Disclaimer: Just trying this out. Don't own anything!
Dear Lily,
I am not, by nature, sentimental. I will not pretend to be, but every man has a heart and, whether you believe mine is at work or not is entirely to your digression.
I will not deny, nor do I need to, that I love you.
I say it simply because I do not process the words to describe it. I knew not what love was until we met and within moments of our introduction I began to wish for the feeling in return.
We were ignorant, we were children then, but in my dedicated sort of way I believed we were fated together. For a moment, mind you, what felt like a moment to me, I was convinced you loved me too.
Perhaps it was with less conviction, but you did love me once, Lily. In your funny little way. I feel it in my bones.
And then you met him. Potter. Potter to which I was no challenger. I did not stand a chance against, dear dear, Potter, did I Lily? But, then again, I promised myself to not become bitter in writing this letter.
The point is, and I think you know, I was jealous. I was so unforgivably jealous and even now, I still am. I called you a rather foul name and suddenly, it was if you were looking for a reason to rid of me. I provided it. Of course, I am not blaming you. The fault is entirely mine.
That night you and Potter probably attributed my behavior to my condition. The condition of being Slytherin to which you, quite abruptly, could not understand nor tolerate.
Your friends whispered that you did the right thing, that you "ended a toxic relationship."
And I then became your outsider. Yours because you were the only friend I ever had and hoped to have. I fancied myself your guardian after the anger passed. I watched you from afar. Not with hate but with anguish and with the heart-sinking knowledge that I could have been Potter-that for a time I was.
I could have been shaking hands with your father, lifting your veil, kissing those impossibly soft lips. I could have wrapped my arms around you at night, rejoiced in the quick conception of our son and watched him take his first breath.
Perhaps we would have still named him Harry, just because you liked that name. I would have loved anything you told me to.
I could of had two people to dedicate my life to. I would have been loved by the person I wanted so badly to be loved by.
I would have smiled. I would have laughed. I would have been happy for all the days of my life.
And now I have written that I am not sentimental as I sit here, my quill still floating along this tear stained letter, even as you lay cold and still in your grave, probably resolved to a pile of dust.
I do this now and again, knowing you will never read my words, this time to tell you that he is safe. That your son is as brilliant and as brave as you were. That the devil who slaughtered you, has been slaughtered in such an ironic manner that I almost feel the need to laugh. That I survived a near fatal attack and that I will continue to watch over him, like I watched over you.
He loves a girl with red hair and watching them is like revisiting the past. Both Potters and I love a girl with red hair.
It's Halloween, today. 17 years since you have been gone and yet I still see your smile every time I close my eyes. Fortunately, this year there is peace. Justice has been served, the truth is known, I am not the man they all believed me to be, all is well.
I believe you know the truth now. I believe I may be happy again. I believe this is my last letter you will never receive.
So, I love you, Lily.
Always,
Sev
A/N: Thanks for reading. It's my first attempt at Snape and I really tried to be in the mindset of him. It's supposed to be sad, so if it made you emotional please review! Do I know what I'm doing?