o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(So blindingly obviously a crack fic, Itachi can see it!)
--
It was a hot day in Suna… duh, and Temari was hot, another duh.
"Kankuro! Get your pansy ass in here! Oh, bring Gaara too," she demanded in a demandingly demanding tone.
"Yes, sister dear? You demanded us?" Gaara asked, sand swirling in a swirly manner, as sand controlled by evil raccoon thingies do.
"Yes, I did. How much do you love me?"
"Before or after Shippuden?"
"What?"
"Never mind… Kage crap." Gaara shuffled away slightly.
"O..Kay…" (A/N: We love …'s)
"PAY ATTENTION!"
"Whatever you want, I don't love you enough."
"Shut up Mr. I-wear-a-black-bodysuit-in-the-freaking-DESERT!"
"Sorry…" Kankuro picked at his clothes… that were, surprisingly, black! (A/N: OMFGWAFFLES!)
"I need you both to fan me… with this." Temari handed them her GIGANTIC, MASSIVE, UBER BIG fan… of doom.
"Why don't you plug the automatic fan into the wall?"
"Too much work."
"That pineapple is rubbing off on you."
"JUST DO IT!!"
"I think she's PMS-ing," Kankuro whispered, all ninja style… and crap
"What's that?" Gaara asked.
"Don't worry…"
And so! Kankuro used his big, girly muscles to wave the fan in the air like an idiot, effectively cooling Temari down. Gaara, however, was lifted up in the air every time Kankuro waved said fan.
"Oh My GOD! I'm off the ground!" Gaara screamed. "Oh MY GOD! I'm off the ground again! OH MY FREAKING GOD! GET ME OFF THIS RIDE! MUMMY!!!!!"
'You're on your own, brat!'
"SHUKAKU SAVE MEEEEEE! GAARA'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!!!"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(In the Town… of Suna!)
"Is that birdie?"
"No, it's a planie!"
"NO! IT'S GAARA!!... ie…"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(Not in the Town… of Suna)
"Oh My God! I see my house from here!" Gaara shouted, flying allllll the way to Konoha.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(In Konoha… not Suna)
"I have received Kankuro mail, saying that Gaara is blasting his way over here… I don't know what that means, but EXPECT THE KAZEKAGE-SAMA… person… dude… ie." Tsunade said in her womanly way… aka, she demanded it in a demandingly demanding tone of voice.
"Hokay!"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(In mid-air… sorta in Suna… but not really)
"Go fish."
'Stupid brat.'
"Do joo has a seven?"
'Nooooooo…?'
"Shukaku…"
'Fine…'
"I WIN AGAIN!"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(Back in Konoha… not Suna… Konoha)
"Why my youthful Neji, is that not Gaara?" Lee said in all his fancy youthfulness and green spandex… ness.
"Yes Lee, it is… he apparently learnt how to fly… and play 'Go Fish'…"
o-o-o-o
(In Mid-air… like RIGHT above Neji and Lee. We're not in Suna OR Konoha… We're in Neji-land, where the Main family dance like Llamas for free on Friday nights and yaoi is LAW!)
"OH MY GOD! Neji, LIKE, HI! I LUB JOOOOOOOO!" Gaara cried as he heroically flew… into a tree…
o-o-o-o
(On the ground… in Neji-land)
"Oh god… Gaara are you okay?" Neji checked his boyfriend… thoroughly… Lee enjoyed it.
"Teach me to fly, Gaara-sama!" Lee cried… youthfully!
"Go piss off Temari."
"Okay!"
"He's sooooooo dead…"
"Neji!"
"Damn, Lee is back…"
"I want to throw you off a cliff into a sea of sharp pointy objects, like thorns, broken glass, a woman's tongue, samurai swords, kunai and Sakura plushies!"
"Uh… okay… WAIT WHAT?!?" Neji was picked up by a youthful Lee and thrown off said cliff. Neji screamed like the manly woman he was and managed to land on the only piece of mattress in the entire valley of sharp pointy things.
"Fuck… DON'T DO THAT!" Neji pouted. (A/N: One of us just didn't want Neji to die… hehehehe)
"Let's do that again!"
"Let's not… I need him alive," Gaara said, using sand to pull Neji up and magically teleport them to Konoha.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
(Kono-Suna)(Konoha)
"Hello Kazekage!"
"Yo, my bitches, how's it hangin'? Yo pimp masta is in the hiz house."
"Uh…"
"Ignore him."
"WE'RE HAPPY LITTLE VEGIMITES AS BRIGHT AS BRIGHT CAN BE!"
"GAARA! SHUT UP OR NO SEX FOR A WEEK!" Needless to say, Gaara shut up.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(SUNA! YAY!)
"Kankuro! FAN FASTER!"
"Yes, Temari…"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
(Konoha)
Neji sat all alone in the forest, activating his Byakugan and counting birds… as you do…
In the silence, he FINALLY counted eight birds. "Oh, yeah, I'm made of Awesome." Only to realize there were nine birds and he wasn't allowed to feed them… according to the massive sign that took over most of the forest.
"Neji-KUN!" Gaara jumped into Neji's arms. "I WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU! I WANNA DIE LYING IN YOUR ARMS!" With that Gaara died and Neji cried… then Gaara came back and hot steamy man sex followed!
The End… THANK GOD!
(Beta's note: o.O That was disturbing on sooo many levels! I think my brain died somewhere after the second line! But…It was funny…Right?)
(Asylum: In my defence it was late at night and there was something in that Canadian Phone Yaoi Nana Tea… Don't ask, please don't, it hurts to remember.)