First of all, this is a comedy, if you know you might get offended, don't read, it's not that complicated. If you want to start a flame war anyway, try it; see what happens. This is an all dialogue story fyi.

Let's Begin

"Welcome back to Guild Challenge! The show that brings in famous mages from around the country to give interviews and their personal outlook on life, brought to you by Lacrima Vision. I'm you're host, Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki, current parfum expert at Blue Pegasus, but you don't care about that. Our next guest is one Lucy Heartfilia, give a round of applause to the resident celestial mage of Fairy Tail!"

CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-WHOO-CLAP

"Hello hello, thank you for having me on your show Ichiya, I'm a big fan actually. That one episode with Mira was great!"

"Meeeeiiinn, the pleasure is all ours my sexy dear. It warms my parfum to hear that; this is a special episode where we will explore your reaction to the different views and opinions had by the many admirers and fans of the mage guilds. Now, here's how this is going to work. You are familiar with what 'fan fiction' is, I presume?

"Why yes, I have heard that it is the work of people who are fans of something, anything really, and they write their stories based on their preferences, using things, places, and persons from whatever it is they are a fan of."

"Very good parfum, that was a detailed explanation, you must have gotten the knowledge from you're side-writing career. You are familiar with 'ships' yes? Well it just so happens that fans of Fairy Tail and the other mage guilds exist all around the world! Yet it is with great regret when I say, that most of these fans seem to think rather highly-STAY FREE MAXIPADS-of you. Meein."

"Excuse me? I don't quite understand, how on earthland is that a bad thing? And what is a maxipad?"

"Well you see, since you seem to be hold the attention of most of these fans, you also seem to hold the intangible rank of 'involved in most ships'. How would you feel for example, if I told you that there exists a story where you engage in sexual relations with Acnologia, the dreaded black dragon of the apocalypse? As for the maxipad, we are obliged to flash the name of our prime sponsors every few minutes, sorry if it is a bother."

"That's no problem at all, and hahaha, that's very funny about Acnologia, there's no way that exists, he he he... is there!?"

"Why yes, it actually does, and that is just scratching the surface of the iceberg, there are many, many more. Here is a list of all the ships that you have been included in."

"This is horrible, it makes me look like some kind of dirty slut! There's no way I'd ever fuck Master, or Walrod for that matter! What kinds of sick minds does it take to come up with this stuff?! And what's up with all these rape/abuse stories I seem to be star in? Sure I had a negligent father, but these take it to the extreme! HE REFORMED FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

"We'd all like to answer that question miss Heartfilia, our hearts go out to you; nevertheless, this brings us closer to the game segment that we are going to play today, it's called-Opinions Are Golden-and it involves you as well as me. I will flash a name on the Lacrima screen behind us-STAY FREE MAXIPADS-, it will contain a name of anyone, or anything that you have been shipped with as well as a quirky name for you're ship, got it? It will be your job to state whether you are interested in this ship and/or whether you think it is possible as well as what you think about it; in short, your opinion."

"I think I got it, but this seems like it's not gonna end well."

"Pish Posh, no it won't! Now, let's begin shall we? Here we go, the first name is-"

Colu-(Cobra/Erik): The Poisonous Angel

"What, the, hell! Do people really pair me up with this guy, I barely know him?!"

"More than you know miss, I have heard that writers even participate in a 'Colu week'."

"Really, what the hell! Anyway, my opinion-STAY CLEAN MOOSECONDOMS-is what you wanted right? Well, I can honestly say this has no chance of ever happening. I get that, he sort of started to repay for his sins when he joined Crime Sorciere, but really, I don't even think I've ever even spoken to him, let alone harbored feelings for him! Doesn't he like our barmaid at Fairy Tail anyway, Kinana?"

"I do not know, it's your guild after all."

"Well, I recall Mira telling me a so called, secret, the other day... it was that Kinana was actually Cobra's pet snake, Cubellios!"

"Shocking parfum indeed!"

"It seems Cobra still has a subconscious attachment to her; at least that's what Mira says and that girl will ship anything that moves. You have to take her words with a grain of salt you know."

"So this Cobra likes the parfum of purple snakes then?"

"Not just any snake, Kinana!"

"Aaah, he must have a parfum fetish for tentacle porn if he loves a snake. It is no biggie, even I, the sexy Ichiya have partaken in such activities before after all; of course I could not gauge a general opinion for it as all my viewers had passed out. I don't know why they did, I just must be too sexy for my own good, sigh."

"Excuse me as I kindly throw up."

"NO NOT ON MY BODY! You will ruin my arousing aroma!"

"Let's just go on to the next one shall we? Before you can say anything else about tentacles and witches among other things."

"AHAH! I knew you read hentai! I smelled its parfum on you the moment you jaunted in here."

"WHAT! NO! Whatever gave you that idea, I don't read hentai... he he he ha... really I don't! Just please get to the next name before I say anything else I might regret!"

Zelu-(Zeref Dragneel): A Love of Death

"WHAT THE HELL! The immortal dark wizard, my boyfriend? Yeah right! Besides the fact that he's always trying to destroy Fairy Tail, as well as having an unusual obsession with my best friend... well, those should be reasons enough. I guess some people just like his boyish looks, whatever. Anyone who tries to kill Natsu is also an enemy of mine, let it be known to anyone watching. I might not be able to beat you, but I will fight you 'till near DEATH... at which time Natsu will see my broken form and get motivation to whip your sorry ass. Anyway, let's hope the next one is a little less ridiculous Ichiya."

"HAHAHA, I know! These are so funny miss Lucy! NEXT!"

Julu-(Jude Heartfilia): Rapeful Abuser

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT KIND OF SICK PSYCHOS PIT ME IN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY OWN FATHER. HE WAS AN ASSHOLE, BUT NOT A RAPIST! THIS IS DOWNRIGHT FUC-"

"-Ladies and gentlemen, due to a release of seemingly pent up anger of parfum, we will be taking a short commercial break-DINO'S DILDOS-so don't go anywhere, we will be... right back!

COMMERCIAL

Right, well, that's chapter one. If any of you have ideas for a ship, review and tell me.