Lavi knew that he was straddling a very fine line when it came to Allen Walker. The Bookman knew it too, but kept his wrinkled mouth closed and his long nose in his logs for now. Lavi found himself grateful for that when he found himself staring at the scroll he used to keep notes on The Destroyer of Time. Said scroll had long since become useless- more of a rough draft than an official log- yet Lavi found himself running his fingers over his own perfect script. His eye roved over words he had long since memorized, looking for something he knew wasn't there.
Lavi did not understand Allen Walker. The redhead heaved a long sigh, pulling his headband down to sit around his neck as he carded his fingers through his unruly hair. His notes had briefly ended over the period of time he'd thought Allen dead- a time when he should have reviewed and compiled the relevant information into a complete log.
With a glance around the library to ensure his solitude, Lavi set down his papers and retrieved a worn card from the inside pocket of his coat and looked at it. It was lucky he hadn't gone through the effort in the end, he mused, tracing the shape of the ace of spades with his eye. Allen hadn't died. He leaned his head back and put the card over his good eye, resting his hands on his chest and turning his thoughts over in his mind.
The reason he hadn't paid due diligence to his logs was troubling him. Lavi- the persona- was invested in the well-being of his fellow exorcists, his friends. It was a necessary part of being an exorcist and blending in with the culture of the Black Order. They were a tight knit bunch of warriors and supporters and in order to properly record them, both he and the Bookman had to become part of that network in their own ways. The pain he felt at the death of companions- exorcists and finders alike- was real to "Lavi", but that was it. It was supposed to be superficial; It was an act that he put on in order to remain within the fold of the other exorcists. He'd never found himself hesitating to put together a final scroll for other members of the Black Order. More often than not, he'd sent the logs along to their appropriate resting place before the ink had dried on the word "deceased" under the subject's name.
Allen had been different.
Allen was always different.
Lavi had found himself staring at the card for hours when he could have spent time making Allen's "Final" record. He'd burnt the spade into his mind until it seemed to be all he could see. Black, white, and just a little bit of maroon on the left corner where it had sat in what was presumed to be the blood of one Allen Walker. There was something more to the pain he'd felt then. Lavi refused to examine it the way he'd looked at the stray playing card because that seemed easier- and it seemed easier to avoid the scroll labeled "Allen Walker" too.
Of course, it had all been pointless once they were reunited, but Lavi found himself avoiding the human being labeled "Allen Walker" for some time as well. There was a rawness that was irritated at the sight of him that Lavi found himself unable to examine before they were- literally and figuratively- thrown into the fire. The thought made Lavi wrinkle his nose and he heaved another sigh.
An obnoxious slurp jolted him from his musing and he was up like a shot, sitting straight-backed in his chair and blinking dumbly as the card fluttered to the table.
"Ah, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" The subject of Lavi's musing asked innocently, blinking his grey eyes slyly from across the table.
"Uh." Lavi said smartly, before he scrambled to snatch the card and his notes off the table before Allen got too good of a look at them, "You didn't!"
"You sure? It did sort of look like you were napping on the job there." Allen said, taking another sip of his tea as Lavi shoved the card back into his breast pocket. Lavi huffed a little as Allen raised a slender eyebrow.
"Anything I say here's gonna sound like an excuse, Beansprout." Lavi sighed, flopping back against his chair once any sensitive information was covered up.
Allen's smile twitched slightly, but he just rolled his eyes with a mock-exasperated sigh, "Well, that would most likely be because it is an excuse, Lavi."
"Uh huh. So what brings you to my neck of the stacks?" the redhead waved off Allen's playful scolding, noting the mug of tea that Allen had probably brought for him. He frowned a little, wondering how he'd missed the sound of Allen's approach, let alone the sound of two mugs being put down and Allen pulling up a chair.
"I heard you'd been holed up here for a while, so I thought I'd bring you a warm beverage."
"So you did." Lavi picked up the pink mug and took a sip. Movement caught his eye and he turned his head to see Timcampy settle on top of a nearby bookshelf and wrap his tail around himself.
The two of them sat in silence for a long moment, each looking into the mugs they held as if they'd have answers. Lavi felt his eyebrows raise a little, unbidden, when he noticed a single stem floating in his cup. He took a long drink, looking back down and felt a little relieved to see it gone.
"We… haven't talked as much, lately." Allen said finally, looking up to meet Lavi's eye.
"Yeah, I guess so." Lavi shrugged, glancing to the side, "I've been playing catch up with Bookman."
"Yeah, you're a busy guy, huh…" Allen pulled a face and looked down again, looking for words. Lavi felt his head turn to Allen again and he watched the boy fidget for a moment, before a conspicuous absence dawned on him.
"How'd you ditch Link?"
"Huh? Oh, uhh, he had a meeting…" Allen started, a little grin on his face again as he tipped his head to the side, "and he didn't lock the window."
Lavi laughed, feeling some of the tension leave his chest, "How long till ol' two spots notices you're gone then?"
"Maybe an hour?" Allen shrugged.
"You're gonna get your ass beat, but I guess I needed a break from work anyway."
"Oh, it's not my Arse that'll get anything, I'm sure he'll drag me away by the ear like a school teacher." The white haired youth wrinkled his nose, looking a little affectionate. Lavi chuckled and shook his head, leaning forward and looking across the table at his friend.
"I don't get you, Allen." Lavi said with only a drop of seriousness to his voice. Allen looked at him, drawing his eyebrows together slightly and leaning back in his chair comfortably.
"I can't say I'm especially complex."
Lavi snorted at Allen's airy tone, shaking his head, "Yeah, you're not complex and I am actually a parrot."
"Lavi want a cracker?" They both laughed over their mugs and the pages scattered across the table.
"I missed you." Lavi said, unbidden. Allen blinked a little, looking as surprised as Lavi felt.
"Well you could have said hello a little sooner, then."
There was a softness in Allen's voice that settled over the rawness in Lavi's chest, and he looked away, feeling his cheeks redden a bit. He ran his fingers over the smooth glass of his mug and ran a hand through his hair again.
"Yeah…"
Silence hung between them like spider thread- silvery and delicate as they both avoided looking at each fixed his eyes to the cherry wood table, considering his options.
"I missed you too." Allen said softly. Lavi's heart thundered in his chest at the words and he looked up slowly. His eye rested on the soft smile, then the crinkled nose, and then the pale eyes of the boy in front of him and Lavi felt his mouth go a little dry.
Allen opened his mouth to say something else, but was abruptly cut off by the doors opening with a bang that echoed through the entire floor, followed by Link's enraged shout of "Walker!". He grinned and hopped up, holding up his hands defensively.
"Hey now, I was just with Lavi-" Link would hear none of Allen's defences and all but lifted the complaining teen over his shoulder and marched towards the door to the library. Allen caught Lavi's eye and offered an apologetic smile before vanishing through the door with his watchdog, leaving Lavi alone in the stacks again.
Lavi looked down at the table at the scarcely covered up scroll that he had been reading and knew that he had crossed the line.
Also posted to A03: /works/4520307/chapters/10283091
This playlist was a big part of writing this: /bellsproutsalad/i-wrote-you-into-my-verse