DK: I'm horrible, I know that I should be working on ether A Boy's Life or Me and the Minibar. But you see, I've run into writer's block again, and both have only half of a new chapter written each… Not to mention that this idea came into my head nice and randomly, but won't go away. So here's some good ol' randomness. :D
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For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise
And we'd never compromise
For
the life of me, I can not believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were only freshmen…
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I walk down the halls of the old apartment complex. I look around and see that the paint is more flaked and that there are many more cracks than I remember there being. It had been three whole years since I had even entered the damned building that had a place in it that I once called home.
I turn down a corridor and push through the heavy push-bar doors to enter the stairwell. The old metal stairs clank as I go up them. With every step, I feel that looming presence over me, the one I had long since tried to run from, grow stronger and heavier.
As I opened the doors to the fourth floor, a sense of nostalgia rips right over me like a tidal wave. The floors still creak like they use to, and the off-white walls are still covered with dents and cracks that I remember being only half at fault for. I make another turn down this old hallway of memories.
"So you're finally here for closure, am I right?"
I look down the corridor to see you, exactly how I remember you to be. Well, almost exactly. You look so many years older than the simple nineteen that you really are. Your hair, which only dark grey the last they saw you, was now pure silver in color, and your mismatched eyes were underlined with deep bags.
You're wearing your old leather jacket that you had gotten all those years ago. It's long since faded and lost its shine, much like ourselves. The old pair of jeans that you're wearing have a tear at the knee, and I can see some red soaking through. Between all of that and the cigarette in your hand, it's all too easy to tell that you rather be anywhere but here right now.
"Yeah, and so are you…. You look like shit, Kakashi." I tell you outright. No use to lie to one of the best friends I've ever known- not to mention the only one I still have left.
You take a long pause to look at me, then chuckle a bit. "Oh, and I suppose you look like the Duke of Earl, now don't you?", he responds sarcastically as you rub that cancer-stick out onto the ratty rug floor beside you.
I look myself over, and I can't really say much in my own defense. I know that I've gotten paler, that I've lost countless nights of sleep to memories, and that I've grown thinner since they've been gone. My simple black cargo pants and navy blue long sleeved shirt only help to make all of that all the more noticeable.
We're both laugh for a bit, but that sober feel in the air creeps back in and it grows quiet. Soon I'm sitting next to you on the ground, knees pulled up to my chest with my arms wrapped around to hold them in place. We're both staring down that green door, as if daring it to try something.
"You didn't even go in there to get any of your things all those years ago, did you Sasuke?" You ask me without even looking at me.
"No… Hell, I haven't even gone in there since he…" I stop. Your head bows slightly, your silver locks falling into your face to hide your mismatched eyes from the world.
You know what I mean. Everyone in the school and in our families would know what we mean, too. Something like that was always burned up and greedily eaten away at until there's nothing left but the ones that were closest to the fire. They're left there, worn and tired-- just like us.
"So, are we going to sit here, or are we going to go in?" you start with a sad smile on your face as you push yourself up and brush off your clothes, "After all, you know how impatient they can get sometimes…" Your hand is held out to help me up, and I gratefully accept it as you hoist me up.
I brush off my clothes as I dig through my pockets for the keys that I've kept all these years. Normally, a landlord wouldn't even consider allowing an unused apartment to go to waste and would have rented it out even if we continued paying for it. But this one had sympathy for what had happened and allowed us to keep it, so long as we continued to keep well to the rent. And we have for three long, sad, difficult, and lonely years.
I find the keys and put them into the lock and with a click we both know that it's unlocked. I place my hand onto the doorknob, but I can't help but hesitate before I turn it. With a shake of the head, I turn the knob and take the first few steps into our old home.
I feel around on the wall for the light-switch, and turn it on once I found it. Our whole world illuminates itself, and it's like someone had thrown us back into better days when life was good.
I walk in another few feet, and I know that Kakashi followed only a few steps behind. I look around, seeing everything that we shared, everything that they shared. I walk over to the shelves in the living room to see so many moments from time, captured forever on pieces of laminated paper. Kakashi is standing beside me now, looking as well.
I see your beautiful, playful grins. I see his soft, small smiles. I see pictures taken of us by them, I see surprise photos of them by you. I see heart-warming photos, and heart-wrenching memories.
I lift my hand up and pick up a picture where it's me and you. You had fallen asleep with your head on my lap, and I was playing with your impossibly golden locks. They must've taken it one day when I didn't realize it.
I look over to my silver-haired friend to see him in a very similar state, looking down at a picture of him holding his brunette lover in his arms with a soft, kind look in their eyes as they starred at each other. You had taken that, hadn't you?
"Sasuke… Have you ever wondered if there was something that you could've done that would've saved him? Naruto, I mean" The man asked me as he placed the photo gently onto the shelf. "For me, the question crashes into me constantly. What could I have done to save my Iruka? Every time I go to eat, every time I drive past our old school, every time I'm trying to fall asleep, every time I try to move on…"
I look at my silver friend and then to the floor. He had stolen the words right out of my mouth. There was nothing else to say, and he understood that. I place my nearly forgotten photo back onto the shelf and cross the living room, into the hallway with four doors. One door to the bathroom. One door to the closet. One door to their room. One door to ours.
