It's been over two weeks since Which Cult lunched an attack on Roswaal's mansion. After that event, Subaru became known as a hero who saved the whole village. The hero himself, although somewhat embarrassed, was glad of his new reputation. After his last fight with Emilia, he was very careful not to become complacent again, but he couldn't help but feel prideful because of everyone's gratitude. In the end, he decided he had right to feel pride; after all, he died many times, nearly broke down both physically and mentally, and it was a miracle that he endured all of this.
Although, it was wrong to call it a miracle. After all, he was so close to giving up, convinced of his powerlessness and uselessness. Right there, when he was on the edge of mental breakdown, Rem reached out to him. Rem, who just began to see the world outside of her sister, and who did little effort to hide her naive, almost child-like, love for Subaru. And that love saved him, yet again. Even if her words were biased, they filled him with hope. When there seemed to be no way to make things right, when everyone turned their backs on him, it was Rem who convinced Subaru that he had worth as a human being.
Despite having little value as a warrior, Subaru actively participated in the fights, both against the White Whale and against the Sin Archbishop, even if he mainly served as a bait. Those fights left him hurt and tired, even more so than the one against Magical Beasts. Same as then, it was Rem who volunteered to help him with his rehabilitation, despite having lots of chores to complete.
Subaru had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, he liked spending time with Rem; he often told her about curiosities from his home world, about few things he remembered about from his education in high school, and good jokes he remembered. The blue-haired maid listened to him with complete devotion, and although Subaru was glad to have someone to talk to, he couldn't forget about her confession. At the time, it had given him the necessary hope, but there were moments now that it made him feel awkward. He knew, however that everything around – alive Emilia, the villagers, Beako – was still existing because of her, even if Rem didn't know about it. So he pretended he didn't notice that Rem looked at him with complete devotion, ready to grant any his request.
As for Emilia...
Not much really changed. She was warmer and kinder towards Subaru that before, and even went with him on dates more often, but she still spent most of her time studying economy and politics, in order to become the proper queen. Thus, his time with Emilia was more limited than he wished for. Although she had good reasons for this – really good reasons – Subaru felt dissatisfied. He knew very well that preparations to become the queen were more important than his fantasies, but he still wanted to spend more time with Emilia, even if she couldn't respond to his feelings.
When he considered it a little more, he smacked his forehead.
Come to think of this, Emilia's behavior towards him was not much different from the way he treated Rem. He knew her feeling towards him, and although he didn't decline them, he never encouraged them either. He thought for the moment about the way he loved Emilia, and the way Emilia loved him.
So, Emilia was sexy. There was no point in denying that. The body that a goddess would envy. She was also one of the nicest people he'd ever met; she was always ready to help others, even if it meant more hindrances for her, and she hid it under excuse of helping herself. Perhaps it was the care she was showing towards everyone that made her really special. Even when she knew her actions would be met with contempt, given her pedigree, she would to her best to help others. Emilia was, no doubt, a good person.
The way Rem loved him, though...
She loved almost everything about him. When she counted all those things she loved about him, the way he stroked her hair, the way he walked... it seemed a little obsessive. Nevertheless, what probably impressed her the most, was that being weak, stupid and pathetic, he was able to throw himself under the fangs of Magical Beasts, the White Whale or Sin Archbishop, in order to save everyone. In a way, it could be similar to the reason he loved Emilia.
However, there were differences. Emilia was not only beautiful and smart, but also strong. Finding any defect in her was difficult. He was weak, arrogant, weak, dense, weak, and weak. Return by Death was the only reason he even managed to accomplish what he had. Usually he just was in the right place and time, under favorable circumstances, and he had lots of luck. Despite Rem's love being naive, she knew very well about his defects, which he practically screamed into her face, but even then her feelings did not waver. She knew all of them, and still loved him. Perhaps, in a way, her love was more mature than the way he loved Emilia.
Having reached those conclusions, Subaru thought he now understood Rem a little better. Just as he desired Emilia's approval above all else, Rem desired his approval.
Subaru sighed.
He helped Rem see the world outside of her sister, that much was true. Nevertheless, she was still emotionally immature. Since there were no signs of anything changing between him and Emilia, perhaps it was time to decide on new goal. He helped Rem, but that job was not over. On the contrary, it just began. Could he call himself a man if he abandoned his job halfway through? No way!
As the protagonist of this story, he will show Rem that the world not only doesn't end on her sister, but that it doesn't end on himself. The only question is... how the hell do this?
At the nighttime, the Roswaal's mansion was quite a gloomy place. It was only partly illuminated by torches, which wasn't too bad when moonlight shined through the large windows. However, on nights like this, when the sky was completely clouded, Subaru could barely see only a few feet forward.
He walked through corridors because of nightmares. Although, he wasn't sure if it could be called nightmares. Visions, perhaps? In his dreams he saw the Jelaous Witch, who was trying to speak to him. He wasn't able to understand her words, but he very well knew what he was feeling: power. Power that he could not put into words; it was evil, twisted and corrupted, and intoxicating at the same time. Even if that power could never cause anything good, only destruction and misery, Subaru unconsciously desired it. He desired it to never be weak again, to protect people who were dear to him. At the same time he knew that if he acquired even a fraction of it, he would no longer be sane.
On the one hand, it was a curse. On the other hand, it was the reason he reached the conclusions he did tonight. He wanted to help Rem understand better the world. He didn't want her to agree with everything he had to say, he didn't want to be the center of her world. He wanted her to become her own person, with her own opinions and priorities. The problem was, he didn't know how to achieve that. Well, in times like this...
Subaru opened the door to his right and walked into the Forbidden Library.
