A Mysterious Night's Dream
By Aiumi
Dramatis Personae
Theseus- Tetsuya- The newly crowned Emperor of Kutou
Egeus- Keisuke- Concerned older brother and good buddy of the Emperor
Lysander- Tamahome- Fairly normal but incredibly stupid in love with Miaka
Demetrius- Hotohori- Emperor of Kounan and in love with Miaka
Quince- Chuei- Member of Tomo's first grade class
Snout-Shunkei- Member of Tomo's first grade class
Starveling-Gyokuran- Member of Tomo's first grade class
Flute- Yuiren- Member of Tomo's first grade class
Snug- Ashitare- Member of Tomo's first grade class and his assistant in evil plots.
Bottom- Tomo- First grade teacher
Hippolyta- Yui- Soon-to-be Empress of Kutou
Hermia- Miaka- Brainless ditz in love with Tamahome
Helena- Nuriko- Suspiciously beautiful courtesan in love with Hotohori
Oberon- Nakago- Petulant Lord of the Faeries
Titania- Soi- Cruel and beautiful Queen Faerie
Puck- Amiboshi and Suboshi- Twin faerie troublemakers
Peasblossom- Tasuki- Reluctant faerie
Cobweb- Chiriko- Intelligent faerie
Moth- Mitsukake- Stoic faerie
Mustardseed- Chichiri- Rational faerie
ACT ONE
"Babe?" Tetsuya peered around the hall door. "You around?"
"That's no term for the future Empress." Yui smiled.
"Sorry, babe." Tetsuya grinned and kissed her quickly. "There's no rule says I can't see you before the wedding, is there?"
"Nope."
"Babe?"
"Yeah?"
"How did I get this job, anyway?"
Before Yui could answer, the door slammed open, and Keisuke stormed into the room, followed closely by his sister. Tamahome and Hotohori trotted at Miaka's heels. They shot nasty looks at each other before trying to go through the door at exactly the same time and getting hopelessly stuck.
"Yo. What's up?" Tetsuya blinked at his friend over his pair of expensive Emperor-style sunglasses.
"Hey, uh…" Keisuke dragged the Emperor to a secluded corner. "Uh…you know how we've been best friends since fourth grade?"
"Yeah?"
"And you know I'd never let you down, right?"
"How much do you want?" Tetsuya sighed.
"And you-huh?"
It took a moment to sort out the misunderstanding. "Okay, see, you know my sister, Miaka. And she's of marriageable age an' shit. So, of course, being a good older brother, I arrange for her to marry Hotohori, who's a nice guy, cute, sweet, wouldn't hurt a fly, rolling in money. I thought, 'Hey, I'll pay back my good buddy Tetsuya for all the nice stuff he's done for me'. So what's she do? Goes out and finds the first penniless poetic dumbass she sees to be in love with! Now all I hear is "Miaka," "Tamahome," "Miaka," "Tamahome," day and night! I can't live like this! Do something!"
"Um…gee…you sure you don't want money?"
"Tamahomeeee…" Miaka whined. She took three steps and tripped over a rock that wasn't there. "Owwieee…"
"Miaka?" Tamahome poked at her prostrate form.
"Tamahome…"
"Miaka…"
"Tamahome…"
It continued much like this, neither of them noticing that the forest floor under them was moving them to an entirely different location.
Suboshi grinned, leaning on the lever that controlled the Moving Forest Sidewalk of the Faeries. "Where shall we put them, brother?"
"Don't talk like that, Shun. It's scary."
"'Tisn't!"
"Shun, do you have the drugs?" Amiboshi straightened his mottled green robes, shaking off several layers of glitter.
"NOO! Aniki, you lost your glitter! Here, let me help you!" With a crazed look in his eyes, Suboshi fluttered a foot off the ground, ryuuseisui spinning. With a puff of air, a cloud of green glitter covered Amiboshi.
They were both faeries. But they didn't particularly care.
"Fellow fae! Show thyselves!" Amiboshi called merrily. Four rather reluctant and bedraggled people that could only pass minimally for faeries trudged into the clearing.
"Faerie roll call and glitter enhancement!" Suboshi shouted.
"Peasblossom!" Amiboshi shouted.
"THAT'S NOT MY %^$#ING NAME!!" Tasuki squalled. "What the hell kind of a pansy name is Peasblossom?! I'm not a faerie! I'm not I'm not I'm not!"
"He's here. Proceed with glitter." A cloud of amber glitter settled on Tasuki.
