Title: Far Away

Author: LogicBomb.32

Ships: This is a weird one because it is partly Maura/OC and Jane/Maura

Summary: "So you'd rather sit here, in so much pain, rather than risk it all?"

Authors Note: Thanks so much to everyone who read/reviewed/author alerted/story favorite my previous story You've Got the Love. This story was interesting to write, I find that writing in first person is a far more intense and emotional experience (mostly because you, well I at least, tend to feel everything that the person I'm writing feels. Anyway, I digress, enjoy!

You're happy.

I can tell by the way the way your face lights up when you see his name on your caller ID.

I can tell by the way you keep glancing at the clock when it's your date night.

I can tell by the way you talk about him, almost all the time.

I can tell by the way he holds your hand.

I can tell by the way you two kiss, I know I'm not supposed to see if but one day I, I just did. You two kissed like there was no tomorrow, like nothing else mattered at that moment besides each other.

I've watched you grow, not literally of course but, I've watched you accept who you are, flaws and all, and begin to let people in. Starting with me.

Ever since I met you at our first crime scene together, I have been infatuated with you and it seemed like the feelings were mutual. You were there for me when I ran, ran scared from my nightmares. You were there even when I didn't want you there, you pressed on, refusing to let me be along.

Then you weren't there as much. I don't hold it against you, I could never, but when he stumbled into your life, everything changed. It wasn't like all of a sudden you dyed your hair or anything like it, it was the little things, the way you suddenly stopped answering my calls if you weren't on call. The way you seemed distracted on Friday nights. The way you turned down my offer of a movie because you had 'other plans', on a Wednesday.

Slowly, a lot slower than I perhaps should have, I put two and two together to get, you had a boyfriend. I remember the first time I met him, he was picking you up from work and he just walked into the lobby

"Can I help you?" I ask, the man is just standing in the middle of the lobby of the precinct as if he's not exactly sure where to go.

This is obviously his first time at a police station, good for him, but you didn't need to be a genius to figure that out. He turns to face me, cobalt blue eyes and the type of hair I only thought ever existed in photo-shopped pictures, he's hot "Uhh" he starts, looking down at his shoes "I'm here to pick up my girlfriend from work. She said that she would be in the lobby but, well, she's not."

My curiosity is piqued, there are very few women in this precinct, and none of the current gossip had involved any of them in a new relationship "I can find her for you, what's her name?" I ask

"Uh" he says, again, but this time he meets my eyes "Maura, Maura Isles."

I'm dumbfounded, I had suspicions about this but, wow, this guy was hot. Quickly I recover, hiding my shock "Sure, I can take you down to her right now, she's just finishing up some paper work."

"Thanks." He says, following my lead as we walk over to the bank of elevators and step into a waiting car.

"So" I say casually "How long have you two been together?"

He glances over at me, that annoying little sparkle in his eye as he open his mouth to talk about my best friend "A month a half." He says "What's your name?"

Shit, how did I not notice?

This time it's my turn to say "Uhhhh" but thankfully, before I'm forced to give up my identity the elevator doors slide open and who would be standing there, waiting for an elevator? Maura.

I see the shock flash quickly across her face, but she hides it, I've taught her well, and I watch as her eyes flit from her boyfriend and back to me. I have done less of a job trying to hide my anger, hurt and all around left-out feeling.

"Maura" he says, smiling as she steps forward, into the elevator.

They kiss.

But Maura's not fully in it, actually she's looking at me, trying to convey a thousand words into one glance. I ignore her, stepping out of the elevator just as the doors slide shut.

You came to my apartment that night, rang the doorbell at two thirty in the morning and I didn't have the heart to ignore you. I was a little drunk, deciding it was best to drown my sorrows in a few bottle of beer rather than my other, less intelligent idea (going and breaking up your date whilst throwing a hissy fit).

It was awkward, you standing in my doorway, me holding the door open, neither of us saying a word.

"I'm sorry." You say, looking directly at me, but I avoid your gaze.

"Why should you be?" I reply, my words bitter "I don't have to know every detail of your life? It's not like you're my best friend or anything."

I'm tempted to shut the door in her face, not for the reasons you might think (me being angry at you) but because of what else I'm feeling. Some other emotion, quite a few other emotions actually, are stirring inside of me, and I wasn't sure I could trust myself not to voice my own thoughts.

