What do I want most in the world? Right now I know the answer in my head, at the back of my mind.
But everyday worries stand in a jostling ring around of me. They fight each other to reach me, pressing all positive emotion down. Their clammy hands pat my face, fingers wriggling; they allow me no space, no freedom, no gust of fresh air.
Instead their breath moves the air on the back of my neck; bland and stale yet nauseating. I retch, but instead of release to my stomach's churning, a thick black bile of more pressures pours out.
It covers my hands, creeping up my arms. I shake my hands frantically, trying to dislodge this evil, but it just splatters across my body-in my nose, ears and mouth, suffocating me!
Arching my back, rolling and thrashing in filth I try to escape. But it is a cruel game of cat and mouse. Every time I move away, Despair reaches its arms around my waist and drags me back, back into my ditch filled with blood, bile and mud.
The faded bodies of my fears have gone now. The battle has internalised inside of me. I writhe in agony as this massacre cuts deep into my heart. My screams are swallowed in silence, as I lie alone on this suffocating battlefield.
I sprawl dirty and alone. But then from out of nowhere arms pull me away, away from my place of torture and shame. Arms surround me, cradling me, rocking me. Like a mother's arms, but they belong to a man, and there is something in the embrace that is even more than that of a mothers.
His love and warmth seeps through me. Smiting the forces inside of me with a fury borne of such love that it takes my breath away. I sob in His arms as it leaves me, my cries racking my body. There is a hope growing within me that I never knew before.
As my weeping stops I look around, expecting to still see a deserted battlefield. But instead we are on top of a grassy hill in mid summer. A warm wind gently ruffles the tops of the trees that are a little way down.
I rise to my knees and throw my arms open, basking in the freedom that is everywhere. Breathing it in.
Then I lie back beside Him, hand in hand, brother and sister, Saviour and saved. Looking up at the sky I finally rest. Letting everything go, my soul is restored and made new.
I sleep.
I wake hours later. The sun is Autumnal in its daily climb. I can no longer see Him, though I can feel Him closer than air.
A short way away I see my family; my younger brother and sister throwing a tennis ball to each other; my big sister and parents sitting on a picnic blanket together.
Giving a great cry of joy I rush towards them, curling up in their midst. Healed, I think again on the question that I now truly understand the answer to.
What do I want most in the world?
My heart and soul sing in agreement. I want to run hand in hand with my Jesus, forever my Saviour's and my God's.