Author's Notes: Ok, I wrote this with the help of my one friend, Julie, a
couple years ago. This is a Star Wars fanfic, and all characters that are
mentioned that you have seen in a Star Wars movie, are of course, property
of the Almighty George Lucas. Not ours. There are also some drinks in the
story that are most likely not ours, I think they're various Fruitopia and
Snapple drinks. We didn't come up with them. We may have made up a couple
names, but the characters of Julie and Kiila are ours (if you get really
picky, us), and Mark, Steve, Gretchen, Duane, and any mention of Fred the
Wonder Dog, well, they're ours, cause they're all people we know/knew. Oh,
and just so you all know, if there's mention of someone named Bobby Fisher
around, he's actually Lucky Bob from Histeria. Not ours, again. On with
the insanity!
Darth Maul's new neighbors! AKA: Too much sugar man!
By Julie and Kiila the Spellsinger
One day in Tingly-wingly-pixily-wixily land…
§ Ow! Cut it out Sal! §
"OOOOoooooo, you're just so coot, soooo adowable, and so vewy, vewy pwecious, wes' oo are!" Obi Wan cooed to Fluffi Wan, cuddling the hamster until it turned colors from him squeezing to hard.
Darth Maul wondered why his neighbor had to be so loud when he did that. It was sickening. Plus, he had a terrible headache that day.
Then a scream and a racket started up on the other side of his apartment, and My Apprentice cocked her head to listen. Maul stood up, walked to the door, stuck his head out and was about to yell to his other neighbor when Obi Wan popped up behind him.
"Hi, neighbor! You don't look so good today. Have you taken anything yet? Try this."
Darth Maul popped the tablets in his mouth without wondering what they could be.
"I guess you heard your new neighbors over there, and wanted to know what was going on, right?"
New neighbors? This was not going to be a good day, Maul could see it already.
"Let's go meet them." Obi Wan dragged a slightly snarling Maul over to the next apartment and poked the doorbell.
"Looks like we've finished cleaning up, eh, Julie?" Kiila looked at their handiwork with much approval.
"You still have to fix the porch and garden." Julie smirked, wiping her hands clean on a towel before tossing it into the kitchen.
"I'll do that tomorrow. Today, I have an audition," Kiila went into the bathroom to cleanup for the try outs for the new Jedi/Sith TV show. She was hoping for the lead Sith female role, but Julie suspected she'd probably wind up being a Jedi character, though anything seemed possible with Kiila.
The doorbell buzzed.
"Who could that be?" Julie walked to the door and opened it to see a young man with a near crew-cut hair cut with a thin braid hanging down the side. Another man of indeterminable age and no hair, but several small horns and a black and red pattern covering his face and hands. It possibly covered more, but that was all she could see, because both of them were wearing heavy robes. She wondered if they were cold.
The men at the door saw a young woman with chin-length red hair and pale skin. She had a shapely, well-taken care of body. Her murky blue eyes completed the charming picture.
"Hi! My name is Obi Wan, and this is your neighbor, Darth Maul. I live on the other side of him." The young man seemed entirely too cheery, perhaps even a match for Kiila, when she was hyperactive.
Darth Maul growled, until he received a sharp poke in the ribs from Obi Wan.
Kiila began to sing.
"This fate, to be so beautiful…."
"SHUT UP! COMPANY!"
"Ok."
"Sorry about that, Obi Wan, Darth Maul. She's getting ready for an, audition. She's an, actress." She seemed to spit the words out, whether she was jealous, or sick of it, one couldn't tell.
§ It was the latter, Y'know? §
"Please come in and sit down."
Kiila whisked out of the bathroom, as few people can, and went straight to the bedroom, to change her outfit. She had only been wearing a towel, and there was no way she was going in that, or the work clothes she'd dragged behind her.
Maul and Obi had a brief glimpse of a tall, slender, well-developed and somewhat muscular woman with light brown hair with a red skunk stripe down to her waist, wearing only a towel. Obi nearly passed out, falling onto the couch instead of sitting, and Maul had strange ideas.
"I'm really sorry about that, she didn't know you were here. Would any one like a drink?"
Maul grinned, "I'll have a beer."
"We don't have those. I could make you a strawberry margarita or a pina colada, though. She and I allow only those alcoholic drinks in the house, though I do sneak in some other stuff. But no beer."
"I'll have a Pepsi™ then."
"Me, too, please" Obi Wan had finally gained awareness of the surrounding world again.
"Ok, we have those. Be back in a sec!" Julie ran into the kitchen.
"Well, Julie, I'm, OH! Hello, who are you?" Kiila had come out the bedroom in a pair of brown leather pants, a bright green shirt on, and a few papers in her hands. Her shirt matched her intense green eyes, which seemed even a bit brighter with the wide smile on her face.
Obi Wan looked over. "My name is Obi Wan Kenobi. This is Darth Maul, he lives on that side of you, and I live on the other side of him."
Too perky, she decided. "Well, I have to go, so I guess I'll see you guys when I get back. Bye!" She went into the kitchen and hurried out again carrying a glass bottle marked Snapple™ Fire.
Julie came out of the kitchen carrying three Pepsi™ cans. "How does she keep going like that all day? I think she actually does drink coffee, but I can't seem to find any traces of it anywhere, even in her bank accounts. Oops, I guess I shouldn't have said that."
Kiila's head popped up from behind the sofa, with a purposely fake pouting look on her face. "You're so mean." She was holding an armadillo with a purple collar, and proceeded to cuddle it, but not for very long. "Hey, Havoc, I've got to go, but I'll be back soon, ok? Bye-bye." She set it down on the sofa, where it proceeded to crawl into Obi Wan's lap and fall asleep. Obi Wan began to absent-mindedly scratch it behind its ears. Kiila left.
Maul felt something pulling at his leg. It was another armadillo. He picked it up, and noticed the red collar that said Harold. He sighed and put it in his lap, idly scratching it.
Dead silence.
More.
Just a little more.
Obi tried to start a conversation. "What is her audition for?"
"Some new live action Jedi/Sith TV series. She's trying out for the lead female Sith role, but she really isn't worried, though she'll say she is," Julie sighed. "She lives such an interesting life, whereas I get to classify new life forms, when they show up. That's why I'm here most of the time. She may seem totally smart, and all knowing, but there's one thing she's not good at, that's shopping for clothes. If it wasn't for me, a paper bag might look better than some of her clothes."
Maul imagined the picture, and smiled. He was promptly smacked with a rolled up newspaper.
A faint yelling came from his apartment. "MAAAAUUUUULL! Where are you?"
"Um, I'd better go see what my master wants. Bye." He left Obi Wan sitting there, trying to start a new conversation.
He met Qui Gon in the hallway.
"Have you seen Obi Wan anywhere?"
"He's in there, grrrr," Maul replied, pointing to the door from whence he had come. He then noticed the armadillo hanging from his tunic. "Could you take this with you?" He asked, handing the armadillo to Qui Gon. Maul had a feeling he shouldn't make the girls angry.
"Yes, I'll take him." Qui Gon walked through the door and was gone.
Darth Maul entered his apartment, to wind up face to face with a very angry Sidious.
"Where have you been? I've been here looking under all the piles of dirt for ten minutes!" Sidious had something bad planned for him.
"I was at the new neighbor's apartment. Obi Wan dragged me there," Maul was desperately trying to think of something else to say, when he heard Obi Wan being dragged away by Qui Gon.
"Why can't I stay and talk? I wanna stay and talk! Let me go!" Obi Wan wailed as he was dragged out of the other apartment back to his own.
Julie watched as he was dragged away, and sighed. She'll just have to wait for Kiila, and they could go bother them together. She had a feeling this was going to be fun.
Julie turned back into the apartment, and walked to the kitchen. She looked in the fridge for something to eat, but then decided to go food shopping. Kiila had only bought enough for tonight, saying they could go the next day for more stuff. She grabbed her purse, and made sure she had enough money (Kiila always lent her some, without worrying about payback) and left for the store.
Kiila returned to the apartment, to find her friend loading a couple bags of groceries into the appropriate places.
"Hey, I thought we were going shopping tomorrow," she called.
"Yeah, but you didn't buy enough chocolate."
"Sorry." She entered the bedroom, and pulled out a lavender kimono, and got out of her other clothes and put it on. She sighed. There were so many other good actresses there; she may only have a bit part. Oh well, it doesn't matter. She'd have to wait for something else to come around. Then she saw the letter on her dresser. She had been formally invited to try out for this show, and now she wondered why.
"So how was the try-out, Kii?"
"It was all right, I guess. There were a lot of people there." Letting herself fall gracefully into the couch, Kii closed her eyes to think for a minute.
"Did anything go wrong?" Julie drifted out of the kitchen as she spoke, moving over to the couch across from where Kii sat.
"You sound like you wanted it to! No, nothing went wrong. They paired me against this one actor. He was so young! I mean, he wasn't younger than I am, but, compared to most of the other people there, we were the youngest. I mean that honestly! I could tell which ones had makeup on, even the guys did, to look younger."
"Tell me you weren't jealous."
"No way!" She sighed again. Havoc started crawling up her leg. Kiila picked her up. "Hey Havoc. I'm back. By the nine hells of necromancy, I'm tired. I think I just went through the toughest audition of my life. They're mailing callbacks and actual notices tomorrow."
"Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? For now, have a piece of fudge."
"What would I do without you, Julie?"
"Dress in a paper bag and starve."
This gained laughter from all four of the room's occupants, the humans and the armadillos.
Darth Maul was rudely awakened by loud noises coming from his new neighbors' balcony. Slowly easing out of bed, he crawled his way over to his balcony. Propping himself up on the railing, he looked over, and was met with a very nice view of Kiila in very tight, short shorts. He started having strange ideas.
"Hi Maul!" Obi Wan was on his balcony watching Kiila work.
Kiila looked up, saw Maul, and waved, a cheerful look on her face and a tight tank top added to his fantasizing. She then resumed her work of repairing the balcony, which was already half done. Julie stepped out onto the balcony wearing a bathrobe with embroidered teacups on it.
"How much longer do you think you'll be? And do you have a list of the plants you want?" She asked her roommate.
