Patton Drilovsky, the one and only Numbuh 60 and Arctic base drill sergeant, wandered down a random corridor in Moonbase, his mind clearly elsewhere. He absently—or perhaps just subconsciously—ran his fingers along the red mark forming on his right cheek, his thoughts drifting towards what had happened a few minutes earlier (yay, story time!)…

Only a few operatives were up at Moonbase, since it was Fourth of July weekend and everyone was with their families. In the normally bustling cafeteria were three operatives—Numbuh 60 and the Numbuh 44 twins. The three were playing card games, but the interest was fading fast. "Hey Pat," Peter began. Patton looked at the boy sitting across from him, hoping he had something entertaining in mind. "Are you up for a challenge?" This peeked Patton's interest—and Pete's interest, for that matter.

"Before we start, what are we dealing in?" Patton asked cautiously. Challenges with the 44s always included bets, and Patton was low on cash, so if was coinage they were working with, he was out.

"Yipper cards." Pete said before his brother could answer.

"Sure," Patton agreed with a shrug; he had more than a few Yipper cards, so losing a few wouldn't be a problem. "What's the challenge?"

"I challenge you to kiss the next operative that walks into the cafeteria." Peter dared, a grin spreading across his face.

"Two conditions: one, it'll be the next girl that walks in, and two, I'll get Yipper 78, 14, and 99 when I do it." Patton said. Pete and Peter shared a glance, and then looked back at Patton with matching smiles.

"Deal." They said in unison. "But if you chicken out, we get Yipper 7, 8, 9, and 44." They added, speaking in almost unison; Patton nodded, he knew he wouldn't lose. All three boys turned to watch the door, waiting to see who Patton's victim (maybe not the best word, but it's the first one 44 and 44 thought of) would be.

A minute ticked by, and no one had entered; another sixty seconds, still no one. Two more stretched on, and the boys' enthusiasm was slipping away. Pete opened his mouth to suggest something else, but then he heard the metal door open. All eyes snapped up to see who entered: Numbuh 975, a boy who worked in communications. The 44 twins glared at the newcomer who had gotten their hopes up. Numbuh 975 got a soda and a cookie then left, oblivious to what he walked in on.

Another five minutes had passed, and Patton decided he needed a drink. He got up and grabbed a root beer, and heard snickering behind him. He glanced over his shoulder at his friends, who both sported devilish smiles. Patton set the root beer back down, wondering what could make them so smiley after nine minutes of nothing happening? Then, the answer appeared:

"What are you stupid boys grinning about?" An irritated voice asked. It took about half a millisecond for Patton's face to drain of all color. Oh no, not her. Absolutely anyone but her! Patton thought. He felt his adrenaline start going, his panic level rising. He tried thinking of ways to get out of doing it, but they all ended in him losing three of the most valuable Yipper cards he had. Not to mention losing my dignity. He thought. But if I do this, those two will never let me hear the end of it! And knowing Pete, he'll tell everyone he knows! Patton bit his lip to suppress a groan. Patton Drilovsky was caught between a rock and a hard place, and it seemed like his best option was trying to punch through the rock. Unless…

"I can't believe I agreed to this," Patton muttered. He had no idea which option was worse, but he had to decide quickly.

"You plan on grabbing something, or just staring at the food?" The Irish girl asked, startling Patton. He spun around and looked at Numbuh 86. She wasn't wearing her helmet, Patton noticed.

"…" Patton opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. Finally, he just stepped aside and let 86 get her snack. "I didn't know you were at Moonbase." Patton said, not really expecting 86 to listen. But the redhead looked up at him.

"Where did you think I would be?" She asked curiously. Patton stumbled over his words for a moment—to be fair, he didn't plan on starting a conversation—before finally collecting his thoughts.

"At home with your family, I guess." Patton said, looking down at his boots.

"My dad says the holiday is too loud and stupid." 86 answered, wondering why Numbuh 60 found his boots so interesting; his combat boots were slightly scuffed up, and there was what looked like a scorch mark on one—wait, why did any of this matter? Fanny shook her head and looked back up at Patton. "What's your excuse for being up here?"

Patton clearly wasn't expecting the question, but he recovered quickly and answered: "My dad's overseas right now." He bluntly said. "And my mom works so much that she spends every day off just sleeping." 86 was surprised that Patton was willing to say so much about his home life.

"Oh, your dad's in the military?"

"Yeah, he's a Major. My uncle's in the Marines, and my grandpa was a drill sergeant." Patton explained with some pride. No wonder he jumped at the chance to train the new cadets, Fanny thought, he wants to be a soldier like his dad. Fanny frowned; Patton looked up to his dad and wanted to follow in his footsteps. But for her, that wasn't particularly possible…

"Numbuh 86?" Patton asked, probably repeating himself.

"What?" She asked, embarrassed at her zoning out.

"What's wrong?" Patton was genuinely concerned, all thoughts of the bet leaving his mind.

"Nothing." 86 said automatically. "I'm perfectly OK."

"No you're not. You're about ready to start crying, that's the opposite of OK." Patton wasn't aware that he had sat down, but when he looked around, he was seated at a table with Numbuh 86 sitting beside him. The 44 twins were nowhere to be seen, making Patton and Fanny the only people in the cafeteria. "So, what's wrong?"

"I-It's nothing, I don't want to waste your time." 86 shook her head. Was she doing this on purpose to get him to give up? Well, it wasn't going to work on the drill sergeant (I mean, really, he had the patience to put up with Tommy and Sonia).

"86." Patton said, almost chiding her for stalling.

"Fine. It's just that you said your dad was overseas, and I started thinking about my dad…" 86 paused, not sure how to say the next part.

"Is your dad not around much?" Patton guessed.

"Never."

