Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters.

The Holes

What if… you took Edward out of the picture.

There would be Bella, not EdwardBella. Just Bella.

There would be a hole.

There would be a hole that Bella would try to climb into, and refuse to let shut. She couldn't fit; no one really could.

There would be Jacob. Jacob would try to fill the hole. Bella thought she was letting him try, but really she wasn't.

And while Bella was paying attention to the Edward-shaped hole, a Jacob-shaped hole would form. She wouldn't notice it, because Jacob was still there.

What if… Edward came back.

There would be EdwardBella.

There would be no Edward-shaped hole.

There wouldn't be any hole, in fact, because Jacob would still be there too.

But there would be two filled holes, two non-holes, competing for the same space.

There would be competition, and there would be winners, and there would be losers. Which one was Bella?

There would be distress, and there would be confusion. Bella had to pick a hole, and she felt she knew which one she should pick, but she was too afraid of having another hole.

So what if you took Jacob out of the picture?

There would be a Jacob-shaped hole, one that Bella would finally notice. It couldn't be filled. She tried to hide it behind Edward's non-hole, but she knew it was there. Every time she looked at Edward she saw Jacob's hole.

It was almost as bad as the time Edward left. No, actually it was worse. She had known how it felt to lose and to gain. But to lose again? That was even worse. If it happened a third time, then she'd have to start to think that it was a pattern.

Edward saw what the Jacob-hole was doing to Bella. He couldn't and didn't want to cover it up anymore. He couldn't and didn't want to compete for space near Bella. So he left… and took his hole with him. Always selfless, that one…

What if… Edward was out of the picture? Again.

There would be a hole, again, but a Jacob-shaped hole this time.

There would also be a non-hole. One that reminded Bella that there had once been a hole and once there had been an Edward to fill it.

There would be a Jacob-shaped hole, and Bella would fill it with regrets.

She would fill it with tears and agony and guilt and regrets.

Why was it so much harder this time?

When Edward had left, his hole had left an emptiness tinged with pained.

When Jacob left, he left behind everything. Every look, every touch, every smile that Bella had taken for granted was there glaring her in the face like a neon light.

If only Bella could forgive herself enough to let Jacob come back and fill his hole.

If only Jake could forgive Bella for being so hard on herself.

If only Bella had realized that there was still Bella, when the others left their holes and non-holes. Even when they were both there, there was still Bella. Still Bella, not just Bella.

If only she realized that she was filling her own hole.