"Maybe another fifteen minutes. The list's on the table, when are you going?"
"When I get dressed. Probably soon, since you woke me up. C-you."
"Bye."
Julie departed the balcony, and Kiila resumed her work. True to her words, she was done in fifteen minutes. She then waved to Obi and Maul and went into the house to get what she needed to do the more leisurely task of painting the balcony. She came out of the house again with a brush and a can of green paint and started painting the railing. Obi went inside his apartment, and a few minutes later, Kiila heard the doorbell ring. She answered the door, and Obi stood there with a paintbrush in hand. They went out on the balcony: Obi painted the floor, and Kiila continued the railing. It was done in five minutes. They cleared up, and Obi went back to his apartment.
Maul then remembered what his master had said about them. He was to protect Kiila from some stalker or other. Apparently, there was one after Julie too, but he figured Obi had to take care of her. So that meant he was headed to the garden store. He knew Obi knew the store, so it was okay. Besides, he could maybe get closer to Kiila and… He smiled. This would be fun.
Kiila was relaxing on the couch, when she heard a scuffle out on the balcony. She looked out and saw someone on the balcony trying to get in.
"YOU MESSED UP THE PAINT JOB!" She ran to the door, opened it, picked up the person, and threw him over the edge. He'd looked vaguely familiar; she wondered who he was. She touched up the scuffed paint, and closed the door again.
Darth Maul watched the man on the ground get up and walk away. Boy is he tough, this is the forty-second floor. He decided he should go over to Kiila's apartment and make sure she was okay.
The doorbell buzzed, and Kiila let him in.
"Hi, Maul, what's up?"
"Um, didn't you just throw that guy off the balcony?"
"Yeah, why? He messed up my paintjob! He deserved it!"
"Well, he got up and walked away."
Kiila gave him a blank stare. "You're kidding, right?" She sat down hard on the sofa. Maul sat down next to her and tried his best to comfort her, which was a hard task for a Sith.
"Don't worry, Master Sidious has assigned me to watch and make sure you're okay. This could get worse."
"What about Julie?"
"Obi is looking after her. Don't tell her though. She doesn't need to know yet."
"Thanks. I need to be alone, okay? I'll call if I need anything."
"All right, bye." Maul left and went back to his apartment, and changed out of his robes, into his Teletubbies boxers, and 'Sith Kicks Ass' T- shirt. He then set up Jedi Road-Kill and amused himself by watching My Apprentice play it.
"Hi, Kiila, I'm back! Kiila, HEY KII! Wake up! I bought some purple petunias for you!" Julie paraded into the apartment, loaded down with trays of plants.
"Sorry Julie, I'm just a little out of it." Blinking, the taller woman sat up from where she was laying on the couch to look at her friend.
"By the way, I picked up the mail. There's a letter for you from the studio." Julie dropped the letter in Kiila's lap.
Kiila opened it and read it. Then she read it again. Then she screamed.
"I GOT THE PART! ISN'T IT GREAT?"
"Wow, that's so cool! Guess they really know who's got talent!" Julie was putting as much effort into her enthusiasm as she could, but it was a little bit hard for her.
Kiila was doing a little victory dance. "They want me to come down to the studio tomorrow to discuss the contract and give me my schedule."
The doorbell buzzed. Julie answered. It was Obi and Maul.
"What's going on?" Maul demanded.
"I got the lead Sith part in the show, isn't that cool?" Kiila said, lightly stepping over to them and holding out the letter.
"Wow, that's really great!" Obi Wan said, to no one in particular. Or maybe it was the door hinge.
"I think we should have a big victory dinner. I'll cook," Darth Maul was about to brag about his cooking skills, when Obi interrupted.
"Isn't your apartment still a mess?"
Julie and Kiila looked at each other. "We'll take care of it," they said in unison.
They looked at his apartment with despair. Then Kiila went back to their apartment and brought back rubber gloves and several different cleaning implements. Julie closed the door behind them. Darth Maul and Obi Wan watched the door as several loud noises were heard. At one point, the door opened and Julie handed My Apprentice to Maul, and went back inside. In a time span of less than five minutes, they had the place totally cleaned and Maul was on his way to a new culinary masterpiece. Julie swooned as she watched Maul cook in his "Kiss The Cook's Ass" apron. The human occupants of the room wanted to do this very badly.
"GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" Maul growled.
Everyone left, even My Apprentice.
Later that evening,
@ OOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO! @
§ Be quiet, Sal. §
Obi, Maul, Kiila, Julie, Harold, Havoc, My Apprentice, Cuddles, and Fluffi Wan were all gathered around the table in Maul's apartment.
"Wow, you're such a good cook!" Julie was wolfing down her food, as Kiila watched her with much distaste at her manners. Maul was eating the same way. My Apprentice was smirking at Maul's manners.
Obi was trying to eat and feed his hamsters at the same time. "Ow, you bit my finger, Cuddles."
Julie was walking around her apartment the next day when she stepped on something fuzzy. She looked at it. It was a golden hamster. "Now which one are you?"
It let out a whine.
Obi bounded out of nowhere and cried, "FLUFFI WAN! NO!" He scooped the hamster up in his arms. Then he looked at Julie, and turned beet-red.
Julie screamed and pulled her robe further closed.
"Sorry!" he yelled as he ran out of the apartment.
"PERVERT!"
"Julie, what's wrong?" Kiila asked.
"Obi Wan is such a pervert! He was in here this morning! I think he's stalking us!"
Kiila had a strange expression on her face. "He probably went to the wrong apartment after last night."
"Yeah, sure. I'll make breakfast."
"Can we have crepes? With Nuttella™?"
"Ok." Julie walked into the kitchen and started to throw together a meal.
Kiila started flipping through the TV Guide as she heard a thump on the balcony. She turned around in time to see Maul flip onto their balcony and throw someone off. He gave her thumbs up and pointed to his apartment as if he wanted to talk. She okayed him, and turned to smile at Julie who walked out of the kitchen with crepes.
"Here's breakfast, you miserable sod!"
"Thanks!" Kii kept her smile on her face, trying to cover her earlier discomfort.
They ate. Kiila went over to Maul's apartment. He was waiting for her.
"That wasn't the same guy."
"Did he get up and walk away, too?"
"Yes, and he was much smaller. That must mean there's two of them, one to deal with each of you. Now that they know I'm here, they are going to be more cautious."
"Yeah, well, I have to go to the studio this morning. Want to walk with me, or are you going to shadow me?"
"I'll walk with you a while, but then it'll be like I have somewhere else I'm going, and then I'll shadow you."
"Ok, I have to go now."
They walked away together. Julie watched them leave from the window, and wondered if something was going on behind her back. She saw Obi on his balcony, and decided to put on some actual clothes.
Kiila walked home for a while by herself. When she got to the place where she had parted from Maul, she wondered where he was. He said he'd join up with her again. She waited a couple minutes, and started walking again. Then, suddenly, two arms wrapped around her and she was lifted into the air, as blaster marks scorched the place where she had just stood. She threw her arms around Maul's neck when she saw it was him.
"Thank the luck of necromancy! Is that why you didn't rejoin me? Because of that?"
"Yeah, and we'd better go before they come here." He jumped down to the pavement and ran the whole way back to the apartment.
Unfortunately, Julie saw this and met them at the door to demand to know what was going on. Obi Wan put his head out in the hall and Maul signaled him to come over.
They explained what was going on.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Julie was furious.
"Calm down. Can't you just understand? You can get so paranoid sometimes." Kiila was trying to calm her friend. It wasn't working.
"PARANOID?!? I do not get paranoid!" She said, trying to cover her attempt to look at the balcony.
"See? You are paranoid! If there were a way I could make you forget this, I would use it! You are so stubborn!" Kiila was yelling at her friend. Then she forced herself to calm down. "I didn't worry when Maul told me. These two are here to take care of us. Accept it. Don't try to change it. It will turn out okay. You'll see. Okay, maybe I was nearly killed this morning, but Maul saved me. It doesn't matter what could have happened, but what did happen."
"Do you really mean that, or are you acting? I should be able to tell but I can't."
"I really mean it. When I need to, I can be serious. You should know that by now."
"What would I do without you?"
"Go nuts!" Kii smirked a bit of a playful smirk, as Julie sighed, her head going down to look at the floor for a moment.
Maul shuddered at the friendship between the two. Obi Wan became sentimental, and came over to hug the girls. Julie punched him lightly in the solar plexus. Obi sat again.
"That doesn't excuse you for being in the apartment this morning."
Maul stared at Obi in disbelief. His mouth dropped in surprise. He grabbed the magazine that had hit him before, rolled it up, and smacked Obi with it.
"You're so mean, Maul!" Obi started crying.
"Awwwww!" The two girls got up, but Julie clicked back and sat down again.
"Did the mean man hurt you, you poor thing?" Kiila was promptly hit with the magazine. "Ow, thanks Maul."
Maul hit Obi again, and he stopped crying. Mainly cause he'd been knocked unconscious.
Maul relaxed on his now clean couch, and sighed. The last few days, since the attempt to kill Kiila had been boring. My Apprentice was racking up a new high score on Pong. That's how boring the last few days were. He rolled over and munched on a slice of day old pizza. He knew he should keep it clean, but that would make Sidious too happy.
Then someone screamed!
Maul jumped up and opened the door into the rushing Obi's face. Now that Obi was unconscious, Maul knew it was up to him to save whichever girl was in trouble. He busted in the door to the apartment. Julie was staring at a letter she'd just opened.
"What's wrong?"
"MY MOTHER IS COMING!"
Maul banged his head on the wall. He'd knocked Obi out for this.
"By the way, Maul, shouldn't you be looking after Kii? She just went to the garden store."
Maul panicked and left.
Julie looked out the door and saw Obi. She dragged him into her apartment to revive him.
Maul raced to the garden store, and Yoda met him at the entrance.
"Why in rush are you?"
"I'm looking for a girl with brown hair with a red skunk stripe."
"Aisle 5 she is in."
"Thanks." He ran to aisle 5 and saw someone about to shoot her from the other end of the aisle. He ran and pushed her down just as the shot fired. The person left in a hurry. Maul looked down at Kiila, who was on the floor.
