Notes: I have been meaning to say this for a long time, but I want to say a big thank you to anyone who has left me review or comments, especially on AO3 because I don't reply on there due to no private replies and the fact that I don't want to clog up the comments area with me thanking people. I read and appreciate every single one, though, I promise.
This is the second last fic in the No Strings series and begins nearly eighteen months after Joined Together. I hope you guys enjoy it…I can't believe how close we are to the end!
Big thanks to Gabe for beta reading this.
New Attachments
Sebastian tugged his coat around himself more snugly and burrowed a little further into his scarf, but not even the mid December cold and the rude guy who had almost knocked Sebastian over in Central Park could bring down his mood. He was on his way home after his last autumn final for his first year at Columbia. One semester down; five to go. He wasn't under any illusions that they would be easy, but for some reason he felt like the time would fly by.
He had been busy and a bit stressed, of course, but it was completely manageable. And besides, he had Dave to come home to, so no matter how much studying he had to do it still felt a whole lot better than his first few years at Oberlin, when they'd only had Skype and a few weekends here and there to spend together.
Dave would be at work for another hour or so, but that just gave Sebastian time to start thinking about dinner. There was a great Italian place around the corner from their apartment; they could order in, or maybe eat at the restaurant depending on how Dave was feeling.
Sebastian idly wondered whether the nearby restaurants and the closeness of Central Park had been among the reasons his father had bought that particular apartment, or if he'd just stumbled across some prime real estate in Carnegie Hill and decided it was a worthwhile investment. He wished, not for the first time, that he could ask. It had been a little over two years since his father died. The loss still hurt, but it was duller, more distant. Or perhaps he just felt a little closer to his father since enrolling at his alma mater and moving into an apartment he had apparently bought the same week he learned of Sebastian's plans for his J.D. at Columbia and life in New York.
There was no point in dwelling on sad thoughts, Sebastian decided as he crossed the street. He had every reason to be happy; he and Dave would have a week or so together over the holiday period without the distraction of work or class, and they were both looking forward to it.
When he reached the front of his building, Sebastian froze. There was a very familiar girl leaning by the door, crying loudly. "Annabella?"
She looked up at Sebastian, eyes red and swollen. She made a heart wrenching noise then threw herself into him and began sobbing on his shoulder. He had no idea what to do so he just waited, holding her close until her tears stopped and her breathing was somewhat closer to normal.
"Anna, what is it? What's wrong?" he asked cautiously, hoping he hadn't just triggered another outburst.
Annabella sniffed. "I…I…" She shook her head, looking awfully close to tears once more. "I need your help."
"It's alright," Sebastian reassured her. "You know I'll help you. Whatever I can do, okay?"
"I'm not going home for Christmas. I…you need to cover for me, please? Mom can't know."
"She's going to notice you aren't there. I mean, I'm good but I'm not that good."
She choked on a laugh and shook her head. "No, I mean…she can't know about…" she paused, like she couldn't find the words. Her shoulders curved as if she was trying to curl in on herself, and she pulled open her coat with trembling fingers.
At first Sebastian had no idea what he was supposed to be seeing but then he looked again. They'd always looked more like siblings than cousins, with similar coloring and the same tall, slim frame. Except there was a slight curve to Annabella's stomach that had never been there before, and judging by her tears and the still sharp angles of her face, it wasn't caused by the freshman fifteen.
"Oh, Anna…" he started, but he stopped when he saw the look on her face. He didn't need to say it, she already knew. She was only eighteen and in her first semester of college; she needed help, not to be reminded that the situation wasn't a good one. "It-it's not even really noticeable yet," he tried. "We can…we can hide it over Christmas. We can—"
"She'll know. She can't…I'm not keeping it, okay? I mean, I can't…I can't get rid of it…I thought I could, but I just couldn't. And if she finds out she'll be mad or disappointed, or she'll want me to keep it and I don't want…I don't want it. I don't. At all."
Sebastian nodded. "What about the father?" When she winced and her face scrunched up like she was fighting tears again, he backtracked. "I mean…no, it's okay. It's okay. It doesn't matter. Just…come inside and we'll talk. You shouldn't…Jesus, how long have you been out here in the cold when you're…how far along are you?"