"Beako! It's finally my Beako-time! How are ya doing?!"
"Again you, I suppose?" asked annoyed Beatrice. "I was under the impression that humans tend to sleep at night. Although I'm no expert on behaviorism of cockroaches, I suppose..."
"Beako, you're mean! You hurt my feelings! I will tell Puck, you know!"
The fact that Beatrice didn't respond to that threat meant she really wasn't in mood to talk. Well, it probably couldn't be helped. After all, it was the third time this week that he disturbed her by walking into the Forbidden Library at night. He decided not to push the spirit further, as he didn't want to be kicked out by some spell.
Subaru started walking between shelves, looking for a book that would interest him. Even though he already knew the alphabet, some books were to complex for him to read. Some were in completely different languages. Beatrice warned him not to open the books without titles, unless he didn't value his life.
[So you are concerned about me, Beako!]
[Cleaning the books off blood is troublesome. You can die, as long as you do it outside of the Library, I Suppose].
Subaru smiled at the reminiscence of that situation. Some people may treat him coldly, but certain words and gestured confirmed that he managed to buy into the hearts of the inhabitants of the mansion. Even if he was on the very bottom of the hierarchy, his presence was something that everyone accepted, and he no longer felt like a new, temporary addition.
Finally, he picked up a book about divination. To be honest, Subaru didn't expect to learn much, not anything he could use in practice, anyway. Magic was much more complex than he first assumed it to be, but at least he would know the gist of its possible applications and conditions it had to follow, and he could brag in front of Rem about his newly acquired knowledge.
Once he considered that...
Yes, it was a brilliant idea. Books were good exercise for mind and could expand one's perspectives. If he gave a book to Rem, he could exchange opinions with her about it. It was a good beginning.
The problem was, probably all the books in here were of scientific nature. Complex recipes of potions, long incantations to spells and rituals, and some books had so little sense they had to be encoded. Even if Beatrice gave him permission to take a book outside of the Library (not likely), there would be no point to it if he couldn't understand the book.
The issue was, there wasn't any library or bookstore in the village. If he wanted to get an interesting book, he would have to visit the capital, but as of now there wasn't any particular need to go there that Subaru could use as an excuse. However, he had faced worse complications, and he never gave up. If anything, it only made him try harder.
So, the next day he asked Emilia to talk with him in private.
"You want to visit Wilhelm-san? Why?"
"Yes. You see, after we fought off the Witch Cult, we didn't really have much time to talk. I'm not sure whether we could be called friends, but... we are definitively brothers in arm! Yes, such events tend to make men form bonds, you know? I even made up with Julius, didn't I?" He laughed, somewhat embarrassed.
Emilia looked at him suspiciously, as if she knew very well that Subaru wasn't telling the whole truth. Suddenly she sighed, as if she didn't care anymore, one way or another.
"Fine, Subaru-kun. I'll ask Roswaal-sama to give you authorization so you could lend a hearse. When do you need it?"
"Well... I have yet to write a letter to Wilhelm-san and decide on the date. I just wanted to make sure it was poss..."
"Then waste my time when you will know" said Emilia, leaving behind disoriented Subaru.
"Weren't you too harsh on him, Lia?" asked Puck, when the girl closed the door to her room.
"There were hidden intentions behind his request. I've seen this expression enough to recognize it. If he really wants something, why not just ask?"
"Well, who knows" wondered cheerfully Puck. "However, so far all of his actions contributed to something good, hasn't they?"
"Yes, well... but..."
It was true when Subaru did something weird or plain stupid, it was usually done in order to help someone. Still, it was also true that he tended to make things more complicated than necessary. She wanted to trust him, she knew she should, but... sometimes it was difficult, considering his crazy personality. Subaru told her he loved her, but why couldn't he be honest with her? She might know little about love, but she knew that such relationships included honesty towards each other. Could she really love Subaru, if he kept thing hidden from her?
Subaru wrote a letter addressed to Wilhelm, asking for a friendly meeting in the capital. He decided that Wilhelm should be the one to pick a date, as Crush kept a tighter leash on her subordinates than Emilia did, and thus Subaru would have easier time to adjust. Fortunately, Wilhelm sent reply which stated that they could meet this week.
Of course, Rem wanted to go with him, because Subaru had yet to fully recover. Convincing her that her presence was necessary at the mansion wasn't an easy task. Surprisingly, Emilia took Rem's side, claiming that Subaru was certain to get into trouble if left to his own devices. In the end, it was decided that Ram would accompany him, which left both Rem and Ram unhappy. There was no discussion that Ram performed maybe 10% of the chores at mansion, so her absence wouldn't hurt for a day.
On the one hand, Subaru was glad to have company, on the other hand, he was treated as a child again. Perhaps he couldn't blame them, given that he did get in trouble over and over again, but he had proven he could solve it. Actually, on reflection, it might've looked like he just luckily managed to get help at the correct time. Once again, Subaru wished he was stronger.
During the travel, he tried to talk with Ram in order to bond with her, but the red-haired maid wasn't much of a listener, and she quickly fell asleep. Once again, he wondered why Rem held her sister in such a high regard, if she was only better at being rude.
Wilhelm was already waiting in the Coffey shop when Subaru arrived, and Ram left quickly, claiming she had some errands to do on Roswaal's orders, which gave them some privacy.
"It's nice to see you again, Wilhelm-san!" greeted Subaru.
"Subaru-dono" nodded Wilhelm. "It's pleasure to see you too. Your letter was a surprise, although a pleasant one. I'd like to thank you again for your help in defeating the White Whale. Truly, words cannot express my gratitude"
"No need to thank me" said Subaru, sitting down at the table. "Your help was invaluable in defeating the Witch Cult. I also cannot express how grateful I am. Let's call this even"
Wilhelm seemed to be considering it for a moment.
