I can hardly consider Timain an elf anymore. She's more of a "special" wolf.
I put my sword back. This matter will be solved by words. ...or maybe not... Timain's just looking at me. Kind of blaming, now I'm really looking at her. ...
This is dumb, but I don't know what to do... She's not asking me why I'm leaving, or if I'm leaving, or where I'm going. And I'm pretty damn sure that she can send to me with as much ease as Strongbow shoots a bird from the sky. But she just stands there. Not demanding anything from me and I wait... though I really should get going, somebody might notice...
And as if she had read my mind she starts walking and walks right past me. In reflex I go after her, but as soon as I'm near her, she starts running. Right in the direction I was heading. And I run after her until we're side by side. Like one mind...
I guess that's how it's going to be...
Just us. Side by side.
Why couldn't it have been like it had with Leetah?
She's no Wolfrider! She belongs with the Sunfolk in Sorrows End. She has no wolf blood in her, just like me.
Then why?
It's because of a lot of things I reckon. For starters she's a healer. And Cutter has tolled us many times before that elves with gifts are as welcome as water in the desert.
Well, I'm not water in the desert, and I don't have any gift in which to contribute to the tribe. I'm not even a good fighter.
I did my fair share before my blood was altered, but fighting is not natural in my blood and without my heightened senses, I'm not much of it too.
But even if Leetah wasn't a healer, she would've been accepted by all the others. Because she's family. She has two full-blooded Wolfrider kids. Okay, one more then the other. But still. She's bounded trough blood with the Wolfriders, as was I before she changed it.
That sounds so accusing, but I'm not accusing her for anything. I'm just... ...thinking things trough. Did I really have no other choice?
I have to take a break. I'm tired. I've run so far. I need a break. So I slow down. Getting a breather. Timain also comes to a halt.
She doesn't look worn out; she looks as if she's just waiting. Is she waiting until I get this all figured out and head back to the tribe?
I really wouldn't know. I could talk to her, couldn't I?
I could all these times before, but this time it's different.
I don't know what the other elves will think about this... Will they approve, will they be upset, disappointed? Is she disappointed?
I don't think so, but I rather not find out now. She's coming along for the ride, so whatever she has to say can wait.
If she has something to say at all...
--------------------He knew something was wrong the minute he woke up. It was still day, but something had awakened him from his slumber, maybe not a thing, but a feeling. He had had this feeling for quit some time now, knowing as a chief that something was amiss. But he never could put his finger on it. He could never figure out what it was that had him so on guard.
Now he knew...
The lodestone felt awfully cold on his skin.. Skywise...
"Skywise!"
He jumped up without a thought and left his tree hut in a hurry, leaving a startled Leetah behind.
He had seen it coming alright, he had felt it. He had felt that there was something bothering Skywise, and now he knew what. He had wanted to leave..
"FAHR!" Cutter was running trough the woods, following the trail of scent that Skywise had left behind. He knew that he could be spotted by humans very easily, but he didn't care, he had to find his friend, his brother...
"Fahr! Where are you? Answer me!" He had to tell his friend to stay, to not go away. Things hadn't changed that much...
Suddenly a heavy weight fell upon Cutter and he landed in the earth, a hand on his mouth made clear that he had to be silent.
"Humans"
It had been Treestump, who had been awakened by his cry for his soul brother. Cutter nodded, and Treestump helped him get up. Then Cutter saw them, four human hunters, they weren't very far away and he surely would have run into them if it hadn't been for Treestump. "I have to find Skywise." He sent to the yellow bearded elder and Treestump simply nodded, he never was one of many words.
Cutter renewed his search, though more carefully this time, and wondered if Skywise was too far gone to send back to him or refused to answer.
In a strange way, Cutter hoped for the first, for the other one would have to mean that there was something awfully wrong with their relation.
Skywise gasped.
It was raining again and his hair was soaked wet and dripping while he bent forward to get yet another breather. The rain wasn't making it easier to resist his soul brothers sendings either.
He wiped his hair out of the way, something he wasn't used to doing, but his headpiece had been caught by a branch and ripped of.