"Four months," she mumbled as they entered the building and waited for the elevator. "I don't…I don't know who he is. The father, I mean. I uh…I may have partied a little more than I should have after my birthday."
He wasn't going to say anything. He wasn't.
But apparently he didn't have to, because she scowled at him. "Don't you…don't you dare. I know, okay? It was stupid of me, but you can't pretend you were any better…hell, you started younger—"
"I was careful," he hissed, "which you apparently weren't. I'm not judging you, you can sleep with whoever you want, and with however many people you want as long as everyone is legal and consenting, okay? Fuck, you can sleep with them all at the same fucking time if that's what floats your boat but you need to be smarter. God, Anna, you're lucky you just wound up pregnant instead of sick." Her face crumpled and he bit his tongue, feeling like the world's biggest asshole. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know you don't need a lecture right now, but I'm honestly terrified of what could have happened. Just promise me you'll be more careful in the future."
She glared, but she didn't seem angry, not really. "I'm pretty sure I've learned my lesson," she said sharply, but the way her voice cracked took most of the venom out of it.
"Yeah. Yeah, of course you have. We'll figure something out, I promise."
When he and Dave finally made it through the door of their home, carrying what felt like twice as much luggage as they'd left with several days earlier, Sebastian let out a sigh of relief and dropped everything he was holding in the middle of the hall to worry about later. He headed straight for the living room and sunk into the sofa while he could hear Dave moving around in the kitchen.
It wasn't as though their visit had been bad – he and Dave had loved seeing their respective parents again and it was nice to see that his mother and Paul had become such good friends. It was even good to see his Aunt Steph again, but if he were honest he was exhausted from fending off question after question about Annabella, like he was her keeper instead of her cousin.
He supposed it wasn't really surprising, since he was several years older than her and he was living closer to her than they were. It was her first time living away from home and they were bound to expect him to play big brother or whatever. But to be fair, Yale wasn't exactly just around the corner from him so the number of questions that his aunt threw his way seemed a little excessive. He couldn't really blame her, though. Anna was her daughter and had refused to come home for Christmas in her freshman year; that was probably worrying. In fact, if he hadn't reassured her six ways from Sunday that Anna was fine, that he'd seen her just a few days earlier and that she was just busy enjoying her time and making new friends, his aunt might have been on a plane to Connecticut in the early hours of Christmas morning.
Luckily, he'd put a stop to that.
When Dave joined him on the sofa with two steaming mugs of coffee and a big bag of M&Ms Sebastian moaned in delight, taking one of the mugs and the chocolate.
"You are my favorite person ever." He snuggled closely into Dave's side, leaving the drink to cool on the coffee table for a few minutes while he tore open the bag. The candy was clearly meant to make Sebastian feel better, so he was going to take full advantage.
"You're sharing those," Dave said with a laugh.
"If I must," Sebastian said cheekily, pouring some into Dave's hand. They sat quietly for a while and Sebastian was making a determined effort to enjoy his chocolate and coffee; to not worry about Annabella and what she was going to do. He wasn't doing a very good job.
"What's on your mind, Seb?"
"One guess," he answered dryly.
"Pretty sure I don't need it." Of course he didn't, because Dave had been the only person that Sebastian had been able to talk to about what Annabella was going through.
"I just don't know what she's going to do. Well, I do, but I don't know how she thinks she's going to be able to keep this from her mom for another five months. I could barely convince Aunt Steph not to go all crazy-mom just because Anna stayed at school over Christmas."
Dave looked thoughtful, like the mouthful of coffee he'd just taken might help give him answers he could share with Sebastian. It was cute, and if Sebastian hadn't been preoccupied, he might have tried to kiss his husband until he could no longer taste the coffee on his tongue.
"The worst of that is over, though, isn't it?" Dave asked. "Now that Christmas is over, I mean. She's due at the end of May, so it's not like there's any big breaks between now and then, aside from Spring Break, and it's not like Steph would expect her to visit then instead of act like every other college freshman. As long as Anna can avoid her until spring term starts, she should be able to manage it."
