Some things are best left unsaid, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

flashback. ' ' thoughts " " talking ( ) extra little notes

Duo seemed oddly tense, Quatre observed mentally. Maybe it was because of Heero's latest escapade on suicide that finally drove the Deathscythe pilot to near insanity (if it was at all possible for Duo to get any more insane)

He paced back and forth with a resolve in his eyes and his long braid swung back and forth in an odd rhythm with his walk and Quatre over heard him mumbling "Oh my god Heero! Why'd you do that? You selfish son of a-"

"Duo, will you sit down???" Wufei finally asked getting annoyed. "We're all worried but you're not making things any better for us."

"Sorry Wu-man.." He replied sitting down near Quatre, but not even then could he sit still, he fidgeted nervously in his seat, chewing absentmindedly on his braid. He remembered everything that happened not two hours ago, it was burned into his fragile mind like fire to a piece of thin paper. The sight of Heero's totaled Gundam falling to the ground, then the blood curdling scream from Heero as he was crushed in between. 'It must be hurting pretty bad for him to scream like that.' Duo thought bitterly as he rushed over to the Wing Zero.

"Heero?? Heero buddy! You still alive in there??" Duo called in a desperate attempt. He was answered with a loud painful groan from the wreckage. There was no one to help him help Heero since he was the only one that decided to follow the suicidal fool.

Duo dug through the wreckage in a sort of aimless manner, sure he was looking for Heero, but would he actually be able to find him in this mess of Gundanium and blood? Duo removed a rather large piece away and noticed Heero's arm, his bloody fingers were twitching, so either he had just died or he was still just barely alive. A deep dread set in Duo's heart as he kept digging through the rubble. After getting at least about halfway of Heero's body uncovered Duo finally decided he should try pulling. He gently but firmly grabbed the Japanese boy around the chest and struggled as he tried to pry him loose. 'No way in hell are you gonna die like this!!' Duo thought to himself with deep anger for what his friend had done. Finally both of the boys went flying back and Heero landed lifelessly on Duo's chest once they hit ground. Duo gave a quick gasp from loss of air so quickly and Heero coughed violently a small trail of crimson blood trickled out of the side of his mouth as he lay there.

It was completely unnerving to Duo to see Heero this way. The normally "I'm gonna kill you" Heero Yuy was gone; in his place was a bloody shell. A mere ghost compared to the Heero Duo called his friend. The other boys in the silent hospital hallway watched as Duo's face twitched in a frightening manner. This only meant one thing to the others...Duo was deep in thought... (Scary huh?)

'I'm gonna get those bastards for you buddy......I'm not sure how yet, but I'll get them....I don't even know who I'm supposed to kill in revenge...' Duo thought as he almost started crying. But held back. 'The Shinigami doesn't cry.....then if I cry...I'm not who I thought I was....' Tears began to fall down his cheeks, he couldn't stop it, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop from crying. "I'm not Shinigami...." He replied softly.

Quatre put an arm around him and drew him close. "Duo, its okay. Calm down. Even the Shinigami is allowed to cry..."

"The God of death doesn't cry when a life is taken, nor when he takes a life.....if that's so...then why.." He replied touching his tears with his hand.

"You're more human than you think you are." Quatre replied softly.

Duo looked at him his violet eyes filled with uninvited tears. "I don't want him to die......." He said sadly.

"None of us do. Duo, none of us do..." Trowa said softly his voice actually sounding sad.

Duo sat on the bathroom tile floor, slowly moving the sharp side of the blade back and forth a few centimeters above his wrist. "Should I do it...?" He asked himself. His body acted before he was finished speaking and he pressed a corner into flesh, penetrating through his skin, tearing his veins as he professionally guided the razor across. Crimson red swelled out of his gash and rolled melodically down until it splashed in a scarlet pool on the cold ceramic. Duo watched with slight interest, he didn't care about anything anymore, His best friend...more than likely dead, His family was taken from him years ago, and Deathscythe hell was Destroyed....again.... 'What if Heero was still alive? What would he say if he saw me dead?' Duo thought, but quickly smothered it with reality. "My life can't be lived on what ifs anymore.....no one else was there.....they didn't see him like I did....." He said as he half cried and made another cut into his bare flesh, which was now covered in the blood from his first sin. "I'm sorry Heero......I just can't live without you here......I need you Heero.....The Shinigami can't live a life on might's and what ifs...I need truth...You're the only one who gave that to me Heero...." The American said softly as he crawled to another part of the large bathroom, then he sat down. "I can't live a lie anymore Heero...." Then Duo gently smeared the warm crimson onto his index finger then put it to the floor, and began to write out his soul onto the tile. "I'm so sorry Heero.....Please forgive me..." He cried as he continued to spell out words and stanzas.

Heero sat down on the couch, holding onto a picture, the scene that had happened just last year. He remembered barely anything about it, but the one thing he knew was that Duo was taken from him on that day, His best friend had disappeared.

Heero had tears in his eyes as he looked at the worn photograph; he kept it in his wallet; Even if it was a vividly graphic reminder of Duo's last moments, it had him lying on the floor next to his last words, written in his own blood. Quatre had been kind enough to copy what Duo had written onto paper so Heero could read it when he felt better. Heero put the photograph back into his wallet and from behind it he pulled out a folded piece of paper, unfolded it and read the words he'd read so many times before. He'd memorized the words and read it aloud to the air that held his tears.

"Blood drips freely,

An agonizing scream,

I watched you helplessly,

But I remembered,