"I see. You're right. After all, we've both done this for the ones we love".
Subaru blushed. Although he never concealed his feelings towards Emilia, he felt uncomfortable when other people brought it up so casually.
For couple minutes they talked about trivial thing. Subaru asked some vague questions about royal selection, but even Wilhelm seemed to know little about it. Apparently, it was the first time that there was so many candidates to the throne. The only thing that was certain was that the air would be denser the closer the selection was, and it was expected that the candidates would begin to back stab each other and/or try to be seen in the good light. This was one of the reasons Crush organized the hunt for the White Whale in the first place.
"There is another reason why I asked for this meeting" admitted Subaru. "I was thinking of buying Rem some good books, but I'm not familiar with the literature around here. Is there something you could recommend me?"
"Rem-san?" asked Wilhelm. "I was under impression you were trying to court Emilia-sama?"
"Yeah, well... It isn't my story to tell, so I can't get into details. In short, Rem spent most of her life living in the shadow of her sister. Recently certain things happened and, well, she sees now that the world is bigger than her sister. However, she still seems to depend on other's opinions. First Ram's, now mine. I want her to become her own person. To form her own opinions priorities, and to appreciate herself. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and it seems like a good start, to buy her some books and discuss them with her. Then, maybe I could buy her a dress, so she could notice she is actually beautiful. Not that I have anything against maid uniforms, i love them, but she shouldn't stop at that." When Subaru realized that this might've sounded a bit off, he decided to abandon this line of thought. "What I mean is, I want to help her. In a sense, i kinda began it all, so it's only proper to see it to the end.
"I see" said Wilhelm after consideration. "To be honest, it's rare nowadays to meet young men with such clear hearts as yours, Subaru-dono. Your goal is worthy of prize. As for books that Rem-san probably didn't read..."
About an hour later Subaru said goodbye to Wilhelm and went to a bookstore that the old man recommended. Finding the titles he was looking for wasn't hard, and the books didn't cost much, because – despite Wilhelm's assurances of their high quality – they weren't exactly popular.
Having done his shopping, Subaru still had some time before he was supposed to meet Ram at the stables. He thought that it would be nice to meet up with Reinhart, and Felt, for that matter, but there were some issues. He didn't know where Felt lived right now, and she was probably busy with preparations to the election. Though, given her personality, he couldn't be sure about the last one.
In the end, Subaru spent the rest of his time wandering through the streets, looking for familiar faces. The atmosphere changed, as Wilhelm said. The events of defeating the Whate Whale and annihilation of Witch's Cult still drove people to euphory. Lots of people talked highly about Crush and Anastasia, but he himself managed not to attract too much attention; his name might have been known, to an extent, but not many people knew his face.
The ride back was even more quiet. This time he didn't bother talking to Ram, as he began to read one of the books. After all, if he wanted to discuss them with Rem, he needed to know what they were about. His plan was to give some books to Rem, some read himself, and then exchange them.
Rem was overjoyed, through and through. Probably nearly any gift from Subaru would drive her in high spirits, but he still felt proud.
"You must lend me them when you're done. Afterwards we can share our opinions".
Ram watched the scene without showing any emotions.
The next week was quite peaceful. After finishing the morning exercises, Subaru helped Rem and Ram prepare the breakfast. The sisters, having learned the lesson, assigned him only the simplest tasks, such as peeling the potatoes or cutting the vegetables. They still didn't trust him with mixing the ingredients and such, because Subaru usually added them in wrong proportions, and the whole meal had to be prepared from the scratch.
After the breakfast he had more chores to do; dusting the furniture, cleaning the floors, watering the garden, et cetera. Afternoon he finished one of his book and began reading the next one. He read much slower than Rem, as he just learned the alphabet and he had trouble reading the longer words. Nonetheless, he was making progress.
The only thing that still troubled him were his dreams. Even if the changes were slow, Subaru could tell that the dreams were becoming more intense. On those occasions, however, he decided to read the books he bought instead of going to the Forbidden Library. The constant sleep deprivation took its toll on him; he had less energy than usually and even began to slack off in his work, sometimes taking naps. This, of course, provoked nasty comments from Ram (who didn't appreciate a competition in slacking off) and worried stares from Rem. Hell, even Emilia looked at him worriedly when she thought Subaru didn't see it. Fortunately, he could use the excuse that he haven't made full recovery after the last battles.
Within the next week he managed to read all the books he's bought, and spent his spare time talking about them with Rem, always asking first about her opinion. She was always humble about it, complementing Subaru's good taste in books. So, he began to question her about her favorite fragments.
Turns out, Rem focused more on the characters than on the plot. In her opinion, well-written character was more important than events that took place in the story. That was one of the reasons why she disliked fairy tales, as they were too predictable. Subaru, on the other hand, quite enjoyed fairy tales, or rather the way they conveyed certain morals. He managed to convince Rem to discuss that issue, while also being very careful not to impose his opinion on her. That was the first step.
They didn't work in Roswaal's mansion all the time. Usually all task were completed mid afternoon, leaving cooking the supper the only chore for the day, but they still had one day off in the week, their only chore being preparing the meals. On such day Rem invited Subaru for a walk, apparently wanting to show him a certain place. Subaru gratefully accepted, as spending his whole time within the mansion was getting tedious.
Turns out, the place Rem wanted to show him was outside the village, near a small waterfall, where Rem had a picnic prepared. Subaru had no doubt it was a date, more so than usually, but he couldn't help being touched. However, the atmosphere changed rapidly when Rem decided to touch a subject he tried to avoid.