Strangely enough, Skywise didn't mind. Though he felt like he was losing a part of himself with giving up both the headpiece as well as the lodestone.
It was for the better, because he wasn't the Skywise they knew anymore. That Skywise had been lost a long time ago, the same time as the palace.
Skywise winched, as he heard another hearth wrenching sending call of his brother. Did Cutter know he was still in sending range? He doubted it, but the fact that Cutter was still near enough meant that he was following him. And that made it all the more harder for Skywise.
He had never wanted this, he had wanted to go silently. But no... not for his brave and fearless leader.
Going at this rate, Skywise wouldn't be surprised if his dear brother would eventually catch up with him.
This made him winch more. Why wouldn't Cutter let him go. Skywise wanted to go, he really did. Every part and bit of his whole being screamed it.
He wanted to be free!
Alone and boundless.
He'd would see more of the world, discover new places, maybe new elves. Adventure was calling him. And it was more appealing then sitting with his tribesmen pretending nothing had changed.
Because Highones it had!
Skywise finally pulled himself together. A little bit of anger seeping into his heart. An anger that was directed at Cutter for not letting him go, not letting it be. Not going with the way.
Cutter was still a full blood Wolfrider, he should act more like it sometimes.
The stargazer was at the end of the forest and near the village. To go further now, meant going trough it. Luckily he had already though of it. He had once found an old cloak on a hunt with the other Wolfriders, which he now pulled out of his bundle and wrapped it around him. It was a little big and very old and ragged, but it would do nicely. He pulled the hood over his head and was now an official unknown wanderer.
Timain next to him shape shifted into a skinny white dog and he patted her on her newly shaped head.
With Timain right next to him, Skywise bravely set foot into the village which was almost completely abandoned besides a few rushing humans who weren't enjoying being wet.
He quickly made his way trough the small streets and ignored everyone passing him on his way.
He realized that there was a chance that he would find no elves nor adventures. Just humans.
Nowadays there were so many of them. But he would just have to find out the truth about that. He shivered though. He had never been good with humans. They were a betraying bunch of killing monsters. Skywise couldn't help but see the image of his mother again, one that was burned into his memory. She had been on a raft, hands tied, two human boys paddling along trying to escape their angry parents for letting the head sacrifice, a mother demon with unborn child, escape. Skywise had escaped though, but his mother and father had paid the price. So had One-Eye with his eye and Redlance with a lot of pain and a lot more brave elves.
He had every reason to hate them.
Luckily he knew that even if the whole rest of the world was filled with humans he'd be okay with it, as long as Timain was with him, keeping him company.
Though he could only pray that he wouldn't have to lose her to the humans as well.
Shaking of that awful thought he returned to his journey at hand. He was heading towards the sea.
Cutter didn't know what to think. Why? Why was this happening? This shouldn't be happening.
His tribe had done so well the last couple of moons. And he had tried so hard to be the chief they all needed and whom they all looked up to for guidance.
Then why, if things had seemingly gone so well, why did something like this happen?
Leetah, his life mate, had finally caught up thanks to the help of Clearbrook who could easily follow Cutter and Treestump by just sniffing the air. She laid her hands on Cutters shoulders. "Tam?" Leetah sent softly.
They had to be quiet, because the four of them had now also reached the edges of the human town. "Tam!" She tried again "I don't know what to say but..."
Cutter looked up into the two most beautiful green eyes that he had loved all his life, but found no comfort in them. You don't have to say anything. I just have to talk to Skywise. I don't know what stupid idea got into his head this time, to just stand up one day and leave... but he better well be telling it to my face and explain it.
Treestump sighed. "It doesn't matter now chap. The rule is, after the human world we don't follow. It's too dangerous." He lovingly slipped his arm around Clearbrook as it started to rain again and they were silently getting soaked. "Besides, we all knew it was coming. He didn't fit in anymore. He was sulking more than pulling his weight as a part of the tribe." He looked Cutter in the eyes. "He had given up on the way a long time ago, Cutter..."
