Author's Note: I had to write this one-shot, after I'd heard the song...totally made me think of Slytherin. The song is "The Seven Deadly Virtues" from the musical Camelot, so the credit for the lyrics goes directly to Alan Jay Lerner, and the music is by Frederick Lowe- not that you can hear it here. And for the record, "ennui" means boredom or tedium, and is pronounced un-wee.
How did I get into Slytherin? I wondered, idly turning a page of my book. I should've being a Ravenclaw. Stupid Sorting Hat.
The background noise did not distract me from my reading. It was Sunday night, and for Slytherin House, that meant karaoke in the Common Room.
At least I'm not in Gryffindor, I mused, as Pansy Parkinson finished up her song (Pansylicious—she had altered a few of the lyrics) and let Draco take the mike. I'm not courageous or giving or loyal or anything. It's a good thing I'm not in Hufflepuff, either…I'm not humble, or a hard worker, and most Hufflepuffs are too innocent and honest for my taste.
What dull morals.
Draco, having just demonstrated how he was "too sexy for his shirt", approached me.
"Your turn," he said. "Tracey, it's your turn!"
"That's "Davis" to you," I snapped.
"Fine, Tracey Davis, it's your turn!"
I glared at him.
"Davis, go!" When I failed to comply, he took out his wand and shot a spell at me, which pot me out of my chair and onto the area designated as a stage. Someone thrust a microphone into my hands.
"Fine!" I growled into it. I mumbled the name of a song into the karaoke machine. It had been designed to run off of magic, so that it would work at Hogwarts. It would play the music to any song requested.
"Here's my tribute for the night," I announced to my Housemates, giving my song a little preface. "This is what I think of Gryffindor's and Hufflepuff's so-called virtues!"
"The Seven Deadly Virtues," I sang, drawing a laugh from the crowd,
"Those ghastly little traps,
Oh, no, my friends, they were not meant for me," I changed the line slightly.
"Those Seven Deadly Virtues
Were made for other chaps,
Who love a life of failure and ennui."
"Take courage," I sang, "Now, there's a sport;
An invitation to the state of rigor mort." They laughed again.
"And purity—a noble yen," I gave a sort of respectful, considering nod as if at the idea of purity.
"And very restful every now and then," I continued.Someone whooped in approval.
"I find humility means to be hurt;
It's not the Earth the meek inherit, it's the dirt!" I sneered, to the agreement of my audience.
"Honestly is fatal, it should be taboo;
Diligence, a fate I would hate;
If charity means giving, I give it to you
And fidelity is only for your mate." A few looked shocked at this line, but someone in the back whistled appreciatively.
"You'll never find a virtue un-statusing my quo," I sang, settling into an almost singsong tempo.
"Or making my Beelzbubble burst.
Let others take the high road; I will take the low
I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go!
"With all those Seven Deadly Virtues," I built up the ending,
"Free and happy little me has not…
Been…
Cursed!"
The Slytherins hollered and cheered as I curtsied and went back to my book.
I suppose I do belong here, I thought with satisfaction as the noise died. To give you a satisfactory ending for this, I give you one last parting quote:
Who needs those Seven Deadly Virtues, anyway?