A/N: I have mixed feelings about this one-shot. First of all, I was SUPER OVERLY EXCITED that I finished the rough draft the same day I started it! :D But then I realized when I was trying to go to sleep that the ending was terrible. It bugged me all night and I ended up waking up around 3:00 a.m. with ideas for how to fix it. So at 4:00 I finally decided trying to go back to sleep was stupid so I re-wrote the ending while I was half-asleep. AND IT STILL ENDED UP BETTER. *sweatdrop* This is the life of an OCD writer. Yeah. *facepalm*
This didn't end up exactly like what I planned, and it's probably not what you were expecting, Jcthegirl, but I hope you like it anyway. C:
EDIT: Thanks to Raberba girl for some help with not using the word 'smirk' so much. I seriously don't try to abuse it; it just happens when I'm not careful.
I breathed in the salty breeze that tickled my face, my boots sinking a half-inch into the sand with every step. The white noise of the waves, roaring like thunder only to crash as static, filled my ears.
I was in the right place. If Xion wasn't with me and Roxas on the clocktower or shutting herself away in her room, both places I'd checked, she'd have to be here. I knew she couldn't still be on her mission; Saïx had assigned her to heart collection in Twilight Town, and I would've seen her. Unless she had already decided to run away again…
I shook the thought out of my mind. I'd like to think she'd say goodbye before leaving, even if she hadn't before.
But I didn't have to worry; she was there – down the beach a few yards, near the bridge that led to the miniature island with the bent-up tree. She must've been too deep in thought to hear my corridor open since she continued to bend over and pick up seashells, examining each one before dropping it into her pocket. The setting sun gleamed on her black hair and took my breath away, even at a distance. No, that couldn't be right. It was probably just the salty air messing with my lungs. Or something.
Lame excuses? Definitely. But that was easier than trying to make sense of things that shouldn't be possible.
I got my train of thought back on track and wondered if she would appreciate me breaking her reverie, but curiosity easily got the best of me. She didn't hear my footsteps, didn't recognize my presence at all until I was close enough to lean over her shoulder and see all the tiny ridges and details on the pink shell she held in her palm.
"You should keep that one," I commented lightly, unable to help grinning when she gave a squeak of surprise and accidentally dropped the seashell as she whirled around to face me.
"Axel!" Her cry was a mix of 'what-do-you-think-you're-doing-here?' and 'why-were-you-standing-so-close-have-you-never-heard-of-personal-space?'
I winked. "That's my name, got it memorized?"
She appeared flustered as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and brushed off her perfectly clean sleeves. The blush that accompanied her actions made her look cute.
Wait, cute?
"How did you find me here?"
Shrugging, I replied, "Lucky guess." There weren't many other beaches with the kinds of seashells she collected, and definitely none that she knew of. "So why are you out here all by yourself? Didn't you want to get some ice cream?"
Translation: Didn't you want to hang out with me?
She frowned slightly, pocketing the pink shell to pick up a purple one and turn in over in her hand. "I just needed some time to myself to think."
"Do you want me to leave?" If she needed time to think for herself, well, I had said I'd let her. Still, it hurt a little bit that she might want to be left alone.
I could see her short internal struggle play out across her face as easily as if I was reading an open book.
"No," she decided.
I smiled in relief. I'd gotten used to her and Roxas's company every evening to the point where I'd forgotten what loneliness was like. Today I'd been the only one on the clocktower. Roxas was off on some 'unidentified giant Heartless' mission, so I knew he wouldn't show. I couldn't just sit on the clocktower alone, and I really didn't want to go back to the castle yet just to get chewed out by Saïx for something. He found something new to bother me about every time I saw him, anything from a late mission report to wanting more info on C.O. to my choice in friends.
You never appreciate the little things 'til they're gone, right? Well, I was glad Xion wasn't gone, for however long it would last.
"So do you want to tell me what's eating you?" I asked. I couldn't make any decisions for her, but that didn't mean I couldn't give her advice.
She sighed softly, rubbing some sand off of her seashell. "I was wondering… if I leave, will you and Roxas miss me?" She whispered.
I stared at her, nearly unable to comprehend her question. Did she not realize how hard Roxas and I worked to get her back in the first place? He would probably never forgive me for knocking her unconscious. No one seemed to realize that I didn't want to do it, that I wished she'd come back on her own, that it had hurt to harm her. But it was worth it to have her back again.