Cutter's knuckles turned white while he hotheadedly listened to the elderly elf. He suddenly noticed that he was gripping the lodestone which he had never let go of since starting his search.
He looked at the small item... at the strange magnetic stone form, the carved-in sun... at the strand that had been made from the original 16 wolfriders that had made the journey to Sorrows end, a journey he and Skywise had anticipated in. And without hesitation or excuse he set foot in the human world.
Treestump grumped. "Well puckernuts, he's acting like Bearclaw when he was still a hotheaded cub!"
Leetah shook her head and motioned for Treestump and Clearbrook to go back to the holt. "I'll talk to him! You go back and tell the others where we are and what has happened. Alright?"
Clearbrook gave a weak smile and she and her life mate left sullenly. While as for Leetah, she carefully followed Cutter pass the edge of the city.
--------------------How dare Treestump tell him what was best for him! He, Cutter, was their chief! He had been their chief for a countless amount of time. Had he not proven himself worthy of making a decision on his own? If he needed counsel, he would ask for it! And at this moment the only one he wanted and needed counsel from was Skywise's, and none other!
Sticking to the edge of the human city he quickly found a house with no inhibitors and found some clothes in there to disguise himself with.
He soon heard Leetah enter. Finishing his disguise with considered mostly of an old brown overcoat he faced Leetah with determination on his face. "I'm going after him." He muttered.
"Yes I know... But it's useless. I know you want to talk to him, but talking won't help him."
Cutter disagreed. "How do y..."
"No listen to me! I've talked to him. He told me what bothered him and I couldn't comfort him. He tried to talk to you too, but found out that you had changed too much, that you're thoughts were always elsewhere." She paused briefly. "And I agree. You've changed much beloved. And Skywise could not find what he wanted here with us."
Cutter looked lost, trying to find something to say, but Leetah wasn't done yet. "We all saw it, Tam... The way he withdrew, he found out that everything he had held dear was either gone or changed for good. And now you should let him go, because instead of sulking and wishing for what once was, he's decided to give it another try. And the only way he could ever do that is on his own... "
Cutter just wouldn't listen. He left pulling the hood over his head, trying to ignore the true words Leetah was telling him.
"Tam!" She still tried. "Stop it... It's worthless!"
"Just go home Leetah. I have to try."
Though Leetah's heart ached to see her lover hurt like this, she knew that there was nothing more that she could do...
She had told him everything she could to help him understand Skywise's decision. The rest was up to him...
She left to follow Clearbrook and Treestump. While Cutter stubbornly followed in Skywise's direction.
Though Cutter was determined to talk to his brother, he knew with a pang of guilt that everything Leetah had said had been true. Skywise had indeed tried to talk to him. But Cutter had been weary of it. Sensing that it was not the same anymore. Cutter had felt older, more responsible for his chief duties than his brother duties. And with that he probably didn't help letting Skywise feel right at home again. But how could he, there had been so much changes... Too many to count. But he didn't intend it. He loved Skywise, he was like a brother to him... How could Skywise ever forget that?
And was it just him? Did the rest of the tribe not care?
No of course they cared, but they.. Leetah and Treestump... they seemed to have anticipated it, and they had already made their piece with it. How could they? He was a valuable asset to the tribe! ... Okay... maybe not as much as he used to be...
Then it finally hit him. Skywise didn't felt as wanted as he had been. Cutter had on numerous accounts seen an more elder elf correct Skywise on a whole asset of faults, that were either caused by his curiosity, enthusiasm or his lack of wolf blood. And above that, he had lost his status as consol for their chief. And... Cutter swallowed. ...as a friend? No! Not as a friend! It hurt Cutter to think that.
No not as a friend!
"FAHR!"
--------------------Skywise stumbled to his knees and bend over in pain and his soul name rang trough his head... A startled human almost tripped over him but didn't even bother to help him up or ask if he was alright.
That suited Skywise just fine.
How in the Highones name could his soul name hurt? Were their bonds that desecrated? No... that wasn't it, it couldn't be... Could it? Could a bond so strong as a soul bond be amiss? He cringed a little when he heard another soul wrenching call. Whatever had caused the pain before, it was now gone... but it worried Skywise...
