I'm sitting in my room and staring at the giant fir trees in front of me. Jake is out, Hunting. I decided to stay here.
I close my eyes and immediately have the think about him and his abs. His absolute mouthwatering abs. The way his mussels move, his wide shoulders... „Stop it, Nessi!" Jake and I are just friends, but I know myself to good, I have a giant crush on him for months now but I'm afraid to ruin everything. Jacob is my best friend since the day I was born, literally and figuratively. He never left my side for just one day. He was always here.
As a child, I always wished for a sibling, even though I know it was impossible for my parents to have more kids. I could count myself lucky because I had Jake but sometimes I just wanted to talk to someone about Jake stuff whit out Jake. I could talk whit mom but wouldn't that be awkward? Since I know that Jake ones were in love whither. I know that was a long time ago. Neither mom nor Jake had a clue that I would one day show up in there lives so I was okay whit that, even though it still thinks it's a little bit weird tbh.
I hear heavy steps on the stairs. Jake is back. „Nessie?" asks Jake and knocks on my Door. It opens and he comes inside. I can see him in the reflection of the Window.
I moved out of the Cottage about a year ago, so Mom and Dad would have more time for themselves. I decided to move into Dads olds Room. It's small but the view is breathtaking. The kiss on the back of my head takes me back to here and now. „Earth to Nessie?" My eyes meet Jakes in the reflection. „Everything Okay?" his warm hands rest on my shoulders. „How was the hunt?" I ask „Huntie." he replies and laughs. „What did you do in the spare time I that was gone?" „I had lunch, took a shower, set her in my room." ... and thought about your abs. „I gonna go under the shower too." he informs me „Movie afterward?" „You can pick one this time, my turn was last week." „Okay." We recently made it to a tradition to watch a movie together, every time after we went out to hunt. He leaves the room and shortly afterward I can hear the shower start running downstairs. The thought of Jake, whit nothing on makes the room suddenly 10 degrees hotter.
Of course, I already saw Jake shirtless or only in shorts but... thinking about his naked, hot chest on mine, his wide arms embracing me. His soft lips. Not that I ever got to feel them on mine but I felt them on my forehead and cheeks. They are warm and full and so damm soft and every time I get surrounded by his smell.
Everyone hates it, it's smell like wet dog to them but for me, it means comfort and home. My heart aches in my chest. I want him so badly, whit every inch of my body. I want him around me, always but it hurts so much at the same time because I can't have Jake the way I want. I probably thought to tell him about my feelings a million times before but I'm so afraid, I don't even know why.
„You're still here?" Jake voice scares me for a second and my heart skips a beat. For how long was I daydreaming, he literally just left the room. He stands in the doorframe, his black hair is still wet. He walks towards me „Renesmee what going on?" if he calls me by my full name, then it must be really serious, he never calls me like that. Jake takes my face into his big, warm hands and forces me that way to look into his eyes. „Did I do or said something wrong? I can't help you if I don't know what's going on, I can't read your mind like your Dad, even though I wished I could sometimes." I wished to, then I wouldn't break my mind about how to tell you that I love you, Jake. „Nothing." I lie. „Nessie, you know that I can see in your eyes when you lie." that right, he is a master in detecting me. „I just have a lot on my mind." „Give me your hand." he loses one of his hands on my cheek. No!! If I give him my hand he will see all my thoughts. After I started crushing on him I stopped showing. „Please Ness, you haven't shown me your thoughts in weeks, I miss it." how badly I want to show him everything. „Please." his voice wasn't more than just a whisper and for a second it looks like he's about to kiss me. Just do it, goddammit, please Jake! My heart screams in pain. I'm holding my breath waiting for it, but nothing happens.
Then he suddenly loses his hands and steps back. No! He can't do that to me! My chest hurts, so bad that I can't breathe properly. „Let's go downstairs," he said it like nothing just happened between us. Like we didn't just almost kissed each other. He turns to the Door and walks out of the room.