AN: Because, apparently, the only way I can cope with Wally's death is writing depressing fics.
*Inspired by Troye Sivan's The Fault In Our Stars song.
I don't want to let this go
I don't want to lose control
I just want to see the stars
With You
And I don't want to say good bye
Someone tell me why
I just want to see the stars
With You
stay grand for one more minute.
That night signaled the first night without Wally. She was alone now, in their little apartment home at Palo Alto. Their dog was sleeping on the couch as if everything was the same as always. But it wasn't, not anymore. He was gone, erased from this universe's existence. There wasn't even a physical body…nothing for her to hold on to. Her heart was broken to pieces. After five and plus years, what more could you expect from her?
She never thought it would happen this way. She had always assumed that they would grow old together, live out the rest of their lives together. But that didn't go as expected, did it?
Everything was so wrong right now. Nothing was right in the world. Not to her. Anymore, that is. To her, Wally meant the world. He meant being alive; he was her home, the part of herself that kept her whole and true. What was she to do now that he was gone?
Earlier this evening, she had knocked on his parents' door in Central City. She had to be the one to do it. It was the right thing to do. He did it for her when she faked her death, didn't he? It was just paying him back for helping her mom cope with losing her. Now, she had to do the same. Help his parents cope with losing him. Except this time it was for real.
This was so much more bigger than she had imagined. It was different. It was unfair. But when had anything ever been just fair anyways? Never.
And at the moment, she felt nothing but bitterness. Back to her old ways. Back to depending only on herself. Keeping all her secrets and thoughts and history to herself. (But it would never be a secret for long with the Team, would it?).
When she had seen Bart in that Kid Flash costume, for a minute, just a minute-or maybe even a second, she saw Wally. She saw him again, and she felt whole and complete and happy. But then the memory of the artic reminded her of the truth. It was Bart. Not Wally. Never again Wally.
She would have broken down then and there, but what would that have done? Bart was hurting, too. He felt like a fraud, she knew. He felt like he wasn't honoring Wally's memory-instead, more like he was taking away Wally's hero identity. So she hid behind a façade. She told him how proud Wally would have been. She put on her Tigress mask, and she wasn't Artemis anymore.
The past few hours passed like a blur and in a flash she was asleep in the bed she had shared with Wally, tear stains evident on the pillows and sheets. She was strong, but that didn't mean that losing Wally hadn't hurt, badly. She might've been able to keep it at bay with the Team surrounding her, but alone in the apartment where everything reminded her of him? Probably never.
As if her unconscious mind had the same idea, she dreamed of him. It wasn't like a memory of sorts, though. It was new. In her dream-like state, everything surrounding them was white…cloudy…somewhat euphoric.
She looked at him, his smile as brilliant as always, his green eyes bright and shining, his red hair just as she remembered it. He called for her, "Babe."
She felt the tears running down her face. His expression changed rapidly. His eyebrows closed in with worry. "What's wrong?" He asked.
In a mere second, he was right in front of her, wiping her tears away. She tried to smile, "You're here. You're alive."
"Well, yeah, babe. What did you expect?" The sound of his laughter calmed her down rapidly.
She continued to gaze at him, taking in every muscle, every part of his anatomy, knowing that when she woke up, she would never see it again.
He had a frown on his face. She glanced quizzically at him. He scooped her up (bridal-style as always) and ran.
Somehow the scenery changed into the darkness people call night. There were stars in the sky. He set her down and plopped himself on the grassy ground. He patted the ground next to himself, signaling for her to sit down, too. So she did.
She had her legs tucked to her chest, her arms hugging her legs closer to her, almost like she was a ball. He lay on the grass, arms behind his head.
"Man, I don't think we've done this for a while, have we?" He asked, cheerfully.
She shook her head, a smile slowly forming on her face. She never wanted this moment to end, because once it did, when would she have another chance at seeing him again? She wanted to stay here. Forever. With him. Only ever with him.
He proceeded to tell her all about the stars and constellation formations the sky had to offer.
"And look over there! Do you see that?" He outlined the shape with his finger. "It's Orion, the Hunter. Its brightest stars are Rigel and Betelgeuse. And do you see that?-"
But soon, her dream-like state was fading away. Her dream world slowly started to turn to day, and the smile she had plastered on throughout this whole dream was fading rapidly.
"This is all just a dream." She spoke out loud, out of nowhere. He looked at her. "Why is this all just a dream?" she continued, "Why can't it be real? Why do you have to be gone?"
"Because we're heroes. Because it was the right thing to do. Because we had to save the world." He consoled her. "'Sides, I'm not really gone. I'll always be here-" he pointed at where her heart should have been located at, "-with you."
He kissed her cheek. "You have to wake up now, babe."
And she did. She woke up to a lonely bed, to herself, to the home she now had that no longer contained Wally but still had all his stuff in it. She woke up wishing that she could have stayed there forever with him. Because even though Artemis was strong (being trained by her dad made it impossible not to be), she wasn't strong enough for this. Never for this.
So she put on her mask. No longer Artemis, only Tigress. And she went about her day.
I love you.
I miss you.
Come back to me.