Setting: (Lights up on an apparently empty platform. The air surrounding it
is thick and hot; one can almost suffocate on the humidity. Most of this is
due to the extravagant lights decked out across any and all sides of the
platform. Some sixty-two stage lights of all various shapes and sizes are
strewn about, all directed at the mercilessly gray platform. Spaces not
occupied by lights are filled with rampant wires, metal jacks, plugs and a
multitude of multiple eyes. The glowing lenses, eyes in the dark, wander
around the tacit stage with a smooth tranquility. Up, down, up and down,
the lenses peer about the peeling, cracked gray stage; never ceasing, they
continue their roundabout motions, passing between each other seemingly
unawares. Suddenly, the gray of the stage is enveloped in a deep red as an
intricately woven carpet finds its way onto the mass. Perhaps led by an
invisible army of hands and muscle, the carpet is followed by two luxurious
wood chairs, a mammoth satin couch in the late Victorian style, four peach-
colored planks placed about in a fashion as to resemble a wall along three
sides of the platform, and of course, cushions galore. The final touches: a
fake window with luminous white drapes overlooking a fake terrace which
holds a depiction of a beautiful scene including a sparkling white city and
a flurry of smiling citizens. The citizens, the city, all are alive. Yet,
all do not exist. A hologram. A rosewood table finds its way to the center
of the now elaborately decorated platform. A vase of odd flowers
(genetically engineered beauties?) apparently completes the picture. No. A
last (truly the last this time) item has yet to be added. A flag, its
bright red matching the carpet, is hoisted above the window. A dark
insignia fills a white circle, the only break in the decided red of the
flag. And here come the players, here come the entertainers. The first, a
tall imposing figure with dark, short hair. His black eyes are dull, but
only serve to hide a sharp mind. His black uniform highlighted both by the
bright lights surrounding him and the gold bird adorning his chest, almost
absorbs the rest of his features. His black boots 'click' as he passes from
reality to the stage, he takes his place within the confines of the left
wooden chair. The second figure, short and lean, she barely seems able to
fit into her suit. Much akin to her hair, her dark auburn outfit (the norm
for most newscasters of her time) is disheveled, unorganized, and quite
short. Her only pure feature is that of her piercing, dark green eyes. She
appears alien among the lush surroundings as she takes her place in the
second wooden chair. A hand appears in the last spot of darkness within the
never-ending stream of lights surrounding the stage. Utilizing its fingers,
it counts down: five, four, three…)
1(Our darkly dressed male participant): Good Morning 2.
2(Our distinctively clad female participant): Good Morning 1.
Both: And Good Morning Zeon!
1: We're happy to be broadcasting to you today directly from the friendly confines of the Royal Chancery, here in glorious Side 3, where it's always sunny…
2: …and every citizen is ready and willing, mostly.
1: Of course. Today we will be covering recent events in the news, analyzing some of the various aspects that make life in Side 3 better than any other place in the galaxy and answering just a few of the questions you might have about the specifics of the war on Terra.
2: All that and your thoughts, today on Good Morning Zeon!
(Theme music, a medley of militaristic tunes with what appears to be a crank and grind organ meshing out the melody to Yellow Rose of Texas.)
1: First, the news. Quelling the recent barrage of rumors and misinformation being circulated, the admirable Archduke Degin Zabi spoke to crowds today from the terrace of his majesty's royal residence. The matter at hand mainly concerned some apparently "indecent" photographs of the sovereign that have recently shown up on Gaia/net sites on many different servers. Originally owing the pictures to Earth Federal Intelligence efforts to discredit his majesty, there now appears to have been an abrupt about face by the concerned parties. Though he spoke for only a few minutes, the Archduke made it perfectly clear that those incidents which may or may not have happened, if they did happen, occurred when he was young and not yet omnipotent. Therefore, any possible photos he may have shot for any possible magazine should not be taking into context when assuming actual hobbies or sexual preference, and should likewise have no bearings on his abilities as a dictator.
2: The pictures can currently be seen…well, just about everywhere thanks to Federal hackers. The Bureau of Decency in Animation wishes all parents to restrict their child's access to their local hub until ravelers can fully repair the damage. Speaking of the net, did you know now that almost 60% of the known galaxy purchases their equipment on-line?
