SAWAMURA'S SPIRAL PATHS

CHAPTER ONE:

Sawamura' s fatal accident

Sawamura always looked like that little aloof and carefree kid which everyone trusted and laughed. In truth this was the facade he has managed to built through years and years of practice and pretending. This contains self harm triggering,, I warned you.

I do not own Daiya no A , I wish I would but unfortunately I don't.

Sawamura might had seemed as a joyful, completely careless boy but he wasn't an insensitive person. He was actually a very serious, and gentle boy. Contrast to most beliefs he was a very sensitive person that got bothered really easily, with the slightest of teasing and boy were his teammates bothersome! His teammates frequently teased him , like there was no tomorrow. They all thought he was some kind of stupid, clown who couldn't think or speak properly. Sawamura knew his true self and it definitely didn't contain the word clown. He was more of a joyful character, hardworking and a very bright , young man. He could easily solve all of the math's books in one day but were was the fun to doing that? Then he wouldn't have anything else to do and he would have fell even more frequently asleep on the desk. Not to mention Miyuki's and the rest's merciless teasing and joking about his "loud voice" and "stupidity".

Their teasing wasn't only bothersome but also very annoying for him and he hated it with all is might. He always got very angry with their teasing , thus the many lose balls that were thrown, but that was his own way of calming down. Even if it was causing bruises to people he would continue because he had to admit ,seeing that angry , pained, and bothered scowl on their face was kind of fun actually. It gave him a sense of revenge about these wrong assumptions they made of him. Sawamura though - was also at fault for reinforcing these assumptions. Instead of trying to stop them and making them understand, he stayed silent. He subconsciously embraced their words to make him the person they wanted him to be - only so that he could fit in with his surrounding and be accepted. Pretending was a skill he learnt the hard way, it was his only salvation and help when finding friends ,only then did the rest of the people seemed to accept him as part of their pack and allowed him to access their cliques.

One day he finally reached his limits. Miyuki was repeatedly calling him "Bakamura" over and over again. Sawamura lost all of self control. His eyes glazed over with anger and hatred and he lunged himself onto the other boy. Turning towards Miyuki he leant all of his weight on top of the other and pushed him down forcefully, clutching his hands tightly around the other's throat. He was screaming at him and shaking him violently until he had turned into a sickish bluish color from lack of oxygen. Everyone run towards them and tried to pry him off Miyuki. Finally Coach yanked him forcefully of Miyuki and managed to drag him away - but even then he was still trying to hang on to Miyuki with all his possible power. His nails were all out trying to scratch him as much as he could. Or with Haruich's words , "he was like a wild cat while in the middle of a fight; his eyes had narrowed to a slit, he was clawing at the air, and he was growling curses at everyone who tried to calm him down." Once he reached a small distance away he dared to glance down at Miyuki. His face looked pale and pitiful and it suddenly caused him to shudder. A trace of drool was running down his mouth and his eyes looked glazed over, his head hung loosely down the side like a lifeless doll. "What was he doing, was he going to really kill him?" " Was he really ready to do it?". Realizing his actions he felt horrified. This wasn't his intention he wasn't trying to kill Miyuki, he did all of this subconsciously, it wasn't his fault. He was so dazed with anger and spitefulness at that moment that he had reacted on impulse. This also marked the occasion which had made him enter into an endless downwards spiral.

After that incident no one came close to him anymore, they seemed to fear him , especially his baseball teammates. Even Haruichi would jerk away from Sawamura if he tried to give him a friendly slap on the shoulder. He hadn't seen any of his closest friends for the last few weeks . Every time he asked Haruichi and Furuya if they could hung out , they would find an excuse and run away. Some of them were so farfetched and unbelievable , they sounded completely ridiculous! Such an example was their latest excuse, " My star sign says it is not a good day to go outside and that there is a great possibility of rain and misfortune if I go against them, as my planet is in an imminent collision course with planet Mars." Haruichi certainly didn't have the same star sign with Furuya so this "star sign " wouldn't affect both of them , Furuya was a Capricorn after all. Plus since when were they following the stars? Last time he checked they both considered them as a simple fiction of imagination that only extremely gullible people believed in. This excuse was ridiculous, even the excuse of having to meet an alien coming to visit from the nearest inhabitant planet would seem more realistic! A few days later everybody completely ceased to speak or look at him, unless it was truly necessary, like "Miyuki wants you " and " It is your turn to bat." If they saw him walking the hallways they would turn to the other side, and if he said "hi" they would start running away from him as fast as they possibly could, hitting a few corners face flat form the high velocity and agitation of their steps.