All of that was true, and Sebastian was reasonably sure he'd convinced his aunt not to worry too much so that would probably be fine. He'd have to get Anna to Skype her mother more often, though…that should hold her off for the rest of the winter break, at least.
"You're probably right."
"As long as the baby doesn't come early, you know? Imagine if she'd been due a few weeks earlier…right in the middle of finals. It'll be hard enough for her so close to her due date, but—"
Dave cut himself off, probably because he felt how stiff Sebastian had gone beside him. The mere idea of it was awful. Anna had wanted to attend Yale for as long as she'd known what it was, and the possibility of her studies being jeopardized added a layer of worry that Sebastian hadn't really considered, but he knew that she must have.
"Why would you even say that?" Sebastian breathed, dumping the bag of M&Ms on the coffee table carelessly. "Jesus, what if—?"
"Because I'm an idiot, fuck. Seb, relax, okay? It's not going to happen. She won't…it'll be fine."
"You don't know—"
"Sure I do. She's your cousin and she's just as stubborn as you are, alright? She'll get through her finals. And even if she doesn't, she'll get special consideration or something and it'll be fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It just came out."
Sebastian shook his head. "No. No, you're right though. I'm worrying about the wrong things. It's just…she was so scared about her mom finding out, like that was her biggest issue but it's not. It's not even close. She doesn't…she's only eighteen. She's not thinking about the other stuff, you know? All she's worried about is keeping this whole thing a secret from Aunt Steph."
"I'm sure she's thought about school, too," Dave said, putting down his empty mug and turning to face Sebastian more fully. "She's focused. Like you."
"Yeah, but fuck school. Seriously – she needs to be thinking about her health but she's not. She stood outside for who knows how long in the middle of December! She's got some money I think, but probably not enough to be able to take care of all the medical bills without her mom finding out. We have to…we should find her a good doctor, an obstetrician. And we need to make sure she's got everything she needs to be able to deal with all this."
"Seb, she's going to be fine," Dave said again, more emphatically this time. "She's got us to help her with whatever she needs, and God knows you won't let her worry about the medical bills. I don't…I don't want to add another reason for you to freak out, I promise, but have you thought about what will happen if she decides she wants the baby after all?" His voice was cautious, awkward. "Medical bills and moral support are fine, but if she wants to keep the baby she'll need a lot more than that."
That, at least, Sebastian knew wouldn't be something to be concerned over. He'd known Annabella for basically her entire life, and he knew that she'd made up her mind absolutely and completely.
"Not an issue. I don't think she's ever wanted kids, Growly. There's no way she's going to change her mind. But, Jesus, we'll need to find the right adoption agency." Sebastian knew he was starting to panic again, could feel it in the way his heart was in his throat, but he couldn't quite stop himself. "I know babies usually get adopted straight away but what if it doesn't? This kid needs to be taken care of properly, not shoved into some destitute orphanage with twelve kids sharing a bed and not enough funding to feed them."
Dave looked oddly amused, which was completely unfair. Nothing about the situation was funny.
"I'm pretty sure that isn't going to happen, Seb. Just…breathe. Slow breaths. Whether she decides to give birth here where we can help her, or back in Connecticut, the baby won't be the next Oliver Twist." He paused. Something Sebastian couldn't decipher flashed across his face for half a second before he shook his head and continued. "I know it sounds creepy, but babies are in high demand for adoption, aren't they? It's not like…I mean…lots of couples want kids and can't have them. Especially babies. And they…they'd love them and take the best care of them they could. It'll work out."
Sebastian nodded. Dave was right, he was freaking out needlessly. "You're right. You are. I'm just – I'm being crazy. Sorry."
"It's okay. You care. She's your cousin and you want what's best for her."
"And for the baby," Sebastian agreed. "But I'm still being crazy."
"You're not the only one," Dave muttered under his breath, leaning forward to pluck the bag of chocolate from the table.
"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked.
Nervousness raced across Dave's face, but it disappeared quickly and he shook his head. He offered the M&Ms to Sebastian, as if they were going to be enough to distract him.
"Growly." He took the bag and tossed it right back on the coffee table without a second glance, ignoring the sound of several chocolates hitting the hardwood floor.
