Welcome to my new story! This one will be ongoing for a while, I hope. Probably even longer than Hunter J's story. And yes, I know, I haven't updated anything recently but I'm working on my ORAS May Cosplay for Anime STL. If you're there, I'll probably be playing Pokemon so feel free to talk to me if you wish! Next cosplays I have planned are Hunter J, female Lysandre, and female Cyrus. Just because I can. Anyway, enough about my weeaboo trash cosplays, and enjoy the new story!
"Alright, let's check the bills this month!" Giovanni said, opening the mail. "First, electricity-"
"Oops," Lysandre said nervously.
"Arceus fuckin christ, Lysandre! $10,000?! Are you trying to make us broke?!" Giovanni screamed at him. "Ugh, next is cable and internet. That seems normal. Netflix-why is it all chick flicks?"
Ghetsis sunk down into his chair at the table. "No reason."
Giovanni rolled his eyes. "Water bill-DAMMIT ARCHIE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FLOOD THE WORLD WITH THE GARDEN HOSE AGAIN!"
"I blame Maxie. He inflicted pain on me." He shrugged.
"$30,000 worth?!" Giovanni was beyond pissed now.
"Just don't open the heating bill." Maxie warned.
"Christ I can't take you guys anywhere." Giovanni sighed in despair. "Cyrus, you're cool."
"YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" He screamed, then walked out of the room.
"Why does he live here?" Ghetsis asked.
"We could be asking the same thing about you, you know." Lysandre rolled his eyes.
"Ugh, just tell me rent is low, please." Giovanni opened another bill. "Oh thank Arceus."
"We need a way to make money, don't we?" Archie laughed.
"We could sell lemonade." Maxie pushed his glasses back onto his face.
"World domination sounds cool as well." Ghetsis shrugged.
"Or we could just blow up the world. Then we don't owe anyone anything." Lysandre put his feet up on the table.
"We're not blowing up the world. Just find a logical way to make money." Giovanni banged his head on the table.
"We could dress up like little girls and sell PokeScout Cookies!" Archie laughed.
"Does anyone want to see Ghetsis is a skirt, though? Your legs might look good, but definitely not his." Maxie made a disgusted face.
"You're just saying that because you want me to wear a skirt, don't you, ya nerd." Archie gave him a flirty look.
"Please leave if you're going to do this now, I don't want to see it." Giovanni crossed his arms.
"You're just jealous you don't have a nerd to love!" Archie cried.
"I'd rather just kick you two out." Giovanni stood up, making a fist with his hands.
"We can't afford to kick them out now!" Ghetsis reminded him.
"Damn. You two are the first to leave!" Giovanni commanded.
A knock on the door distracted the unruly group of villains. "I got it, you guys continue fighting." Lysandre stood up, walking to the door. A man with silver hair was standing there. "What up?"
"Can you keep it down over here?" He snapped.
"It's just Steven. No one cares, Steven!" Lysandre dismissed, starting to close the door.
"What is even going on over here?" He asked.
"Something stupid, I'm sure." Lysandre gave an exasperated sigh and ducked, a chair flying over Lysandre's head and hitting Steven in the face. "Sorry."
"Steven! Are you okay?" Iris ran over, hugging Steven.
"Can you leave us alone now? We have to come up with $55,000 by the end of the month, with surplus for next month's bills." Lysandre started to close the door.
"What the hell do you guys do all day to make your bills so high?!" Lance was now standing there, looking at the commotion.
"Let's say Archie tried to flood the world with a garden hose again." Lysandre scratched the back of his head nervously.
"I swear, you guys are the biggest idiots of all time. C'mon, Steven, Iris." Lance turned and walked back to the Champion's apartment next door.
Lysandre closed the door, turning to the people inside. "I SWEAR YOU ARE ALL DEAD ONCE I CAN RESURRECT THAT WAR CANNON!" he stormed off to his room.
"Wow, rude much?" Archie laughed.
"Archie, stop pinning Maxie to the ground, he's not stronger than you." Giovanni scolded.
"Not until he admits land sucks and water is better!" Archie was laughed, holding Maxie against the ground in a headlock.
"Get off of me, you brute!" Maxie shouted, struggling against Archie.
"Admit water is better!" Archie kept laughing, giving him a noogie.
"Can you two cut it out, I'm trying to come up with ideas to get us some money and fast!" Ghetsis snapped. "We have $3,000 already so we need $52,000. Arceus, that's a lot of money."
"I know someone who can get us lots of money." Cyrus appeared behind Ghetsis, scaring the pee out of him.
"And just who is that?" Ghetsis snapped.
Cyrus went over to the door, opening it. A woman walked in, wearing a purple coat over a red catsuit. "You rang?" she asked in a serious tone.
"Cyrus, who is this, exactly?" Ghetsis asked.
"Her name is J." Cyrus said stoically.
"And how is this woman supposed to help us with money?" He asked.
"I'm a poacher. Everything I do is for money. You guys need help, I need a place to hide. This should work for a while." she shrugged, sitting down on the couch. "You guys got any food?"
"Cyrus, you just invited this chick to live with us, without asking Gio? He's gonna be more than pissed, you know." Ghetsis turned back to his desk.
"I'm going to be pissed about what, exactly?" Giovanni walked into the room, seeing J. "Who's that?"
Cyrus sat next to J. "A person, you sexist."
"Uh, okay." Giovanni narrowed his eyes at Cyrus.
"I'm J. 'Sup." she half-waved towards him, staring at the TV.