"Subaru-kun is not sleeping well" stated Rem.
"Why do you think so?"
"Yesterday, Rem saw Subaru going to Forbidden Library, late at night. Rem was curious, so she asked Beatrice-sama. Beatrice-sama said that Subaru-kun comes to the Forbidden Library few times per week, late at night, to read books. Rem is worried, because Subaru-kun always looks tired and has dark circles under his eyes. Subaru-kun, what is going on?"
First reaction that came to Subaru's mind was denial. He would have, in nearly any other circumstances, but he knew he couldn't hope to fool Rem. Besides, this constant stubbornness, the desire to handle everything himself, often caused more harm than good. In the end, he always ended up relying on others.
"I have no trouble falling asleep" replied Subaru. "What worries me is what I see when I'm sleeping".
"What Subaru-kun sees?"
"The Wit..."
A sharp pain. A hand on his heart. Troubles with breathing. It's been some time since he experienced it, so the familiar feeling shocked him more than usually.
"Subaru-kun... the scent of Which..."
"I know. That is the very problem".
"Subaru-kun dreams of the Witch?"
Subaru only nodded; he couldn't trust his words. Finally, after so much time, someone figured that out. Maybe he could give more information, if he phrased it vaguely enough.
"I'm not sure if they're dreams. People often ask how I know things. But I physically can't say how. It's not that I don't want. I just can't. If I tried... someone could die. That is the risk I'm not willing to take".
Rem was silent for a moment.
"Rem still trusts Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun never wished any harm to others, so Rem will continue believing in you. Nevertheless, it is a serious problem. Subaru-kun suffers because of it, So Rem wants to stop this. Nothing good comes out of association with the Witch".
Subaru considered saying that some good things happened because of his connection with the Witch, quite a lot, actually, but he decided not to tempt fate. He didn't want to risk that one of the Hands would attack Rem if he tried giving her more information. At the very least, now at least one person knew of his connection to the Witch, even if she didn't know the details.
"Thank you, Rem. Finally, I was able to share this with someone. I'll go to the Library tonight and try to find out something about the Witch. Maybe I'll find a way to sever that connection".
He hoped Rem couldn't hear hesitation in his voice. On the one hand, he knew that if the Witch kept influencing Subaru, it won't end well. On the other hand, the Return by Death, the ability that he undoubtedly was given by her, helped him save his loved ones, and more than once. He, Rem, Ram, Emilia, the villagers, everyone was still here only because Subaru had the chance to save as many people as he could, because he knew exactly what would happen. He wanted to break his connection to the Witch, but at the same time he was afraid he would then become truly useless; that if he dies, he'd stay dead.
"Subaru-kun told me about himself, so Rem will tell about herself. That's only fair. Rem will explain why her sister was always better".
And so, Subaru listened the history about twins who weren't equally gifted. One of them was a genius, the other a dead weight. One of them mastered the most difficult spells with ease, the other struggled with the simplest things. About the tragic night when the Witch Cult annihilated the village, nearly wiping out entire demon clan. About how the genius lost her horn, and the weakling kept hers. How the weakling did everything in her power to atone for that crime.
When Rem finished, nobody spoke for a while.
"I'm also a weakling" said finally Subaru. "But despite that you began to love me. Even despite my stench reminding you about everything you've lost. We may be weak, but I think it makes us the more amazing when we finally manage to accomplish our goals, right? I believe that if you accomplish something through hard work, it is more impressive than doing the same relying on talent, and with ease.
Rem looked deep into his eyes, tears streaming down her face.
"Yes. Subaru-kun and Rem are amazing".
During the next month Subaru spent most of his spare time in Forbidden Library, along with Rem, trying to read any book that had anything to do with the Witch. Subaru asked Rem not to tell anybody of his connection to the Witch, to which she agreed, saying that it's not something one should make known. In the beginning, he wanted everyone to know the truth, but he still could not reveal his main ability, so it wouldn't do any good. After all, Rem only knew that he had some connection to the Witch, knowledge that would only serve to undermine the trust he gained from the inhabitants of the mansion.
However, none of the books that mentioned the Witch were related to his problem. The Witch was a spirit-arts user, and she sucked the mana from the environment. Just her sheer presence could drain life from entire village, leaving no survivors. Her body couldn't be harmed, no one understood her language. Only selected few were granted her love, giving them a fraction of her power. Her power was said to defy imagination.
More accurate books described the extent of her cruelty, the damage she caused, the rituals she used to annihilate entire towns, her control over weather, gravity and matter, but none of them described how she chose her followers and the nature of their bond. Subaru found no proof that the Witch could use Return by Death; all the atrocities she committed could be done simply because she was that powerful.
After the month, Subaru concluded that none of the books in the Library could give him the answer. Given all his interactions with Betelgeuse he could infer that even Sin Archbishops didn't have the kind of connection to the Witch that he had.
The only option left would be reading the Gospel that Betelgeuse worshiped. Subaru couldn't read it, but if he was correct, and the Witch influenced him more and more, perhaps one day he could manage it. He decided he couldn't wait for that to happen, as this book was the most likely to him the answers he wanted, so he asked Beatrice if she could decipher it. That, however, resulted in Beatrice throwing him brutally (well, more brutally than usually) from the Library each time he tried to talk to her about the Gospel.
Their research wasn't unnoticed by the inhabitants. Perhaps it was Beatrice who, for the revenge, complained to Roswaal and he informed Emilia, who was very interested why he was spending so much time there.
"Subaru, why are you spending so much time with Rem in the Forbidden Library?"
Subaru decided that there was no reason to lie about that, even if he slightly altered the original reason.