"Of course we'd miss you!" I replied. "You're our best friend." What kind of friends did she think we were, that we wouldn't miss her?
She smiled sadly. "But you and Roxas were just fine before I came along, right? I caused you all sorts of problems."
My eyes widened as a droplet of water ran down her cheek. She couldn't cry, could she? It had to be a bit of ocean spray. Still, the sight of it made something inside me burn, and not in the way I was used to. I wiped the wet drop away.
"Don't say that. We're glad you're our friend, and we've always helped you out of our own free will. That's what friends do."
I didn't realize I'd left my hand on her soft, cool cheek until she brushed my touch away with her fingertips. How disappointed I was that she wouldn't let me comfort her surprised me.
"But I've never been able to do anything for you," she whispered.
On top of everything she was going through, she worried about doing something for me? She certainly didn't need to, but… It did give me an odd satisfaction to know that she cared.
"So you want to do something for me?" A mischievous grin crossed my face.
She nodded fervently. "You've helped me out so much. Is there anything I can do?"
There were plenty of things she could do, plenty of things she'd already done. I settled for something simple.
"Play with me." I sounded like a little kid, but it didn't matter. What I really wanted was to see her smile and hear her laugh, beautiful sights and sounds that had grown increasingly rare since she'd found out she was a replica.
She giggled. "Play?"
"That's what I said, didn't I? C'mon, I know you don't want to stand around and look sad all day." I tugged lightly on her sleeve.
"O-okay," she stuttered, following limply behind me as I led her to a spot on the beach where the setting sun made the sand (and her eyes) sparkle.
"So what are we doing, exactly?" She asked.
"Building sandcastles," I replied, dropping to my knees and pulling her to the ground next to me. I dug my gloved fingers into the sand and scooped it into a little mound.
She stared at me like I'd lost my mind. Of course, looking dumb was all in the plan to make her feel better.
"This is really what you want me to do?"
I made the mound bigger. "Yup," I replied. "C'mon, are you gonna play with me or not?"
She laughed and let me enlighten her on the complex science of sandcastle-building. Together we made the small lump bigger (about two feet tall), crafted turrets on it, and decorated the outside with seashells and unwanted synthesis panels. Digging down to the hard-packed clay below, we made a moat to surround our creation.
"What are you writing?" Xion asked, eyeing me curiously as I trailed a finger through the sand.
"Look for yourself." I stood aside and smiled.
"'Axel and Xion's castle,'" she read aloud, laughing. "I'm glad our castle looks happier than The Castle That Never Was. Not so dull and grey."
"Yeah," I agreed, staring between her and our castle with pride. If only it was that easy to build one that would last.
"Is that all you wanted to do?" She asked. I couldn't help noticing how her eyes shined when she looked at me, but I pushed the thought away. It was probably my imagination.
"Would you be willing to do something else?" It wasn't often we did anything by ourselves, and I was enjoying it. I mean, it was fun to hang out with Roxas, but I don't think he would've understood a simple, pointless thing like sandcastles.
She agreed, like I knew she would. I admired how she was just that selfless; she didn't even ask what I wanted to first.
"Are you scared of water?" I asked, and she tilted her head in a way that made her look so confused and cute. There I was again, calling her cute… Well, she was. I had no decent excuse for that.
"No, are you?" She asked, grinning. "Water does beat fire in elemental rock-paper-scissors, after all."
I wondered vaguely who taught her that game, since it hadn't been me. "So you're going to add to all the rumors that I don't shower or drink water? I thought you would be above that." I grined so she would know I was only teasing. "Well, I'll prove all those rumors wrong."
I laced my fingers with hers, intending to pull her into the shallow waves. As soon as we touched, the weirdest thoughts flashed through my mind.
After years of being told you don't have emotions, it gets really hard to pretend you do, especially when all the evidence points to them being right. Eventually you just give up and believe them because it's easier than faking every second of every day. Then when you think you might've felt something, you dismiss or reject it, because you're so used to being numb it hurt to feel anything at all. Like when your foot falls asleep – you can't walk without it and that really stinks, but if you try to move you get pins and needles so bad you want to let it go back to sleep and save yourself some pain.
Well, linking hands with Xion was like kicking my sleeping foot against a wall.
She fidgeted nervously, noticing my blank look and (to my eternal embarrassment) dorkish half-smile. I obviously didn't have it together today.
"Axel? Are you okay?" She squeezed my hand to get my attention, which only made it feel worse. Or better.