1: Why no I didn't! And my, oh my, is that a new coat?
2: Why yes it is 1, and boy is it comfortable.
1: But, I didn't think they made coats like that anymore.
2: They don't. But that doesn't prevent Blazer's from carrying them. You can get almost anything from Blazer's that the universe of fashion has thrown out the death hole. From slacks to loose-fitting shirts for females, it's all there. And there's no better place to find what you want than at Blazer's on-line emporium. Fast, cheap, and did I mention the incredible safety of the Gaia/net. So what are you waiting for? Blaze on down to Blazer's.
1: Just think of it, a store filled the useless relics from the twenty- second century…I'm excited just thinking about it. (silence.) In further news…
2: Strategists at Divine Command Central unveiled their newest and perhaps boldest plan for the eventual invasion of the Earth. While reports at this time are indeed sketchy, a prepared correspondence from the Ministry of Truth and Lies allows us to tell you without a doubt "it will involve lots and lots of cool stuff, plenty of killing and explosions and no one will be spared." The message ends with various forms of hysterical laughter.
1: With us today is a very special guest. An important part of our Special- Operations forces now circling that great dirtball in the heavens, he speaks with us today utilizing satellite technology.
2: Satellite use courtesy of CombatSat. CombatSat operators are standing by 24/7, ready for a small price and a bit of your time to give you the amazing power to find, locate and terminate anyone or anything in a 300 million kilometer radius. CombatSat, reach out and kill somebody.
1: Because of the nature of our militant buddy here, we're not allowed to actually give his name. Let's just call him Faceless Extra, to aid in the conversation.
Clueless: Hello Everybody!
Both: Hello Faceless Extra.
1: Mr. Extra, let me just start out by saying thank you for appearing on our show.
Clueless: Well, I was pretty desperate to get word to my family before I died.
2: What a warrior! Ready to claim victory for our nation and he's still able to find a place in his mind for family.
1: And to think that Earth propaganda would go to say he eats his young. This is truly a proud moment for the family of this stalwart soldier. So tell me Mr. Extra, from what you've been able to witness, what can you tell us here about the strategy involved in this invasion.
Clueless: Strategy?
2: Ha Ha, what a kidder! Can you enlighten the public as to your plan of action?
Clueless: Your flying right past me here. What the hell are you talking about?
1: Ha Ha, a mile a minute, now come on. What's going on down there, really?
Clueless: …Oh, you mean…right, of course. Well the way we see it here the enemy's got the planet locked down tight.
2: Right.
Clueless: So we figured we could push past those annoying Fedi cruisers.
1: Amazing, how will you do it.
Clueless: Well, if we can get it so they don't fire on us, then we won't have a problem. So we figured, "hey, those cruiser gunners gotta be pretty moral guys and all. I mean, who in the name of all things holy is evil enough to fire on small forest creatures. You'd have to be possessed by some sort of demonic presence or something. So we just covered the old Zaku II's with puppies, squirrels, chipmunks, small children, midgets and the like. Tied 'em all on and just tried jetting right past those warships like there was no tomorrow.
1: Brilliant, absolutely ingenious.
Clueless: That's what I thought…but it, uh, didn't exactly work out that way. I mean, they firing on us anyway! Oh Crap! I'm gonna die, I swear if I get outta this I will never touch another tiny creature…whoa! You missed me ya' figgin sons a…Ahhh! Missed me again…take that, and that…ohhh, you got Mr. Heat Hawk glowing red…that means he's excited, he'd like to meet your ship up, establish close relations and all…HEY! You could not hit the broad side of a….static.
2: We seem to have lost transmission due to, uh, technical difficulties.
1: Damn solar flares.
2: To think, the Earth Federation trains their gunners to hit small animals. Why, it's simply immoral.
1: An absolute travesty. Well, Just another federation massacre to add to the growing list. And you saw it first here folks this one is actually genuine. It's reassuring however to know that you live in a rotating cylinder where animal rights are as closely followed as the anti-pollution laws. (silence, followed by nervous laughter.)
2: But seriously folks, we only use larger, less cute animals for weapons testing programs, nothing like you've witnessed today. This just in: Our forces encircling the globe have been destro-, er, have disappeared.