"Horny you are." Yoda stood at the entrance of the aisle
"It's not like that!" Maul screamed. Kiila turned red.
"Get off me!" She yelled at him. They stood up and she smacked him. She whispered to him, "Have to make this look good." Louder, "You ^ BEEP ^ pervert! Leave me alone!"
Maul tried his best to look sheepish, and it didn't look good. "Sorry."
She stormed off, and he went the other direction. They met up outside the store.
"That was interesting." She giggled.
Maul blushed as best he could, considering no normal skin showed.
They returned home and heard sobbing coming from Obi's apartment. Julie met them at the door.
"Fluffi Wan sacrificed his life for me. Obi's crying over his dead body." Julie looked morose.
Kiila walked in to see Obi carefully lifting the body up into a box. She walked forward to comfort him, but he shrugged her off.
"Someone tried to kill her, too." Maul was talking to Julie.
"Wow, they must really be desperate. To try when you're there is extreme."
"I only barely got there in time."
"And…"
"Um, nothing."
"I'll tell you later, Julie." Kiila walked back over.
Obi Wan was carving a small tombstone for Fluffi Wan. They left him alone.
Maul was hoping Kiila wouldn't tell Julie too much, like what Yoda said.
"Yoda said what? Wow! Was that how he landed on you? Ooooo…"
"Stop it! We had to make a big scene about it, too!" Kiila looked at her feet.
"There's something you're not telling me."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing." Julie smirked to herself. I can see where this is going.
Kiila was afraid. She knew that look. What was Julie up to now?
They all watched as Obi burned the box in which he had placed Fluffi Wan's body. The bundle in Kiila's hands twitched. The bowed their heads as Obi Wan looked to the sky and screamed,
"FLUFFY WAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO!"
Kiila walked up to him and held out the cloth bundle.
Obi took it, unwrapped the cloth and his face brightened. "Ooooo, a new hamster! I'll name it Fluffi Wan Jr."
Julie looked stricken and Maul wanted to throw something at him, but there wasn't anything to throw. Kiila tried not to laugh. They all went back to their apartments. Obi went with Maul, to talk to him.
"Julie told me what happened in the store."
Maul panicked. "It wasn't like that. It was a total accident that I pushed her down. I did manage to save her life though."
"Sure. Bye Maul."
Maul was glad Obi left. He wondered how long it would take Sidious to find out.
The doorbell buzzed. Maul winced and answered.
"So, you have saved her life, but you pushed her down how?"
It would be a long day.
One day Obi walked out of his apartment wearing his 'Like a Rock' boxers. Darth Maul had also stepped out in his 'I Love my Lightsaber" boxers.
Kiila and Julie stepped out, too. Julie was wearing Angel PJ's, and Kiila wore a polar bear sleeveless top and penguin boxers.
It was an awkward moment. An auk flew down the hall.
"Um, hi guys?" Kiila managed a little smile and wave.
Maul stared at the girls, and Obi passed out.
"I bet that boy's never seen a pair of hooters." Julie looked at the ceiling in pain. "I get that pansy for a bodyguard."
Kiila laughed.
"He does have a nice ass, though." Julie walked over to Obi.
"Gee, Maul, I didn't know the tattoo went that far." Kiila walked over to him.
"It goes farther."
"Really?"
He nodded, and gulped. He didn't know what she meant by that.
"Well, I have a rehearsal today, so I'll see you when I'm ready to go, okay?"
He nodded again.
"Okay, bye."
She went back in the room. Julie, who had dragged Obi back into his apartment and left him there, followed her.
Maul, still stunned, stood there for another 30 seconds, and walked back into his apartment when My Apprentice rubbed his leg. He poured her some milk, and got some cereal for himself. It might be a good day, finally.
The telephone rang. Julie answered.
"Hello. Oh, a new species! Do you have a specimen? Good, I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye."
She quickly pulled on some more respectable clothing, and went to Obi's apartment.
"I have to go to the labs. Are you coming?"
"Yeah."
Obi watched as Julie worked out what kind of creature it was, only picking up a word or two of the scientific talk. Julie deigned to call it a Gigtaamuln, meaning gods only know what.
As they walked back, Obi felt something was wrong, and decided they should head down a side street.
"Why are we going this way?" She asked.
"I sense a disturbance in the Force. Someone might be following us."
Just then, a small, black cloaked figure dropped in front of them. It pulled out a purple lightsaber and challenged Obi.
"Fool, avenge your Fluffi Wan."
"MARK! What are you doing?" Julie stuck her hands on her hips, looking at him almost a bit admonishingly.
"Trying to kill you." Mark said with a quiet, slightly indignant cough.
"Well, who's after Kiila?"
"Duane."
"Figures. Anyway, why?"
"The Cheese has ordered it."
"Huh?" Obi looked at Julie.
"Later." Julie sighed.
"Fight me, weakling." Mark brought his lightsaber up, running at Obi Wan with a yell.
Fight ensues.
@ You really suck at this don't you? @
§ Shut up! §
Obi Wan won, however, he had a slash across his shoulder. Mark was badly wounded and carted off to the hospital.
Julie and he walked back to his apartment. Obi got some bandages out of his medicine cabinet, and Julie helped him remove his shirt so she could bandage his wound.
Oh, my. He is so sexy; too bad he's so gay. I'd like to see what's under his boxers. Julie sighed. "Do you need any help?'
"No, but could you just stay and talk a while?"
"Yeah." She sat down next to him.
"Julie, I'm back, no one tried to kill me today!" Kiila looked around. "Julie?"
Maul looked around. "She hasn't been here for a while. If I'm right, she's at Obi's."
They went over and rang the doorbell. Julie answered.
"Hi, Obi got hurt today. Mark and Duane are our stalkers. And something about a cheese." She babbled on slightly, a bit nervously.
Kiila rolled her eyes. "You don't remember Steve?"
"Who?"
"Steve. Gretchen's stalker Steve, we were always cruel to him. Remember?"
"Oh no! I thought we lost him at Alpha Centauri!"
Obi and Maul blinked.
"Don't ask!" Kiila and Julie said in unison.
"Stop that! Get off, Havoc!"
"Harold, that tickles!"
Giggling was becoming constant.
Maul and Obi were becoming worried. They were hanging out on the girls' balcony, when the giggling started. Maul tried the door. It was open. They crept into the room, and stood outside the door to the bedroom. They burst in the door, only to find the girls in their PJ's playing with the armadillos. Obi turned a shade of red, and Maul's red reddened.
"Um, guys…" Kiila started.
"Obi, we need to talk." Julie walked to him and dragged him out of the room.
"I pity him."
Yelling started in the other room.
Maul winced and looked for somewhere to sit. Kiila motioned that it was okay for him to sit on her bed. He did.
"You're not mad at me?" He asked.
"No, not really. If I was mad, you'd be in pain." She started massaging his shoulders to get him to relax. "Do I seem like I'm mad?"
"No, but then again, you're an actress."
She laughed. "I've learned how to control my feelings and absorb them so I can use them in acting. That's why I think I do so well. I don't base it on luck, or my appearance, but on the skill with which I act. I've seen some very famous people in public, thinking they're being totally natural, but they were actually acting with out realizing it. Those people in my opinion, are very poor actors. They can't be honest with their lives, so they suffer for it."
"Wow, deep." Maul grunted, a bit impressed.
"What, don't you think I can be real? Want to see how real I can be?" She curled up really close to his back and turned his head…
Julie stormed back into the room, grabbed him by the ear, dragged him out into the hallway, and shut the door behind him and Obi.
"Damn! Just when I almost…" Maul looked over at Obi who looked at him with intense interest, and then suddenly turned his head to study the ceiling.
"You almost what? Why would you…" Julie was freaking out when she realized what she'd interrupted and Kiila had told her.
Kiila rolled her eyes. Julie was not going to let her hear the end of this. "Hey, what about you? First you call Obi a pansy, and then you say he has a hot ass. Then you wind up spending the day with him after he's hurt. What on earth are you?"
Julie growled. She realized Kiila was right. "Well at least he doesn't have tattoos covering his body."
"It gives Maul an amount of individuality."
"Yeah, and… ack! Why do you do these things to my head?"
"Because I'm you're friend. It's what I do." Kiila laughed, picked up Harold, and heaved him at Julie.
"Yeah, well knowing you, you've probably made him horny." Julie caught the flying armadillo, patting it gently on the head.
"Hey! How would I do that?" Kii struck an innocent pose, batting her eye lashes with one hand over her heart, as if saying 'Perish the thought!' in a hand motion.
"I don't know, I'm guessing."
"You're mean."
Julie put Harold down on her bed, picked up Havoc, and tossed her onto Kiila's bed. Kiila picked up Havoc and cuddled her. Havoc and Harold both looked rather dazed.
Kiila then looked at the clock, and realized that she might be late. She put Havoc down, and the armadillo curled into a warm spot on the bed, and rushed to the closet to get dressed for the rehearsal. Julie sighed, tossed on her robe, and went to pour her friend a bowl of cereal.
The doorbell buzzed and Julie opened the door and got a white flag in her face.
"I surrender. I'm sorry. Can I come in and wait for Kiila?"
"I guess." She let Maul in and got into the kitchen with barely enough time to pour the cereal into the bowl before Kiila whooshed in and took it from her to the table. There was a bottle of Fruitopia™ waiting for her on the table.
Julie and Maul watched as Kiila for once scarfed her food down as fast as possible. She also chugged the Fruitopia™ in less than 30 seconds. She whipped into the kitchen again, emerged with a bottle of Snapple™ Rain (with Agave Cactus), and picked up a pile of papers to take with her.
"Ok, I'm ready, are you?"
Julie went over Obi's apartment to check on how he was that day. She found him trying to open a jar of pickles.
"Here, let me." She opened it with one twist. "I guess you can't grip it right with your shoulder."
"I guess." He sounded sad.
"Is this about earlier?"
He nodded.
"I'm sorry. The armadillos like to wake us up in the morning. Though, how did you get in?"
"The door to the balcony was unlocked. Maul opened it, and after we went in, he locked it."
"Ok." Julie hadn't thought she'd locked it last night, so when she saw it locked she'd been confused. "I guess I should be glad it was you guys that came in, and not, someone else."
