It had been six months. She didn't intend to cut him off like she had, it had just sort of happened. It was just too hard. The pain that ripped through her chest when she thought of him, the feelings of regret, and the tears that fell when she realized he was her only inspiration. It had forced her to stay silent. No phone calls, no texts, not even a lousy email. She knew deep down that if there were any contact, she would go running back into his arms. And she needed this. She needed to do this alone.
But she had forced herself to be positive. On the other hand, it had only been six months. She had depended on him for all of her adult life, so in perspective six months alone was miniscule. But it still hurt. She thought about him every day. She asked for news of him from her friends in Toronto. But they were reluctant. They knew just as much as she did that she needed this time to find herself.
But maybe she had already been found.
She had proved that she could do it alone; it just wasn't as fun. As exciting. And that is what lead her to this moment; sitting in a small Parisian bar with two of her closest new friends. Jack, her new guitarist, sat next to her nursing a beer and Jess, a fellow artist from her new label, sat opposite, sipping on champagne. It was the start of a four-month trip through Europe. Another endeavor to try and 'find herself,' it seemed. It was only their first night, and they had decided to try out the bar just below their hotel. The laughter of her friends pulled her from her thoughts and she became involved in an animated discussion about Jess's last date before they had left London.
'I am not kidding. I tried so hard to be polite! But he just didn't get the hint!' Jude laughed along before something, or rather someone, caught her eye from the corner of the room. Those piercing blue eyes, the striking black hair perfectly styled, that chiseled jawline… She couldn't be seeing correctly. How could he possibly be here? In the same bar. In Paris! But there he was, laughing with a couple of guys and sipping on a glass of wine. Jude froze. Her mind was so busy trying to think of what to do that she couldn't move. Her heart was racing. Jack and Jess were concerned, they tried to see what had caught her attention, but she hadn't told them about Tommy. She couldn't.
'Jude, are you okay?' She heard Jack say, his voice laced with concern. But she couldn't respond. She was paralysed.
And then suddenly, his eyes met hers. And it seemed he was locked into the same paralytic state. After a few moments his jaw dropped, and his eyes softened. Jude knew he mirrored her own expression. And then suddenly he was standing up. Jude's eyes widened, her palms became clammy as he walked towards her. She didn't seem in control of her actions, but similarly rose out of her chair, rooted to the spot. And then she was in his arms. After a few moments she regained some control of herself and her arms moved to tightly cling onto him, grasping at the fabric of his shirt. His hands were around her waist, and then running up and down her back. She breathed him in, already intoxicated by his scent, burying her face into his neck.
It wasn't long until he felt teardrops trickle down onto his shirt. He pulled back slightly so he could see her face, his hands remaining on her hips. Her arms stayed around his neck, and they just looked at each for a while. Jack and Jess watched from behind, both wearing matching shocked expressions on their faces.
'I'm so sorry.' Jude finally said, her voice cracking from the tears. Tommy moved his hands to cup her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. 'I just…' she started but Tommy cut her off, placing a finger over her lips. It lingered there perhaps a little too long.
'Don't apologise. I get it. You forget how well I know you. It took me a little while, but I understand.' His own voice was thick with emotion. She nodded, a soft smile gracing her features. She pulled him back in for another embrace, both of them clinging to each other, laughing at the time and place of their reunion.
'Ugh, Jude?' Jack finally muttered from behind them, and Jude jumped, quickly spinning around to look at her friends. She had forgotten they were ever there.
'Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. Ah, Tommy this is Jack and Jess, my two closest friends from London. Jack is my guitarist, and Jess is another artist from my studio. Jack, Jess, this is Tom Quincy, my…' She looked at him for help to finish the sentence. Another wave of sadness crashed over them as she thought about what they used to be. Ex-fiancé, she couldn't say it.He shrugged, a sad smile pulling his lips upwards, and she squeezed his hand.
Jack and Jess waited for an explanation, but silence enveloped the group.
'An old friend from Toronto?' Jess asked, looking between the two suspiciously. They shared a look, and Jude let out a small laugh.