No time though. The sendings were nearby and that meant that his chief was indeed gaining ground. He helped himself up and dusted off the mud as much as he could.
Timain looked at him worriedly. So far she still had yet a word to utter. But Skywise had already predicted that she would only start speaking if he indeed pulled off his mission, and had successfully left his beloved tribe.
She probably didn't want to influence his decision. Which he appreciated, though he already had began to feel weary about running from his soul brother, already he had considered giving the whole thing up and going back. But he could not... Not now. Maybe some day... But definitely not now. He just didn't want to.
A tear trickled down his cheek, how he hurt for Cutter. For his despair... For hurting his feelings. He could only hope that someday Cutter would understand and have peace with it. But until that day arrived, Skywise had to leave.
When he rounded another corner, he saw the most admirable site ever, which made him forget his worries in an instance! The harbor of the human city.
Slowing down his pace, gawking at the huge ships that were docked, and the few people that were out working in the rain trying to get the merchandise on board in time.
The ships were huge!
With monstrous sails, flapping wildly in the wind. Skywise was absolutely fascinated by these works of craftsmanship.
He had seen them before far in the distance, setting sail into the setting sun, but he had never imagined that they would be this big and beautiful...
Timain started whining suddenly, rubbing her head against his leg. She was probably worried about either the upcoming confrontation with an angry chief or the fact that they were so out in the open in a human city.
On the docks there were no shadows to hide in and Timain clearly felt uncomfortable by this little fact. Skywise ruffled her fur a bit to offer some comfort. But a plan had already formed inside his mind. He was going to take a huge risk. And one that would not be appreciated by Timain.
"Come on" He said. And left for the nearest ship. One that was about to set sail...
"It's time to start our own new adventure!"
--------------------The rain had totally soaked him to the bone...
And Cutter had no other choice to shiver under his weathered cloth. He was definitely not having his day! Being so mind wrecked about the whole issue and being so unsuccessful in his pursue, he felt like a miserably excuse for a chief and as a friend.
And besides all that the rain wasn't making things easier for him. Washing away his soul brother's sense and all.
Now Cutter had to be even more careful not to make a wrong turn and lose the sent. Because it would mean he would lose more then just a scent. He would loose his best friend.
And even worse then all of that, was his mind. It was going over the things that had been said about Skywises decision, and the realization hit him, that it was all too true.
If he could, he would give himself a good punch in the face for not knowing that.
But it had just been so hard...
So hard when his family had disappeared into the future. Skywise may have had a hard time now. But Cutter had had a hard time before... And it lasted for many elf lives long.
He had missed his family so much it would have killed him for sure, if it hadn't been for Redlance and Nightfall who had practically adopted him to be a part of their little family.
But even so. The whole ordeal had changed him, time had changed him. Turning him into a hardened cold hearted leader that would face any danger and problem as if was just something he just had to deal with. And that leader didn't need anyone's opinion or disapproval. He just needed to lead.
When his family had returned, he had stayed in his new leader roll. Because it was the only thing he knew that would always last him, it was his shield, and no one would ever be able to take that from him. He admitted that he was afraid, no scared, to be hurt like that again. And though he was slowly regaining his courage to love and live like he used to, he would never EVER even think about becoming the old Wolfrider chief again. Someone who was curious about the world, other elves and humans. Someone who would listen to others before becoming deaf, and than make a decision. He was Cutter, son of Bearclaw, Chief of four elf clans. And he was miserable!
He had completely pushed Skywise away, by being so independent as a leader. Before, Skywise had always been there to listen if Cutter had issues. Skywise had always been the one to talk to. Talk about his plans, his worries, his problems with his love life and cubs, his past, his future. Everything that was discussable, he would talk about it with Skywise. And then Rayek took him and the rest of his family away... And Cutter couldn't talk to his best friend anymore. He couldn't talk about his problems, his nightmares, his fears... He couldn't talk...
Only cry...
