Disclaimer- I do not own Firefly nor any of its characters, and I am not making any money from this story.
…...
Sometimes, when the ship is quiet and he knows he won't be seen, he'll go in her shuttle and sit.
Sometimes, he'll just sit and stare at what she left behind.
Sometimes, he'll pace, until River (who knows everything) will wonder he doesn't wear a hole in the floor (even though all calculations tell her that he never really could). Even when he's sitting, he's never still. She left too much of herself imprinted in the space around him, and when he'll admit it, in him to ever be still.
Everyday, he'll pretend he doesn't spend half his nights in her old shuttle. He'll pretend to his crew that her absence means nothing to him, that business (no matter it's disreputableness) will carry on the same.
Sometimes, he'll think about why it was right that she left. He'll think of all the fights, all the looks, all the ways she drove him crazy. He'll think about how confused he was with her around. How she took his world, his way, and spun it, colored it, so he didn't know which gorram way was up. Those are the nights he'll pace, the nights where he wants to forget. Where he doesn't want to think that someone else might have a hand in his decisions.
Sometimes, he'll know that at least with her there, he knew he wasn't the only one confused.
Everyday, they'll pretend they believe him, even though Kaylee might roll her eyes some time, and Zoe might want to sigh.
Everyday, River will pretend that she doesn't know his nighttime ritual. That she feels safer, almost comforted, to know she's not the only one who can't be still.
And most of all, he'll pretend he doesn't love her.