Lewis: The Soul Of Genius
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the creators of Lewis.
This is written almost as a companion to Lindenharp's Helpmate, in that I read her story, then watched the episode, and this story appeared! Do go read her stories, they are amazing!
Hathaway's POV:
They had given up searching for the mysterious Lab H for the day, and retired to their usual pub. Sat at a table outside in a comfortable silence, almost at the bottom of their pints, James stubbed out his cigarette in the table's ashtray and spoke, softly and mostly to himself.
"The impossible quest."
"I can feel meself disappearing." Agreed Lewis wearily, raising his glass to his lips.
James pressed his fist to his mouth and snorted. An impossible quest! Sometimes he felt that he was bound on an impossible quest. Loving Robbie Lewis was so easy, he hadn't noticed until it was too late. But catching the man? That was an impossible quest indeed. His obvious preoccupation caught Lewis' attention, and Lewis came the closest he could manage to raising an eyebrow (which, rather adorably, was raising both eyebrows), and James thought yet again that he wished he had the courage to tell Robbie Lewis his feelings.
"You alright?" The older man asked, replacing his glass on the table and gazing worriedly at his bagman. James grasped hurriedly for something to say, then sniffed his sleeve and sighed.
"My clothes smell like dry rot. Murray's house." He bounced his fist lightly off the table a few times, then picked his glass up. Rolling the beer around, he gazed through it into the distance and spoke softly.
"All these lonely people, pouring their lives into puzzles that can't be solved." He slurped some beer, then replaced the glass on the table.
"No, ignore me. Got a touch of the existential flu." Lewis watched him for a few seconds, a worried and puzzled look on his face, and James stared back.
"What?"
Lewis took a deep breath and squared his shoulders somewhat. James groaned inwardly, knowing that he wouldn't like what was about to come out of Lewis's mouth. His left arm, resting along the table edge stiffened, and his fingers started rolling, a nervous tic he had never quite managed to quell.
"I'm going to say it just this once," Lewis started, with his serious face on, moving his glass slightly before looking back at James. A sudden impulse blanked James's deliberately difficult-to-read face even more.
"For your sake, you need a partner James."
James felt a tremor go through him, pulling his gaze off Lewis and down to the table. He had heard this speech before, in different words and from different people, but never before from someone he loved. Lewis carried on speaking.
"You need someone in your life."
There was another long pause, and James didn't know quite what to do. Part of him wanted to reach out a hand and say... He wasn't sure what. That he had Lewis, that he didn't need anyone else, that this, their working relationship, would be enough if it was all he could have but he wanted... so much more.
He choked down the words though, and glanced back at Lewis. The Inspector seemed to see James's need to to escape this conversation, because he dropped the subject.
"Let's call it a day." He said, taking another mouthful of beer before placing his glass down decisively. "Besides, I want to check in on Michelle."
James tightened his mouth, and Lewis looked defensive.
"Just want to look in, make sure she's ok!" With that Lewis stood up from the bench and strode away.
James clenched his hands around the slat of the bench, hating himself, hating Lewis for a few minutes, wishing that things could be different. But, he'd tried the seminary, tried hiding from his feelings, tried pretending, and lying to himself and others.
No, he was what he was, and Robbie Lewis, his inspector and boss, was who his heart had chosen, for better and for worse. And if he could only have a working relationship, only have Lewis during working hours, then he would settle for that. He would not, could not, risk losing the rapport they shared by making everything awkward if his feelings forced a chasm between them.
***H&L***H&L***
After they've solved the case, and seen Alex and Helena into police cars, they draw up outside Michelle's house. Lewis sighs, and speaks.
"I read the Snark last night. Didn't understand a word of it."
"I've come to think that that might be the point."
"Aye." Agrees Lewis, solemnly. "Apparently, a girl once wrote to Lewis Carroll, asked him why don't you just explain the Snark. He replied, 'Are you able to explain thing you don't yourself understand?'"
Silence falls for a moment, then the curtains flutter, and Lewis sighs again. "What do I say to her? How do I tell her the truth?"
"Tell her with kindness. You're good at that."
James watches as Lewis walks up the garden path, thinking of all the things he's been told over the years, knowing that Robbie Lewis was born with the kindness to be able to bring bad news with comfort and gentleness.
He resolves, that like Alex Falconer and his wife, he couldn't live without Robbie Lewis in his life in some way, even with the burden of unrequited love on his soul.