Valentines Day 2000
"Angela come on we are going to be so late!" Sharon Chersky yelled to me from our kitchen. I still can't believe that we are sharing an apartment with Rickie in California where Sharon and I go to college. I know it is so far away but I couldn't stand to be in Three Rivers anymore. Rayanne is still there with her son, Dominic, and we made up a long time ago but it was never really the same, Jordan's gone, I haven't seen him since a few weeks after he graduated five years ago. Brian left for college early; actually he ended up graduating with Jordan, and both of them left a year before I did. I had tried to have a relationship with Brian after he told me that he really did write that letter and Jordan was back to being just my friend, though I never told him how much I wanted more. I guess that is why it never worked out with Brian…He loved me and I loved him too just not the way I loved Jordan. I thought so many things would have worked out differently. "ANGELA!" Sharon called again… we are running late for our Psychology class…" All Right! I'm coming!" As I walk out the door with Sharon she turns to me and gives me a hug, "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Here's the thing about Valentine's Day. I celebrate it, I DO, and it's just that it always makes me kind of sad. I have had other boyfriends that I got serious about since Brian and Jordan but they never lasted either, and it wasn't always their fault. Rickie says that I have this way of pushing people away when they get too close and when I asked Sharon she just looked at me so I guess that was a Yes. I don't mean too, I just have never gotten over him. And part of me doesn't want too. I grab a cup of coffee form the vendor outside of UCLA Berkeley and rush with Sharon to our class.
"OK Angela, what's the deal? Are you upset today or lonely or what cause, you know Rickie and I can stay home with you tonight if you need us too." Sharon says gently when we get back to the apartment. "Yeah", Rickie chimes in, I was going to go out with Miguel tonight but he would understand if you want us to stay." "No you guys go, I say. I am fine I was just thinking this morning about, well, you know who, and how I felt when he left." I forgot that today was Valentine's Day, and it snuck up on me." "Well ok then, Sharon says, I have to go get ready for my date with Shawn. Hey do you want me to see if he has any single friends to hook you up with?" I laugh out loud "No! Now I am fine and I don't need a pity date just because it is Valentine's Day. I will probably just grab a pizza at Bella's and head back here to watch sappy 80's teen dramas, maybe The Breakfast Club or something like that. Now stop worrying both of you and go get ready for your dates."
I quickly leave the house before either of them can stop me. I just don't want them to see me get teary over the past for the 800 billionth time. I walk down the street to Bella's and I think about the last time I saw him. It was a few weeks after he graduated and he came to my house to see me. I was excited because Brian and I had broken up by then and I was still hoping that Jordan and I could try again now that time had past and the wounds had healed. When he got to my house he took me outside and we sat on the porch swing just talking for an hour or so. He would occasionally look over at me with those eyes and I would feel like I always do… I never changed that feeling. After a while he turned to me and he said with a kind of sad look on his face, "Hey Angela, I gotta tell you some things. I want you to know that I never would have graduated with out your pushing me and believing in me. I owe you so much that you can ever know. You were the first person who ever really cared about me. I know that you were hoping I would go on to college but I think that it would be a waste of time for me, Music is what I want to pursue so the guys and I are going to go to NYC and try to get singed or even just some gigs so we can get heard. We are leaving this weekend. I just wanted to tell you that you are the only girl I ever loved and I still love you more that you can imagine. I hope that someday you can find your way back to me and we can try again."
I just sat there looking at him, how could he not know that I felt the same way about him, that he was my everything and always had been, that I would love him forever and give anything to have that second chance, but I know why, because I never told him. So, I did what I thought was right and I let him go. I didn't want to hold him back form his dreams and I knew after that little speech he gave me he would have stayed, if I asked him to. So, he left and we kept in touch through post cards and a few phone calls but it just got to hard to hear form him and not be able to tell him how much I missed him and wanted him to come back. After a while I just stopped writing and didn't return his calls.
It has been 5 years now and I am a senior at Berkeley. I am majoring in behavioral Psychology and I plan on becoming an addictions counselor, I figured the years of experience with Rayanne would come in handy. She ended up getting pregnant right after junior year and that is when she decided to change her life. She cleaned up her act and she even ended up marrying the father who, can you believe this, was TINO! I never would have thought that those two could be parents let alone be in a happy, stable marriage but it works. I amhappy for her though, we call her a few times a week, and we all talk about getting together, someday. Sharon is an education major with a minor in journalism. She wants to teach high school English and I have to say that she is surprisingly good at it. Rickie went to the UCLA fashion design school and has already gotten his degree. He is so happy and his clothes are really being well received in the funkier boutiques, he moved up here with us just a few months ago. That is when he met Miguel and he has never been happier with who he is.
Well, here I am at Bella's; I open the door and go sit at my usual table. I love it here; it has such a home like atmosphere with its little lamps on the tables and low lighting. Gina comes over and takes my order. As I wait I hear the door open and I turn around curious to see who else is coming here for the holiday. It is a fairly tall man with long light brown hair. He is broad shouldered and well built, which being a red blooded female, I can well appreciate. He walks into the light and looks up as Gina goes over to show him to a table.
There is something very familiar to me about him, like he looks like someone I should know, as he gets closer to my table he stops and says "Angela?" I look right into his face and I see those eyes, those same eyes that have haunted me for the past five years and I can't help it, I stand up and fling myself into his arms for a hug, "oh my God, Jordan!" what are you doing here? I can't believe it. It has been so long."
Jordan holds me to him for a few moments and then pulls back to get a good look. "You look the same. He says with a smile that lights up his whole face, I can't believe that other than getting even more beautiful you have not changed at all! So are you alone?"
And with those four little worlds I feel that my entire life is about to change.