1: What!?
2: (nudging 1) Yes, that's right. Strike teams Carnivore, Lima, and Uziel have mysteriously gone missing, having disappeared from radar only moments after beginning what those at Divine Command Central have dubbed a "flawless plan" to land forces across Western Europe. Officials have clamped down on further details, but it's safe to assume some more of that old Federation black magic may have been involved.
1: Darn those Satanists in the Federal Senate, they're always about conjuring up the peskiest of demons and momentary time/space fluxes. It is just infuriating.
2: No need to fall out you seat worrying, as forces saw success across the North American continent, along the Asian perimeter and even in Africa and Australia. That's four out of five, and according to the government, that aint' half-bad. However, if you or anyone you know has seen strike forces Carnivore, Lima and Uziel, please notify the Investigative facility closest to you, or call the number flashing on the screen.
1: I think that's enough new for one day.
2: For one week I've had enough. Next up, today's winning LUCK-O numbers, Imagine That with Sparky, and Good Morning Zeon to the rescue as we accept your calls.
1: Hey 2, you look thirsty.
2: Why yes I am.
1: Might I recommend some holylicious Hebrew Cola? Hebrew Cola, God's chosen drink. No matter where you are or how bad things are, Hebrew Cola has the refreshingly forgiving taste to make it all feel so righteous. Good taste in an environmentally safe container, that's Hebrew Cola's covenant with you.
2: Wow, it just makes me want to give hallelujah for sodas everywhere. Moving on. Today's lucky LUCK-O numbers are: 1-2-3-4-5, that's 1-2-3-4-5. If you've won then don't panic, just head on down to your local military recruitment station where you can go accept your prize.
1: Oh No, I won!
2: Today's prize, in keeping with tradition, is the same as it is every day. That's right you lucky cardholders, you've just won a year's free service with the Zeon military. See the galaxy, be a part of a team, wield the mightiest of technologies, enjoy the fresh air of Earth. And just in case you happen to forget you're a winner, advanced computers will remember for you. These devices will automatically send a trio of "Prize persons" to take you to your local recruitment center for you.
1: But I don't want to go!
(A trio of armed M.P.s burst into the studio, dragging one away kicking and screaming)
2: That's the thing about LUCK-O, everybody's a winner! Now it's time for today's Good Morning Zeon Quick-poll. Just log onto your Gaia/net server, keywords Good Morning to cast your vote. Today's question: Is the principality of Zeon good or evil? Log on, now. Now, for those with a flair for the metallic, here's our very own Sparky with a word on current mobile suit technology.
Sparky: I don't know about you, but when it comes to a war of originality the Fedis got us licked. While our suits seem to employ the dry, uni- colored look, the Federation's new mobile suits utilize a veritable rainbow of awesome colors when churning out military vehicles. Sure, our own M.S. paint jobs aren't exactly a bad fit (if you're into camouflage and all that stuff) but where's the flare? I mean, when an Rx-78 walks into an area, you know its there. It might be because of all the weapons, maybe even all the killing, but the way I see it…it's the decals. Hey, I'm no enemy of argument. You could say that our own bland mobile looks have a lot to do with the need to blend in with our surroundings. Surprise attacks and all. But is that really what we want to say to the galaxy? Our forces are so scared they have to hide. The Federation military has got a team of artists working around the clock to give the world something new to talk about on their Gundam, and that's the machine that is going to see some magazine covers. Now, I'm no tactician, but one has to wonder if the paint job doesn't have something to do with the units fighting record. I mean, all Gundams aside, our own Char Anzable has his own trademark and original colors about him and just look at his achievements. I mean, who's to say Char's not just another schmuck in a Mobile Suit? What makes him a winner is that amazing pink that keeps the rest of the Universe saying: "Who is that killing me? I know, it's Char Anzable!" So keep your green and blue and dark brown I say, move on and use some artistic talent. Make this war a showcase of the amazing abilities of all of Side 3's citizens, even the Bohemians. Now I know there's no telling if such a drastic change could actually win this armed conflict business or not, but in this commentators opinion…it couldn't hurt.