"So he's like a workaholic who's never home?"

"No, not at all!" Fanny exclaimed. "My dad always made sure to spend time with us, no matter how busy he was. He and I would go to the park and he would tell me about Ireland, and when I told him something he didn't know, he would get me ice cream…" Fanny's explanation trailed off, as she got lost in the memories.

"Wait," Patton began. "You make it sound like your dad isn't around anymore. But I remember Numbuh 85 saying his dad gave him a haircut about a month ago."

"Oh, well, uh…" Fanny wasn't planning on mentioning this, but now it seemed pretty unavoidable. "I'm talking about my dad. The genius who gave Paddy a haircut…" She paused again, building the courage to say the next part. But Patton seemed to put two and two together pretty quickly.

"He's your step-dad?" Patton deduced. Fanny nodded, but refused to make eye contact; he had almost seen her cry once, it sure as hel- heck wouldn't happen a second time (sorry, ten year-old vocabulary here). "Oh…" Patton looked down at the table. "What happened to your real dad, if you don't mind me asking…?" Patton added the second part on very quickly, just in case it was a touchy subject.

"I- I'd rather…not talk about…that." Fanny answered. Patton watched her trace her finger along the table, trying to distract herself.

"S-Sorry, 86." Patton told her. He really didn't know what to do, and he finally settled on placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks Patton." 86 said, finally looking up from the table. What had happened next, Patton didn't quite remember clearly; one moment he was comforting his fellow KND operative, the next he heard snickering from the doors (courtesy of Pete and Peter) and realized with a shock what had just happened. Did I just…? He thought, feeling his face turn red. Yep, you sure did. He—Patton Drilovsky, ten year-old Artic base soldier—had just kissed the biggest boy-hater in all of Kids Next Door history.

What happened after that—that was crystal clear in his mind: 86 slapped him. Oddly enough, the squeaking of sneakers on tile was clear in Patton's ears, even though every other sound was drowned out. "Three things: one, you're welcome; two, that hurt; three, I'm going to kill those two morons." Patton said calmly as he stood up and walked out of the room. The sound of his boots on the tile was the only sound in the cafeteria now.

Now, Patton wandered the halls of Moonbase, tracking down the 44 twins to retrieve the trading cards he had just earned. Whoa! Wait a second, Pat, He mentally interjected. Are you really worrying about those stupid cards right now?

Well, uh… I… Patton was in an argument with his mind, and currently, he didn't know what to tell himself. That was our bet.

But was that why you kissed her?

Wh- why else would I have done that!?

You know why. His subconscious said firmly. And now, you're wasting time justifying your actions to your own brain instead of hunting down Pete and Peter and threatening them with their lives? Patton nodded and resumed his search. He heard two voices just around the corner: the twins. Patton sneaked up on them, being silent until he was only a few paces away.

Then, all subtlety thrown out the window, Patton rushed forward, tackling the closer twin to the ground. Numbuh 44 crashed into his brother, and the both tumbled to the ground. Patton had his foot planted on Pete's chest, and Pete was lying on top of Peter, so they were both basically subdued. "44s!" Patton greeted them, an evil tinge to his voice. "I believe someone owes me something." He pushed down on Pete's chest harder. "Unless you don't want to coöperate, then I get to try a few new fighting moves on you two." Patton gave the thinly veiled threat with a dark half-smile.

"W-We have them at home, you'll get them tomorrow!" Peter chirped.

"Good." Patton took his foot off Pete's chest and helped the older twin up. "Oh, one other thing," In two seconds, Patton had Pete pinned to the wall and his left foot on Peter's solar plexus, his heel driving into the boy's stomach. "Either of you mention anything about the bet, I'll hunt you both down and make you wish you were never born." Patton stepped back, letting Pete slide to the ground. "Enjoy your holiday, boys." Patton said as he walked away, unaware of the extent of the damage he had done.

Fanny walked towards the decommissioning room, trying to understand what just happened. She slapped Patton, why exactly? The Global Tactical Officer had no idea why. Then, something came to her mind: You don't always think before you act. Her dad—her real dad—said that to her after she had gotten into a fight at school. Was that what had just happened? She didn't think about how to react, she just went with the first thing that came to mind, and that just happened to be slapping Patton. "Darn it." She muttered; now they were probably going to avoid each other until they both forgot it ever happened. "Stupid boys." She sighed and turned a corner. Just around the corner, Patton had one 44 twin pinned to the wall, and the other was on the ground.

"Either of you mention anything about the bet, I'll hunt you both down and make you wish you were never born." Patton let go of the boy, who proceeded to fall to his knees, and stepped off of the twin he was standing on. "Enjoy your holiday, boys." Patton said as he walked away. Fanny took off in the other direction. Once she was sure no one was in the area, she stopped and her mind relayed the scene that had just unfolded.

"It was all a bet…" She whispered. All of her emotions were fighting to get their two cents into her opinion. But one was louder than the rest: Of course it was just a bet, why else would he care about you? She didn't want to believe it, but at the same time it made sense. Boys avoided her, why would Patton be any different?

Because he is…

No, stupid brain! Don't care about him; he's just another stupid boy!

But- but…

But nothing! Fanny shook her head and kept walking, with no real destination in mind. Patton's just another stupid boy who thinks it's OK to play with other people's emotions. I hate boys...

OK, one idea put down on digital paper, only about eighty thousand to go! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my demented version of a romance. Oh the joys of being ten, right? And um, two things: 1) Fanny's referred to as Numbuh 86 in this a lot. The idea was that maybe Patton didn't know her actual name and so was referring to her by the codename. 2) The thing about her dad, total headcanon! The shows hardly says anything about her family, so I took some liberties here. I might come back to this headcanon in the future, but for now...

-SW12300