There is no denying it; in the beginning Blaine doesn't really give a damn about Kurt Hummel. He only cares about himself. The fact that he was a coward, the fact that he ran way. If he can get another boy to not make the same mistakes and come out on top, then in a way Blaine Anderson has risen from the ashes and become supreme dictator of High School World. It's selfish really, but he's too caught up in his own failures to realize that he really isn't committed to helping Kurt.
Sure he sent about twenty texts all reading "courage," sure he drove across town for two hours just to get to Lima, Ohio and confront Karofsky, sure he had a heart-to-heart with Kurt at Dalton –but what did it mean? Did it mean that he wanted to help this boy or just rectify a past mistake?
Because honestly, even if he does fancy Kurt Hummel in some way, shape or form, people always said first loves are never meant to last. So in the end, he is also helping himself… again… Selfishness.
The point where Blaine starts to see how self-centered, arrogant and how much of an ass he is, is when Kurt just about breaks down on the cement steps of McKinley High. "What's wrong?" he asks, almost uncaringly, unsympathetically. And Kurt gives this heartbroken answer of first kisses and counting. "Come on, I'll buy you lunch." The words leave his lips quicker than Blaine can think of them. Had he really just asked the boy out to lunch? But this isn't a date, he quickly convinces himself. Just two friends hanging out, both of which happen to be gay.
It's from that point on that their friendship unfolds and Blaine realizes that his selfish act in the beginning could have very well cost Kurt's place at school. Maybe being bullied isn't as bad as getting your first kiss stolen. Honestly, some part of Blaine –the part he'd rather not acknowledge, the part lodged in the very, very, very back of his brain- wishes Kurt would actually transfer to Dalton. He likes having a friend who is as messed up as he is.
However, Kurt turns out to be everything Blaine expected him not to be: assertive, a bit arrogant, but humorous as well. In other words, innocent. Somehow, it makes Blaine want to curl up in a ball and wither away. It's his fault again, his selfishness. Kurt didn't have to do this.
But the younger boy doesn't really seem to mind. He attends classes, aces French and goes to the Warbler rehearsals like he's been doing it his whole life. Nothing really seems to faze him, so Blaine doesn't let the guilt get to him.
They go out for coffee; it's their little thing. Medium drip and a Grande non-fat mocha with the additional cookie. So obviously, they know each other's coffee orders. They've been going at it for months –no innuendo intended. Blaine doesn't see the big deal about knowing Kurt's coffee order, not in the same way the pale boy sees it. It's just coffee.
It doesn't register that this has always been their little thing.
Gap Attack was a complete failure. In hindsight, Blaine realizes his complete selfish again. "I'm so smitten with this curly-Q guy, I'll ignore the glares my best friend is giving me." In his defense, Kurt puts up a rather convincing front, encouraging him to man up and start with the singing with reassurances of "he's going to love you." The unspoken because he'd be a fool not to hangs in the air.
It takes him a while to realize it, but Blaine's hair jab at Jeremiah is actually an insult. At the moment, it feels like a conspiratorial whisper which takes away a bit of the pain and heartbreak. It feels like Kurt is trying to cheer him up, having his own little chorus commenting on his romantic failure. Because that's just the way Kurt is. Sometimes he's too kind of his own good. It only makes Blaine feel worse after the coffee ship confession fiasco. Admittedly, he does feel something for his only gay friend, but is it enough to build something greater out of? He values Kurt's presence more than his love; "I don't want to screw this up."
It should be an end to romance right then and there, but of course Blaine goes off on a drunken make-out session with fellow diva Rachel Berry right in front of Kurt Hummel. Blaine doesn't realize that there's anything wrong with the kiss until half-way through the Lima Bean argument where Kurt looks like he's is seriously considering running off to a bathroom and bawling his eyes out. The junior is undoubtedly sure that he is killing his best friend here, but his pride refuses to back down and he must win this argument no matter what.