Obi nodded, seeing how she didn't want to talk about the 'someone else' it might have been. "How did you know Mark?"
"He was a friend of ours at school. I called him my son, but I didn't do that to his face. It was a joke between me and Kii." Julie looked to the floor, before Obi put a his good hand on her back, reassuringly.
Kiila got home from the rehearsal. She couldn't believe they'd been taping it for spoofs when they messed up! She'd never had that done before! Maul went straight to his apartment after telling her Julie was at Obi Wan's place again. She probably felt grateful for him saving her life. Kii went to her bedroom, opened the closet, pulled out a teal kimono, changed into it, and went over to see Maul.
"Hey, Kii, what's up now?" He looked confused at her coming over.
"I just didn't feel like hanging around there without Julie to bug me." Kiila was confused that Maul kept trying to block her view of his apartment. My Apprentice leapt into her arms.
"Then why don't I come over to your place?"
"Why, what's wrong with…MAUL, you are such a slob!" Kiila glared at him when she finally got a glimpse of his apartment. "I am going to give you a lesson in cleaning up so you can do it yourself!"
"Well, I'm sure you don't want to get your kimono dirty."
"That's right, I don't. Which is why you'll be doing the cleaning." She smirked a mischievous smirk, unlike his usually nasty looking ones.
Darth Maul sighed. It would be a long lesson.
Julie walked back to her apartment. On the door was a note that said:
Hey, Julie!
I've gone to Maul's place to teach him to clean his own apartment.
Be back soon!
Kiila
Julie sighed as Kiila popped put of Maul's apartment saying, "And keep it clean!"
"Have a good day?"
"Kind of, not really, no. They taped the rehearsal so they'd have a tape of mess-ups the could use for a special."
They went into the apartment and Kiila flopped onto the couch, or, as good a flop as she could manage wearing a kimono. Julie quickly made her a bowl of air-pop popcorn, without being asked, since she knew it would cheer Kii up.
"Thanks, you're wonderful." Kiila sighed and stared at the ceiling and ate her popcorn half-heartedly.
It must be very bad if she's like this. Julie sighed. "Were you attacked today?"
"No."
"Then you're bored, right? You only really get like this when you're bored."
"I'm bored. I'm bored cause no one attacked. It's been like this since you were attacked. I think its cause Mark was hurt. Steve wants them both in shape so he'll have one to protect him in case we come after him. Why'd it have to be Mark and Duane? They were our friends. Why couldn't it have been Fred the Wonder Dog and someone else we didn't get like? Why them?"
"Why not? Why use people we don't like when he can turn our friends against us?"
"Why does real life have to resemble TV and movies so much?"
"Why'd I just fall out of my chair when you said that?"
Maul sighed as My Apprentice played Jedi-Redneck Rampage.
The doorbell rang. Maul used the Force to open the door.
"I am amazed. Your apartment is clean." Sidious ambled in with his usual dignified air.
"Kiila makes me keep it clean. Otherwise she'll beat me up."
"So what evil deed have you done since I last visited you?"
"I drop-kicked My Apprentice yesterday when she wouldn't leave me alone."
My Apprentice looked at him with distaste, and missed being attacked by a Redneck Jedi.
"Mrrrooww! Meow! Hiss!"
"My Apprentice! You have learned such foul language from Maul!" Sidious looked at her in shock.
"That's my good little Apprentice." Maul smirked at his pet, a cat that had now killed five more Redneck Jedi and was working on the sixth, which looked like Qui Gon.
My Apprentice smirked.
Sidious rolled his eyes and sat down in the chair to watch. "So how are you and Kiila getting along?"
Maul grinned. "Just great. Today's her day off, and later we're going to the store to get some plants for my apartment. She's insisting. I can't resist when she pouts. She's almost as bad as Obi Wan."
"By the way, I heard Obi Wan was hurt. Is that true?" Sidious folded his hands together, leaning forward to the game to urge My Apprentice along a bit.
"Yeah, he got in a fight with the one stalker. There are two of them, and he put one in the hospital. I guess he's better with a lightsaber than I thought. Although I didn't tell anyone, last night I had a fight with the other one. He was good, and it sounds like the other one was better." Maul grunted, watching the score on the video game. My Apprentice held 5 of the top ten spots already, and it looked like she was going for another one.
"Guess you and he had better start working out more when he gets better. You and he may have to go at the organization soon. You may never know."
As Sidious left, Maul had a feeling that he would face them soon, though when he couldn't tell. Sometimes for him, soon was five minutes, sometimes a month. He could never tell.
Obi's shoulder had healed, and Maul had insisted on them practicing their skills outside in the lot around the apartment complex. Kiila and Julie sat and watched them practice. Julie was playing an electronic fishing game, and My Apprentice sat next to her, mind-whammying the game to let her catch bigger fish. Kiila was playing with the armadillos and the hamsters.
Obi and Maul were using wooden replicas of lightsabers instead of real ones. That way, they wouldn't hurt each other. Maul was trying to improve on Obi's skills, so he would be more effective, considering he was using pansy Jedi techniques. Obi was trying to avoid getting more bruises.
Maul wondered if this was a bad idea. Who knows, he may have to face Obi someday and kill him.
Obi was tiring, so Maul let him have a break. They had been practicing for over two hours with no break. Kiila tossed him a bottle of water. He plopped down on the ground and drained it in 10 seconds. Julie tossed a bottle to Obi, who sat down and drained it more slowly.
"How much longer do we have to practice?" Obi was panting as he drank his water.
Maul motioned for another bottle, and replied, "I think we're good for today. We'll do more tomorrow."
They went back into their apartments, and all decided to get a good night's sleep.
Dark.
Flash of light. Brown and red hair flashed in the darkness.
More dark.
Someone grabbed her shirt and tore at it. She screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Kiila was lying on her bed, thrashing and screaming.
Julie leapt off her bed and shook her friend violently until she woke up. Kiila was in a cold sweat. She ran to the bathroom. Julie heard her throwing up. She sighed.
The doorbell was buzzing and she could hear Maul and Obi yelling to be let in. She opened the door and they burst in.
"Julie, what's wrong?" Obi was shaking her.
"Where's Kiila?" Maul was looking for her.
"Kiila's in the bathroom. She'll probably be in there a while, in the shower. There's something I should tell you guys…"
Kiila let the cold water run down her as she huddled in the tub. Why did that nightmare have to come now? She started scrubbing where sweat had built up.
Maul, Obi, and Julie waited for Kiila to come out. Julie had explained to them what had happened to Kii four years ago. They all sat there looking very remorse. Kiila stumbled out of the bathroom, and leaned on the doorframe when she saw Maul and Obi. Maul got up and half-carried her over to the couch. He sat down next to her.
"Julie told us. Don't worry about it." Obi was sitting next to Julie, who was staring at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Kii. I didn't want to have to make up something and lie to them. I know you didn't want me to tell anyone, but…"
"Its okay, Jul. Don't worry." Kiila looked like she was going to collapse in on herself.
Maul sensed something wrong, and it wasn't Kiila's nightmare. Obi sensed it a moment later. Julie looked up at the balcony. She looked down very quickly, as if she hadn't seen anything. What she had seen was Mark, so she knew she should act as if she hadn't seen him. Maul nodded to Obi, and flipped over the couch, drawing his lightsaber to get ready to battle with the short one. Obi drew his to protect the two girls. Mark broke in through the window and leapt at Darth Maul. Kiila and Julie got behind Obi, when Kiila noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Obi turned to face Duane. Kiila turned and screamed as she saw Maul and Mark go over the balcony.
Maul lowered himself to the ground using the Force. Mark hit the ground at full speed, and got right back up to face Maul. They fought, and then Maul was sure he heard the fire alarm go off.
Kiila and Julie ran out in the hall to the staircase. When they opened the door, Julie screamed as Steve came at them with his cheddar- colored lightsaber drawn. Obi Wan forced Duane out in the hall, so he could fight both of them at once. This is probably the only time I'll wish I had a double lightsaber, he thought, trying to keep both of them in his line of vision.
Kiila had to find some kind of distraction to Steve and Duane. She ran her hand along the wall, and grinned when her hand met something she could use. Good thing Obi was trained in how to shut out a sense when it became overloaded. She pulled the fire alarm.
Steve and Duane howled in pain, while Obi shut out reception of his hearing. He continued to fight as Kiila dragged Julie down the stairwell. Halfway down the first flight, she signaled Julie to go on. She grabbed the fire hose out of its case and winced as the glass cut her wrist. She ran back up.
Obi was holding them off, but he looked tired, since he had been woken up in the middle of the night. Kiila used the fire hose to lasso Steve's legs together. He grabbed her, made his way as quickly down the hall as he could, and cut a hole in the wall. Obi had beaten Duane and used the rest of the hose to tie him up and was coming after Steve, when Kiila was thrown out of the hole, who was calling down to her "I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!"
"KIILA!" He cried, and quickly sliced Steve in half in the middle of his gloating.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kiila screamed as she fell from the hole. She hit some trees, which rendered her unconscious.
Maul, who had thrashed Mark and was wondering why all the tenants had run out of the building, heard her scream. He looked over just in time to see her hit the trees. He ran over to where she now lay. She didn't move. "Kiila? KIILA!" One of the ambulances that had come hurried a stretcher over to where she lay, some joints bent at wrong angles. Maul insisted that he would go along and after he mind-whammied a few people, he was permitted to ride in the back with her.
Qui Gon, Obi Wan, Julie, and Sidious came to the hospital afterwards. Julie had been in shock, and Obi had to answer for Steve's death. Qui Gon and Sidious cleared that up with a few mind-whammies. Maul was waiting rather impatiently outside of the ER. The doctor came out and handed him a clipboard.
"Nothing permanent. Broken ankle and wrist. A few cracked ribs and a whole bunch of infected cuts. One big slash down her left leg, but other than that, its all bad bruises. We're gonna keep her here for two weeks or so. Don't worry, she won't die." The doctor was trying to be reassuring. "You can come back and see her tomorrow morning. Go get some sleep. You look like you all need it."
Kiila smiled weakly at her friends as they walked through the door. She didn't try to talk, she knew it hurt.
