Shadowhunters
Saphael
Title: Imperfect
Summary: Every night Simon goes to Central Park to play the song he wrote about the events that have taken place over the past few weeks, not realizing that the person he never expected to hear it never missed a show.
Author's Note: This is a song fic and the song is an original.
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No One's Pov
The sun never shined for me
Now I'll never see the sun again
I feel so lonely
Change isn't always a blessing
What am I to do
Now that the world has turned against me
The words flooded out of his mouth like his silent tears and the pluck of the strings were so familiar it made his fingers bleed. This was not the first time he had performed the song, but it was the first time he had done it in the open. For the last week he had been locked up in his basement room at the Institute trying to perfect his latest work, it was too important for him not to get it exactly right. Simon hadn't told anyone, not even Clary that he was completely destroyed. Everything that has happened to him from Clary's 18th to releasing Camille had hit him full force. He spent that first night crying from sunset to sunrise, it was all too much. But after all the tears finally dried inspiration struck and he began working on his masterpiece with his trusty guitar and a pad of paper. Writing songs had always made Simon feel better when he was angry or upset and this time was no exception, this time it was truly needed.
Tonight he finally finished it, tonight was the night he decided to let it out to the world. Simon knew that no one would hear it, a lone boy singing a sad song in the middle of Central Park but he never expected people to and he wasn't sure that he wanted anyone to hear. He would be baring his soul to the stars and right now that was good enough.
I've lost my family
I've lost my home
And if that wasn't enough
I lost the man that I love
I let my heart get in the way
It cost me everything
I'm imperfect
I deserved to lose everything
As he played on he became trapped in his own mind, all of his senses tuning out the world around him. It was in this moment that a shadow appeared at the tree line. The stranger did not approach, they just stood there and took in the boy's words. The deep lyrics and depressing notes almost brought the man to his knees, he had never seen or heard anyone pour their heart out like this in all the years he's been alive.
The stranger emerged and in the moonlight the man was revealed to be Raphael, Simon's former mentor and what could have been a potential partner. Raphael had been out on his nightly patrol when his hightened senses picked up the strum of a guitar and melodic voice through the trees. It drew him in and he found himself off his normal path until he came across the fledging. Listening closely and carefully he knew Simon was singing of him and the clan, his voice was so quiet and he reeked of regret and pain. He thought about approaching him but he still felt the pain of what Simon did, the agonizing betrayal from someone he cared so much about. A song wasn't enough the fix everything he did, but it was a start. When the music stopped he left swiftly and silently, just missing the other's cry of pure torture. No one saw but Simon wasn't the only one to shed a tear.
The hunger kicks in
But I'd rather starve than give in
I'm still a monster either way
The things that I've done
Are breaking through my walls
I don't know how much more I can take
Every night that week they both came back to the same spot, Simon to sing and Raphael to listen. And with every performance both of them broke down a little more but in different ways. Simon was driving himself deeper and deeper into depression and if he wasn't saved soon he would lose the one thing he had left, his life. Raphael on the hand was being worn down and he kept thinking about forgiving the boy and bringing him home to try to fix things. The clan would be hard to convince but he'd have to try, he honestly didn't know how much longer he could go without Simon, especially when he saw Simon was at his limit. If he didn't make some move soon he might be lost to him forever, the other never knowing that things could have gotten better.
First things first he had to get the clan to at least allow Simon to return to the Hotel Dumort so he could try to mend things and he knew exactly how to do that. The next night he convinced them to come to the park with him, not knowing his true intentions or who would be there when they arrived. When it was revealed they were far from happy, most of them wanted to go and tear him into pieces or drain him dry but two saw things differently. Lily and Stan saw something in Raphael and they both knew him well enough to know that he had brought them here for a greater purpose. Together all three of them mananged to calm to hoard down and Raphael told them to just watch and listen.
I've lost my family
I've lost my home
And if that wasn't enough
I lost the man that I love
I let my heart get in the way
It cost me everything
I'm imperfect
I deserved to lose everything
When Simon was done that night he wasn't the only person in tears, the clan had turned into a sobbing mess, some were even clutching each other for comfort. They all finally understood why Raphael was late coming back from patrol and they all finally got why Raphael wanted them to come here, to show them that Simon was just as angry and broken as they were. They all saw that he was angry with himself for letting Clary control him, for releasing the woman who caused of all his problems all for people who didn't care for him as a mundane or a vampire. They all smelled the regret coming at them in waves and they could smell the salty tears from where they were grouped. Seeing him like this they were now as worried as Raphael was about Simon getting himself killed, or killing himself.