Dave sighed. "It's nothing. I'm being…it's insane. I'm being stupid."
Sebastian nudged him. "Don't call my husband stupid," he joked. "C'mon babe, tell me."
"It's just… Have you…?" Dave winced. He looked uncomfortable, and he was staring at the sofa cushion when he should have been looking at Sebastian. He took a deep breath and rushed the words out. "Have you thought that maybe we could adopt the baby?"
Oh. Sebastian tried to ignore the way his stomach fluttered and his chest felt immediately warmer, because of course he had. But he was only in his first year of his J.D. and he and Dave had only been married for a year and a half. It wasn't the right time, even though he wished it was.
"Briefly, yeah," he admitted quietly. By briefly, he really meant for hours at a time every fucking day since Annabella had come to him, but he couldn't say that. Not when Dave had that look on his face and Sebastian knew he'd have to say it couldn't happen. "But you know we can't…"
"I know it seems like we shouldn't…not that we can't."
"Growly…" he swallowed thickly. Every time he'd thought about it, he'd done his best to stomp the idea into oblivion because how would it even work? He'd told himself over and over that it was too soon, and that Dave would think he was crazy for even contemplating it. He wasn't prepared for Dave to want it too. "Is this, uh…is this because my mom made those jokes about wanting grandkids soon? Because—"
"No."
Of course it wasn't. Sebastian wasn't even sure why he'd asked, aside from his need to joke at times when he probably shouldn't. Dave wanted kids – they both did. It was something they'd even talked about, in that 'eventually' kind of way; like it would happen one day far enough away that they didn't need to start having any serious conversations about it yet.
"I…" he didn't know what to say. A small part of him – no that was a lie…a huge part of him – wanted to do it; wanted to be a dad regardless of how terrible an idea it could turn out to be. But how was he supposed to finish law school with a baby? How was Dave meant to work his way up the ladder at work if they had a baby when he'd been there for less than a year? They didn't have the time to devote to a tiny, completely dependent person.
He couldn't say yes.
But he didn't know how to say no, either.
"This is the worst time," he said instead. "We can't…we're both so busy."
"I've heard, I mean, I think that…doesn't it always feel like a bad time for people who want kids? It's just…I don't think there's a perfect time. There's always going to be something important, like work or whatever, right? But people manage. People with a lot more to worry about than we do."
Dave looked uncomfortable again, like he didn't want to have to point out that they could afford to do it, financially. He was still weird with the thought that Sebastian's money was basically his as well, but Sebastian had slowly brought him around to the idea. Mostly.
It was actually a little heartwarming to see that Dave wanted the baby enough to accept the money as theirs, even in a roundabout kind of a way.
"Do you really think we're capable of looking after a baby when I'm still studying and you're still new at your office?" Sebastian didn't want to let the hope settle in his chest, because that was dangerous. It led to an awful lot of pain if things didn't work, but the idea had its hooks in him, and he suspected he was fighting a losing battle against his less rational side.
"I think we'd find a way." Dave's voice was soft but firm; sincere. He wanted this, really wanted this, just as much as Sebastian had been trying not to. "I could…I could talk to work. Maybe I could do half days in the office and half days at home. There's stuff I wouldn't have to be there for."
Sebastian shook his head. "No way. No. This is your dream, Growly. You can't. That would be career suicide this early."
"It's my dream job," Dave said. "It's not my entire life. It's not more important than our family, or…or the family we could have."
If Sebastian didn't love Dave so much, he'd hate him for being so fucking perfect.
"Would you let me drop out of law school?"
"Of course not!" Dave looked offended at the idea and Sebastian shook his head.
"Then why the fuck do you think I'm going to let you shoot yourself in the foot, career wise? This isn't some shitty job that you have because you need it, Growly. I know it's bottom rung for now, but fuck, Rick got you in with the Mets. You've got your foot in the door and there's so much room for you to move. You are in the best possible position you can be in right now, there's no way I'm letting you do anything to jeopardize that when you've worked so hard."
Dave looked chastened, but it wasn't long before his expression changed and he showed how determined he was. "Forget all the reasons why it's a bad idea, okay? Just…tell me the truth, Seb. Do you want to do it?"