'I guess you could say that.' And once again their eyes were locked. 'Sorry. It's just so hard to label us. I met Tommy at G Major; he was my producer there. And we…well we have had a complicated relationship.' Jude finished, her voice softening towards the end.
'Do you want to join us, Tommy?' She asked, not willing to give him up just yet.
'Like you could get me to leave you alone just yet,' he said with a laugh and a squeeze of her hand. 'Let me just tell the guys where I'm going.' He said, and her eyebrows rose, she had way too many questions for him. She looked back at Jack and Jess as he walked away, both of them completely confused.
'Guys, I am so sorry. I…this is one part of my life that I tried to shut away when I came to London. It was my way of coping. Tommy was a big part of my life, and I should have told you about him. It was just too hard. But I will. I promise I will explain everything. Sorry for throwing all of this on you.' Jude said quickly, and Jack wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
'I don't understand what's happening. But I get it's big for you. Do you want Jess and I to meet you at the hotel later?' He asked, his eyes searching hers for an answer. Jude looked over at Tommy, just as he looked up at her from his table, and they shared a quick smile. She looked back at Jack bashfully.
'No. Stay. Please. I need you to be here for a little while at least. I'm not really sure what is happening, and my judgment is always so off when he is around.' She said, looking desperately at both Jess and Jack.
'Okay, we'll stay. But at any point, don't feel bad if you want to ditch us. It seems like you two have some stuff to sort out.' Jack finished in a whisper as Tommy returned and Jude just nodded.
'Sorry. The reason I am over here was to visit my uncle. I have a lot of family in France, and I had some time off work so I thought I would do a little travel.' He explained. The three of them nodded in unison.
'So what brings you to Paris?' He asked them, he could have laughed at the awkwardness that engulfed their table.
'Well I also have a little time off. I'm nearly finished the album. It just needs something else. But I haven't been able to find the inspiration for it. My new label is so different from G Major, and they have actually given me some time to travel, and hopefully find something to write about.' Jude answered softly.
'So the three of you are off travelling together?' He asked, looking around the table. Once again, the three of them just nodded at his question. 'So what's the plan? Or are you just going to wing it?' He asked.
'We booked Paris, but after that everything is open-ended. Thankfully when you travel with Jude Harrison, accommodation is pretty easy to find.' He said with a fond smile in her direction. Tommy laughed, looking at her also.
'What about you, Quincy? How long are you away from Toronto for?' Jude asked.
'As much time as I need. But you know what it's like with Darius. He says that, and then he'll call one day asking why I haven't shown up to work.' He said and they shared a laugh.
'I'm surprised he let you take off to begin with,' she said and his smile dropped.
'About six months ago I asked for some time off, but we were pretty busy with World Instant Star, so he didn't let me leave. But now that has died down…' Jude connected the dots. He had wanted to do this since she had left him. She nodded slowly, looking away with a sigh. His hand covered hers on the table, and she looked at him, another apology in her eyes. He interlaced their fingers and squeezed her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. He smiled, and eventually she returned the smile, squeezing his hand back.
'So where are you staying?' Jess asked, interrupting their moment. There was only so much tension she could deal with before it became unbearable. They broke eye contact but their hands remained clasped together.
'I'm actually staying in the hotel just upstairs,' he said and all three of them raised their eyebrows simultaneously.
'Are you serious?' Jude said with a laugh.
'Yeah, why?'
'That's where we're staying.' She grinned at him.
'What are the chances?' He said, and their eyes locked again.
The group of four spent the next few hours getting to know each other. It was pleasant, and harmless. Jude was relieved that their reunion was going so well.
'Well, I think Jess and I might head back to the hotel, we're both pretty tired.' Jack announced, and Jess looked surprised but nodded, gathering her things. Jude looked up at Tommy, searching his eyes for what to do.
'Have you eaten?' She asked him, and he shook his head. 'Wanna get dinner?' She asked, a small smirk on her face. He laughed, and nodded slowly. They shared a small smile, but were both nervous about what this could mean.
'Okay, we'll see you back at the hotel, Jude! Nice to meet you Tommy!' Jess said, and the three of them said their goodbyes.
