It's occurred recently to me that I've written so many one-shots and collections that were borderline crack for Kuro and Ghost Hunt, but not a single one is actually a crack.
SO.
Your reward as faithful readers and members of the Kuroshitsuji fandom.
***Also, for those who do not ship a certain ship (*cough* SEBACIEL *cough*), I will write in the chapter link names whether or not they contain said ship at an extreme level. Be forewarned, because it will be hinted at a lot and if it isn't too bad, there will be no label to keep you from reading those chapters.***
So, without further ado, I present to you:
Black Butler CRACK!
Enjoy!
Chapter 1: From the Chandelier
The Earl Ciel Phantomhive was sitting at his desk in his study, the chair propped to face out the window instead of its normal position. He was staring out the bay window, admiring the rainbow roses that had been in their rows of the garden for so long. He had to admit, they were his favourite.
He strained his ears to hear the sound of a gloved hand knocking on the wooden door to the room, but heard nothing. Ciel sat for a moment longer, seeing if the noise was just a few seconds late or something.
But yet again, nothing sounded from the door.
Ciel became angry and stood to check outside in the hall. This time of day is exactly when Sebastian comes to bring him tea. Why in the hell was he late?!
Ciel slammed the door open and was about to look around when he realized that the thing he was looking for was right in front of him.
"Sebastian - WHERE IS YOUR ARM?!"
The butler was clasping the normal tea cart with his left hand, and the right arm was nowhere to be seen.
Ciel opened his mouth before Sebastian interrupted. "The angel cut it off. And before you ask, I haven't knocked because, well, I can't."
"Why?!"
"I always knock with this arm."
That was terrible. XD
Sebastian was sitting in the Young Master's study, the boy out in the garden. Tanaka sat in the corner of the room, sipping his tea quietly.
The three other servants came rushing in the door, each panting and visibly dishevelled. Mey-Rin had a mop in hand and an upturned bucket on her head, Finny with a pair of lawn clippers stuck in his hair and Bardroy looked burnt. They all had similar stories:
"Mr. Sebastian, I forgot that I was working on the stairs and I fell in the mop bucket-"
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Sebastian, but I forgot to check the pesticide, and I went to look at it and tripped and fell on the scissors-"
"Yeah... I forgot whether I should use the oven or my flamethrower-"
Sebastian's eyes narrowed. He leaned casually back on the desk, folding his arms. "Well what are you going to do about it?"
Mey-Rin adjusted her glasses confusedly. "What are we... going to do-"
"ARE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING? You can leave a complaint in the complaint box but I DON'T CHECK THAT SHIT!" Sebastian and Tanaka each quickly pulled a pair of flashy sunglasses out from their tailcoat pockets and set them on their faces as an epic jingle comprised of trumpets and trombones played out of nowhere.
The three servants backed away slowly.
"We're just gonna get back to work, okay..." Bardroy said slowly as he ushered the other two out the door quickly as he stared wildly at the two older men.
Well that certainly was random. Any JonTron fans? (King's Quest V + Mailman is the episode that the "complaint box" line was taken from.)
Ciel was sitting in his study once again, Sebastian at his side, bowing to him from the floor and just would not stand.
"Sebastian, you can get up now."
"No."
"It's an order."
"..." Sebastian stood, eyeing his younger superior in a malevolent way. "How dare you."
"How dare I what? You were just sitting there and being of no use."
"But I wanna get drunk."
Ciel let his mouth hang open a little bit, and he narrowed his eyes at the butler. "What does that have anything to do with you kneeling on the floor?"
"It has everything to do with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my bedroom." The man waltzed over to the door of the study before Ciel let his voice ring again.
"Why are you going to your room?! There's work to be done!"
Sebastian stared at him for a moment, an innocent look on his face. "To get drunk." He closed the door and ran away, skipping and giggling like a schoolgirl, all the while Ciel listened.
"What an idiot..."
*three hours later*
Ciel walked out of his study, a hand resting on his head. All that paperwork had done a number on his sanity. "I'm so bored..."
And then he heard something he wasn't familiar with.
Sebastian.
Singing.
Ciel shook his head for a moment, walking down the hallway on his way to the main lobby. "No, that would be too out of character for him. The only time he's sang was at a birthday party and even then he-"
Ciel stopped dead in his tracks, standing at the top of the staircase.
Sebastian was swinging upside-down on the massive chandelier in the centre of the room, a bottle of tequila in hand and a melody in his heart.
"IIIIIIIIII'M GONNA SWIIIIIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIEEEEEERR-"
"Sebastian! What's your problem?!"
"-FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEERRRR!" Sebastian laughed like a maniac after the second line.
"SEBASTIAN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"
"OHHHH - Hiiiii Ciel!" Sebastian flashed him a stupid grin and dropped his bottle. "Awww..."
"Don't you dare address your master as such!" Ciel was fuming.
"Why not, Ciel?"
"BECAUSE- because-"
Ciel couldn't finish his sentence because he too was now swinging from the chandelier, knees locked and torso swinging freely as Sebastian swayed in a drunken stupor, causing the rest of the chandelier to swing with the demon.
"Why am I up here-" Sebastian pressed a finger to Ciel's lips and shushed him.
"Shhhhhhhhhhh... just sing..." Sebastian smiled stupidly.
Ciel frowned, crossing his arms. "I'm not singing, Sebastian. I refuse."
"Alright then, no cake or tea for a week."
Ciel was astonished, and the look he gave the demon certainly said as much. Sebastian crossed his arms aswell and smirked at the boy, raising an eyebrow.
Ciel frowned before finally making his decision.
...
...
...
...
"IIIIIII'M GONNA SWIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIEEEEERRR, FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEERRRRR!"
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT, CIEL!"
"SHUT UP, AKUMA."
Well that was fun. I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I did writing it, and if you've got the time, R&R and give that favourite button a tap. It really helps! And please be patient if the content of this chapter wasn't that good - this is my first crack and I promise it will only get better from here! I'm too used to writing out full-fledged stories, so randomness isn't exactly my forte!
But anyway, I'll see you all in the next cracktastic chapter!
-xXxNaru-LovexXx