"Ahem. Cobweb!"
"Present, I'm afraid." Chiriko squinched his eyes shut as gold and silver glitter poofed above him.
"Mustardseed!"
"There's no point in denying it, is there?" Chichiri sighed and received blue glitter.
"And Moth!"
Mitsukake said nothing but was glittered in green. The look on his face suggested that he was slightly miffed.
"All right! It's time to make you suitably happy! In this forest we are renowned for our happy, perky faeries!" Amiboshi held up his happy drugs.
Chichiri and Chiriko smiled brightly and were passed up. Tasuki continued his tirade and was tranquilized. He flitted happily about the clearing for the next several hours, pretending to be a bunny and scared several passersby.
"Perhaps that was a little too happy. Oh, well."
Mitsukake was a special case.
"You look like you need to sing the Happy Faerie Song! Well, go ahead!"
Mitsukake did not sing.
Amiboshi darted around behind him, moved his mouth, and sang the Happy Faerie Song. The look on Mitsukake's face suggested that he was not happy.
"Um…aniki, why'd you do that?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time…"
"Now then, children…" Tomo struck a dramatic pose, his back to the four small children and Ashitare who were listening attentively. "We seem to have lost our school funding, so I will be your sole teacher from now on." He turned sharply, as to instill fear into the hearts of his minions…er, pupils. They blinked at him ignorantly.
"Of course, this means that there will be certain…changes in the way that this classroom works…" Tomo's arrogant pace took on a purposeful stride as he tapped a perfectly manicured fingernail against his chin.
"YOU!" he snapped, whirling on Gyokuran. "You will heretofore refer to me as 'O Amazing Godlike Keeper of Wisdom'!" Ashitare crashed a pair of cymbals together to emphasize Tomo's amazing-ness.
"Very good, very good. Now, as for you…" Tomo leaned menacingly toward Yuiren. "You shall address me as 'Most High and Wonderful Sensei, Without Whom I Would Never Survive'." Again, the crash of cymbals.
"Hai, sensei Tomo," Yuiren squeaked.
"On second thought, don't speak at all. I can't stand your voice. Chuei, you may address me as…the aforementioned title." Chuei nodded and began to scratch the rather long term of address in the dirt with a stick.
"Stop that at once!" Tomo snatched the stick away. "We are not funded enough for you to use this stick! Now then, on with the lesson…"
"Sensei Tomo?" Shunkei raised his hand.
"What is it, you miserable little…"
"What about me, sensei Tomo?"
Tomo's eyes narrowed. One could almost see the waves of evil tyranny shooting at poor Shunkei.
"From now on…" Tomo paused for dramatic effect. "Your name is Beppo."
Cymbals crashed.
Nakago was feeling petulant. He was a bored little Lord of the Faeries. Oh, sure, it was great to sparkle and flutter about on gossamer wings, but Seiryuu knew how boring it was not to be able to order anyone's execution.
Nakago frowned. He wanted to wear sparkly dresses and silken frocks. He knew he'd look prettier in them than Soi did. But the faerie tailors only giggled, even when he asked them comparatively nicely with a minimal amount of menace.
So, logically, he decided to steal them all. Every last one. Oh, not himself, he couldn't be bothered. He'd send his twin clowns.
And, for once and for all, he would be the prettiest thing in the forest.
END OF ACT--
"Noooo! Hotohori-samaaaa!!!" Nuriko tore through the forest, long hair fluttering, and nearly smacked Nakago off of his faerie throne. Nakago frowned.
Hotohori trotted through the forest rather obliviously. He struck dramatic poses at random, deciding on which was the most comfortable and showed off his luxurious olivine-brown tresses.
A fuzzy squirrel chittered at him from the branches of a tree. It's eyes were big, brown, and liquid, and was actually quite cute. It held out an acorn to the emperor in a friendly manner and squeaked at him to take the gift.
Hotohori smiled and reached out to accept it, but suddenly realized that he was much prettier than the squirrel and therefore under no conditions could accept any gifts. Nuriko suddenly burst out of nowhere and clung to Hotohori's leg for dear life. "MARRY ME, HOTOHORI-SAMA!!!! MARRY ME!!"
Hotohori blinked, wondering what the strange weight on his leg was. He shrugged and continued his stroll.
Nuriko whimpered and whined.
END OF ACT ONE
Bet you missed my note, huh? Nyah, nyah, you can't make me write one…review or I'll send Burt the Incontinent Weasel to pay you a little visit. Maybe.