And then it was just them.
'I feel like the universe is trying to tell us something. Both of us in Paris, staying in the same hotel…' Jude said quietly.
'And what do you think that is?' Tommy asked, his eyes burning into her. Jude just shrugged, but maintained the intense eye contact.
'So, dinner?' She said after a moment and he smiled.
They started walking, slowly ambling around the streets of Paris, and quickly forgot about their search for a restaurant, becoming lost in conversation.
'Tell me about London, Jude.' Tommy said, looking over at her with a warm smile. She caught his eye, and blushed. He had such an effect on her.
'It's good. My apartment is so nice; you would love it. And my friends are all really lovely. The studio is so relaxed, they seem to really care about my music, which is nice.' She said and he nodded, waiting for her to continue.
'But, I do really miss home.' She said quietly and he looked up from the pavement to meet her eyes. She conveyed a lot through that look. He took her hand, and they continued walking in silence.
'And you? How is Toronto?' She asked, and he nodded.
'Busy, but other than that, not much has really changed.' That was all he gave her and she looked at him expectantly. He sighed, before continuing, 'Look, I'm going to be honest, Jude. When you left, I felt like my world crashed around me. You had become my world. And suddenly you weren't there any more. But it's okay. I'm okay. I just lost myself in the work, and I haven't really been able to escape since yesterday.'
She couldn't meet his eyes at that admission.
'I just… I needed to know that I could be on my own. I was fifteen when I met you, Tommy. I needed to grow.' She said and he stopped them from walking, moving them to a nearby bench to sit, but didn't release her hand.
'I don't need an explanation, Jude.'
'I know but I needed to say it.' They sat in silence for a moment.
'And did it work?' Tommy asked, and Jude looked at him questioningly. 'Did you find what you were looking for?' He asked, and Jude looked away.
'I'm not sure,' was all she said at first, but then finally spoke up again. 'I know that I can live by myself. I just don't know that I want to. It's been so lonely, Tommy. I have friends, sure, but it's not the same. When I'm with you, I don't have to try. I just am. And even just now, I feel like I can say anything and you get me. You get me.' She said, a few tears in her eyes. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him, and she laid her head on his chest. His arm ran up and down her arm.
'I miss you.' He said quietly, into her hair. She pulled back and put a hand on his cheek.
'I miss you more than I ever thought was possible,' she said before crashing her lips onto his. He moaned at the feeling of her soft lips, memories of their relationship rushing back so quickly he felt like he was drowning. His hands got lost in her hair, while hers stayed on his face. Their lips crushed together urgently, and it just felt so right. The familiarity caused Jude to smile into the kiss, perhaps the most intense they had ever shared. But that was a big call. When they finally broke apart, she rested her forehead against his, and he wiped the tears that had escaped her eyes.
'What are we supposed to do?' Jude asked softly, meeting his eyes.
'Just tell me what you want, Jude.'
She pulled back, and his arm wrapped around her again, her head resting on his shoulder. They sat like that for a moment, the tension building as she hesitated to answer his question. Finally, she looked up at him with a small smile.
'I want you, Tommy Q.' She said, watching his eyes widen, a small smile on his face. She captured his lips in a gentle kiss.
'Come travel with me.' She said suddenly, her eyes bright.
'What?'
'Come with me. We always talked about travelling together.'
'You want to jump back into it so quickly?' He asked, his eyebrows knotting in concern.
'We can take it slow; it won't just be us because Jack and Jess will be there. I'm sure you would get along so well with them.' Jude said and he smiled at the optimism in her words. He tentatively nodded, a grin slowly appearing on his features.
'Okay.' He said simply. She grinned back at him.
'Really?!' She almost shrieked, before leaping back into his arms, smothering his face with small kisses. After a moment of affection they settled back into each other's arms, just watching the people walk by as the streetlights started to illuminate the pavement.
'So we never got around to dinner. Still hungry?' He asked and she nodded dramatically. 'How could I forget. Jude Harrison is always hungry.' He said with a laugh as they started to walk again, receiving a punch to his arm as she laughed. They were back.