"The truth, Emilita-tan, is that we're researching the Witch Cult. Last time we were lucky that only few people were hurt, but what if they attack again? First step to victory is to know your enemy!"
Emilia clearly didn't expect this answer, however she quickly regained her composure.
"I see. Is that why... we weren't on any dates lately?"
It was Subaru's time to be taken aback. It was true, he didn't ask Emilia out in quite some time, being completely immersed in his research. He forgot to give his attention to Emilia. Even if she didn't know how important a date was, he was quite pleased that Emilia brought it up.
"Well, we could go to the village tomorrow. If I recall correctly, the kid were asking about you!"
This information certainly excited Emilia.
"Actually, there was one more thing I wanted to ask you about"
"How can I serve, Emilia-tan? Do you have any special wished about our date? Do you want to see any special place?"
"No, not that. Actually... I wanted to ask if you agreed to spread your recipe of mayonnaise farther. It was a great hit in the village. I'm sure they would love it in the capital. And... this is very selfish, but... Crush-san and Anastasia-san gained huge popularity after defeating the White Whale. I know that a culinary recipe cannot match that... but I'm desperate to do something that would show my camp in better light. Right now I don't have enough funds to do anything significant, but this could change that. Of course, you would take advantages of that! Aside from monetary compensation you could stop working and become a permanent guest...
"Calm down, Emilia-tan! Breathe! I don't really mind. On the contrary, if people will take liking to the mayonnaise, I can only take pride in that. And, of course, I'm going to keep working here. The work here fills me with pride!"
"Thank you, Subaru. I'll certainly make it up to you. I can't wait for tomorrow's date!".
Subaru had to admit, that he hadn't spent time so pleasantly in a long time. He realized how much he missed Emilia, her warm hand, melodious voice and sweet smile. The villagers also were kind, or at least they tried to be; some of them still disliked that fact that a half-elf lived nearby. However, Subaru ruined the mood by asking Emilia about her life before meeting Roswaal.
"It's a difficult subject to me, Subaru. I'll tell you about this one day, but not now"
Subaru tried to correct his mistake, but he could tell that he reminded Emilia about bad memories, and her smiled were now forced. He wondered why everyone around here had to have a difficult past...
This night Subaru didn't dream about Jelaous Witch, but he almost wished he had. He dreamed that he was unable to stop the Witch Cult; that they launched another attack, even more brutal and ruthless than before, brutally killing everyone on their way, men or women, adult or children. This time he was unable to use Return by Death to save at least some people; he was completely useless.
He woke up covered in sweat, his heart racing. Not thinking much, he got up and run out to the corridor, but he didn't stop there; he raced through entire mansion, looking for the specific door. When he got there, he knocked harder than he intended. The door was open by Rem, and Subaru could tell on spot that he woke her up.
"Subaru-kun?"
"I'm sorry for waking you up. I just... I don't know. I had to see you".
"Oh... Maybe... Subaru-kun would like to get inside?"
It was the first time he saw Rem's room. It wasn't much different from the one he had; big, comfortable bed, a small desk, and a wardrobe in which she must have kept her uniforms. Subaru was going to decorate his room when he saved enough money, but Rem lived here for years, so the fact that she made basically no changes to it was a bit sad.
"Is everything alright, Subaru-kun? Did the Which haunt you again?"
"No, not this time" answered Subaru. "It was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare".
"What did Subaru-kun dream about?"
Subaru didn't want to cause Rem more worries than he already had, but that was the reason he came here. He wanted to feel better by placing part of his burden on the girl that loved him. However, that was exactly what he told her about after the incident with Magical Beasts; because they were weak, they would end up leaning on each other.
Rem listened to him calmly, and when he finished, she placed his head on her breast and began to stroke his hair.
"You don't need to worry, Subaru-kun. Roswaal-sama put a special barrier that stretches for a few miles, and which will notify us if anyone with hostile intentions crosses it. That will give us ample time to evacuate everyone to the Sanctuary. Thanks to your efforts, we prepared for possible acts of aggression. You can sleep sound, Subaru-kun. No one will be hurt anymore".
Subaru instinctively embraced her in waist. Her warmth, her soothing words made him calm again. If he regretted wasting Rem's time in the beginning, that regret disappeared.
When he woke up next morning, he was still in Rem's room, but the girl wasn't there. Subaru assumed that she must have already gone to work, and he himself couldn't slack off, so he decided to return to his room and quickly change. However, when he walked into the corridor, he met the person he definitely shouldn't have met under current circumstances.
"Barusu... What were you doing in Rem's bedroom?"
Even though Subaru managed to avoid the bodily injury, Ram considered him a new level of low. Earlier she expressed her spite in superior looks and mean comments, but now she began to completely ignore his existence. She even passed giving him chores onto Rem.
"Subaru-kun" addressed him Rem. "In two days we all leave to the capital".
"Really? Why? Does it have anything to do with royal selection?"
"No, Subaru-kun. It's about selling your recipe o mayonnaise. Emilia-sama managed to contact a chain of restaurants that expressed interest in it. We'll go there and show their cooks how to prepare it. Since it was your idea, Rem thought that Subaru-kun should go with us and see the wonder in people's eyes when they taste it".
"Thank you, Rem! I'll gladly help! It's time to show the world the power of mayonnaise!".
They went to the capital in order to cook, but Subaru took all his savings with him. He was planning to buy more books for himself and Rem, and at least one dress for the girl. That was another way he could think of to raise her self-confidence; she needed to notice her beauty.
