They say actions speak louder than words, but Paul wasn't the most articulate person on the planet and that was putting it lightly.
This thing between him and Jeff had started sometime during the beginning of last year, long before Jeff had came out or announced that he wanted to run for class president. Long before this whole relationship thing had become so arduous. It also didn't help that it was a secret and that Paul didn't want anyone knowing about their arrangement they had going on.
Whenever Paul wasn't being an idiot with Nick and Josh or Jeff wasn't at soccer practice, they would usually meet up in a janitor's closet or under one of the trees in the field. They'd sneak off to make out or do some heavy petting in private, but never in their rooms. Jeff complained about it on many occasions. He would ask can't we just lock the door for a little while?, to which Paul would come up with some lame excuse as to why they couldn't.
Despite all the crap he had to put up with, Jeff remained in acquiesce by Paul's side through it all because he loved the jackass. Paul was ashamed to admit that he took advantage of this at times in order to hold onto Jeff as long as possible. It was kind of a dick move on Paul's part, but he couldn't exactly express himself like every other human. Some would say he was emotionally constipated. He hasn't even told Jeff he loves him while Jeff hadn't been shy about admitting it at all.
Paul remembers the first time Jeff ever told him he loved him.
"Hey Paul? I think I love you," Jeff had confessed one afternoon in the library.
Initially, it took Paul by surprise since he was so caught up in studying at the time, but the way Jeff's voice cracked ever so slightly as he whispered it across the table had Paul breaking out in goosebumps. Paul was so taken aback and dazed by Jeff's admission that he didn't even try to brush Jeff off when the other man reached across the table to place a hand on his.
"Like, a lot."
"Oh…" was all Paul could say.
That's how they ended up having sex for the first time… in a broom closet of course since Paul was paranoid as hell. It was kind of uncomfortable considering they were both standing up and Paul had Jeff up against a wall in a crowded closet, but it didn't make it any less special. Jeff claimed he wanted Paul and the class president wasn't about to deny his boyfriend.
Paul pushed Jeff into the wall, both of them already naked from the waist down, as Jeff spread his legs and stuck his ass out towards Paul invitingly. Paul prepared Jeff with trembling hands, not having done this before with anyone, trying his best to be gentle with the other man. Jeff whined incessantly, coaxing Paul to just take him already.
The first thrust in was met with resistance and a pained grunt, followed by a gasp when Jeff's muscles gave way for Paul's manhood. Once they settled into a sufficient enough rhythm, Paul sighed deeply, moaning his approval into Jeff's ear as the other man writhed and clawed at the wall in front of him. It was the best thing Paul had ever felt and Jeff was so beautiful and tight around him that it took everything inside Paul not to come immediately.
Jeff, of course, whimpered and gasped accordingly, letting Paul know what felt good and what didn't. Despite the fact that they were having sex in a dirty closet, the whole experience was really sweet. Especially with all the soft noises Jeff made every time Paul thrusted into him and pulled his hair tenderly. Nothing but the sounds of Paul's hips snapping against Jeff's and moaning filled the tiny room.
Paul's thrusting got firmer and Jeff's cries became louder as they both panted hotly in the cramped space between them. Paul took to kissing and biting at Jeff's slender neck, marking him as his, because Jeff was his. Paul reached a hand down to wrap it around Jeff's cock as it bobbed between his legs neglected. Jeff moaned into the wall, clenching around Paul's cock rhythmically until they were both coming undone.
Now it's a year later and Jeff confided in Paul that he wants to run for class president against Paul and that he wants to tell the other guys about their relationship. Paul changed the subject by making out with Jeff instead of talking things out.
Paul still hasn't mustered up the minerals to say it back. He hasn't taken the final step in telling Jeff just how much he cared about him. Not after the first time they had sex and not even now as Jeff sits in Paul's lap, grinding against him as they suck at each other's lips under the tree in the field. It's moments like this that make Paul truly appreciate life at Asagao, but the same can't be said for Jeff.
Paul feels his secret lover shift slightly, breaking the kiss as he sits back to look down into Paul's eyes. There's a hint of sadness in Jeff's dreamy irises and Paul knows what's coming next, dreads it even as his arousal deflates at the sudden loss of contact. Jeff clambers out of Paul's lap and stands up to dust himself off.
"It's getting late," Jeff says, giving Paul a tired look. Like he doesn't know how much longer he can do this.
Paul nods, standing up to hug and kiss Jeff before letting him go. Paul watches Jeff walk away across the field, wanting nothing more than to yell those three words. To make everything right.
His voice fails him, however, caught somewhere between I love you and please don't go.