She is gone. Dead by her own hands. Dead for nearly five years now.
But no.
She's not dead.
She's right beside me now.
She is smiling. Oh. She's so beautiful, surrounded by light, like an angel, so whole and healthy, unlike the impoverished and abused state her last moments were like.
Oh , Kanan.
Kanan, these days I'm only able to see you with my eyes closed. But it doesn't matter, my love. As long I can see you, I'm happy.
Oh, yes, Kanan. Smile like that once more, please. I miss you so much, darling. Yes, you're right, what an idiot I am. Of course you're with me every night. In every dream.
Kanan, that tickles! Come closer. Mmmm. Good.
It's so peaceful, Kanan.
Of course I'll kiss you. I exist for you, Kanan- in birth and death. Okay, Okay, I'm shutting up now, but ju-mmmmph!
Hah. Hah. Oh, Kanan. Your lips are as soft as ever. You're so beautiful, my love.
Nnnn, yes, just like that. I love your fingers in my hair. It's not just my hands that are beautiful, but yours too. Okay, our hands are beautiful. Especially when joined like this.
Kanan, darling- Wh-why are you crying, Kanan? Did something ba-
Oh, love. Don't be like that. Of course I miss you. I hate that you aren't with me in the flesh. I love you so much, Kanan. That's good, stop crying. What a strange girl you are, telling me not to agonise over you , but agonizing yourself. Shh. Mmmpfh. Oh, Kanan. Let's be strange together.
You're so warm. The days have been so tiring lately, I don't think I can make it through everyday without seeing you in the night. I'll always be there for you too, Kanan. I'm yours. Forever.
Uhhh. Kanan, that light on my eyelids…. I think that's the sun. Damn it! Damn it ! Why does dawn come? Why can't the night last forever? Both of us, together like this, forever.
Okay, I do sound like a petulant child. Fine. Mmmm.
All right, Kanan, I'm getting up. Kiss me once before you leave, Kanan. Pl- nnnngh. Mmmm.
Oh, Kanan. That was amazing. You're the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. I'll see you tonight, my love. I love you so much. Kanan.
She's gone as I open my eyes and stare at the sun piercing through the gauzy curtains of the inn. I smile. She'll be back.
Oh, yes. She will.