Julie sat down on one of the chairs, Obi next to her and Maul in the closest chair to Kiila's head.
"Do you like that they gave you your own room?"
A smile was all they got.
"Do you miss us?"
A weak nod was the answer
"Would you like us to come and visit when we can?"
A wide smile, as wide a one she could manage without too much pain.
"Then we will. We've taken care of the studio, so don't worry about that. They're even paying the bills."
Kiila managed an even bigger smile, before she winced in pain.
A nurse walked in. "Kiila needs her rest. I have to ask you to leave."
Maul was about to protest, but a look at Kiila told him the nurse was right.
"We'll be back tomorrow. Bye,"
Kiila managed a small wave with the hand that wasn't in a cast.
The End (For Now)
Darth Maul's new neighbors! AKA: Too much sugar man!
By Julie and Kiila the Spellsinger
One day in Tingly-wingly-pixily-wixily land…
§ Ow! Cut it out Sal! §
"OOOOoooooo, you're just so coot, soooo adowable, and so vewy, vewy pwecious, wes' oo are!" Obi Wan cooed to Fluffi Wan, cuddling the hamster until it turned colors from him squeezing to hard.
Darth Maul wondered why his neighbor had to be so loud when he did that. It was sickening. Plus, he had a terrible headache that day.
Then a scream and a racket started up on the other side of his apartment, and My Apprentice cocked her head to listen. Maul stood up, walked to the door, stuck his head out and was about to yell to his other neighbor when Obi Wan popped up behind him.
"Hi, neighbor! You don't look so good today. Have you taken anything yet? Try this."
Darth Maul popped the tablets in his mouth without wondering what they could be.
"I guess you heard your new neighbors over there, and wanted to know what was going on, right?"
New neighbors? This was not going to be a good day, Maul could see it already.
"Let's go meet them." Obi Wan dragged a slightly snarling Maul over to the next apartment and poked the doorbell.
"Looks like we've finished cleaning up, eh, Julie?" Kiila looked at their handiwork with much approval.
"You still have to fix the porch and garden." Julie smirked, wiping her hands clean on a towel before tossing it into the kitchen.
"I'll do that tomorrow. Today, I have an audition," Kiila went into the bathroom to cleanup for the try outs for the new Jedi/Sith TV show. She was hoping for the lead Sith female role, but Julie suspected she'd probably wind up being a Jedi character, though anything seemed possible with Kiila.
The doorbell buzzed.
"Who could that be?" Julie walked to the door and opened it to see a young man with a near crew-cut hair cut with a thin braid hanging down the side. Another man of indeterminable age and no hair, but several small horns and a black and red pattern covering his face and hands. It possibly covered more, but that was all she could see, because both of them were wearing heavy robes. She wondered if they were cold.
The men at the door saw a young woman with chin-length red hair and pale skin. She had a shapely, well-taken care of body. Her murky blue eyes completed the charming picture.
"Hi! My name is Obi Wan, and this is your neighbor, Darth Maul. I live on the other side of him." The young man seemed entirely too cheery, perhaps even a match for Kiila, when she was hyperactive.
Darth Maul growled, until he received a sharp poke in the ribs from Obi Wan.
Kiila began to sing.
"This fate, to be so beautiful…."
"SHUT UP! COMPANY!"
"Ok."
"Sorry about that, Obi Wan, Darth Maul. She's getting ready for an, audition. She's an, actress." She seemed to spit the words out, whether she was jealous, or sick of it, one couldn't tell.
§ It was the latter, Y'know? §
"Please come in and sit down."
Kiila whisked out of the bathroom, as few people can, and went straight to the bedroom, to change her outfit. She had only been wearing a towel, and there was no way she was going in that, or the work clothes she'd dragged behind her.
Maul and Obi had a brief glimpse of a tall, slender, well-developed and somewhat muscular woman with light brown hair with a red skunk stripe down to her waist, wearing only a towel. Obi nearly passed out, falling onto the couch instead of sitting, and Maul had strange ideas.
"I'm really sorry about that, she didn't know you were here. Would any one like a drink?"
Maul grinned, "I'll have a beer."
"We don't have those. I could make you a strawberry margarita or a pina colada, though. She and I allow only those alcoholic drinks in the house, though I do sneak in some other stuff. But no beer."
"I'll have a Pepsi™ then."
"Me, too, please" Obi Wan had finally gained awareness of the surrounding world again.
"Ok, we have those. Be back in a sec!" Julie ran into the kitchen.
"Well, Julie, I'm, OH! Hello, who are you?" Kiila had come out the bedroom in a pair of brown leather pants, a bright green shirt on, and a few papers in her hands. Her shirt matched her intense green eyes, which seemed even a bit brighter with the wide smile on her face.
Obi Wan looked over. "My name is Obi Wan Kenobi. This is Darth Maul, he lives on that side of you, and I live on the other side of him."
Too perky, she decided. "Well, I have to go, so I guess I'll see you guys when I get back. Bye!" She went into the kitchen and hurried out again carrying a glass bottle marked Snapple™ Fire.
Julie came out of the kitchen carrying three Pepsi™ cans. "How does she keep going like that all day? I think she actually does drink coffee, but I can't seem to find any traces of it anywhere, even in her bank accounts. Oops, I guess I shouldn't have said that."
Kiila's head popped up from behind the sofa, with a purposely fake pouting look on her face. "You're so mean." She was holding an armadillo with a purple collar, and proceeded to cuddle it, but not for very long. "Hey, Havoc, I've got to go, but I'll be back soon, ok? Bye-bye." She set it down on the sofa, where it proceeded to crawl into Obi Wan's lap and fall asleep. Obi Wan began to absent-mindedly scratch it behind its ears. Kiila left.
Maul felt something pulling at his leg. It was another armadillo. He picked it up, and noticed the red collar that said Harold. He sighed and put it in his lap, idly scratching it.
Dead silence.
More.
Just a little more.
Obi tried to start a conversation. "What is her audition for?"
"Some new live action Jedi/Sith TV series. She's trying out for the lead female Sith role, but she really isn't worried, though she'll say she is," Julie sighed. "She lives such an interesting life, whereas I get to classify new life forms, when they show up. That's why I'm here most of the time. She may seem totally smart, and all knowing, but there's one thing she's not good at, that's shopping for clothes. If it wasn't for me, a paper bag might look better than some of her clothes."
Maul imagined the picture, and smiled. He was promptly smacked with a rolled up newspaper.
A faint yelling came from his apartment. "MAAAAUUUUULL! Where are you?"
"Um, I'd better go see what my master wants. Bye." He left Obi Wan sitting there, trying to start a new conversation.
He met Qui Gon in the hallway.
"Have you seen Obi Wan anywhere?"
"He's in there, grrrr," Maul replied, pointing to the door from whence he had come. He then noticed the armadillo hanging from his tunic. "Could you take this with you?" He asked, handing the armadillo to Qui Gon. Maul had a feeling he shouldn't make the girls angry.
"Yes, I'll take him." Qui Gon walked through the door and was gone.
Darth Maul entered his apartment, to wind up face to face with a very angry Sidious.
"Where have you been? I've been here looking under all the piles of dirt for ten minutes!" Sidious had something bad planned for him.
"I was at the new neighbor's apartment. Obi Wan dragged me there," Maul was desperately trying to think of something else to say, when he heard Obi Wan being dragged away by Qui Gon.
"Why can't I stay and talk? I wanna stay and talk! Let me go!" Obi Wan wailed as he was dragged out of the other apartment back to his own.
Julie watched as he was dragged away, and sighed. She'll just have to wait for Kiila, and they could go bother them together. She had a feeling this was going to be fun.
Julie turned back into the apartment, and walked to the kitchen. She looked in the fridge for something to eat, but then decided to go food shopping. Kiila had only bought enough for tonight, saying they could go the next day for more stuff. She grabbed her purse, and made sure she had enough money (Kiila always lent her some, without worrying about payback) and left for the store.
Kiila returned to the apartment, to find her friend loading a couple bags of groceries into the appropriate places.
"Hey, I thought we were going shopping tomorrow," she called.
"Yeah, but you didn't buy enough chocolate."
"Sorry." She entered the bedroom, and pulled out a lavender kimono, and got out of her other clothes and put it on. She sighed. There were so many other good actresses there; she may only have a bit part. Oh well, it doesn't matter. She'd have to wait for something else to come around. Then she saw the letter on her dresser. She had been formally invited to try out for this show, and now she wondered why.
"So how was the try-out, Kii?"
"It was all right, I guess. There were a lot of people there." Letting herself fall gracefully into the couch, Kii closed her eyes to think for a minute.
"Did anything go wrong?" Julie drifted out of the kitchen as she spoke, moving over to the couch across from where Kii sat.
"You sound like you wanted it to! No, nothing went wrong. They paired me against this one actor. He was so young! I mean, he wasn't younger than I am, but, compared to most of the other people there, we were the youngest. I mean that honestly! I could tell which ones had makeup on, even the guys did, to look younger."
"Tell me you weren't jealous."
"No way!" She sighed again. Havoc started crawling up her leg. Kiila picked her up. "Hey Havoc. I'm back. By the nine hells of necromancy, I'm tired. I think I just went through the toughest audition of my life. They're mailing callbacks and actual notices tomorrow."
"Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? For now, have a piece of fudge."
"What would I do without you, Julie?"
"Dress in a paper bag and starve."
This gained laughter from all four of the room's occupants, the humans and the armadillos.
Darth Maul was rudely awakened by loud noises coming from his new neighbors' balcony. Slowly easing out of bed, he crawled his way over to his balcony. Propping himself up on the railing, he looked over, and was met with a very nice view of Kiila in very tight, short shorts. He started having strange ideas.
"Hi Maul!" Obi Wan was on his balcony watching Kiila work.
Kiila looked up, saw Maul, and waved, a cheerful look on her face and a tight tank top added to his fantasizing. She then resumed her work of repairing the balcony, which was already half done. Julie stepped out onto the balcony wearing a bathrobe with embroidered teacups on it.
"How much longer do you think you'll be? And do you have a list of the plants you want?" She asked her roommate.
"Maybe another fifteen minutes. The list's on the table, when are you going?"
