As it would be, I cannot lay claim to any Twilight character, though I may wish it to be so. Thank you Mrs. Meyer, thank you.
Looking For Peace
I walked out the front door of the house. No need to tell dad where Im going now-a-days. After all that we've been through these last few months, he considers me a man. I look up into the star filled skies of La Push, and let my eyes settle on the moon, in all its bright and full glory. Its a peaceful night, if those still exist, and I walk down the road, away from my home. Bella is asleep on the couch again, worn after all these weeks of living in fear of Victoria. Theres been no sign, no scent of her for days now. Sam is out on patrol and hes the one that insisted I take the night off. "You wont be good for the pack if your not rested Jacob" he told me. Reluctantly I agreed, and i've asked Embry to watch over my home. I put great faith in him to guard over what I hold most dear to me. Without purpose, I find that im heading towards First Beach. As I get closer, the sound of the crashing waves mesmerizes me. It draws me nearer to its driftwood covered shores. I find one of its many weather worn seats, and settle in, reveling in the comfort of its familiarity.
Bella. How can I explain all that I think and feel. So much has happened since the days of long ago, when we would spend summers here with my sisters Rachel and Rebecca. Young, carefree, no cares or worries. The twins would always steal her from me, take off running along the shore. But as is her sweet nature, Bella would always find a way to include me in the days activites. Charlie and my dad would be off somewhere, fishing the day away. And the four of us would laugh and play. Bella used to laugh once.
But things have changed.
Now im a werewolf and she is in love with a vampire. Blech! What she sees in him, why she chooses to... Its beyond me. Night after night I sit with her, I prowl the forest to keep her safe. Ive been there for her all these months, when she wouldnt speak, barely eating. He left her! He left her, yet she mourns his loss. Does he think of her? Would he feel bad if he could see her as she is now? She walks around, broken, like a shadow of something that once was. If he had loved her as she claims he did, he wouldnt have hurt her like this. I wouldnt. I know that I cant push her, yet I see how she responds to me. Everyday we make progress. A smile here, a touch on her shoulder that lingers for just moments. Maybe nothing that she notices, but for me its the energy that keeps me on my vigil.
Could I put hope in her smile? Will I allow myself that indulgence? No. She sees me as her friend, her best friend. Nothing more. Sam tells me not to pursue it. "Dont be a fool Jacob. Accept her friendship and leave the rest as it is" he tells me. But I find approval in Charlies face. He, at least, sees how safe Bella is with me. And thats with Charlie not even aware that his daughters boyfr - exboyfriend - is a vampire. Sure, those Cullens think that they are above reproach because they choose not to exist on humans. It doesnt change what they are. Or what I am because of them. Without their existence, I would be me. Just Jacob Black. My pack would just be a bunch of normal guys who dont burst into big balls of fur when we get excited or angry. Sam would be off at college somewhere enjoying that scholarship he worked so hard to earn.
And there would be no scars running down Emilys face and hands.
Damnit! Ive come here to find some peace tonight, and all ive done is rekindle the anger I have tried so hard to supress. I hide it for her, I fight against my pack for her. And we fight together. They, for what is our natural instinct when one of those bloodsuckers are too near our bounds, I, just for her. Bella. Bella. I dont blame her in anyway. There is nothing I wouldnt do, such are the depths of my affection. I know that we may never be more than friends, but in my heart she will always be the one.