Still Waiting For You
Chapter 1: "All I Want To Do Is Sleep"
The house was
silent and dark, with moonlight striking the waves that washed the beach in
front of it, casting an eerie glow through the glass windowed walls in the
front of the house.
Blue eyes
flashed towards the clock. 12:04. It was way past her bedtime, but her mother
wouldn't hear. Small hands reached for the telephone, blond ringlets swinging
as she bent.
Kara was only
five, turning six next September, but she knew how to use a telephone and she
knew what her mother needed.
Dial tone. Her
fingers with the tiny nails painted purple pressed the buttons lightly and
slowly. 1…8…0…0…5…5…5…4…5…2…6…Ring. Ring.
"Hello, this
is Dr. Amanda Smithsonian and you are on R90.5, the premier hotline for talking
about your relationship problems. You are on air!"
"Hi, I'm
Kara." Her small voice rang out as she tried not to bite on her nails.
"How old are
you, Kara?" Dr. Smithsonian asked suspiciously.
"Five."
"Honey, this
is a hotline about relationships. Do you have relationship problems in
kindergarten?" the doctor inquired, sounding slightly annoyed at having a child
call her hotline.
"My mommy
does," whispered Kara. "My mommy needs a boyfriend."
Dr.
Smithsonian laughed. Now this was getting somewhere. "What about your daddy?"
"I don't know
my daddy," Kara confessed, sitting down on the couch. "I'm adopted." Her
vocabulary was wide for a girl of her age.
"Well, honey,
don't you think your mom should decide if she dates or not?"
"Doctor
Smith—Smityso—Smithsonnyanns—"
"You can call
me Dr. Amanda," said Dr. Smithsonian. Kara sighed.
"Dr. 'manda,
my mommy says she never ever wants to date again. And I don't know why." Her
lips quivered in the moonlight. "And I want my mommy to be happy."
"Is your mother
there?" Amanda Smithsonian questioned. The small girl looked around.
"I'll go wake
her up. Her name's Valerie, but everyone calls her Val. Except me. I call her
Mommy."
*
"Mommy, phone
for you, phone for you." Kara shook her mother's sleeping form hard. "Mommy,
I'm gonna bounce on the bed if you don't get up."
Val rolled
over. "Honey, it's midnight. Tell them to leave a message. I really need to
sleep."
"But it's a
'mergency!" cried Kara, climbing up onto the bed with its light blue sheets.
"All right,
honey, all right." Val sat up and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hello, this
is Dr. Amanda Smithsonian and you are on R90.5, the premier hotline for
relationships nationwide."
"And you told
my daughter this was an emergency?" Val shouted, growing vexed as she smoothed
her blond hair back from her forehead. She had never liked radio call-in shows
much.
"She called
us, Val," Dr. Amanda told Val.
"Oh, she did,
did she?" Val scowled at Kara, who in turn smiled, showing white teeth.
"Val, Kara says
you're not happy." This soothing, calm voice was really too much to deal with
right now.
"I'm perfectly
happy," argued Val, twisting a golden lock absently.
"You only
twist your hairs when you're unhappied," Kara shot back. Val gave her a
meaningful look.
"Kara thinks
you need someone in your life," commented Dr. Amanda.
"I have
someone in my life. Her. And I have my career. I don't have time for anything
else."
"Have you been
hurt, Valerie?" Oh, this woman knew where to bury her swords. "Have you ever
loved someone?"
"Yes." Val's
throat was choking. Why did she ever teach Kara how to use a telephone? "I
have."
"When was
that? Did he break up with you?"
"He never
knew," Val admitted, her eyes closing with pain. "I never told him."
"Why don't you
tell him? You might feel better."
"I haven't
seen him for years." Kara climbed onto Val's lap and her mother's arm wrapped
around her. "I don't need him. I don't need love."
"You might
need it more than you think," said Dr. Amanda. "Why don't you tell him?"
"Possibly.
Possibly," repeated Val. Kara looked worriedly at her mother's face contorted
in pain. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.
"Have we
helped today, Val?"
"You've
certainly enlightened me," Val told her. Kara let a hint of a smile tease her
lips.
"Well, we're
out of time. Val, call back if you have any other problems."
"I'm sure if I
don't, my daughter will," said Val dryly. She hung up the phone and looked at
Kara. "You can be very nosy at times."
"Can I sleep
in here?" yawned Kara, but before her mother could answer the little blond girl
was fast asleep on the pillow.
Val smiled
wryly—her daughter might be able to sleep, but she herself wouldn't go to sleep
for a long, long while.
in the
middle of the night,
head on my pillow,
looking like a little ghost
seems like all of the things
that you gave your mother
have all gone up in smoke
Val wasn't the
only one who couldn't sleep. Tyler Connell sat at his kitchen table, mindlessly
stirring his lemon tea. His mother had told him that it induced drowsiness when
he was back in seventh grade and an insomniac, but now it wasn't helping. Of
course, he was twenty-eight and not twelve, and that was probably what was the
matter.
He gave up on
trying to go to bed and flicked the switch on the radio.
"And this is
Amanda Smithsonian on R90.5, the premier relationships hotline across America.
If you just tuned in, we're talking to Val and her five-year-old daughter
Kara," the radio said. Tyler shook his head. It had to be a coincidence. Tons
of people were called Val.
"Hello?" a
sleepy voice replied. No, no, no, thought Tyler desperately, it's not
her. Someone just has a similar voice that's sleep-ridden…
But no. The
more he listened, the more he was absolutely sure that this was indeed Val.
"He never
knew," choked Val, her voice filled with pain. "I never told him." Tyler
couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and flipped off the radio switch,
burying his head in his hands.