In the beginning, he wanted to use Ram as a reference to buy something nice and sexy, but he resigned from this for two reasons: one, Ram wasn't talking to him, so she probably would decline, and two, he wanted to buy something Rem would be comfortable with, not something that would just satisfy Subaru's hungry eyes.
Preparing mayonnaise wasn's difficult, but this time they had observers, which put some pressure onto them. Subaru put his best efforts so their creation would be appealing in every possible aspect. Still, Rem did most of the work, but he didn't mind; she was a better cook, and the end effect was now more important than ever.
Mayonnaise was served with a salad. In Subaru's opinion, this was a perfect addition to any dish, but he realized that not everyone shared his tastes. Still, everyone who tasted it clearly liked it.
"Subaru-kun" said Rem, when everyone was done eating. "My sister will now negotiate contract on behalf of Emilia-sama, so we have some free time. Is there someone you'd like to visit in the capital?"
"If we meet someone it would be great, but it's not important today. There is something I'd like to get done, however. Would you help me with that?"
"Whatever you with, Subaru-kun" answered Rem with a cute smile.
However, Rem didn't expect that Subaru would take her to the cloth store, and expected even less that he wanted to buy something for her.
"Subaru-kun, you really don't need to spend your savings on me!"
"I know I don't have to, but I want to. Rem, you really are a beautiful girl, and I'm going to get that through that thick skull of yours. Maid uniforms are cool, but you should try other things. After all, we do have some spare time after work, and I've never seen you wear anything different. Your work is something you should take pride in, but it shouldn't define your life. There are many things one can do, and wearing different kinds of cloths is one of them".
Rem didn't seem entirely convinced, but she agreed in the end. The shop wasn't of the kind in which the rich people did their shopping, but it was decent nonetheless, and it met Subaru's financial capabilities. He bought four dresses for Rem; they were quite conservative, but still looked great on her. He couldn't possibly regret spending his money on them.
However, he wasn't prepared to what Ram had to say about it. When they got back to the mansion, it was already evening. Subaru retreated to his room; even if he didn't want dream, fearing more visions, he needed to sleep for at least couple of hours, or else he wouldn't be able to function at all. However, before he went to bed, he heard knocking. When he opened the door, the red-haired maid went inside, without asking for permission.
"Barusu" she said coldly. "What are your intentions towards Rem?"
Subaru rarely paid much attention to Ram, as the girl never bothered to bond with him. This was the first act of sister care he had witnessed.
"Well... You must realize that she spent most of her life in your shadow and looking up to you. And since the incident with Magical Beast, she pretty much just changed object of her worship. Thus, I want her to appreciate herself, and raise her self-esteem".
Ram looked at him suspiciously for nearly a minute, and then sighed.
"Your intentions might be pure, Barusu, but you might reach the opposite result. If you continue to do it the way you have been, Rem will just fall in love with you even further. If you're still going to court Emilia-sama, Rem will end up broken".
Damn it. He didn't consider that scenario. Nevertheless, the lack of action would be even worse.
"You may be right. However, I can't just ignore her, hoping her feeling will fade. I think you tried that already, and that didn't help. The lack of action isn't the solution. But you're right; I may be unable to help her on my own. Ram, will you help me help Rem?" Subaru asked, bowing to the waist.
Another minute of silence.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Barusu? Rem is her own person right now, even if she is too dependent of others' opinions. Your 'help' may change her to your liking, but if that happens, will she still be the Rem we know and love?"
Fuck. Another perspective he failed to consider. However...
"Still! I believe that Rem always will be Rem. I don't want to change her into a different person. I only want her to appreciate herself. I don't want her to depend on mine or your opinions; I want her to value herself and see what a great person she is. And I'll use all my might to prove it to her. That is why I want your help. I may be unable to do it on my own, but if we work together, maybe you'll see changes that you'll also like. Just because something changes, doesn't mean it'll change for worse".
Another minute of silence.
"Alright, Barusu. I'll help you".
Ram discreetly watched her sister as they walked to the village for the groceries. Rem was wearing one of the dresses that Subaru bought her, and Ram had to admit that it looked good on her sister. It wasn't too revealing, and accentuated her figure. She seemed a little embarrassed, but proud of her new cloth, at the same time.
Barusu remained in mansion that day. Rem wanted to repay his kindness and buy him some decent clothes in surprise, so she asked Ram, with guilty conscience, to give Subaru more work than usually. As if she needed an excuse to do that.
The fact than Rem loved Subaru was no secret. It was enough to look at her when they were in the same room; Rem usually blushed slightly and she couldn't help but smile gently. Ram was familiar with love, of course, but at least she was discreet about it.
Nevertheless, Barusu was right about something. When she lost her horn, Rem did her best to atone for that, even if it wasn't her fault. No matter how many times it was said, her sister still worked too hard and neglected herself. When, with a help of a miracle, Ram was sure, Subaru stole her sister's heart, things got slightly better. Rem was certainly happier than before. Unfortunately, she manifested her love for the boy by attending to his every need. Barusu was right; Rem needed to appreciate herself more.
"You look nice in this dress, Rem"
"T-Thank you, sister"
The blue-haired maid seemed to be taken aback by the complement. Ram wondered whether it was really so unusual for her to be nice.
Lots of things changed since Barusu came to the mansion, the atmosphere in the village being one of them. People were nicer to them, for one thing, and the children started using those annoying suffixes to their names. They also played in the weird games that Subaru taught them.
"Rem-ri! Rem-ri! Who bought you such a beautiful dress?" asked a girl whose name, if she recalled correctly, was Petra.
One of the annoying changes was that now shopping in the village took a lot more time.
Still... How would Roswaal-sama react if she bought herself a dress...?
