Chapter 1
To be honest, I never would have expected my life to turn out like this. When I was younger, I seemed so happy and cheerful. Sure I would get sad sometimes, but what child doesn't? You get yelled at, you cry, maybe a punishment from you parents, but then its all over with. When I had first been asked, why did it stick? I was suddenly thrown into a world of thinking as I wanted to know the answer. I thought back to when it all happened. When the Shadow Man came into my life.
I had been 12 years old. It was November 19, 2014. My family was out of town visiting my grandparents. At this time, I had hit a strange nudge, and suddenly loved to wear male clothing, hanging out with the grown ups and teenagers, just loved to be free. I had recently gotten a new long board from my best friend who felt like a sister, Madison. Sometimes, I will admit, i got a bit bored up there, so i decided to bring it along with me. But something snapped in my little brother, Maddox. He loved to show off and prove he was some type of alpha, and would to embarrassing limits. He was kind enough to ask me politely if he may play with the long bored. I considered it. He had a bad habit of breaking my things. But i wasn't using it at the moment, and he had asked nicely. I agreed. Little did i know, it was a huge mistake. I let him play with it for a good hour or longer. But then i wanted to go to the skate park with my cousins. I requested the bored back. He refused. He kicked screamed, and embarrassed not only me but himself in front of all the kids at the house (a good 10 or so). I thought to myself, how can an 8 year old act so bratty? Suddenly, he yelled at me. I didn't know, NO ONE KNEW, that I had anxiety. But he triggered it, and i screamed back. Back and forth insults, mistakes from the past, and so many more hurtful things were thrown at each other. In the end, i gave up. "FINE! Go play with my stupid toy, jerk!" and stormed inside.
Now do realize, i was only a teenage girl. So like most girls 11-18 or somewhere in there, there are times when we loose our cool. But a 12 year old with a brother who hates her and has anxiety, well, it just doesn't mix well at all, like putting salt into cookie mix instead of sugar. I was the only kid in the house, alone and bored. Finally, the grown ups turned to me and smiled. "Go with them. Its just down the street. Colton is there, he will hang out with you. Kylee, your his favorite! Just go have fun." I guess I had seen their point. Colton was my best friend, my brother, my cousin, the one person who would hang out with me if i wanted to. Standing, i nodded and walked out the front door. But to this day, i wish i hadn't.
I walked up to the road, which was close enough to Main Street that i could see and hear the cars on the road. I took one step...and he held my hand. He grabbed me and held onto me until i was in the middle of the road, then stopped me. "Look at the cars, Kylee. Look at how fast they are going. Your brother hates you. Your nothing to him. Why stay if your no good to people? Just stand. Wait. It will end." he had whispered. My heart suddenly...left. I felt emptiness. Sadness, depression. I looked towards Main Street. I-If i stand here long enough, will a car hit me? Will it kill me? Would anyone care? ...No...they wouldn't...I want to die. But something hit me, and i looked towards the skate park, and suddenly, i felt my heart beating like mad. Something screamed RUN! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! I did. I ran, i ran until i found the park. But he still held my hand. I was about to wave to my cousins, when he held my arms down and muttered softly to me. "They would have noticed you by now, wouldn't they? If they cared about you, they would have stayed behind instead of leave you at the house by yourself. You are worth nothing. Nothing...nothing..." The words raced in my mind, and i turned away, walking behind some sheds. i sat, then tears rolled down my cheeks. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I SO UPSET, I WAS FINE! WHY DO I WANT TO DIE ALL OF A SUDDEN! Yanking out my phone, i called my friend, True. I waited and waited, but i was sent to voice mail. I went to call my mom. I wanted to go home.
He grabbed my hand, and put my phone in my pocket for me. He suddenly pulled me close, into an embrace, and said that with him, i would see better. i would understand. I would be noticed. I wanted all of that so badly, i nodded and curled up into a ball, telling him, YES. I want to see people better. I want to understand them. I wanted to be noticed. My cousin Tiana was the one who found me. Crying, telling myself that i was okay, i was fine.
But I wasn't.