Sawamura felt all alone, nobody spoke to him, nobody noticed , and nobody cared for him anymore. Supper time would always find him into the corner beside the janitor's closet. It was the only place no one dared to come close to, probably because it also happened to be one of the most filthy , and dark places in the school. If anyone gave a close attention to the cleaning supplies he would notice that most of the cleaning supplies looked brand new and some of them were still wrapped in the original plastic containers. No wonder the cafeteria and bathrooms seemed to be filled to the brim with dirt. The closet had been built in such a way that it could never get any natural light, to stay hidden away from the rest of the school and to not contaminate the beauty and neat style of its surroundings. Sawamura felt as if this was the correct place for him to be, he was a despised, unwanted person stuck beside another unwanted place . Ironically, although the closet wasn't alive ,they were both so similar to each other; no one wanted them and they all ignored them like the plaque. The only motivation left for him now was the ace title and he knew he was a long way from reaching it.

As a child he always was a great target for bullying , his tiny statute and the silent character he used to have in the past made him the perfect bait. He would soundlessly endure their beatings, even if they caused fractures and bruises n his tiny, fragile body. When his parents asked him about them the only thing he would answer was that he fell of the stairs and mistakenly got injured. They would never pry into his decisions and words, they liked to think of themselves as a perfect little family, and this sort of things happenings would set a bad reputation of their family. After all their family was highly respected and admired by the people and it was considered as one of the best families in the whole city of Nagano. Back then though his beatings didn't last for very long, once he had changed schools everything took a turn for the best. In this most important time of his life , high school, though his fortune was ready to take a very sharp turn, but this time it was for worse.

Some of the guys form the rest of the classes decided he was a good toy to play with if they got bored. They would trip him up on his way to eat lunch and drag him into a dark corridor. They continuously punched his abdomen and legs, and sometimes even smashed his head on the concrete, hard floor. Sometimes they hit him so hard that he felt as if blacking out form the excruciating pain and agony he felt. His mind and senses would become hazy and he would try to hold on to the last few strings of consciousness he was left with, until he finally lost the battle and fell into dreams full of nightmares . In the beginning it was happening only once per week but now this would happen nearly every day. Sawamura always felt as if this was the rightful punishment for him, he had nearly killed a man, he deserved far worse than this. This was a piece of cake compared to what he had done. He felt worthless and useless, he was nothing but a waste of living space! Guiltiness was eating him away-mentally and physically. He had stopped eating as much as before , and had limited his food intake to half a bowl of rice per meal. He was so extremely depressed that he didn't care anymore about anything, not even his own health. His weight was hurriedly dropping and his world had lost all traces of colors. Everything looked aimless in his eyes, the ace title vague like an egg without a yolk. He had no inspirations left , his surroundings were filled with dark shadows of grey. He couldn't find the strength to get himself off the bed and wake up to the harsh reality ; with all those wicked and scornful glances send towards his way. Appearing as if they were trying to rip him apart in tiny pieces and brake him completely. In truth their aim was indiscriminate. There was nothing left to break anymore , he was fatally broken ; his heart torn to shreds - which left bloody traces on their way hoping for someone to notice them and save him before it was too late-. Only for his prayer's never to be answered in time. Help came too late, there was nothing left of the old Sawamura anymore to save. The only thing left was the shells that were as equally damaged as its contents, so fragile that they could crumble with the merest touch.

Waking up that fateful weekend he wasn't feeling very well at all, his body had entirely run out of fuel. Sawamura felt exhausted and his sides still hadn't healed from the last beating. All of this combined with this feeling of starvation and depression that was lingering over him, he finally decided he had enough. He took the flicking knife out of his hiding spot and forcefully plunged it into his wrist, making sure to cut as deep as possible. It made him feel a strange sense of sickening pleasure and fulfillment, seeing the blood gushing out. It looked so red it almost made him feel alive again. He stared at it mesmerized by the way it shined when the light made contact with it , uncaring of the dumb, numb feeling that coursed through his body. He felt so dizzy ,everything was spinning quickly around him as if it was falling on his body, and he felt so sleepy that he was starting to doze off. Finally falling into a short nap time, feeling the low beating of his heart and the surrounding noises getting fainter and fainter in his ears until they ceased completely.

Continuation in the next chapter. This is not the official ending by the way- as much as it may seem to be because of the ending note in the end of the chapter. : )

Thanks for giving up your time to read it, hope it was satisfying enough for you. Please leave a review.