Fuck.
He should say no; should lie through his teeth because he knew it would be smarter to wait. But he also knew he wouldn't fool Dave, not even for a second.
"You know I do." He wished he didn't, but he did. He wanted to be a dad, wanted to raise a family with Dave and even though it was terrible timing, the possibility of having their first child so soon was right there in front of them and it wasn't going away.
"Then we should. We both want to. All that other stuff…we can figure it out. It's not ideal, I know that, but we're in a way better position to do this than most people are when they have their first kid. Maybe I don't need to do half days all week, maybe just one or two and I could make up the time. And…and I know you need to study and take your classes, but that's only for another two and a half years and you and I both know Charlotte would move heaven and earth to help if we did this. My dad, too."
"You think I'm being too cautious."
Dave's mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. "I feel like we've switched personalities and I'm being the risk taker and you're being the one who worries. But yeah, a little bit, maybe. I think you're being really sensible about something that should be more, you know, about what we want. I kind of love it, though, since I know you're only doing it because you want everything to be perfect for us and our kids. But Seb, we can do this."
They could. Either – or both – of them could commit to staying at home and it wouldn't matter, financially speaking. But Sebastian didn't want Dave to give up on his career, and he knew Dave wouldn't want him to do so, either. Dave was probably right about their parents, too. His mother was so different to the woman she'd been throughout his childhood; in all likelihood she'd attach herself to their kids and never let go, and Paul…well, he'd always been an amazing dad, he'd undoubtedly be an even better granddad. They probably wouldn't even need to look into childcare – Sebastian's mother had been making noises about coming to New York to be closer to them since they'd moved there six months earlier. She'd jump at the chance.
But Sebastian didn't want to give his kids the childhood he'd had.
"I know. I know we can. It's just…if we're both so busy…" he sighed. "I don't want to never be around. I want our kids to know I'm there…not to wonder when they'll see me next."
"It won't be like that. It won't, because we won't let it be."
Sebastian wished he had Dave's confidence. "How do you know that?"
"Because you're already worried that it will, which means you're going to do everything you can to make sure it never happens. And I'll be right there with you. We both know how important it is for a kid to have good parents – and we're going to be that for them."
Maybe Dave had missed his calling in life – because he could soothe every fear and doubt that Sebastian felt with a few words and an honest smile. Sebastian felt a little sorry for everyone else in the world that didn't have someone who could do that, but mostly he was just selfish enough to be glad that he did.
A tiny part of him was already making plans, and was thankful that their apartment wasn't a one bedroom.
"We're going to do this," Sebastian said, with sudden and startling clarity. "I mean, we should think about it more before we suggest it to Anna, but…we're going to do this, aren't we?"
"Yeah," Dave agreed. He wrapped strong arms around Sebastian and moved them until they were both lying down, Sebastian snug between Dave and the soft cushions that formed the back of the sofa. "This feels like a real opportunity for us. Don't get me wrong, even if we decide not to do this for some reason…Anna is still top priority. We'll still do everything we can to help her and make sure she's okay and her baby goes to a good home. But…this feels right. I know people will think we're crazy but we're going to have a baby. And you know, even if it's not ours biologically, he or she is still going to be your blood. And…and our family. Our kid. God, can you imagine if they have her eyes or smile? That's your eyes and your smile, too."
"You don't want this kid to take after me or Annabella," Sebastian joked. "Imagine the teen years."
Dave smiled and shrugged. "Your teenage years ended with us together. It'd probably give me early grey hairs as a dad, but there are worse people for our kid to turn out like than you."
"Liar," Sebastian scoffed. He shuffled in closer, if that was even possible, and tucked his head into the space over Dave's shoulder. "Will you be disappointed if the baby looks like its biological father?"
"No. Not enough to love it less. I'm quietly hoping it'll look like you, but we're gonna have a baby, Seb, I don't think any part of that could disappoint me."
"Misters Karofsky-Smythe, thank you for coming in." Mr. Jacobson shook Sebastian's hand firmly, then Dave's. "As you know, all the paperwork and preparation is in order, insofar as it can be before the child is born."
He led them into a meeting room and gestured for them to take a seat.