The life in the mansion was changing bit by bit. Although mornings till mid-afternoon were filled with work, the evenings became time of fun and games. Subaru bought some board games of this world and played them with Rem and Ram, and sometimes with Beatrice or Emilia. He also managed to convince them to try out games he knew from his own world, like shogi or hanetsuki. The last one proved a great hit in the village.
Then came more noticeable changes. Subaru was aware that Roswaal traveled a lot these days, trying to convince the local lords to support Emilia in her struggle to the throne. However, that brought changes he wasn't expecting.
One day, around fifty soldiers moved to the mansion, some of them human, some not. Subaru was glad that in case of another attack of Witch Cult they would have means of defense, but it resulted in much more work, especially in the kitchen. Roswaal also hired seven new maids in order to ensure that the mansion was kept clean all the time, which was difficult, given increased number of inhabitants.
The mansion was certainly big enough to accommodate so many guests, but it also meant more work for the servants. Earlier, the unused rooms were being cleaned once per two weeks, now at least twice a week. The knights were quite neat, yet their presence took its toll, which was evident in muddy floor, footprints on the carpets, and some fur on the furniture.
Earlier, the atmosphere in the mansion was home-like; all inhabitants knew each other and even spent time together. Now the place was more crowded, there was less spare time, and although he wasn't at the bottom in the hierarchy among the servants, he wasn't particularly liked among the knights, despite, or because, his attempt to have a friendly conversation with them.
"The knights have completely different social status" explained Rem. "Servants are expected to be obedient and, preferably, unnoticed. That was one of the reasons Rem and her sister wondered why Subaru-kun chose to be a butler instead of permanent guest"
"I don't want to be a sponger" replied Subaru. "There is a saying where I come from: 'No work is a disgrace'. Without a work I would probably get bored to death".
However, Subaru realized more than ever the difference between his home world and this one. Back home, every citizen was equal in law, and had the same privileges. Earlier he thought that things were similar here, because Emilia treated him and the sisters very well; Wilhelm-san also was treated with respect, even by the strict Crush-san, but it could be because he was once a famous warrior, and a husband of Sword Saint. This world was quite close to the middle ages in the setting, and so the knights weren't interested in friendly interactions with servants. Reinhart was an exception, not the rule.
Emilia also changed. She was talking and smiling less than she used to, and she presented business-like, no-nonsense attitude. She was also leaving the mansion more often and for longer periods, usually taking two knights with her for protection. Subaru was a bit disappointed that she didn't take him along, but he realized that his battle potential was lacking. Or, he thought sadly, she was afraid that there would be a re-run of what happened the last time when he attempted to help her with political matters. Fortunately, he had a lot of work to get done, which distracted him from those thoughts.
The nightmares were rarer than before, but they didn't stop. Some knight worked at night, patrolling the mansion. For some time they liked to stop him and demand what he was up to, strolling at night. As the Forbidden Library was, technically, forbidden, it took a lot of convincing that Emilia granted him permission to use it, which she confirmed without asking any questions.
Beatrice, whether for the sake of reclaiming peaceful nights or from the goodness of her heart, Subaru couldn't tell, prepared him an elixir that erased all dreams. It was a good solution, at least for the first month. After that time, however, his body became accustomed to the new substance and it was no longer so effective. He kept looking for another option, but to no avail. Even worse, Rem informed him that the stench of the Witch lingered to him more and more intensively.
When one day he went to the village with Rem, the girl was quieter than usually. She kept her head down, and her eyes seemed absent.
"Is something troubling you, Rem" asked Subaru.
"Rem overheard a conversation. Rem wants to tell about it Subaru, but is afraid of his reaction".
"It's alright, Rem. I promise not to get angry".
"So... um... Rem heard that Emilia-sama received marriage proposal. Emilia-sama still hasn't turned it down".
Subaru stopped dead in tracks. Emilia received marriage proposal? That wasn't strange in itself; Crush-san said that all candidates received them, but why hasn't she turned it down? Was she considering it?
"I'm sorry, Subaru-kun".
"No need to be sorry, Rem. Yes, it's a surprise. But all candidates receive marriage proposals now. I don't think there is anything strange about that".
"You're right, Subaru-kun" said Rem, and after a moment of hesitation, she grabbed his hand. "And no matter what happens, Rem will be at your side".
"I know. And I'll always be at yours".
Subaru tried to remain indifferent about the news in front of Rem, but on that evening he went straight to Emilia's room. When he heard "Come in", he went inside and saw Emilia sitting behind a large desk, and it looked like she was filling in some documents.
"Subaru? It's been a while since you've come here. Do you need something?"
"Not exactly" replied Subaru. "There is something I wanted to talk about".
"I'm sorry, Subaru, but I'm quite busy. Is it important?"
"I've heard that you've receiver marriage proposal." Subaru decided not to beat around the bush.
"Oh... Well, sit down, please".
Subaru took a sit on one of the chairs in front of the desk. Emilia put her quill aside.
"That's correct. I've received proposal from Lord Karumu, who owns large territory on the east, including the coast. The candidates to the throne are being monitored on their political and economic activity, and it will play a huge role in the selection. I have to admit that accepting the offer would be very beneficial for me".
"Do you really want to spend your life with a man you don't love?" asked quietly Subaru.
"I'm sorry, Subaru. I know of your feelings and that it must hurt you. I'm truly sorry, especially since I owe you so much. I don't know much about love, so I cannot respond to your feelings. But I know about politics. Sometimes you need to ignore your personal feelings and do the right thing".
"Do you want to be the queen so much?"