They hadn't forgiven him, hearing the song once wasn't going to do it but they saw in his eyes that all he wanted was them back or at least a chance to get him back. And they were going to give it to him, they were going to bring their baby home and begin the long long journey of bringing things back to normal. They were all willing to put in the effort, and right now that would be enough.
Throw me into the fire
Drive a stake through my heart
Losing them was my greatest pain
Nothing will ever be enough
I'll be a pile of dust before they think of forgiving me
The clan began to follow the same routine as Raphael, once they were all done with patrol they would meet at the park and listen to Simon sing. They always tried to leave right after because hearing Simon's screams was too much and they had the urge to run over and pull him into their arms. But they restrained themselves and went back to the hotel to try and figure out a way to approach Simon. They were afraid that if they came at him the wrong way he would run away in fear or he'd attack, giving them a reason to kill him in the name of self defense.
In the end they decided that the best way to reach out to him involved no contact at all other than a letter that Raphael would leave on the park bench Simon always sat at. Raphael knew that he shouldn't stay after it was delivered but he just had to see Simon's reaction.
I've lost my family
I've lost my home
And if that wasn't enough
I lost the man that I love
I let my heart get in the way
It cost me everything
I'm imperfect
I deserved to lose everything
When Simon found the letter that night he was surprised to say the least, he recognized the elegant cursive that Raphael had perfected over the years and his scent still lingered on the paper. When he opened the letter itself a mix of scents came his way, some familiar and others new, he realized that it was the scent of his former clan. He took a peek at the bottom and noticed that everyone had signed it but it was Raphael's that stood out the most, it was the darkest.
As he began to read through the letter his eyes widened and fresh tears began to fall, this was like a dream come true for Simon. The clan wanted him home, they wanted to work things out and all because of a song. It made Simon's heart soar when he read that they were beginning to have a change of heart because they heard his music. When he finished he clutched the letter to his heart and cried happy tears, he had a chance to change everything, to make everything alright again.
He smiled to himself and looked out at the park, he eyes scanned the grounds until he found what he was looking for.
"You can come out Raphael"
"How long have you known?" Raphael spoke out to hide his shock that Simon knew he was there. He hadn't really gotten much of a chance to teach Simon how to work his advanced senses before everything went down.
"Ever since the clan came here the first time. They weren't exactly quiet when they saw me" Simon chuckled to himself but then stopped and stared at the ground.
"What about when it was just me?" Raphael inquired and Simon looked up at that intriuged and confused so Raphael answered his own question.
"I came here alone for a week before I brought the clan"
"Why did you even come? And why did you bring the clan with you?" His voiced sounded cold but Raphael understood why, yes Simon betrayed them but they kicked him out without a second thought. He was hurting just as much as them.
"I was on patrol when I heard you and it drew me in, I never meant for it to happen. The song is beautiful by the way"
"Thanks" He mumbled. Raphael sat down on the bench and they stayed there in silence for an hour until Simon finally got the courage to speak.
"Did you mean what you wrote?"
"Yes Simon, we meant every word. We want you to come home, we know things won't be perfect and we have a lot to work through but all of us want to try if you're willing"
"Of course I am...but I don't deserve it" He whispered but he knew Raphael could hear him.
"We decided that you do"
"And all because of a song?" Simon wondered.
"All because of a song" They both smiled at each other. Raphael stood up and stood in front of Simon. He reached both hands to Simon who accepted them and Raphael pulled him up. He stared at Simon for a few moments, looking for any sign that he didn't want to come with him but the boy just smiled and began pulling Raphael along with him, interlocking their hands together.
As they began their trek back to the hotel Simon began singing softly but it was different than before but still the same, Raphael realized Simon was adding to the song. When he heard the new words he smiled, things were finally turning around.
I'm imperfect
But so are you
I'm imperfect
But together we can fix each other