I still managed to throw up a normal façade. "Doing great! C'mon," I said, dragging her into the water and dropping her hand. It was hard to let myself go numb again, but soon enough the strange sensations subsided.
"Hey, Xion," I called her attention from where she was admiring the far-off waves.
"Huh?" She replied.
"Splash war!" I smacked my palm against the water, drenching her coat.
"Axel!" She laughed good-naturedly, splashing me back. The water was up to my thighs (her waist), and she'd barely gotten my stomach wet.
"You'll have to try harder than that!" My arms were longer, making it much easier to scoop up a huge wave at her. She threw her hands up to protect her face.
The tide went back and forth between us. I didn't splash as hard as I could since I didn't want to get saltwater in her eyes, but I could tell she was putting in all her effort. I was still winning.
The unzipped ends of our coats drifted among the ripples as we continued our war. Xion was getting desperate to best me, I could see it in her eyes.
That was when she launched herself at me.
The water absorbed a lot of the impact of her plowing into my chest, but I was knocked over anyway. She still had her arms wrapped around me, and before I knew it mine surrounded her as well. The sea rushed up to engulf us in our wet embrace.
There she was again, waking up my foot. It hurt, but it was the most welcome pain I'd ever felt. I couldn't help holding her tighter as my back bumped against the seafloor. She was so cold, I warmed a few degrees to share my body heat, and she relaxed slightly, burying her face in my coat.
But neither of us could hold our breath all day. I let her go, and we scrambled to our feet.
"Er, ah, sorry about that…" I muttered, scuffing my boot through the wet sand. The water trapped inside of it was getting uncomfortable.
She blushed and rubbed her arm. "Are-are you sure you're okay? You're acting weird."
How was I supposed to answer that? I don't think she meant to, but she kept giving me this funny sensation. She was making me act weird. So why did I like it so much?
I waved the question away, taking notice of her flustered stutter and blush. I knew she could feel; Did her emotions resemble the odd sensations I had at all? "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" Her big blue eyes stared right into my soul. How was I supposed to resist that?
Sighing, I caved. "No."
With that one word, my guard was broken. My face relaxed, ever-present confident half-grin falling away to leave behind a small frown.
She chewed her lip awkwardly. Of course she'd never been in this kind of situation before. I'd never tried to let my foot wake up.
"Is there any way I can help?" She finally asked.
I nodded. "Follow me."
Once we were out of the water, I took off my squelching boots and squeezed as much water as I could out of my coat. We climbed up the ladder that led to the bridge and crossed it in awkward silence that the waves and seagull cries didn't do much to drive away. I leaned against the trunk of the bent-up tree and patted a spot on it for her to sit down.
She climbed up and swung her legs back and forth over the edge. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No!" I objected quickly and much more loudly than I intended, looking up at her rather than down as I was used to since her spot on the tree was above my level of sight.
Her saltwater eyes wavered. "But you don't act like this when we're with Roxas." She laced her fingers on her lap.
Of course I didn't. That would be… weird. She was different from him, regardless of her replica status. Didn't I have the right to act differently around her?
I placed my hand over hers, making her eyes widen. "I know you have emotions." I knew she knew, too. We'd skimmed the topic once, not long enough for much to come of it.
She nodded, but I could tell she had no idea where I was going with this. "And?..."
"I need your help," I admitted, walking from the tree to the center of the small island with her in my wake. Those words were so foreign to me I could taste the way my mouth rejected them.
"What can I do?" She asked. I could tell she was dying to know what was wrong and how she could fix it. I t probably scared her to see me without a façade up.
"I need you to promise you'll do whatever I ask for the next few minutes." I hated to ask that of her, but it would make things so much easier.
She nodded without missing a beat. "Anything."
How much she trusted me was reassuring. "And… Don't panic, okay?" I had no idea how she would react to what I was about to do.
"Panic? Why would I panic?" She sounded genuinely curious, but not the slightest bit scared.
I ignored the question. "Stand still."
She froze, but her eyes still followed mind as I moved in close, and wrapped my arms around her.
"Um… Axel? What are you doing?" A blush seared her face, turning it pink.
"I need you to just trust me, okay? Please. Put your arms around my waist." I had to know if I would feel anything, if the thoughts I had before were just illusions or not.
"I trust you." She did as I asked, brushing her fingers lightly against my back.
