Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I write this out of pure love for the TV Show 'Orange is the New Black' and the mighty Vauseman! This story is set in an Alternative Universe!
The Review
"Larry Bloom's attempts of witticisms accumulate into a farcical pantomime where the books male lead's noxious temperament ultimately destroys any chance of this story having any redeeming qualities."
Piper lowered the magazine down to her lap as her blue eyes landed on her fiancée. His shoulders where hunched as if the weight of the world and his broken dreams were pressing down upon him. And it was, his world was crashing down around him and there was nothing that Piper could do which only angered her even more. This should have been a joyful occasion; Larry's first book was being reviewed in the New York Times Book Review which was an achievement in itself but reality was not being as kind.
"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?"
Larry still didn't respond to Pipers ranting, he just sat staring at the stack of fifty copies of the magazine supplement that now sat on the coffee table as painful reminder of the harsh words that lay within the printed pages.
"Did he just click synonyms for every other word? It sounds like he has swallowed a Thesaurus and then vomited…no sorry regurgitated its contents."
"He didn't like the title." Larry muttered, still not turning to look at Piper. She was glad for this, as she found it hard, despite her rage, to keep the emotions off her face regarding the title as she didn't like it either. From the story's origins she had told Larry that 'Two Prisoners, One Sentence' was a title for a video on the internet not a bestselling novel, but Larry's bohemian editor was determined for that to be the title.
Seeing her sad looking fiancée made the rage bubble up inside of Piper, she could feel the old Chapman Temper flair into life and there was only one person that she could take her frustration out on. Grabbing up one of the many magazines she stormed into the kitchen of their apartment, snatched up their landline phone and mashed the buttons on the handset. As the phone started to call out Piper angrily drummed her fingers on the kitchen counter as she waited for a response from the other side.
"Hello New York Times, Sally speaking, how can I help?"
"My name is Piper Chapman and I want to talk to –"She paused as she quickly scanned the article to find the name of the columnist. "- Alex Vause."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Alex was putting down the last mug when the phone on her desk started to ring. Looking around at the other empty cubicle's in office she picked up the phone to hear to the cheery voice of the receptionist Sally.
"Morning Alex, I have a Piper Chapman on the phone for you."
"Piper Chapman" That name sounded achingly familiar and it rolled off her tongue like it was natural, like it was something that it had done a thousand times before.
"Would you like me to take a message for you Alex?"
"No, put her through I am curious."
Alex could hear the chuckle on the end of the phone before a click signaled that she now had Ms Chapman on the line.
"Hello, how can I help?"
No voice greeted Alex, in fact all she could hear was breathing on the line and her curiosity was peaked.
"I normally leave the heavy breathing till after introductions."
She teased, unsure as to where that comment had come from, so unprofessional but for some reason seemed appropriate. Still there was no response; Alex could hear the rustling of the magazine pages down the phone as the woman, Piper, desperately tried to regain her composure.
"Is this Alex Vause?"
"That's me, how can I help?"
"Oh, you wrote the review for 'Two Prisoners, one Sentence'?"
"Even a pretty voice like yours can't make that title sound good. Let me guess, you are Mr Blooms sister?"
"Fiancé"
"Really, I am shocked. I assumed he was single as the way he portrayed the love between the two leads was something my three year old God daughter could write!"
Alex could hear the sharp intake of breath down the phone and expected a barrage of abuse but nothing came, there was just silence. For someone calling up to complains this Piper Chapman was doing an appalling job. Alex reached out for her mug of coffee and listened with a smile as Piper finally managed to form something that could be conceived as an argument.
"I – we think that your comments were unnecessarily vindictive and you clearly do not understand the angle Larry was coming from. If you were to only hear his side I think-"
"Okay." Alex interrupted Piper mid flow, immediately putting the woman on the back foot. "Shall we say noon today at the café at 253 West 51st Street?"
The confidence seemed to ooze out of Alex as she leaned back on her office chair waiting for the response.
"You are on."
A/N: Thank you all for reading! This is my second OITNB fan fiction (my first being Waves of Nostelgia) and I am trying to make this one a bit different. Please do leave some reviews, I love to hear what you think about it!