Not My Place
By Katie
Disclaimer: Aeris and company belong to Squaresoft.
Aeris hurried into the forest, eager to escape the cloying company of her friends. She felt dizzy and sick and claustrophobic. She stopped once the voices of Cloud and the others faded into nothing, and leaned against a convenient tree for support, concentrating on breathing.
There. The panic subsided, and her head began to clear. Aeris chuckled ruefully, a few rebellious tears trying to break free. She slid down the tree, unable to fight the tears and remain standing at the same time.
This is ridiculous.
A strain of laughter somehow managed to drift her way, giving strength to the tears. Aeris shook her head forcefully and covered her ears.
This is so stupid…what am I doing here, anyway? What business do I have with them? Nothing. I could make it to the Temple on my own…I don't need them. Stars above, it hurts so much…why did I join them? I'm such a fool…
She should have known better than to get close to these people, to let them into her heart.
You're going to die, you idiot! You've known that your entire life. Why do you insist on making it harder for yourself?
Cloud…
Aeris wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her face in her arms, chocking back a sob.
Little fool, why did you have to fall in love?
It was, by far, the stupidest thing she had ever done in her short life. What was the point in falling in love when that love could never be realized? All it did was bring pain and suffering, not just to her, but to her friends as well.
Tifa…Aeris knew that Tifa loved Cloud. It felt strong and deep, like a childhood bond. But for all of Tifa's gorgeous looks, she was shy and insecure, and would never have the strength to tell Cloud outright that she loved him. And Aeris was blatantly flirting with him, stealing his heart bit by bit and crushing Tifa's at the same time. And what would happen to them when she died? Cloud would be crushed, and Tifa? Tifa would be torn between grief, secret relief, and guilt. Ruination and despair, those would be the only fruits of this game of hers. But could Aeris bring herself to stop?
No.
It was disgusting, really. Aeris knew that her actions were hurting her friends, but she couldn't stop herself. She was a hopeless romantic; all her life she had dreamed of falling in love, getting married and having children. And all her life she had known that that dream would never come true.
And yet, with Cloud, anything seemed possible. She was drawn to him, to his pain, his confusion, his sadness. She wanted to heal him, to care for him for the rest of their lives. That she could do, Aeris supposed, but it wouldn't be for very long. And it wasn't her place. She was the martyr; there was no room for love on the path she traveled.
"Aeris?"
Oh god, it was him.
Fighting back the tears with renewed force, Aeris looked up at Cloud, and tried to smile. He stood a few feet away, nervous, hesitant, and obviously worried.
"You okay?" he asked. The concern in his voice broke Aeris' heart.
"I'm fine," she said, her voice wavering only a little. "Just…tired. A little sick, maybe."
"Oh." Hesitantly he moved and sat next to her, his arm brushing against hers. Aeris couldn't stop herself from leaning guiltily into his warmth, and he took the hint and wrapped an arm around her. They sat in silence.
Finally Aeris, with great reluctance, sat up, breaking their contact.
"We should get back to camp," she said quietly.
Cloud nodded, and helped her to her feet. Aeris once again felt drawn to his warmth, but forced herself to let go of his hands once she was standing. Cloud seemed a little disappointed, but Aeris pretended not to notice. Together they made their way back to the camp, arms occasionally brushing. The others had already gone into their respective tents; Aeris noticed, out of the corner of her eye, Tifa peeking through her tent flap, and her heart sunk.
I am such an awful person.
Cloud must have seen something in her face, for he took her hand and squeezed it warmly.
"Get some rest," he said. "And feel better, okay?" He gave her one of his shy smiles, and Aeris wanted to cry.
"Okay," she whispered, her voice chocked up. Cloud squeezed her hand again before letting it go and getting into his own tent. Aeris remained there for some moments before shaking her head and getting into her own tent. She curled up into her sleeping bag and finally let the tears loose, muffling them into her little pillow.
I can't do this anymore…not to him, not to her, not to me. I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Finally the sobs died down, and, exhausted, she drifted off to sleep with one last thought in her mind.
I need to leave.