That's when Cutter decided that he would become a tough and fearless leader, no feelings mattered, just the job, leading the wolfriders.
It had been the only thing that had kept him going for all of those long years... And when the palace came back, he decided that he wouldn't let his shield down again, like he had done as the old Wolfrider chief.
This decision had hardly affected Leetah and the twins, but Skywise... Skywise had always helped him with leading the Wolfriders. And he was now completely cut off, pushed away.
Cutter only hoped that Skywise didn't think it was because of his loss of wolf blood, or because he would think of him as a cub, or not as a friend. Because they were all wrong. In fact Cutter missed the talks they had once had so many... There had been great talks and Cutter wanted them back...
But to do that, it would have to mean being vulnerable again. Admitting that he couldn't be a 100 sure about everything, admitting he was sometimes scared for making a mistake... Like giving Rayek a second chance...
'It had been all his fault! Rayeks... that snake... I should've...'
Cutter shook his head. No it wasn't Rayeks fault, it was his own. He was the one that had pushed Skywise away. He had done it all by himself...
Cutter cringed. It hurt him to think this way. But at least he finally understood his brother's decision. And he would have probably done the same if it was him in Skywise's place. He knew Skywise had a curiosity that could fill the scrolls of the Highones, and a craving for adventure that had got the both of them in a lot of trouble when they were younger... and older...
Cutter grinned a sad grin. He would give anything to have stopped Rayek that faithful day, then maybe things would have been better now...
But he couldn't, and dwelling in the past wasn't the way.
Cutter suddenly noticed an upcoming clearing and hung more to the shadows. It soon appeared to be a place where ships were harbored and Skywise's scent seemed to be crossing this center heading straight to the docks...
The Wolfrider chief considered taking a chance by leaving the scent and clinging to the shadows hoping to catch the sent again, but he declined the idea. In the end he would have followed it trough fire, and a open human place like this was a peanuts compared with that.
And like the way it was there weren't many humans either, so... it was really no risk at all...
Sauntering over the center, he did had to admire the beauty of the ships, they were so ingenious. Though they would each probably cost a whole forest just to build, Cutter could see the advantage and the beauty in it. Yet he did not approve of the destructive human methods.
He swallowed suddenly. He had lost the scent!
How could he have? Had he lost his attention? Cutter backed up and quickly found the scent again, yet again much fainter. Truth to be revealed it didn't matter, Cutter lost it again.
Knowing now that his own nose wasn't going to help him anymore, he quickly decided he would use his brain instead. Skywise must have either gone right or left because the rest was all water. So if he just could figure out which...
Wait..
He wouldn't have...
In the distance there was a beautiful four sailed ship setting sail into the with clouds covered sun. From the looks of it it had just left the harbor.
Cutter swallowed... He couldn't have...
His rational mind did the calculating though. And the chance that Skywise's scent stopped here just by faith, were very slim considering the chance that Skywise would love to take a trip on those gruesome human ships. 'Slightly bigger' would be an understatement here.
Cutter sank to his knees... unable to stand anymore as well as being able to continue his chase.
It was staring him in the face. He had lost his soul brother. And he had let it happen...
He clanged his fists. Angry to being so vulnerable. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. Getting hurt. Yet he was hurt again.
And he had done it himself...
He'd lost him, and there was no guarantee that he would ever find his brother again, his friend, his soul brother. He could only hope that Skywise's path would bring him back to the Wolfriders one day.
And he prayed to the Highones that it would.
ThE eNd
for now...
Please review, I've worked very hard on this Elfquest fic.
And feel free to beta a bit, I'm Dutch.
AN :04-21-04
Okay, I've changed Amber into Ember and Leetha into Leetah. It was the only thing you people seemed to care about.
AN Update: 06-13-04
I've changed brown eyes into green (studpid mistake) and soulstone into lodestone. And I apologize for my overreaction. I will continue this story because it seemed that people did indeed like it after all. phew So heads up! Next chapter coming soon!
Oh, but I still would like to know why anyone would think that some of my characters were out of character. So that I can adjust it (if I agree of course, so give good arguments).
; ) V.