This was the
worst possible time for him to hear her voice again. The worst possible time
imaginable.
*
"Hey, Caitie,"
Val greeted her best friend while trying to make Kara's breakfast.
"Val! What's
up? We haven't talked in two weeks or something!"
"Yeah, I know.
The hospital has been really busy and Kara had the flu up until about four days
ago," explained Val, holding the phone between her shoulder and head while
pouring Kara's cereal.
"Is she better
now?"
"Yes. And you
won't believe what she did last night." Val got the milk out of the fridge and
looked at Kara, who was smiling happily, evidently pleased with herself.
"What?"
"She called
Amanda Smithsonian. You know, the radio call-in hotline for relationship
problems. And she told her that I had relationship problems." Val covered up
the receiver for a moment and spoke to Kara. "Go feed Spot, okay?" Kara nodded
and ran off.
"You mean to
say you don't?" Caitie's voice came. "You sure fooled me."
"I do, but I
don't need a doctor with the last name of a museum to tell me that." Val capped
the milk and covered the receiver again. "Kara, breakfast!" she called.
"Val…you need
to get over him."
"I don't need
to get over anybody," Val informed her brusquely. "I'm perfectly fine. I just
need to—do you know his address?"
Caitie cracked
up. "Val, you are hopeless."
"Caitie,
please…"
"Just a
moment."
"Kara, eat
your cereal, not Spot's food!"
*
Val looked out
the window of the plane sadly, then down at Kara in the seat, sleeping soundly
as she sucked her thumb. Val reached out and touched her daughter's blond
curls, thinking.
Maybe she was
making a mistake. They had started different lives after high school, gone
different routes and would never come back to merge on the same path that would
take them through life. She might still love him, but it was doubtful that he
still loved her.
She shook her
head and glanced out the window at the dark sky once more, wanting nothing more
than to follow her daughter's actions and sleep—but sleep was out of the
question. Her eyes searched the sky and its stars for the answer to the inquiry
that wouldn't be answered until the plane touched down and a fist knocked on a
wooden door.
And
childishly, idiotically, she remembered the long since spoken poem that every
kid learned and every child knew by heart…
Starlight,
star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might…Her eyelids
fell shut. Let him love me. Please.
in the middle of the night,
you don't know what I'm thinking,
but still the stars do sparkle and shine
seems like all of the time
our boat was slowly sinking
you didn't even seem to mind
Tyler
was woken with a start from his dozing nap by a sharp rap on the door, followed
by the ringing of the doorbell. He slowly and sleepily rose from the couch and
walked to the door, twisting the doorknob and pulling the door open.
Only
to be face to face with Val.
"Hi,
Tyler," she greeted him nervously, biting her lip as she faced him again.
"Val."
He was in a distinct state of shock. "Good to see you again." It was better
than good, but right now it was so much better that he couldn't take it again.
Val
took the golden-haired five-year-old from her hip and placed her on the floor.
"Kara,
right?" Tyler greeted the drowsy-looking girl, who nodded while she looked at
him with blue eyes. Val looked surprised. "I heard the radio show," he
explained. She swallowed, feeling like her throat had turned into sandpaper.
"Who's the father?" He winced as soon as the words came from his mouth. "I
don't mean—I'm sorry, Val. It's just a surprise. You never told me."
"I
haven't talked to you in years, Tyler. I don't see how I could have told you."
"I'm
'dopted," Kara informed him, attaching herself to his leg.
"You
are, are you?" Tyler said, grinning as he picked her up. He sobered slightly as
he turned to Val. "It's amazing to see you again. You've changed so much."
"I
know."
"Come
in, why don't you?" Tyler suddenly remembered his manners and pulled the door
open further for her. Val smiled and pulled the suitcase in after her, the door
closing.
"What's
new with you?" she inquired, sitting down on a stool in the kitchen and smiling
as Tyler gently put Kara on the counter.
"There's
no easy way to say this…"
"What?"
Her senses were on alert, wide-awake even though the time change had taken a
lot out of her. She had expected him to say "nothing, I'm fine", but that
didn't seem to be the case.
"I'm
getting married, Val."
Shock.
Cold, pure, hard shock that coursed through her veins and left her rigid in the
stool, eyes wide. Married. All that senseless hoping and wishing and dreaming
had done nothing. He was getting married.
"To
whom?" she managed to choke through her lips, which were dry and chapped with
surprise.
"Heather.
Heather Stillmore." This was a bad dream, a nightmare. It had to be—this was
such a surprise. She had not told him about Kara, but she expected him to tell
her about Heather. That was idiotic of me, thought Val, but it was what
she had wanted.
"Oh."
The shock was still looming over her like a gray cloud over a white beach on a
sunny day.
"You
probably want to sleep, though, don't you?" Anything to get off the subject. "I
mean, what with the time change and all. The guest room is open…"
Val
nodded and followed him up the stairs, picking up Kara as he carried the
suitcase. The engagement to Heather was surprising, but not nearly as painful
as the other reality:
The
man she had fallen in love with hadn't touched her at all.
now all I want to do is sleep
now all I want to do is sleep
now all I want to do is sleep
I'm still evil… Well, that was interesting. This is
fun to write. I hope you liked it. Thank you VERY much to Aricraze, who read
this over, is writing out Cinderella Story, betas my fics, and puts up with my
pain and irritability when I've pulled my shoulder muscle. (Which I've done
now. I hate backstroke flip turns.) So…thankies, Aricraze. (And I want to know
how many tissues, as well!) REVIEW, PEOPLES, OR I'LL STOP WRITING!!!
---Ivy