"Basically," he continued, "I just prefer to touch base with my clients once everything is together, to make sure that nothing has changed. I know you were both very eager to proceed once your certification came through, but now that we're closer to Ms. Mannings' due date, it's important to go over everything once more."
"Nothing's changed," Dave insisted. "We want this."
Sebastian nodded. "If anything, we want this more, now."
"Alright, that's wonderful to hear. Ms. Mannings has completed everything that has been asked of her, both mandatory and suggested. And she's had more than one counselling session to prepare her for the birth and subsequent separation. At this point everything is running smoothly, and I see no reason that this adoption should fall through."
"What do you mean, 'at this point'?" Sebastian tensed. He'd only just completed his first year at Columbia, but he was perfectly familiar with that type of cautious phrasing even without his studies.
"Well, it's important that you're both aware that nothing is final yet. You have your certification, so if for some reason this specific adoption does not proceed you will still be eligible to adopt another child while the certification remains valid, rest assured. And Ms. Mannings seems just as eager to continue with the adoption as you are. Having said that, there is still the chance – however small – that you or she may have a change of heart. And as the birth mother, Ms. Mannings can halt this process at any point, up to and even for a time period after signing the consent once the child is born."
The concern eased from Sebastian's shoulders and he felt Dave exhale in relief beside him. He'd been worried that there was something else that might go wrong, that the judge might not sign off or that there may be something they had overlooked. But he knew that he, Dave and Annabella were all committed to doing this. "That's not going to be a problem," he told Mr. Jacobson, who frowned.
"I admit that it doesn't seem likely in this case. Ms. Mannings has shown no sign of doubt or else her social worker or her attorney would have made that clear. But it does happen. And sometimes it takes the actual birth for a mother to realize she can't go through with giving up her child. I understand that you have done a lot to help her, both emotionally and financially, but that's not a guarantee."
Sebastian tried not to bristle at the words. He knew that it was important for an attorney dealing with adoption to be very clear about these issues, because legally speaking he was correct. But he'd only met Annabella a handful of times; he didn't know her the way Sebastian did. And he obviously didn't know Sebastian or Dave all that well, either.
"Anna isn't going to change her mind. I know her well enough to know that. And even if she does, this isn't a transaction. We were already going to do whatever we could for her before we decided to adopt the baby, and that includes her medical and legal bills, and everything else. She's my cousin. She's family, and we don't have a lot of that."
Mr. Jacobson nodded. He seemed more at ease but Sebastian could tell that he wasn't quite done. "That's excellent to hear, Mr. Karofsky-Smythe. Please understand; I'm not trying to discourage you in any way, shape or form. It's simply for the best if all parties are aware of the risks. I realize we've been through this all before, but the purpose of this meeting is to make sure that you are thoroughly prepared. I don't mean any offence to you, or to your cousin. I apologize."
Dave's hand was on Sebastian's knee, squeezing firmly. Maybe he'd overreacted slightly.
"Apology accepted."
"Thank you. That does bring me to another point, however. Ms. Mannings is a relative; a close one, I assume, from the way you speak of her."
"Close enough," Sebastian said. "I don't have any siblings and she's my only cousin. Why?"
"Well, you've opted for a closed adoption. I just want to double check that you haven't changed your minds. It's unusual for intra-familial adoptions to be closed when the family members intend to remain in contact." He looked very deliberately at both Dave and Sebastian, as though he wanted to reassure them. "You would still hold all the legal rights as the child's adoptive parents should you decide upon an open adoption."
"No, we know that. We aren't trying to…that's Anna's choice. It's what she wants and that's her right. She doesn't…she's the biological mother but she doesn't want to be a mother at all. And I know it won't make any real difference in our case, but if it makes her happy then that's what we'll do. I've explained to her that the birth records will be sealed no matter what, but I think she needs this little bit of extra reassurance just for her peace of mind. She doesn't want anyone to have a way to find out that she was the birth mother, if she can avoid it."
"Alright. In that case," Mr. Jacobson stood and offered his hand to shake once again, "everything is ready and waiting. The next time we speak, I daresay your baby will have been born and we'll be finalizing your paperwork. Congratulations to you both."