2: Sparky, with the latest in Mobile Suit warfare everyone. Now the results of today's Quick-poll: Is the Grand Duchy good or evil? Is the Federation right, and are we just acting silly about this whole war of independence thing? What a complicated question. There are so many facets to it. Well, 99.9% of you chose the right answer. As it turns out, we are actually good. I don't know about you, but that sure is a relief to my conscience. Now for those of you who chose the wrong answer, take heart. A trio of government officials are on their way to educate you as to why your decision was so wrong. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Up next, cooking never became so fractious or funny; it's that big guy with an equally big palate, get ready for Dozle Does Chinese, coming next.
(1 bursts back in, his appearance now disorderly to the point of resembling 2)
2: Well what a surprise. I thought you'd be on a one-way flight to Solomon by now.
1: Your telling me! Luckily it turned out to all be a misunderstanding. My card actually belonged to my mother; I just accidentally switched with my own this morning.
2: Oh, how nice. (whispering.) You still live with that banshee?
1: Not anymore. Now she's on her way to the front, and I've got one extra room in the house. Free at last, free at last!
2: Ah, yes, because here at Side 3 we're all about freedom, all sorts of freedom existing within the boundaries of good taste, and patriotism.
1: That's right 2. Oh, now we've gone way over time…until next time, Sieg Zeon 2!
2: Sieg Zeon 1!
1(Our darkly dressed male participant): Good Morning 2.
2(Our distinctively clad female participant): Good Morning 1.
Both: And Good Morning Zeon!
1: We're happy to be broadcasting to you today directly from the friendly confines of the Royal Chancery, here in glorious Side 3, where it's always sunny…
2: …and every citizen is ready and willing, mostly.
1: Of course. Today we will be covering recent events in the news, analyzing some of the various aspects that make life in Side 3 better than any other place in the galaxy and answering just a few of the questions you might have about the specifics of the war on Terra.
2: All that and your thoughts, today on Good Morning Zeon!
(Theme music, a medley of militaristic tunes with what appears to be a crank and grind organ meshing out the melody to Yellow Rose of Texas.)
1: First, the news. Quelling the recent barrage of rumors and misinformation being circulated, the admirable Archduke Degin Zabi spoke to crowds today from the terrace of his majesty's royal residence. The matter at hand mainly concerned some apparently "indecent" photographs of the sovereign that have recently shown up on Gaia/net sites on many different servers. Originally owing the pictures to Earth Federal Intelligence efforts to discredit his majesty, there now appears to have been an abrupt about face by the concerned parties. Though he spoke for only a few minutes, the Archduke made it perfectly clear that those incidents which may or may not have happened, if they did happen, occurred when he was young and not yet omnipotent. Therefore, any possible photos he may have shot for any possible magazine should not be taking into context when assuming actual hobbies or sexual preference, and should likewise have no bearings on his abilities as a dictator.
2: The pictures can currently be seen…well, just about everywhere thanks to Federal hackers. The Bureau of Decency in Animation wishes all parents to restrict their child's access to their local hub until ravelers can fully repair the damage. Speaking of the net, did you know now that almost 60% of the known galaxy purchases their equipment on-line?
1: Why no I didn't! And my, oh my, is that a new coat?
2: Why yes it is 1, and boy is it comfortable.
1: But, I didn't think they made coats like that anymore.
2: They don't. But that doesn't prevent Blazer's from carrying them. You can get almost anything from Blazer's that the universe of fashion has thrown out the death hole. From slacks to loose-fitting shirts for females, it's all there. And there's no better place to find what you want than at Blazer's on-line emporium. Fast, cheap, and did I mention the incredible safety of the Gaia/net. So what are you waiting for? Blaze on down to Blazer's.
1: Just think of it, a store filled the useless relics from the twenty- second century…I'm excited just thinking about it. (silence.) In further news…
2: Strategists at Divine Command Central unveiled their newest and perhaps boldest plan for the eventual invasion of the Earth. While reports at this time are indeed sketchy, a prepared correspondence from the Ministry of Truth and Lies allows us to tell you without a doubt "it will involve lots and lots of cool stuff, plenty of killing and explosions and no one will be spared." The message ends with various forms of hysterical laughter.
1: With us today is a very special guest. An important part of our Special- Operations forces now circling that great dirtball in the heavens, he speaks with us today utilizing satellite technology.