By Katie
Disclaimer: Aeris and company belong to Squaresoft.
~*~*~*~
Aeris hurried into the forest, eager to escape the cloying company of her friends. She felt dizzy and sick and claustrophobic. She stopped once the voices of Cloud and the others faded into nothing, and leaned against a convenient tree for support, concentrating on breathing.
There. The panic subsided, and her head began to clear. Aeris chuckled ruefully, a few rebellious tears trying to break free. She slid down the tree, unable to fight the tears and remain standing at the same time.
This is ridiculous.
A strain of laughter somehow managed to drift her way, giving strength to the tears. Aeris shook her head forcefully and covered her ears.
This is so stupid…what am I doing here, anyway? What business do I have with them? Nothing. I could make it to the Temple on my own…I don't need them. Stars above, it hurts so much…why did I join them? I'm such a fool…
She should have known better than to get close to these people, to let them into her heart.
You're going to die, you idiot! You've known that your entire life. Why do you insist on making it harder for yourself?
Cloud…
Aeris wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her face in her arms, chocking back a sob.
Little fool, why did you have to fall in love?
It was, by far, the stupidest thing she had ever done in her short life. What was the point in falling in love when that love could never be realized? All it did was bring pain and suffering, not just to her, but to her friends as well.
Tifa…Aeris knew that Tifa loved Cloud. It felt strong and deep, like a childhood bond. But for all of Tifa's gorgeous looks, she was shy and insecure, and would never have the strength to tell Cloud outright that she loved him. And Aeris was blatantly flirting with him, stealing his heart bit by bit and crushing Tifa's at the same time. And what would happen to them when she died? Cloud would be crushed, and Tifa? Tifa would be torn between grief, secret relief, and guilt. Ruination and despair, those would be the only fruits of this game of hers. But could Aeris bring herself to stop?
No.
It was disgusting, really. Aeris knew that her actions were hurting her friends, but she couldn't stop herself. She was a hopeless romantic; all her life she had dreamed of falling in love, getting married and having children. And all her life she had known that that dream would never come true.
And yet, with Cloud, anything seemed possible. She was drawn to him, to his pain, his confusion, his sadness. She wanted to heal him, to care for him for the rest of their lives. That she could do, Aeris supposed, but it wouldn't be for very long. And it wasn't her place. She was the martyr; there was no room for love on the path she traveled.
"Aeris?"
Oh god, it was him.
Fighting back the tears with renewed force, Aeris looked up at Cloud, and tried to smile. He stood a few feet away, nervous, hesitant, and obviously worried.
"You okay?" he asked. The concern in his voice broke Aeris' heart.
"I'm fine," she said, her voice wavering only a little. "Just…tired. A little sick, maybe."
"Oh." Hesitantly he moved and sat next to her, his arm brushing against hers. Aeris couldn't stop herself from leaning guiltily into his warmth, and he took the hint and wrapped an arm around her. They sat in silence.
Finally Aeris, with great reluctance, sat up, breaking their contact.
"We should get back to camp," she said quietly.
Cloud nodded, and helped her to her feet. Aeris once again felt drawn to his warmth, but forced herself to let go of his hands once she was standing. Cloud seemed a little disappointed, but Aeris pretended not to notice. Together they made their way back to the camp, arms occasionally brushing. The others had already gone into their respective tents; Aeris noticed, out of the corner of her eye, Tifa peeking through her tent flap, and her heart sunk.
I am such an awful person.
Cloud must have seen something in her face, for he took her hand and squeezed it warmly.
"Get some rest," he said. "And feel better, okay?" He gave her one of his shy smiles, and Aeris wanted to cry.
"Okay," she whispered, her voice chocked up. Cloud squeezed her hand again before letting it go and getting into his own tent. Aeris remained there for some moments before shaking her head and getting into her own tent. She curled up into her sleeping bag and finally let the tears loose, muffling them into her little pillow.
I can't do this anymore…not to him, not to her, not to me. I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Finally the sobs died down, and, exhausted, she drifted off to sleep with one last thought in her mind.
I need to leave.
~*~*~*~
The End