Author's note: one day a few months ago Carolyn Katie and I were discussing
plans for our ongoing adventures of the portal passers. In the mist of all
the ramblings, this short came into being. The one that started this
maddens. None can say for sure, nor can we say why. All I know is it has
been an ongoing joke and if I don't put it up it will turn into a fic.
Itself and trust me, we do not want that!
(Setting: it is just after the battle in which Sam and Frodo escape [in full fic Katie tags along], Marry and Pippin have been captured [along with Carolyn {full fic.}] and Boromir has been killed. Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and I [Catt] are by the riverside tending to our wounds)
"Spooty wound!" Catt proclaimed as she tried to bandage a spot where an arrow had glanced off her back.
Legolas sighed, "here let me help." he took the rapping from her and looked at her back.
Gimli made a growling noise, "I say let the brat bleed to death! She has only caused us trouble."
"I have not! If anything I have helped you!" Catt yelled in Gimli's hairy face.
"Ya right! You weren't with us we would be at Mt. Doom, all ready!" he screamed, shoving his bulbous nose into Catt's.
"That is enough! The fact is that she is here, wounded and needs one of us to stitch and bandage her back," Legolas said to Gimli. He then turned back to Catt "Take your shirt off."
Catt stared at him as if he were a pervert. Comprehending the command.
Suddenly Legolas released why she was staring at him as if she had found his elfish playboys in bag. "NOT LIKE THAT!!! THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT! I MEAN. UH." he faltered for words. Aragorn snickered with amusement as the elf tried to explain why this young woman should take her clothing off in front of three men, 2 of which were more than twice her age.
"I think what he is asking," mused Aragorn, "is for you to remove your shirt so he can fix your back young one."
"." Catt continued to stair at the elf as if he were a madman, then made- up her mind. "All right, but only if he," at this she, pointed at the dwarf "gets lost!"
"You herd the lady," Aragorn told Gimli, "go take piss in the woods or something " Gimli mumbled and cussed about catering to her little miss modesty but left.
As soon as Catt was sure that Gimli could not see her, she whipped off her shirt.
"Oh My God!" Legolas yelled. "My eyes!"
"Warn us next time, please," Aragorn said.
" GIVE ME A BREAK!" Catt yelled.
Suddenly a band of dwarfs ran up and started to dance, and sing, " Give me a break! Give me a break! Break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar! I want to take a break kuz' it tastes so great! And every where you go you hear the people say; Gi..."
"QUIET!" Aragorn boomed, "that is enough!" The dwarfs retreated.
"O.K.?" Catt remarked, "That was freaky."
"You can say that again!" agreed Legolas.
"That was..."
" I didn't mean literally," he sighed. "Now let me take a look at that wound. Aragorn? Would you pass the thread and needle?"
"Needle?" she repeated in horror, "what do you mean, NEEDLE?"
" Here you are Legolas," Aragorn tried to not laugh as he handed over the needle and thread. Then he sat down ready to enjoy the show.
"I do not care if you are the hottest guy I have ever had the pleasure of meeting," she whispered coldly, retreating from Legolas. "YOU ARE NOT STICKING ME WITH THAT THING!!!"
(Setting: it is just after the battle in which Sam and Frodo escape [in full fic Katie tags along], Marry and Pippin have been captured [along with Carolyn {full fic.}] and Boromir has been killed. Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and I [Catt] are by the riverside tending to our wounds)
"Spooty wound!" Catt proclaimed as she tried to bandage a spot where an arrow had glanced off her back.
Legolas sighed, "here let me help." he took the rapping from her and looked at her back.
Gimli made a growling noise, "I say let the brat bleed to death! She has only caused us trouble."
"I have not! If anything I have helped you!" Catt yelled in Gimli's hairy face.
"Ya right! You weren't with us we would be at Mt. Doom, all ready!" he screamed, shoving his bulbous nose into Catt's.
"That is enough! The fact is that she is here, wounded and needs one of us to stitch and bandage her back," Legolas said to Gimli. He then turned back to Catt "Take your shirt off."
Catt stared at him as if he were a pervert. Comprehending the command.
Suddenly Legolas released why she was staring at him as if she had found his elfish playboys in bag. "NOT LIKE THAT!!! THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT! I MEAN. UH." he faltered for words. Aragorn snickered with amusement as the elf tried to explain why this young woman should take her clothing off in front of three men, 2 of which were more than twice her age.
"I think what he is asking," mused Aragorn, "is for you to remove your shirt so he can fix your back young one."
"." Catt continued to stair at the elf as if he were a madman, then made- up her mind. "All right, but only if he," at this she, pointed at the dwarf "gets lost!"
"You herd the lady," Aragorn told Gimli, "go take piss in the woods or something " Gimli mumbled and cussed about catering to her little miss modesty but left.
As soon as Catt was sure that Gimli could not see her, she whipped off her shirt.
"Oh My God!" Legolas yelled. "My eyes!"
"Warn us next time, please," Aragorn said.
" GIVE ME A BREAK!" Catt yelled.
Suddenly a band of dwarfs ran up and started to dance, and sing, " Give me a break! Give me a break! Break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar! I want to take a break kuz' it tastes so great! And every where you go you hear the people say; Gi..."
"QUIET!" Aragorn boomed, "that is enough!" The dwarfs retreated.
"O.K.?" Catt remarked, "That was freaky."
"You can say that again!" agreed Legolas.
"That was..."
" I didn't mean literally," he sighed. "Now let me take a look at that wound. Aragorn? Would you pass the thread and needle?"
"Needle?" she repeated in horror, "what do you mean, NEEDLE?"
" Here you are Legolas," Aragorn tried to not laugh as he handed over the needle and thread. Then he sat down ready to enjoy the show.
"I do not care if you are the hottest guy I have ever had the pleasure of meeting," she whispered coldly, retreating from Legolas. "YOU ARE NOT STICKING ME WITH THAT THING!!!"