2: Satellite use courtesy of CombatSat. CombatSat operators are standing by 24/7, ready for a small price and a bit of your time to give you the amazing power to find, locate and terminate anyone or anything in a 300 million kilometer radius. CombatSat, reach out and kill somebody.
1: Because of the nature of our militant buddy here, we're not allowed to actually give his name. Let's just call him Faceless Extra, to aid in the conversation.
Clueless: Hello Everybody!
Both: Hello Faceless Extra.
1: Mr. Extra, let me just start out by saying thank you for appearing on our show.
Clueless: Well, I was pretty desperate to get word to my family before I died.
2: What a warrior! Ready to claim victory for our nation and he's still able to find a place in his mind for family.
1: And to think that Earth propaganda would go to say he eats his young. This is truly a proud moment for the family of this stalwart soldier. So tell me Mr. Extra, from what you've been able to witness, what can you tell us here about the strategy involved in this invasion.
Clueless: Strategy?
2: Ha Ha, what a kidder! Can you enlighten the public as to your plan of action?
Clueless: Your flying right past me here. What the hell are you talking about?
1: Ha Ha, a mile a minute, now come on. What's going on down there, really?
Clueless: …Oh, you mean…right, of course. Well the way we see it here the enemy's got the planet locked down tight.
2: Right.
Clueless: So we figured we could push past those annoying Fedi cruisers.
1: Amazing, how will you do it.
Clueless: Well, if we can get it so they don't fire on us, then we won't have a problem. So we figured, "hey, those cruiser gunners gotta be pretty moral guys and all. I mean, who in the name of all things holy is evil enough to fire on small forest creatures. You'd have to be possessed by some sort of demonic presence or something. So we just covered the old Zaku II's with puppies, squirrels, chipmunks, small children, midgets and the like. Tied 'em all on and just tried jetting right past those warships like there was no tomorrow.
1: Brilliant, absolutely ingenious.
Clueless: That's what I thought…but it, uh, didn't exactly work out that way. I mean, they firing on us anyway! Oh Crap! I'm gonna die, I swear if I get outta this I will never touch another tiny creature…whoa! You missed me ya' figgin sons a…Ahhh! Missed me again…take that, and that…ohhh, you got Mr. Heat Hawk glowing red…that means he's excited, he'd like to meet your ship up, establish close relations and all…HEY! You could not hit the broad side of a….static.
2: We seem to have lost transmission due to, uh, technical difficulties.
1: Damn solar flares.
2: To think, the Earth Federation trains their gunners to hit small animals. Why, it's simply immoral.
1: An absolute travesty. Well, Just another federation massacre to add to the growing list. And you saw it first here folks this one is actually genuine. It's reassuring however to know that you live in a rotating cylinder where animal rights are as closely followed as the anti-pollution laws. (silence, followed by nervous laughter.)
2: But seriously folks, we only use larger, less cute animals for weapons testing programs, nothing like you've witnessed today. This just in: Our forces encircling the globe have been destro-, er, have disappeared.
1: What!?
2: (nudging 1) Yes, that's right. Strike teams Carnivore, Lima, and Uziel have mysteriously gone missing, having disappeared from radar only moments after beginning what those at Divine Command Central have dubbed a "flawless plan" to land forces across Western Europe. Officials have clamped down on further details, but it's safe to assume some more of that old Federation black magic may have been involved.
1: Darn those Satanists in the Federal Senate, they're always about conjuring up the peskiest of demons and momentary time/space fluxes. It is just infuriating.
2: No need to fall out you seat worrying, as forces saw success across the North American continent, along the Asian perimeter and even in Africa and Australia. That's four out of five, and according to the government, that aint' half-bad. However, if you or anyone you know has seen strike forces Carnivore, Lima and Uziel, please notify the Investigative facility closest to you, or call the number flashing on the screen.
1: I think that's enough new for one day.
2: For one week I've had enough. Next up, today's winning LUCK-O numbers, Imagine That with Sparky, and Good Morning Zeon to the rescue as we accept your calls.
1: Hey 2, you look thirsty.
2: Why yes I am.