I walk up to our door and turn the knob, slowly entering the room. Everything is exactly how we left it. There's a textbook open to some page in some chapter that we had been doing homework for in some class. The comforter lay half on, half off the bed; pillows propped up over in the corner for comfortable seating. There are even some of our clothes strewn across the floor.
Oh, and the giant brown stain in the dread center of the room, of course.
After seeing that, I walk over to it on quaking legs, and by the time I'm standing over it they buckle from under me and I lay in a heap, stain surrounding me. As I lay there, barely holding myself back from sobbing, I remember the very moment when I found you.
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We had had a fight the earlier in the day, one worse than we ever had. No fists were thrown, no names were called. But all it took were ten words, said in the spit of the moment, to end the fight abruptly. I hate this! I hate you! Just fucking kill yourself! And you stopped shouting at me, straightened yourself up and bowed you head so that I couldn't see your eyes. In my rage, I turned and grabbed my jacket and keys and just left through the front door, slamming it so hard that it literally bounced right back open.
When I came home later than night, I was guilty that I had said such terrible things to you. I was going to apologize, to make it up to you and take you out for dinner. I noticed that something was amiss when I came up to the front door, only to see it still wide open. I entered, cautiously, and called out for you several times, asking if you were okay, calling out that I was sorry and that I hadn't meant what I said, all the while hoping that nothing had happened. That's when I heard sobbing.
I ran towards our room, where you were sprawled out across the floor with deep gashes at your wrists and elbows, and blood coming out from your stomach from puncture wounds. The bloody knife was lying by your fingertips, which would twitch every few seconds.
I run over to you and dropped to your side. I felt the tears pouring out as I reached out with a shaking hand to hold your own. You told me how you were getting cold, and how it hurt so bad. You asked me if I meant what I had just said, if I really did still love you.
I pull you into my arms and hold you as I told you how I was sorry, how I didn't mean it, how you couldn't leave me. And you just smiled up at me, and whispered your love to me, and I responded the same. Then your eyes grew out of focus and your body seemed to get even heavier, and your body gave a few spasms before you went completely limp in my embrace.
I couldn't believe it, I shook you, I told you to stop joking, to wake up, to stop this. But you didn't do anything, no matter what I did. I held you as tightly as I could to my self and shook and sobbed and rocked back and forth.
I stayed like that for hours, holding your cold form to myself before Kakashi and Iruka had come home and looked around for us after seeing the front door wide open. Iruka was the first to find us like that, and screamed for Kakashi.
The rest of it passed on by as if it wasn't really me there, as if I was watching someone else. The police and ambulances arrived, and tried to pry you away from me. I wouldn't let go, so they were forced to sedate me. From that day on through the next year was spent in a mental ward, alone and away from the world.
When I was allowed to leave, it was Kakashi who had come for me, alone. I asked what had happened, and he told me how Iruka, who had been Naruto's friend since they were both children, had overdosed on valium about a month after Naruto had died.
A month later, we made arrangements to have a different apartment and to lock down the old one, only to be opened when we were both ready for it.
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I laid on the abandoned, blood stained, dusty carpet sobbing for what seemed like hours.
"Sasuke… It's okay, I forgive you…" I shoot up into a kneeling position and look around wildly, and out of the corner of my eye I see a splash of golden and sparkles of infinite blue over on the bed. I turn to see him sitting there on the side of the bed in a white tee and jean shorts. He looked better than ever.
"I forgive you, 'Suke, I know that you love me, and I know that you're sorry. I just want you to know that I still love you, and that no simple word could ever express the guilt over what I've done to you…," you pause and look sad for a moment, but then grin again and continue, "Just remember that I love you, and I'll always be here for you."
You stand up and walk over to me and hold my face in your hands. My tears continue to fall as I close my eyes and place my hands over yours. You lightly kiss my lips and then my forehead, then you sink to your own knees and hold me. My arms wrap around and hold you close to me.
Warmth seems to radiate off of you and you feel so real, as if everything for those last years had been all a bad dream. I burry my face into the crook of your neck and take a deep breath of what could only be described as you.
"'Suke, I have to go now, Iruka's probably leaving now too. But remember that I will love you forever. Don't forget to live your life to it's fullest, 'cause I'll be SOOO angry with you if you don't!" You tell me with a small smile as you pull away.
"Please don't…" I whisper out, but you just shake your head. I reach out to you, and everything goes dark.
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I shoot up from where I'm laying on the carpet, arm reaching out for something out of my grasp.
I look out the window off to my side, and it's daylight out. I stand up and look around the room. I look over to the bed and notice a piece of paper with a feather on it, so I grab it. I open it up to see your old necklace and "'Suke" on the inside of the paper.
I know that it wasn't a dream, and I know that I have to live on without him. But as I placed the necklace on myself, it seemed like the weight of that seemed to lessen, even if only slightly.
X//END
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DK: I'm quite proud of myself for this one. It was extremely difficult for me to write for some reason... Oh well, I hope you all liked it!! Please review!!