"That's not fair." She counters

"No" I agree "It's not. But guess what? I'm a little bit drunk so forgive me for not being so thoughtful with my words."

This was going nowhere, you know this, I (somewhere in my semi-drunken state) know this, so you leave "I'll talk to you tomorrow Jane." You say, your words sharp and pointed, not bothering to hide you hurt.

Eventually I got over myself, I apologized for being an ass and you apologized for not telling me sooner. You just "weren't sure if the relationship was going to go anywhere", it's a line, said to appease me and I let it go. It let it work. Why? Because you're my friend, my best friend, my "L.L.B.F.F."

I try my best to smile and laugh when you tell a funny story about what he said, or something he did. But I can tell you see that the smile doesn't quite reach my eyes. I try my best to try and be happy for you, but I'm not.

I'm a horrible person for it, and I know that.

And that's why you're here, knocking on the door to my apartment, refusing to leave until I let you in.

I think I realized I had fallen in love with you right after you told me you were engaged. I should have been over the moon about it, I should have starting planning your bachelorette party. But I wasn't. Instead I managed to stammer out a 'congratulations' before rushing to the bathroom and throwing up my lunch.

It was that night, as I sat there, drowning in a bottle, once again trying to avoid confronting my own emotions, that I realized:

I was in love with my best friend.

And so I started to avoid you. I don't know at what point it seemed logical to me but apparently it did. I figured that if I didn't see you as much it would be easier for me to pretend to be happy for you. All the while trying to get over you.

"Jane!" you say, and you're shouting now "Jane let me in."

I'm standing just on the other side of the door, debating with myself about whether or not to let you in. Eventually, right after you say you're going to break down my door, I relent, deciding to let you in. I pull the door open and ask "What?"

You ignore my question , walking into my apartment and taking a bottle of beer out of my fridge. You open it and take a sip, I'm not sure if it's because I don't have any wine of you really just wanted some liquid courage "Sit down." You say, after I close the door and walk over to you.

I comply, willing to see where this is going.

There's a few beats of silence before you ask quietly "What happened to us?" your voice is low, tone quite and almost tearful.

But I'm the one who's on the verge of tears.

"I don't know." I lie.

You shake your head, long strawberry blond curls waving across your face "You're lying." You point out "Come on Jane, what happened to us?" you ask again, looking at me.

"You know what happened?" I growl, all thoughts of tears momentarily slipping away "You got a boyfriend, you got engaged."

You knew this was the answer but you just wanted to hear it from me.

But now I'm unable to control myself, all the things I wanted to say to you are spilling out "Maura" I say "you wonder what happen to us, but you already knew the answer. Think about it, we spent so much time together that when he came along things were bound to change, they had to."

"But not this much." You say "You're avoiding me, why?"

Shit.

The one question I may not be able to answer with out ruining everything.

Silence.

"Jane." You prompt.

I say nothing, I can't say anything.

"If you don't say something, I'm going to walk out the front door and not look back." You're agitated with me, and for good reason, then you add "Please."

"I'm sorry." I say, my voice choked with tears "I'm sorry Maura but, I can't answer that."

"Can't or won't?" you ask

"Both." I reply "You're too happy, if I tell you, it will only ruin everything."

"So you'd rather sit here, in so much pain, rather than risk it all?"

I nod because if I told you what I thought, what I feel, than I would be forcing you to make a choice. A choice you should never have to make, so I am making it for you. Because I would rather have you be with the man you love, rather than resenting me for forcing you to pick.

Then I'm watching, the tears flowing down my face, as you walk out my front door, I hear you crying too but something changed, something I can't explain. Things would never be the same. You say something, something about how you wish you could go back to the time when this wasn't happening, when were best friends. I wish we could too, and for that I'm sorry, because I can't control time and I just let the one good thing in my life walk out my front door.

There is an Adele song called "Someone Like You" she sings that she will be able to find, someone like you and in that song she seems so confident. My only problem, there is no one like you and there never will be.

So, I'm hoping that it wasn't too sad or out of character for you this idea snuck up on me during a bike ride and I was forced to think about it until I started to write it. Nevertheless I am pleased with the final product.

LogicBomb.32