"Welcome, I guess." Giovanni sat in a chair nearby.
"You're not gonna be mad that he just brought some random chick into our apartment?!" Ghetsis asked in shock.
"Nah, I'm gonna let it slide for now." Giovanni shrugged.
"But-" Ghetsis started.
"For one, it's Cyrus. Cyrus doesn't cause trouble like the rest of you assholes. And she's a woman. Can't be sexist, that would make the internet unhappy, specifically Tumblr," Giovanni said, crossing his arms again.
"But you didn't let N live here?" Ghetsis asked.
"He's not even a villain! He was corrupted by you! He would have probably been the fourth person in that trio of friends from Unova that kicked your ass if you hadn't adopted him. He's a good guy, just corrupted by you. Kudos to you, but he isn't even evil." Giovanni rolled his eyes.
"What about Zinnia? She could live here, right?" Archie shouted from the kitchen where he was still fighting Maxie.
"She was never even close to evil! She was a Draconid! They are good people! Do you guys even know what 'antagonist' means?!" Giovanni asked, completely done with these idiots.
"Yeah, but she had cool theme music! Doesn't that mean evil?" Archie asked.
"So did Cynthia and Steven, but they aren't evil. Cool music is only half the joy of being evil, dumbass. Some good guys get good music as well." Giovanni sighed.
J looked up from the TV, continuing to eat chips. "You know what we could do? Strip club. That'd be interesting."
"None of us are stripping and dancing on a pole in our underwear." Giovanni gave her a cross look.
"Nah, don't even do it for the strip part. Just do it cause it'd be fuckin hilarious to see you dickwads try to be strippers." She laughed, eating more chips.
"Would people really pay for that?" Ghetsis asked.
"The dudes that tried to kill them all or cause them pain and sadness are now shamelessly pole dancing half naked. How much more demeaning can you get? The internet would love it." She turned her attention back to the TV.
"Any not stupid ideas?" Giovanni asked everyone.
"I say we try the stripper thing! Sounds fun!" Archie laughed from the kitchen where he still held Maxie in a headlock.
"He'd be the only one of you buffoons that would look hot, just sayin'!" J shouted, never breaking her eyes from the TV.
"Excuse me, I have a really hot body, just ask Sycamore!" Lysandre scoffed.
"Suck my left nut, Wolverine." she stood up sassily.
"Excuse me, Princess-" Lysandre started.
J kicked him in the jaw. "Don't call me princess!" she sat back down, returning to her TV show.
Giovanni stared at the bleeding Lysandre on the floor, mouth agape. "Aaanyway… We need more ideas, quickly. We have a limited number of days, morons."
"We could infiltrate and take over the Black Market. Black Markets are full of money," Ghetsis said, glancing at Giovanni.
"We could, but we lost all our manpower. You guys got any grunts left?" Giovanni shouted to Archie and Maxie.
"Yeah, why?" They shouted back.
"Black Market it is. Unless someone has a different idea?" Giovanni scanned the room.
"I still vote strippers," J said, a smirk across her face.
"We're not doing that shut up." Giovanni glared at her.
"We could babysit Pokemon and small children!" Archie shouted from the kitchen.
"He's not wrong," Maxie said, flipping Archie off of him.
"Yes, because any parent or trainer will willingly let a group of seven villains who have repeatedly tried to destroy the world take care of their kids and Pokemon," Giovanni said sarcastically.
"Hey, excuse you, I am great with kids!" Ghetsis shouted.
"N?" Cyrus said, looking at him dumbfounded.
"Th-that was one time! Ask Concordia and Anthea! They were okay!" he said in his defense.
"They were just as fucked up as N," Maxie said, pushing his glasses back up his face while Archie clinged to his back.
"Okay, I think we can all agree I'd be the best with kids here!" Giovanni said.
"Silver?" Cyrus reminded him.
"Dammit Cyrus quit reminding people of their horrible kids!" Giovanni shouted angrily.
"He's just jealous cause he's never gotten laid." J laughed from her spot on the couch.
"J I will end you." Cyrus sat on her, crushing her.
"Get this brute off of me!" She struggled.
"YOUR EMOTIONS ARE A FLAW!" he screamed once again.
"Dammit, not again! Why do you guys have to constantly act like animals?!" Giovanni sighed in disappointment.
"Because that's the biggest issue here," Lysandre sat up, brushing off dust from his suit.
"It's one of many." Giovanni rolled his eyes.
"Babysit or Black Market let's take a vote," Lysandre said in a serious manor.
"Why not both?" Archie said, taking out his trumpet and playing mexican music.
Giovanni smacked the trumpet out of his hands. "Stop!"
"YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE REMAKES BITCH!" He grabbed his trumpet, playing again.
"I'm up for a remake next! I can finally finish my world!" Cyrus said, giving a sly smile.
"Maybe I can finally be in a game. Someone may actually know who I am after that!" J gave a victory fist bump to Cyrus from under him.
"Can we stop talking about who is remaking who and get this over with?" Giovanni sighed.
"Babysitting?" Lysandre asked. All the hands besides his and Giovanni's hands went up.
"Christ, you assholes." Giovanni growled.
"Guess we're babysitting then!" Archie laughed, still clinging to Maxie.
"We are going to get sued for this I swear." Giovanni sighed in disappointment.
"Just relax, Gio! Let's see how it goes!" Maxie smiled.
"Yeah, it's not like we'll kill everyone in the world or anything!" Archie laughed. He stopped laughing as everyone looked at Lysandre.
"But-" he started.
"NO!" They all shouted in unison.