Selfish bastard, he berates himself after his fling with Rachel ends and Kurt apologizes. Blaine waves it off. You idiot Blaine, he curses mentally.
So now he tries hard to make it up to Kurt. The coffee, the cookies, the jokes. Extra pats on the back. Smiles, bedazzling smiles… until he slips up on the whole sexy debacle.
Maybe it's then when that notion of fancying his best friend starts to germinate. If not, it's definitely sprouting when he confronts Burt at the garage. This time, he really wants Kurt to have the life he didn't. It's not just retribution for the lack thereof in Blaine's own life. He wants Kurt to be loved and cared for. It doesn't matter by whom, but just by someone who is good enough for him.
"As much as I appreciate the lack of Katy Perry and P!nk, can we move away from endless repeats of heartfelt Broadway music?" Wes asks one day as they complete their homework for the day. To his roommate's happiness, Blaine turns down the volume. "It's not Regionals material either," the Asian boy adds.
Regionals… Regionals. The drama starts kicking in as the Warblers start giving more and more impromptu arrangements and performances. Everyone has to admit that Misery was a pretty good number for present for Regionals. Well, just about everyone.
The Gladys Knight reference is not lost on Blaine Anderson as Kurt strolls away with Pavoratii's cage for his next class. Blaine and the Pips? What kind of horrendous idea is that? Has Kurt gotten over him already?
Hopefully, not, a voice in Blaine says, because when Kurt walks in, doors opening like he is a king, Blaine's heart falls. The fresh tear tracks that stain the boy's cheeks almost symbolize scars on a heart. Honestly, as Kurt sings the Beatles, the older Warbler wants nothing more than to reach out and hug Kurt. Give a kiss in his hair. Something. Anything. His heart his playing tricks with him.
There's no way that he's falling for his best friend. He shouldn't, he can't. And hell with it, he doesn't really want to. He doesn't really care; he didn't really care. This whole platonic relationship had only started out of Blaine's selfishness. Why should be bear even more guilt of an certain chance of another heartbreak? There's no way… no way that-
Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.
Blaine's positive he looks completely besotted.
"I think I'm in love," he sighs, as he collapses on his bed later. He realizes that maybe he does want this relationship. Maybe it's fine to take a leap of faith. He wants to kiss Kurt; he wants to be able to hug him, to hold him, to unintentionally flirt with him and not have people question of Blaine is simply leading the younger boy on.
Wes raises his eyebrows and picks up a few candy wrappers to discard in the trash can. "No heartbreaks before Regionals," Wes warns. Blaine hums softly to a tune his mind. "I mean it Blaine," Wes says dangerously. "Just because you're friends with two council members-"
"Yes, yeah…" Blaine dismisses as he rests his hands underneath his head.
There's a period of silence before Wes ventures, "Is it Kurt?"
Blaine immediately sits up, accidently knocking the back of his head on the headboard. "What?" he manages to spit out. Wes is wearing a triumphant look on his face.
"Knew it!"
"Wes!"
"Dude, we've been betting on your hook-up since Christmas."
"You what?" Dapper Blaine has disappeared.
"Thought for sure Gap Attack was supposed to be for Kurt," sighed Wes.
Blaine furrows his brow. "Really?"
"Was it not obvious? Daily coffee dates-"
"They aren't dates."
"-a Christmas song about date rape-"
"Not about date rape."
"-driving two hours to Lima just to hang out…" Wes finishes.
A look of understanding flashes across Blaine's face. "Oh God," he groans, falling back down onto his pillows. "Did I really-"
"Smitten, Blaine. Smitten."
So it's no surprise when the Warbler's unanimously agree on a duet. They all know who the partner is in the back of their minds. Kurt. Another unanimous vote and an ecstatic Blaine trying to reign in his excitement.
"Lack of Top 40, but too much Hey Monday," Wes chides. Then he adds, "And too much of the same song. I get that everything in you is aching to hear Kurt's gentle voice again."