"When I get dressed. Probably soon, since you woke me up. C-you."
"Bye."
Julie departed the balcony, and Kiila resumed her work. True to her words, she was done in fifteen minutes. She then waved to Obi and Maul and went into the house to get what she needed to do the more leisurely task of painting the balcony. She came out of the house again with a brush and a can of green paint and started painting the railing. Obi went inside his apartment, and a few minutes later, Kiila heard the doorbell ring. She answered the door, and Obi stood there with a paintbrush in hand. They went out on the balcony: Obi painted the floor, and Kiila continued the railing. It was done in five minutes. They cleared up, and Obi went back to his apartment.
Maul then remembered what his master had said about them. He was to protect Kiila from some stalker or other. Apparently, there was one after Julie too, but he figured Obi had to take care of her. So that meant he was headed to the garden store. He knew Obi knew the store, so it was okay. Besides, he could maybe get closer to Kiila and… He smiled. This would be fun.
Kiila was relaxing on the couch, when she heard a scuffle out on the balcony. She looked out and saw someone on the balcony trying to get in.
"YOU MESSED UP THE PAINT JOB!" She ran to the door, opened it, picked up the person, and threw him over the edge. He'd looked vaguely familiar; she wondered who he was. She touched up the scuffed paint, and closed the door again.
Darth Maul watched the man on the ground get up and walk away. Boy is he tough, this is the forty-second floor. He decided he should go over to Kiila's apartment and make sure she was okay.
The doorbell buzzed, and Kiila let him in.
"Hi, Maul, what's up?"
"Um, didn't you just throw that guy off the balcony?"
"Yeah, why? He messed up my paintjob! He deserved it!"
"Well, he got up and walked away."
Kiila gave him a blank stare. "You're kidding, right?" She sat down hard on the sofa. Maul sat down next to her and tried his best to comfort her, which was a hard task for a Sith.
"Don't worry, Master Sidious has assigned me to watch and make sure you're okay. This could get worse."
"What about Julie?"
"Obi is looking after her. Don't tell her though. She doesn't need to know yet."
"Thanks. I need to be alone, okay? I'll call if I need anything."
"All right, bye." Maul left and went back to his apartment, and changed out of his robes, into his Teletubbies boxers, and 'Sith Kicks Ass' T- shirt. He then set up Jedi Road-Kill and amused himself by watching My Apprentice play it.
"Hi, Kiila, I'm back! Kiila, HEY KII! Wake up! I bought some purple petunias for you!" Julie paraded into the apartment, loaded down with trays of plants.
"Sorry Julie, I'm just a little out of it." Blinking, the taller woman sat up from where she was laying on the couch to look at her friend.
"By the way, I picked up the mail. There's a letter for you from the studio." Julie dropped the letter in Kiila's lap.
Kiila opened it and read it. Then she read it again. Then she screamed.
"I GOT THE PART! ISN'T IT GREAT?"
"Wow, that's so cool! Guess they really know who's got talent!" Julie was putting as much effort into her enthusiasm as she could, but it was a little bit hard for her.
Kiila was doing a little victory dance. "They want me to come down to the studio tomorrow to discuss the contract and give me my schedule."
The doorbell buzzed. Julie answered. It was Obi and Maul.
"What's going on?" Maul demanded.
"I got the lead Sith part in the show, isn't that cool?" Kiila said, lightly stepping over to them and holding out the letter.
"Wow, that's really great!" Obi Wan said, to no one in particular. Or maybe it was the door hinge.
"I think we should have a big victory dinner. I'll cook," Darth Maul was about to brag about his cooking skills, when Obi interrupted.
"Isn't your apartment still a mess?"
Julie and Kiila looked at each other. "We'll take care of it," they said in unison.
They looked at his apartment with despair. Then Kiila went back to their apartment and brought back rubber gloves and several different cleaning implements. Julie closed the door behind them. Darth Maul and Obi Wan watched the door as several loud noises were heard. At one point, the door opened and Julie handed My Apprentice to Maul, and went back inside. In a time span of less than five minutes, they had the place totally cleaned and Maul was on his way to a new culinary masterpiece. Julie swooned as she watched Maul cook in his "Kiss The Cook's Ass" apron. The human occupants of the room wanted to do this very badly.
"GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" Maul growled.
Everyone left, even My Apprentice.
Later that evening,
@ OOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO! @
§ Be quiet, Sal. §
Obi, Maul, Kiila, Julie, Harold, Havoc, My Apprentice, Cuddles, and Fluffi Wan were all gathered around the table in Maul's apartment.
"Wow, you're such a good cook!" Julie was wolfing down her food, as Kiila watched her with much distaste at her manners. Maul was eating the same way. My Apprentice was smirking at Maul's manners.
Obi was trying to eat and feed his hamsters at the same time. "Ow, you bit my finger, Cuddles."
Julie was walking around her apartment the next day when she stepped on something fuzzy. She looked at it. It was a golden hamster. "Now which one are you?"
It let out a whine.
Obi bounded out of nowhere and cried, "FLUFFI WAN! NO!" He scooped the hamster up in his arms. Then he looked at Julie, and turned beet-red.
Julie screamed and pulled her robe further closed.
"Sorry!" he yelled as he ran out of the apartment.
"PERVERT!"
"Julie, what's wrong?" Kiila asked.
"Obi Wan is such a pervert! He was in here this morning! I think he's stalking us!"
Kiila had a strange expression on her face. "He probably went to the wrong apartment after last night."
"Yeah, sure. I'll make breakfast."
"Can we have crepes? With Nuttella™?"
"Ok." Julie walked into the kitchen and started to throw together a meal.
Kiila started flipping through the TV Guide as she heard a thump on the balcony. She turned around in time to see Maul flip onto their balcony and throw someone off. He gave her thumbs up and pointed to his apartment as if he wanted to talk. She okayed him, and turned to smile at Julie who walked out of the kitchen with crepes.
"Here's breakfast, you miserable sod!"
"Thanks!" Kii kept her smile on her face, trying to cover her earlier discomfort.
They ate. Kiila went over to Maul's apartment. He was waiting for her.
"That wasn't the same guy."
"Did he get up and walk away, too?"
"Yes, and he was much smaller. That must mean there's two of them, one to deal with each of you. Now that they know I'm here, they are going to be more cautious."
"Yeah, well, I have to go to the studio this morning. Want to walk with me, or are you going to shadow me?"
"I'll walk with you a while, but then it'll be like I have somewhere else I'm going, and then I'll shadow you."
"Ok, I have to go now."
They walked away together. Julie watched them leave from the window, and wondered if something was going on behind her back. She saw Obi on his balcony, and decided to put on some actual clothes.
Kiila walked home for a while by herself. When she got to the place where she had parted from Maul, she wondered where he was. He said he'd join up with her again. She waited a couple minutes, and started walking again. Then, suddenly, two arms wrapped around her and she was lifted into the air, as blaster marks scorched the place where she had just stood. She threw her arms around Maul's neck when she saw it was him.
"Thank the luck of necromancy! Is that why you didn't rejoin me? Because of that?"
"Yeah, and we'd better go before they come here." He jumped down to the pavement and ran the whole way back to the apartment.
Unfortunately, Julie saw this and met them at the door to demand to know what was going on. Obi Wan put his head out in the hall and Maul signaled him to come over.
They explained what was going on.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Julie was furious.
"Calm down. Can't you just understand? You can get so paranoid sometimes." Kiila was trying to calm her friend. It wasn't working.
"PARANOID?!? I do not get paranoid!" She said, trying to cover her attempt to look at the balcony.
"See? You are paranoid! If there were a way I could make you forget this, I would use it! You are so stubborn!" Kiila was yelling at her friend. Then she forced herself to calm down. "I didn't worry when Maul told me. These two are here to take care of us. Accept it. Don't try to change it. It will turn out okay. You'll see. Okay, maybe I was nearly killed this morning, but Maul saved me. It doesn't matter what could have happened, but what did happen."
"Do you really mean that, or are you acting? I should be able to tell but I can't."
"I really mean it. When I need to, I can be serious. You should know that by now."
"What would I do without you?"
"Go nuts!" Kii smirked a bit of a playful smirk, as Julie sighed, her head going down to look at the floor for a moment.
Maul shuddered at the friendship between the two. Obi Wan became sentimental, and came over to hug the girls. Julie punched him lightly in the solar plexus. Obi sat again.
"That doesn't excuse you for being in the apartment this morning."
Maul stared at Obi in disbelief. His mouth dropped in surprise. He grabbed the magazine that had hit him before, rolled it up, and smacked Obi with it.
"You're so mean, Maul!" Obi started crying.
"Awwwww!" The two girls got up, but Julie clicked back and sat down again.
"Did the mean man hurt you, you poor thing?" Kiila was promptly hit with the magazine. "Ow, thanks Maul."
Maul hit Obi again, and he stopped crying. Mainly cause he'd been knocked unconscious.
Maul relaxed on his now clean couch, and sighed. The last few days, since the attempt to kill Kiila had been boring. My Apprentice was racking up a new high score on Pong. That's how boring the last few days were. He rolled over and munched on a slice of day old pizza. He knew he should keep it clean, but that would make Sidious too happy.
Then someone screamed!
Maul jumped up and opened the door into the rushing Obi's face. Now that Obi was unconscious, Maul knew it was up to him to save whichever girl was in trouble. He busted in the door to the apartment. Julie was staring at a letter she'd just opened.
"What's wrong?"
"MY MOTHER IS COMING!"
Maul banged his head on the wall. He'd knocked Obi out for this.
"By the way, Maul, shouldn't you be looking after Kii? She just went to the garden store."
Maul panicked and left.
Julie looked out the door and saw Obi. She dragged him into her apartment to revive him.
Maul raced to the garden store, and Yoda met him at the entrance.
"Why in rush are you?"
"I'm looking for a girl with brown hair with a red skunk stripe."
"Aisle 5 she is in."
"Thanks." He ran to aisle 5 and saw someone about to shoot her from the other end of the aisle. He ran and pushed her down just as the shot fired. The person left in a hurry. Maul looked down at Kiila, who was on the floor.
"Horny you are." Yoda stood at the entrance of the aisle
"It's not like that!" Maul screamed. Kiila turned red.