"Yes" replied Emilia. "But not because of my ambitions. Subaru, although demi-human war ended long time ago, one might say it still continues, but in a discreet way. There are still acts of racism, some citizens are denied certain privileges, others are obligated to pay additional taxes. If those issues are not addressed in foreseeable future, we could risk another civil war. The other candidates seem to be ignorant of the problem, so if I have to sacrifice myself in order to solve this problem, I'll do it gladly".
Subaru was silent for a moment. Emilia's goal were truly noble, that much was no surprise. If it was about anyone else, he would admire that person for the attitude. However, now it was against his interests. However, if the situation was so bad, should he ask Emilia to choose him over entire nation? Did his arrogance reach that far?
"Emilia-tan... I swore that I would support you in your endeavors. Even if I'm personally against that decision, and I want to beg you to change your mind, I won't do it. Since I've come here, I learned lots of things. Among them, that I'm weak. If you chose me, I couldn't promise that I'll make you the queen. I love you, Emilia, but I don't want to become one of the obstacles you have to overcome to achieve your goals".
"You've changed, Subaru".
"Tell me just one thing. Is he a good person?"
"Yes. I truly believe so".
Heartbreaks are never easy. Subaru knew that Emilia didn't love him, not in a way he loved her. He couldn't expect her to choose a man she had no feelings for, at least not the man who was a mere servant and had nothing to offer her. Nonetheless, his heart ached each time he thought Emilia will be romantically involved with someone else.
His depression wasn't unnoticed. Rem seemed to know what has happened, and she gave Subaru much needed time alone, and even Ram seemed more polite. His favorite activity became laying on the bed and watching the ceiling. The nightmares stopped bothering him; they were something permanent, something constant in his life, something that wouldn't stop, and so his resistance towards the Witch weakened. What did she want of him? He clearly wanted him to do something, but he still couldn't understand her language. As his resistance weakened, the feeling of terror in his dreams nearly completely disappeared. Subaru couldn't say he welcomed the dreams, but he knew that if he stopped resisting completely, it might as well happen, soon. He wasn't sure if that bothered him.
However, there was one person that was clearly concerned about it.
"Subaru-kun" addressed him Rem one day, when they were cleaning the kitchen after the supper. "The Witch's scent on you has increased recently. Rem is very worried about that".
"You don't need to worry, Rem. I've got it under control".
"Rem is still worried, and thinks that Subaru-kun is loosing control over his dreams. Nothing good can come with association with the Witch".
Subaru wanted to deny it. Since he ceased to resist, he was certainly sleeping better, and felt better. He wanted to take out on someone all his emotion that accumulated in him after his love disappointment, were it not for two things. First, it was Rem, who was always at his side, and was his rock. Second, the tone of her voice was as confident as the stare she was giving him. Even if she didn't know everything, her determination was clear.
"Alright. I'll try".
It was easier said than done, however. Once he allowed the Witch access to his mind, she didn't take "no" for the answer again. Although he told himself each night that he didn't want to see her again, she always visited him, but he no longer felt the terror of her power. On the contrary, he felt warm and acceptance, which made it harder for him to want to wake up. It seemed that after the first barrier was destroyed, it was impossible to rebuild it.
In the act of depression, they decided to ask for help the person who knew the most about magic in the mansion, with Rem explaining the nature of the problem.
"You should have said so in the beginning, I suppose. Honestly, a pair of idiots, both of you. You're well matched, I suppose..."
"You mean, there is a way to stop the visions?" asked surprised Subaru.
"Of course. If you can create connection to one's mind, it's natural to assume you can block that connection, I suppose..."
"Beatrice-sama, how to do this?"
"He needs to build a wall around his mind, I suppose. It involves some magic and some mind exercises, I suppose..."
The method wasn't as easy as Beatrice made it seem to be. She used a spell on him, that cleared his mind; all his emotions, all his worries, even the bitter disappointment caused by Emilia, all of this disappeared. However, the spell didn't last long.
Beatrice told him to try to achieve this state of mind each night before falling asleep, cutting off all memories and feelings. She also gave him a book containing exercises and rituals that were supposed to help him build a permanent wall around his mind.
Unfortunately, the exercises were quite boring. Most of them was based on different styles of breathing and forgetting about memories and feelings. The second part was especially difficult, because Subaru always was a hyperactive person. It's been nearly a month before Subaru noticed significant results. He dreamed about the Witch most three times per week, and even then he could use a trick to instantly weak up. When he wasn't dreaming about her, he had no dreams, which worried him slightly, because he always enjoyed remembering his dreams. However, if that saved him from the Witch's corruption, it was a price worth paying.
Subaru was walking with Rem, holding her hand. When he considered the situation, she has saved him once again. He was too proud to ask Beatrice for help, and to be honest, he had doubts she would help him if he did, given that she was really pissed off at him after bothering her with the Gospel. One of the consequences of learning how to secure his mind was that he became calmer than he used to be.
Those strollings became their weekly routine. Rem showed him all kinds of places outside the village, such as the meadows, and the lake the villagers used for fishing. They used to talk about trivial matters and some serious ones, such as foreseeable future, Rem first days of work at the mansion (and some funny mistakes Ram did, which caused just more work), and Subaru explained her what manga was, and described some of his favorite titles. Rem suggested him writing his own manga, but he knew well that he had no talent for drawing.
He didn't remember who initiated the kiss. He only remembered her warm lips on his, his hand pulling Rem's body to his. The tears streaming down her cheeks when they finally broke the kiss and looked into each other's eyes, smiling all the time.
When the inhabitants heard about the new couple, most just reacted with knowing smiles, and some congratulated them. "Finally", said some. It was long time since Subaru felt so proud. They got married within a year, inviting to the wedding nearly entire village and a few guests from the capital. Within the next year, their first child was born.