Disclaimer: I own neither Haruhi Suzumiya nor Good Omens. I am simply using content for entertainment.
Sometimes I think the world would be better if it worked like a novel. If colors and shapes could tell you beforehand what something meant, and there were often forewarnings to the great disasters if you knew how to spot them. Maybe if this were the case, I might have escaped the horrors of Haruhi. But sadly, the universe, ever indifferent to my suffering, gave no foreshadowing to the beginning of my nightmares, nor would it give me any such convenient warning of the events that would transpire today.
Indeed, that day started just like many others: with the painstaking labor of lifting myself out of bed every morning. I was never anything close to an athlete, but even I had the slight pride of a reasonable physique. Yet getting up each morning to go to school was like trying to lift myself out of a pool of molasses.
It was just too early, and I could hardly be motivated with nothing to look forward to but a grueling uphill climb, hours of fading slowly from consciousness as my teachers droned about things vital for my future success, and entertaining whatever insanity Haruhi had cooked up for that afternoon.
The late January cold was no good either, and as soon as I stepped out the door, I wanted to spin right back and bury myself under an Everest of blankets. But I mustered what determination I had and put one foot in front of the other.
I should truly be commended on my diligence for making it through my days. I have come to the conclusion that this ability to march on was inherited from a previous life as a Roman soldier, and each day I give thanks to Kyonicus for lending me his strength.
The day proceeded as predicted and I walked into the club room to be greeted with the angelic Asahina-san preparing tea. Nagato sat in her corner on the folding chair reading what appeared to be an encyclopedia, going simply from the volume of the tome, and tome is the only word that fits.
Koizumi sat at the table with a shogi board already laid out. He gave me that creepy smile of his. Dammit Koizumi, why must your presence ride in so close on the coat tails of the happiness I received from Asahina's lovely face? His smile just seemed to widen, as if he could tell what I was thinking and was amused…esper bastard…
The day continued in an odd silence, even after Haruhi came in. It seemed she was in another of her moods and just sat at the computer, splitting the silence occasionally with a half-hearted clicking. My eyes would wander to her despondent face every once in a while but I didn't say anything. Let me enjoy my peace while it lasts.
There it was…I might as well have said "These days will last forever" or "What could possibly go wrong?"
A knocking on the door startled all of us, though only Nagato made no reaction. Whether this was because she had already sensed someone coming or if it was simply her usual alien restraint I'll never know.
Asahina looked from me to Haruhi uncertainly for a few seconds before heading to the door. She's too adorable when flustered! Haruhi had perked up suddenly, probably hoping that the person on the other side of the door was a customer. I glanced quickly to Koizumi, but he simply shrugged, so he probably wasn't planning anything…although I could never be sure as long as he kept that creepy smile plastered on all the time.
Whatever anyone might have been expecting, I doubt it was the foreign boy who stood in the doorway. He seemed our age with golden hair and blue eyes and one golden eyebrow arched elegantly as he surveyed us. His uniform didn't resemble anything from any of the schools in the area, but then I couldn't be sure. There could always be some exclusive private school tucked away for foreigners studying abroad. He had a dark navy blazer and matching trousers. He had a white undershirt and between it and the blazer was a black and yellow stripped tie with a pin in the shape of a bee.
"This is the SOS Brigade?" He said in only slightly accented Japanese.
Haruhi seemed to do a flying leap from her seated position in the chair, across the room, and directly in front of the doorway. I give her 5 points for sticking the landing and 3 for style. She grabbed on to him by the front of his blazer and dragged him to a chair at the table while feeding him expositions.
"That's us! The SOS brigade! Investigators of all incidents involving the supernatural, so what is your problem?"
The boy, now seated, made no immediate reaction, and indeed hadn't even reacted when Haruhi grabbed him and dragged him into the chair.
"I see…" is all he eventually said.
All I can tell you about how I was feeling at that moment was that a strong dread was slowly building within me. No one ever walks through that door by accident, and this stranger could not possibly be an exception. Something was happening, and odds were I was going to have to suffer for it.
I looked to the other brigade members but everyone had their eyes fixed on the newcomer, it seems they were also sharing my apprehension.
"Well," The boy started "I'm afraid that I don't have any kind of problem to bring to you."
"Oh…" Haruhi's manic energy drained right out of her, it was disheartening to see, "Then why the heck are you here?" she get's grumpy when she has the blues, but the boy either didn't notice or didn't mind.
"I came in because I saw someone had ex'd out the sign for the literature club and scrawled under it: SOS Brigade. I was curious."
I resisted the urge to facepalm, being reminded of that particular act of insanity of Haruhi's.
"So, you guys investigate supernatural incidents…I take it that you don't get much foot traffic?"
"Practically no one…" Haruhi sighed, slouching her way back to the computer.
I almost had a brief flicker of hope that nothing was going to happen, that there really could be innocuous coincidences in the world and I would not be subjected to more insanity yet today. But alas…
"That's probably because you don't have an Oracle."
Everyone looked at the boy in confusion.
"Oracle?" Haruhi asked. The boy just nodded before crossing his arms and his legs in a thoughtful expression. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them I felt a chill. They were filled with a dangerous gleam, not unlike Haruhi's, but subtler, hidden beneath a suaveness that didn't know until far too late that you had stumbled into the shark jaws of insanity.
"In lots of stories there is an oracle, whose job is to point the way for heroes to find their goal. If supernatural events could be discovered by looking, they'd surely be common news by now. No, everything points to the probability of something unnatural happening to someone who neither wants nor expects it. What you need, is someone who can find those people, and sort the wheat from the chaff."
Haruhi's manic demeanor returned in full force as she came to some conclusion way before I did.
"We need someone to give us the cases! Someone who is in a position that brings them into contact with the unexplained often!"
The boy nodded, before getting up and getting the marker on the dry erase board and writing down "Investigative Proxy".
"He should have skills in analyzing information and a discerning eye," the boy said.
"A connection to the police force would be best!" Haruhi added.
"And a weary skepticism!"
"And he should be our age so it'd be easier working with us!"
"Like a junior detective!"
"No! Better yet, a freelancer! Yeah, a young super sleuth who works privately because no one in the force would respect him because of his age!"
"That way he'd be more approachable to us!"
The two monsters went back and forth like that for almost an hour, hammering out details of a person who couldn't possibly exist, feeding off each other's insanity. I wanted to cry, to just break down and sob openly. Another Haruhi had appeared, it was the end of the world for sure.
Eventually it came time to go home, Haruhi was brimming with excitement as she stared at the whiteboard, now filled with scribbled qualities and characteristics for this supposed Oracle.
"Tomorrow we'll head out and search for him! You'd better not be late!" She turned to the boy "You're coming too!"
Then she was out the door, practically gliding, not even bothering to ask the boy's name. He turned to me as if he'd heard my thoughts and said "Young, Adam Young.'"
Author's note: Well there goes that, the start of my NBC Primetime Super Hour Challenge! Which is when I try and do more than one fic at once and update them once a week on a set hour, like a tv network!
I think from here on out I'll be writing in 3rd person. I just can't seem to get Kyon's voice right.
As always I hope you enjoy and if you find that my work inspires you and you want to use it as a basis for a fic of your own, please feel free, I'm not the kind who really cares about that very much.