"Get off me!" She yelled at him. They stood up and she smacked him. She whispered to him, "Have to make this look good." Louder, "You ^ BEEP ^ pervert! Leave me alone!"
Maul tried his best to look sheepish, and it didn't look good. "Sorry."
She stormed off, and he went the other direction. They met up outside the store.
"That was interesting." She giggled.
Maul blushed as best he could, considering no normal skin showed.
They returned home and heard sobbing coming from Obi's apartment. Julie met them at the door.
"Fluffi Wan sacrificed his life for me. Obi's crying over his dead body." Julie looked morose.
Kiila walked in to see Obi carefully lifting the body up into a box. She walked forward to comfort him, but he shrugged her off.
"Someone tried to kill her, too." Maul was talking to Julie.
"Wow, they must really be desperate. To try when you're there is extreme."
"I only barely got there in time."
"And…"
"Um, nothing."
"I'll tell you later, Julie." Kiila walked back over.
Obi Wan was carving a small tombstone for Fluffi Wan. They left him alone.
Maul was hoping Kiila wouldn't tell Julie too much, like what Yoda said.
"Yoda said what? Wow! Was that how he landed on you? Ooooo…"
"Stop it! We had to make a big scene about it, too!" Kiila looked at her feet.
"There's something you're not telling me."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing." Julie smirked to herself. I can see where this is going.
Kiila was afraid. She knew that look. What was Julie up to now?
They all watched as Obi burned the box in which he had placed Fluffi Wan's body. The bundle in Kiila's hands twitched. The bowed their heads as Obi Wan looked to the sky and screamed,
"FLUFFY WAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO!"
Kiila walked up to him and held out the cloth bundle.
Obi took it, unwrapped the cloth and his face brightened. "Ooooo, a new hamster! I'll name it Fluffi Wan Jr."
Julie looked stricken and Maul wanted to throw something at him, but there wasn't anything to throw. Kiila tried not to laugh. They all went back to their apartments. Obi went with Maul, to talk to him.
"Julie told me what happened in the store."
Maul panicked. "It wasn't like that. It was a total accident that I pushed her down. I did manage to save her life though."
"Sure. Bye Maul."
Maul was glad Obi left. He wondered how long it would take Sidious to find out.
The doorbell buzzed. Maul winced and answered.
"So, you have saved her life, but you pushed her down how?"
It would be a long day.
One day Obi walked out of his apartment wearing his 'Like a Rock' boxers. Darth Maul had also stepped out in his 'I Love my Lightsaber" boxers.
Kiila and Julie stepped out, too. Julie was wearing Angel PJ's, and Kiila wore a polar bear sleeveless top and penguin boxers.
It was an awkward moment. An auk flew down the hall.
"Um, hi guys?" Kiila managed a little smile and wave.
Maul stared at the girls, and Obi passed out.
"I bet that boy's never seen a pair of hooters." Julie looked at the ceiling in pain. "I get that pansy for a bodyguard."
Kiila laughed.
"He does have a nice ass, though." Julie walked over to Obi.
"Gee, Maul, I didn't know the tattoo went that far." Kiila walked over to him.
"It goes farther."
"Really?"
He nodded, and gulped. He didn't know what she meant by that.
"Well, I have a rehearsal today, so I'll see you when I'm ready to go, okay?"
He nodded again.
"Okay, bye."
She went back in the room. Julie, who had dragged Obi back into his apartment and left him there, followed her.
Maul, still stunned, stood there for another 30 seconds, and walked back into his apartment when My Apprentice rubbed his leg. He poured her some milk, and got some cereal for himself. It might be a good day, finally.
The telephone rang. Julie answered.
"Hello. Oh, a new species! Do you have a specimen? Good, I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye."
She quickly pulled on some more respectable clothing, and went to Obi's apartment.
"I have to go to the labs. Are you coming?"
"Yeah."
Obi watched as Julie worked out what kind of creature it was, only picking up a word or two of the scientific talk. Julie deigned to call it a Gigtaamuln, meaning gods only know what.
As they walked back, Obi felt something was wrong, and decided they should head down a side street.
"Why are we going this way?" She asked.
"I sense a disturbance in the Force. Someone might be following us."
Just then, a small, black cloaked figure dropped in front of them. It pulled out a purple lightsaber and challenged Obi.
"Fool, avenge your Fluffi Wan."
"MARK! What are you doing?" Julie stuck her hands on her hips, looking at him almost a bit admonishingly.
"Trying to kill you." Mark said with a quiet, slightly indignant cough.
"Well, who's after Kiila?"
"Duane."
"Figures. Anyway, why?"
"The Cheese has ordered it."
"Huh?" Obi looked at Julie.
"Later." Julie sighed.
"Fight me, weakling." Mark brought his lightsaber up, running at Obi Wan with a yell.
Fight ensues.
@ You really suck at this don't you? @
§ Shut up! §
Obi Wan won, however, he had a slash across his shoulder. Mark was badly wounded and carted off to the hospital.
Julie and he walked back to his apartment. Obi got some bandages out of his medicine cabinet, and Julie helped him remove his shirt so she could bandage his wound.
Oh, my. He is so sexy; too bad he's so gay. I'd like to see what's under his boxers. Julie sighed. "Do you need any help?'
"No, but could you just stay and talk a while?"
"Yeah." She sat down next to him.
"Julie, I'm back, no one tried to kill me today!" Kiila looked around. "Julie?"
Maul looked around. "She hasn't been here for a while. If I'm right, she's at Obi's."
They went over and rang the doorbell. Julie answered.
"Hi, Obi got hurt today. Mark and Duane are our stalkers. And something about a cheese." She babbled on slightly, a bit nervously.
Kiila rolled her eyes. "You don't remember Steve?"
"Who?"
"Steve. Gretchen's stalker Steve, we were always cruel to him. Remember?"
"Oh no! I thought we lost him at Alpha Centauri!"
Obi and Maul blinked.
"Don't ask!" Kiila and Julie said in unison.
"Stop that! Get off, Havoc!"
"Harold, that tickles!"
Giggling was becoming constant.
Maul and Obi were becoming worried. They were hanging out on the girls' balcony, when the giggling started. Maul tried the door. It was open. They crept into the room, and stood outside the door to the bedroom. They burst in the door, only to find the girls in their PJ's playing with the armadillos. Obi turned a shade of red, and Maul's red reddened.
"Um, guys…" Kiila started.
"Obi, we need to talk." Julie walked to him and dragged him out of the room.
"I pity him."
Yelling started in the other room.
Maul winced and looked for somewhere to sit. Kiila motioned that it was okay for him to sit on her bed. He did.
"You're not mad at me?" He asked.
"No, not really. If I was mad, you'd be in pain." She started massaging his shoulders to get him to relax. "Do I seem like I'm mad?"
"No, but then again, you're an actress."
She laughed. "I've learned how to control my feelings and absorb them so I can use them in acting. That's why I think I do so well. I don't base it on luck, or my appearance, but on the skill with which I act. I've seen some very famous people in public, thinking they're being totally natural, but they were actually acting with out realizing it. Those people in my opinion, are very poor actors. They can't be honest with their lives, so they suffer for it."
"Wow, deep." Maul grunted, a bit impressed.
"What, don't you think I can be real? Want to see how real I can be?" She curled up really close to his back and turned his head…
Julie stormed back into the room, grabbed him by the ear, dragged him out into the hallway, and shut the door behind him and Obi.
"Damn! Just when I almost…" Maul looked over at Obi who looked at him with intense interest, and then suddenly turned his head to study the ceiling.
"You almost what? Why would you…" Julie was freaking out when she realized what she'd interrupted and Kiila had told her.
Kiila rolled her eyes. Julie was not going to let her hear the end of this. "Hey, what about you? First you call Obi a pansy, and then you say he has a hot ass. Then you wind up spending the day with him after he's hurt. What on earth are you?"
Julie growled. She realized Kiila was right. "Well at least he doesn't have tattoos covering his body."
"It gives Maul an amount of individuality."
"Yeah, and… ack! Why do you do these things to my head?"
"Because I'm you're friend. It's what I do." Kiila laughed, picked up Harold, and heaved him at Julie.
"Yeah, well knowing you, you've probably made him horny." Julie caught the flying armadillo, patting it gently on the head.
"Hey! How would I do that?" Kii struck an innocent pose, batting her eye lashes with one hand over her heart, as if saying 'Perish the thought!' in a hand motion.
"I don't know, I'm guessing."
"You're mean."
Julie put Harold down on her bed, picked up Havoc, and tossed her onto Kiila's bed. Kiila picked up Havoc and cuddled her. Havoc and Harold both looked rather dazed.
Kiila then looked at the clock, and realized that she might be late. She put Havoc down, and the armadillo curled into a warm spot on the bed, and rushed to the closet to get dressed for the rehearsal. Julie sighed, tossed on her robe, and went to pour her friend a bowl of cereal.
The doorbell buzzed and Julie opened the door and got a white flag in her face.
"I surrender. I'm sorry. Can I come in and wait for Kiila?"
"I guess." She let Maul in and got into the kitchen with barely enough time to pour the cereal into the bowl before Kiila whooshed in and took it from her to the table. There was a bottle of Fruitopia™ waiting for her on the table.
Julie and Maul watched as Kiila for once scarfed her food down as fast as possible. She also chugged the Fruitopia™ in less than 30 seconds. She whipped into the kitchen again, emerged with a bottle of Snapple™ Rain (with Agave Cactus), and picked up a pile of papers to take with her.
"Ok, I'm ready, are you?"
Julie went over Obi's apartment to check on how he was that day. She found him trying to open a jar of pickles.
"Here, let me." She opened it with one twist. "I guess you can't grip it right with your shoulder."
"I guess." He sounded sad.
"Is this about earlier?"
He nodded.
"I'm sorry. The armadillos like to wake us up in the morning. Though, how did you get in?"
"The door to the balcony was unlocked. Maul opened it, and after we went in, he locked it."
"Ok." Julie hadn't thought she'd locked it last night, so when she saw it locked she'd been confused. "I guess I should be glad it was you guys that came in, and not, someone else."
Obi nodded, seeing how she didn't want to talk about the 'someone else' it might have been. "How did you know Mark?"