"I thought it would be harder," Annabella told them, hovering over the bassinet. "I knew I could do it, but everyone made it sound like it would be the hardest thing in my life. But I don't…she doesn't feel like she's mine. At all."
Sebastian didn't know how to reply, and from the look on Dave's face, neither did he. Their baby was home with them, finally, and all settled in the nursery that he and Dave had spent a ridiculous amount of time making perfect. Sebastian stepped forward, until he was next to Anna and could peer down at the most precious thing he'd ever seen. Selena was tiny, with chubby cheeks and a button nose. She was sleeping, but every so often she'd twitch and every part of her little body would move.
"Does that…does that make me a terrible person? That I can look at this baby that I carried and gave birth to and feel like she's really only my cousin's baby? I mean I care, you know, but…but like I care about you, or Aunt Charlotte. I don't…"
She looked confused and a little worried as well. Maybe it was unusual, but Sebastian thought it was probably better for everyone involved, unusual or not.
"You're not a terrible person, Anna," he said softly, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her into his side. "You didn't want to be a mother, there's nothing wrong with that."
"But why isn't it harder?"
"I don't know."
Dave's arm wrapped around Anna from her other side, bracketing her between them in a way that Sebastian knew was meant to offer comfort. His hand pressed reassuringly against Sebastian's lower back. "Maybe it's because you know she'll be okay. You know she means the world to us and we're going to love her more than anything."
Annabella nodded thoughtfully and Sebastian threw Dave a grateful look. "She really does feel like yours," she admitted. "Like she belongs with you guys, you know? I'm really glad…I mean…I think it would have been harder if I had to give her to strangers."
"So stop feeling bad that you don't feel bad," Sebastian said. "This is the best outcome, right?"
"It is." She bit her lip. "God I hope she doesn't look too much like me when she gets older. I already think…maybe the shape of her eyes? And Mom is Sherlock fucking Holmes about my life, I swear."
"Don't worry," Dave told her with a mischievous grin. "We'll just tell everyone that Sebastian's so vain that he searched until he found a mother who looked like him."
"Oh please, Growly," Sebastian snorted, feigning offence but quietly pleased to see Anna looking less worried. "Everyone's going to know you're the sap who wanted a kid with my eyes."
"Okay, stop," Anna said, lifting their arms off her shoulders and shuffling away. "Don't make those faces at each other while I'm in between you. Gross. I'm going to make something to eat…try not to forget there's a baby in the room with you."
Sebastian watched her go, amused. He was relieved, too, since her emotional crisis had been so short lived. When he turned back towards the bassinet, his husband was hunched over, dragging one finger so incredibly gently down their little girl's cheek that Sebastian's heart lurched in his chest.
"I'm not sure anything could make me forget she's in the room," Dave said quietly as Sebastian moved even closer.
She was the sweetest, tiniest little thing Sebastian had ever seen. Dave's palm was as big as her head and it made her look even smaller. She was only four days old, but already Sebastian was struggling to remember how their lives had fit together before she came along.
"I know exactly what you mean." He pressed in close to Dave, until they were leaning into each other. Sebastian couldn't drag his eyes away from their baby girl, but he was certain that Dave was in the same position.
"I know it's not technically official until the judge signs off, but she really does feel like she's ours," Dave said. "I didn't want to say it while Anna was in the room because I didn't want to make her feel bad again, but I just can't imagine looking at our daughter and thinking anything else."
Selena shifted in her sleep and let out a miniature yawn. Her whole body expanded with it, arms and legs kicking out, and it made Sebastian's stomach flutter until he had to fight down the urge to giggle like an idiot. Dave moved his hand up just a little, until he could stroke his thumb across her forehead, and Sebastian couldn't help himself. He reached in as well, tucking his thumb into her fist and cooing in delight when her teeny tiny fingers curled around it.
"We have a baby. Fuck, we have the most perfect little girl in the world." He could feel the stupid smile on his face, but he didn't even try to fight it. Things weren't going to be easy, not when he was still studying and Dave was just starting out in his career, but he had no regrets about the decision they'd made. "I don't know if I already said this, but you have the best ideas, Growly."