1: Might I recommend some holylicious Hebrew Cola? Hebrew Cola, God's chosen drink. No matter where you are or how bad things are, Hebrew Cola has the refreshingly forgiving taste to make it all feel so righteous. Good taste in an environmentally safe container, that's Hebrew Cola's covenant with you.
2: Wow, it just makes me want to give hallelujah for sodas everywhere. Moving on. Today's lucky LUCK-O numbers are: 1-2-3-4-5, that's 1-2-3-4-5. If you've won then don't panic, just head on down to your local military recruitment station where you can go accept your prize.
1: Oh No, I won!
2: Today's prize, in keeping with tradition, is the same as it is every day. That's right you lucky cardholders, you've just won a year's free service with the Zeon military. See the galaxy, be a part of a team, wield the mightiest of technologies, enjoy the fresh air of Earth. And just in case you happen to forget you're a winner, advanced computers will remember for you. These devices will automatically send a trio of "Prize persons" to take you to your local recruitment center for you.
1: But I don't want to go!
(A trio of armed M.P.s burst into the studio, dragging one away kicking and screaming)
2: That's the thing about LUCK-O, everybody's a winner! Now it's time for today's Good Morning Zeon Quick-poll. Just log onto your Gaia/net server, keywords Good Morning to cast your vote. Today's question: Is the principality of Zeon good or evil? Log on, now. Now, for those with a flair for the metallic, here's our very own Sparky with a word on current mobile suit technology.
Sparky: I don't know about you, but when it comes to a war of originality the Fedis got us licked. While our suits seem to employ the dry, uni- colored look, the Federation's new mobile suits utilize a veritable rainbow of awesome colors when churning out military vehicles. Sure, our own M.S. paint jobs aren't exactly a bad fit (if you're into camouflage and all that stuff) but where's the flare? I mean, when an Rx-78 walks into an area, you know its there. It might be because of all the weapons, maybe even all the killing, but the way I see it…it's the decals. Hey, I'm no enemy of argument. You could say that our own bland mobile looks have a lot to do with the need to blend in with our surroundings. Surprise attacks and all. But is that really what we want to say to the galaxy? Our forces are so scared they have to hide. The Federation military has got a team of artists working around the clock to give the world something new to talk about on their Gundam, and that's the machine that is going to see some magazine covers. Now, I'm no tactician, but one has to wonder if the paint job doesn't have something to do with the units fighting record. I mean, all Gundams aside, our own Char Anzable has his own trademark and original colors about him and just look at his achievements. I mean, who's to say Char's not just another schmuck in a Mobile Suit? What makes him a winner is that amazing pink that keeps the rest of the Universe saying: "Who is that killing me? I know, it's Char Anzable!" So keep your green and blue and dark brown I say, move on and use some artistic talent. Make this war a showcase of the amazing abilities of all of Side 3's citizens, even the Bohemians. Now I know there's no telling if such a drastic change could actually win this armed conflict business or not, but in this commentators opinion…it couldn't hurt.
2: Sparky, with the latest in Mobile Suit warfare everyone. Now the results of today's Quick-poll: Is the Grand Duchy good or evil? Is the Federation right, and are we just acting silly about this whole war of independence thing? What a complicated question. There are so many facets to it. Well, 99.9% of you chose the right answer. As it turns out, we are actually good. I don't know about you, but that sure is a relief to my conscience. Now for those of you who chose the wrong answer, take heart. A trio of government officials are on their way to educate you as to why your decision was so wrong. Well, that's all the time we have for today. Up next, cooking never became so fractious or funny; it's that big guy with an equally big palate, get ready for Dozle Does Chinese, coming next.
(1 bursts back in, his appearance now disorderly to the point of resembling 2)
2: Well what a surprise. I thought you'd be on a one-way flight to Solomon by now.
1: Your telling me! Luckily it turned out to all be a misunderstanding. My card actually belonged to my mother; I just accidentally switched with my own this morning.
2: Oh, how nice. (whispering.) You still live with that banshee?
1: Not anymore. Now she's on her way to the front, and I've got one extra room in the house. Free at last, free at last!
2: Ah, yes, because here at Side 3 we're all about freedom, all sorts of freedom existing within the boundaries of good taste, and patriotism.
1: That's right 2. Oh, now we've gone way over time…until next time, Sieg Zeon 2!
2: Sieg Zeon 1!