Blaine groans. "I need a song," he cries.
"Then stop raping the replay button!" Wes climbs off his bed and heads over to the desk Blaine is sitting at. The YouTube screen greets him as he takes control of the computer mouse and scrolls over to the Recommended Videos. "Here," he clicks. "Candles."
After transferring to Dalton, Blaine prides himself for his completely suave behavior. It comes easily to him, especially when he isn't being pushed up against walls and bullied. Dapper Blaine. Calm Blaine. Lawyer-politician Blaine.
But right now, Blaine is far from dapper. His heart is beating wildy; his hands are quite sweaty. He's also pretty sure that he's about to faint as well. Calm, dapper Blaine, he reminds himself, as he approaches Kurt and chats about the duet.
The most immature thing Blaine could have done was tell Kurt to hurry it up with Pavarotti's casket.
Nevertheless, Kurt doesn't show any disdain towards the older boy and seems content with the song choice. Because there obviously isn't anything wrong about singing a song with your crush about being single and lonely. Then, of course, Kurt goes and asks that question. No, not that question. That question. There's no way Blaine can white lie his way through that one, so he takes Kurt's hand and stares into those clear eyes. He's talking and talking, just waiting for some sort of sign that Kurt hasn't been shell-shocked… and then he gets it.
You move me Kurt. A subtle eyebrow lift and turn of the head. And this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you. Kurt looks relieved and surprised at the same time. His lips are slightly parted, as if he's breathing in the confession Blaine has made.
Blaine slowly rises over to press a kiss to Kurt's lips. The first kiss, fireworks and dynamite. For all intents and purposes, it's Kurt's first kiss as well. It's one where he's a willing participant. It's one that counts.
Everyone thinks they're the sweetest couple to ever stroll the planet. They are the two that are mostly likely to make it for life. In the midst of all the New Directions relationship crises and the lack of amongst the Dalton Warblers, Kurt and Blaine seem like the bright star that lights up both their choirs. They are always so romantic with each other, as well as chivalrous. They just have this connection, this click and understanding of each other. After Kurt transfers back to McKinley, Blaine makes it his sacred duty to visit as much as he can with a non-fat mocha in hand. He convinces the Warblers to prepare another public performance and they're jumping all over the tables and benches of the McKinley High courtyard. Eventually, Blaine transfers –and it's all for Kurt.
So maybe he is being selfish. So maybe he wants to be closer to his boyfriend. So maybe he wants to hold hands and cuddle during New Directions practice. The whole relationship was built on Blaine's selfish desires. At least he wasn't hurting Kurt anymore.
"Things aren't simple anymore, can't jump in until you know."
Ever since Original Song aired, I've been getting drunk on Klaine fics. As cute and fluffy as they are most of them are just about the same. I wanted something different. Yes, I know the whole reevaluation of their relationship since Day 1 has been done before, but not in this light. It's always "Blaine fell in love at first sight." He's all goody-two shoes, like the show paints him to be, and it really bugs me. The only time I've ever seen him truly emotional and harsh is when he and Kurt get into that fight. I'm not a Gleek; I just watch the show on and off. However, when word of the kiss reached my ears, I had to go watch all the Klaine moments again. I admire how much Ryan Murphy has put into developing their relationship. He gets props from me.
So this fic is one where Blaine is kind of a bad guy, selfish if you will. He only helped Kurt to atone for himself. Then he slowly finds himself drawn into this friendship and ultimately a romance that he, at first, doesn't really want. It's also a homage to all the Klaine fics out there. You can see that I eventually gave into a few similarities like the bet about their hook-up and the Katy Perry obsession.
The title is taken from Fall Into Me by Hey Monday. I'd thought it'd be appropriate, all things considered. There's a ref to it as well when Wes says "I get that everything in you is aching to hear Kurt's gentle voice again."