I held her tightly, feeling her breath on my neck. It tickled and gave me goosebumps, and a shiver jolted down my spine. The pins and needles came back stronger than ever, but I ignored them because I was starting to feel something pretty awesome underneath the pain – something like ice water rushing down my throat on a scorching-hot summer day, and I'd stood under that burning summer sun for a long time.
I was waking up inside.
"So how are you feeling?" I whispered into Xion's ear. I was beginning to get my answer, but I had to confirm my suspicions that she felt the same way, or this would've all been for nothing.
"Me?" She asked, surprised.
I stroked her silky hair, wanting to take off my gloves so I could feel it better. "Yes, you."
She took a deep breath. "Warm."
"That's because I'm a human-Nobody fireplace." I chuckled in her ear. "Anything else?"
"I think so, but I can't explain it…" She squeezed her eyes shut.
I was willing to stand there for as long as it took us to figure it out.
"Mmm…" I tilted her chin up to look into her eyes. "I know I've asked a lot of you, but will you do me another favor?"
She smiled. "You haven't asked much at all. And I told you I'd do anything."
"Let me ask you one last question."
"That's easy enough," she replied.
I stared into her liquid eyes so long she began to glance away self-consciously.
"What do you think of me?"
She stiffened in my arms. "Okay, maybe not so easy."
I wasn't sure what to make of that, but she sighed and went on, resting her head on my shoulder. "You confuse me sometimes, like now. I don't know what you're thinking or why you act the way you do."
"Do I make you nervous?" I pulled off my gloves and let them fall to the ground, giving in to the urge to run my fingers through her slightly damp hair. It was like touching rainclouds.
"A-a little…" I pulled my hand away, but she quickly objected. "N-no! I-I like it when you do that, I like being close to you, I'm just so confused…"
She began to shiver violently, so I hugged her tighter, not even thinking that I was making it worse the way she had when she squeezed my hand. "I thought you were warm?"
A scarlet blush covered her face. "I-I am, I don't know why I'm shivering, but… It feels good. Does that make any sense?"
"Yeah," I breathed softly, rocking back and forth with her still wrapped up in my arms. "So… You like this?"
"Mmm-hmm," she decided.
I grinned. Maybe I wasn't entirely insane, then.
"Will you do one last thing for me? I promise I won't ask for anything else," I whispered, and she nodded, tickling the crook of my neck with her hair.
"Don't say anything. Just relax."
I pressed my cheek to hers so that the corners of our lips touched, the closest I would get to kissing her. That idea was completely off-limits. I wouldn't risk making her fell uncomfortable (or worse) in that way, regardless of my impulses. The contact of her skin against mine was good enough, raising the tiny hairs on my face and oxymoronically making my body temperature fluctuate between cold and warm.
She took deep breaths that I felt in the rise and fall of her chest and the breeze on the back of my neck. Slowly she let her tension dissolve, and I continued to stroke her hair. The simple, repetitive motions soothed my doubts. The pins and needles finally lost their grip and disappeared, leaving behind a warm peace.
At first I hadn't been sure if I wanted to be freed from the numbness that had taken so long to get used to. Now I knew how much I'd needed to be rescued.
We stood like that for a long time, until the sun had almost disappeared below the horizon. Only a sliver of bright red-orange kept the night at bay.
"Thank you," I whispered. "I needed that."
I felt her smile. "I needed that too. I think I know how I feel a little better now."
"Mmm?" I smiled along with her.
"I'm not scared anymore. I've wanted to do something like that for a long time, but I didn't understand it. I thought I was crazy." She laughed, music to my ears.
"Heh, same here. Guess I've got something like feelings, too. Surprise." I chuckled. "And it sounds like they're telling me I might need to do something like this more often."
She looked up to catch me in the depths of her sea-blue eyes.
"I might just be able to arrange that."
XXX
~I'm feeling like
I might need to be near you
And I feel alright,
So please don't get me rescued~
(Rescued by Jack's Mannequin)
A/N: Inspiration from the video 'Wishful Thinking' by zoyandra. Kind of. ^^; It didn't end up very similar. I'm working on a piece of fanart for the sandcastle bit, so expect that up on my art page within a week or two.
Thank you for requesting this, Jcthegirl! I'm not sure how well it came out, but it got me motivated to do a one shot, which is usually difficult for me. And hey, I got to procrastinate on my English homework (which I wouldn't have worked on yesterday anyways). :P
Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always~