"He was a friend of ours at school. I called him my son, but I didn't do that to his face. It was a joke between me and Kii." Julie looked to the floor, before Obi put a his good hand on her back, reassuringly.
Kiila got home from the rehearsal. She couldn't believe they'd been taping it for spoofs when they messed up! She'd never had that done before! Maul went straight to his apartment after telling her Julie was at Obi Wan's place again. She probably felt grateful for him saving her life. Kii went to her bedroom, opened the closet, pulled out a teal kimono, changed into it, and went over to see Maul.
"Hey, Kii, what's up now?" He looked confused at her coming over.
"I just didn't feel like hanging around there without Julie to bug me." Kiila was confused that Maul kept trying to block her view of his apartment. My Apprentice leapt into her arms.
"Then why don't I come over to your place?"
"Why, what's wrong with…MAUL, you are such a slob!" Kiila glared at him when she finally got a glimpse of his apartment. "I am going to give you a lesson in cleaning up so you can do it yourself!"
"Well, I'm sure you don't want to get your kimono dirty."
"That's right, I don't. Which is why you'll be doing the cleaning." She smirked a mischievous smirk, unlike his usually nasty looking ones.
Darth Maul sighed. It would be a long lesson.
Julie walked back to her apartment. On the door was a note that said:
Hey, Julie!
I've gone to Maul's place to teach him to clean his own apartment.
Be back soon!
Kiila
Julie sighed as Kiila popped put of Maul's apartment saying, "And keep it clean!"
"Have a good day?"
"Kind of, not really, no. They taped the rehearsal so they'd have a tape of mess-ups the could use for a special."
They went into the apartment and Kiila flopped onto the couch, or, as good a flop as she could manage wearing a kimono. Julie quickly made her a bowl of air-pop popcorn, without being asked, since she knew it would cheer Kii up.
"Thanks, you're wonderful." Kiila sighed and stared at the ceiling and ate her popcorn half-heartedly.
It must be very bad if she's like this. Julie sighed. "Were you attacked today?"
"No."
"Then you're bored, right? You only really get like this when you're bored."
"I'm bored. I'm bored cause no one attacked. It's been like this since you were attacked. I think its cause Mark was hurt. Steve wants them both in shape so he'll have one to protect him in case we come after him. Why'd it have to be Mark and Duane? They were our friends. Why couldn't it have been Fred the Wonder Dog and someone else we didn't get like? Why them?"
"Why not? Why use people we don't like when he can turn our friends against us?"
"Why does real life have to resemble TV and movies so much?"
"Why'd I just fall out of my chair when you said that?"
Maul sighed as My Apprentice played Jedi-Redneck Rampage.
The doorbell rang. Maul used the Force to open the door.
"I am amazed. Your apartment is clean." Sidious ambled in with his usual dignified air.
"Kiila makes me keep it clean. Otherwise she'll beat me up."
"So what evil deed have you done since I last visited you?"
"I drop-kicked My Apprentice yesterday when she wouldn't leave me alone."
My Apprentice looked at him with distaste, and missed being attacked by a Redneck Jedi.
"Mrrrooww! Meow! Hiss!"
"My Apprentice! You have learned such foul language from Maul!" Sidious looked at her in shock.
"That's my good little Apprentice." Maul smirked at his pet, a cat that had now killed five more Redneck Jedi and was working on the sixth, which looked like Qui Gon.
My Apprentice smirked.
Sidious rolled his eyes and sat down in the chair to watch. "So how are you and Kiila getting along?"
Maul grinned. "Just great. Today's her day off, and later we're going to the store to get some plants for my apartment. She's insisting. I can't resist when she pouts. She's almost as bad as Obi Wan."
"By the way, I heard Obi Wan was hurt. Is that true?" Sidious folded his hands together, leaning forward to the game to urge My Apprentice along a bit.
"Yeah, he got in a fight with the one stalker. There are two of them, and he put one in the hospital. I guess he's better with a lightsaber than I thought. Although I didn't tell anyone, last night I had a fight with the other one. He was good, and it sounds like the other one was better." Maul grunted, watching the score on the video game. My Apprentice held 5 of the top ten spots already, and it looked like she was going for another one.
"Guess you and he had better start working out more when he gets better. You and he may have to go at the organization soon. You may never know."
As Sidious left, Maul had a feeling that he would face them soon, though when he couldn't tell. Sometimes for him, soon was five minutes, sometimes a month. He could never tell.
Obi's shoulder had healed, and Maul had insisted on them practicing their skills outside in the lot around the apartment complex. Kiila and Julie sat and watched them practice. Julie was playing an electronic fishing game, and My Apprentice sat next to her, mind-whammying the game to let her catch bigger fish. Kiila was playing with the armadillos and the hamsters.
Obi and Maul were using wooden replicas of lightsabers instead of real ones. That way, they wouldn't hurt each other. Maul was trying to improve on Obi's skills, so he would be more effective, considering he was using pansy Jedi techniques. Obi was trying to avoid getting more bruises.
Maul wondered if this was a bad idea. Who knows, he may have to face Obi someday and kill him.
Obi was tiring, so Maul let him have a break. They had been practicing for over two hours with no break. Kiila tossed him a bottle of water. He plopped down on the ground and drained it in 10 seconds. Julie tossed a bottle to Obi, who sat down and drained it more slowly.
"How much longer do we have to practice?" Obi was panting as he drank his water.
Maul motioned for another bottle, and replied, "I think we're good for today. We'll do more tomorrow."
They went back into their apartments, and all decided to get a good night's sleep.
Dark.
Flash of light. Brown and red hair flashed in the darkness.
More dark.
Someone grabbed her shirt and tore at it. She screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STOP! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Kiila was lying on her bed, thrashing and screaming.
Julie leapt off her bed and shook her friend violently until she woke up. Kiila was in a cold sweat. She ran to the bathroom. Julie heard her throwing up. She sighed.
The doorbell was buzzing and she could hear Maul and Obi yelling to be let in. She opened the door and they burst in.
"Julie, what's wrong?" Obi was shaking her.
"Where's Kiila?" Maul was looking for her.
"Kiila's in the bathroom. She'll probably be in there a while, in the shower. There's something I should tell you guys…"
Kiila let the cold water run down her as she huddled in the tub. Why did that nightmare have to come now? She started scrubbing where sweat had built up.
Maul, Obi, and Julie waited for Kiila to come out. Julie had explained to them what had happened to Kii four years ago. They all sat there looking very remorse. Kiila stumbled out of the bathroom, and leaned on the doorframe when she saw Maul and Obi. Maul got up and half-carried her over to the couch. He sat down next to her.
"Julie told us. Don't worry about it." Obi was sitting next to Julie, who was staring at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Kii. I didn't want to have to make up something and lie to them. I know you didn't want me to tell anyone, but…"
"Its okay, Jul. Don't worry." Kiila looked like she was going to collapse in on herself.
Maul sensed something wrong, and it wasn't Kiila's nightmare. Obi sensed it a moment later. Julie looked up at the balcony. She looked down very quickly, as if she hadn't seen anything. What she had seen was Mark, so she knew she should act as if she hadn't seen him. Maul nodded to Obi, and flipped over the couch, drawing his lightsaber to get ready to battle with the short one. Obi drew his to protect the two girls. Mark broke in through the window and leapt at Darth Maul. Kiila and Julie got behind Obi, when Kiila noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Obi turned to face Duane. Kiila turned and screamed as she saw Maul and Mark go over the balcony.
Maul lowered himself to the ground using the Force. Mark hit the ground at full speed, and got right back up to face Maul. They fought, and then Maul was sure he heard the fire alarm go off.
Kiila and Julie ran out in the hall to the staircase. When they opened the door, Julie screamed as Steve came at them with his cheddar- colored lightsaber drawn. Obi Wan forced Duane out in the hall, so he could fight both of them at once. This is probably the only time I'll wish I had a double lightsaber, he thought, trying to keep both of them in his line of vision.
Kiila had to find some kind of distraction to Steve and Duane. She ran her hand along the wall, and grinned when her hand met something she could use. Good thing Obi was trained in how to shut out a sense when it became overloaded. She pulled the fire alarm.
Steve and Duane howled in pain, while Obi shut out reception of his hearing. He continued to fight as Kiila dragged Julie down the stairwell. Halfway down the first flight, she signaled Julie to go on. She grabbed the fire hose out of its case and winced as the glass cut her wrist. She ran back up.
Obi was holding them off, but he looked tired, since he had been woken up in the middle of the night. Kiila used the fire hose to lasso Steve's legs together. He grabbed her, made his way as quickly down the hall as he could, and cut a hole in the wall. Obi had beaten Duane and used the rest of the hose to tie him up and was coming after Steve, when Kiila was thrown out of the hole, who was calling down to her "I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY!"
"KIILA!" He cried, and quickly sliced Steve in half in the middle of his gloating.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kiila screamed as she fell from the hole. She hit some trees, which rendered her unconscious.
Maul, who had thrashed Mark and was wondering why all the tenants had run out of the building, heard her scream. He looked over just in time to see her hit the trees. He ran over to where she now lay. She didn't move. "Kiila? KIILA!" One of the ambulances that had come hurried a stretcher over to where she lay, some joints bent at wrong angles. Maul insisted that he would go along and after he mind-whammied a few people, he was permitted to ride in the back with her.
Qui Gon, Obi Wan, Julie, and Sidious came to the hospital afterwards. Julie had been in shock, and Obi had to answer for Steve's death. Qui Gon and Sidious cleared that up with a few mind-whammies. Maul was waiting rather impatiently outside of the ER. The doctor came out and handed him a clipboard.
"Nothing permanent. Broken ankle and wrist. A few cracked ribs and a whole bunch of infected cuts. One big slash down her left leg, but other than that, its all bad bruises. We're gonna keep her here for two weeks or so. Don't worry, she won't die." The doctor was trying to be reassuring. "You can come back and see her tomorrow morning. Go get some sleep. You look like you all need it."
Kiila smiled weakly at her friends as they walked through the door. She didn't try to talk, she knew it hurt.
Julie sat down on one of the chairs, Obi next to her and Maul in the closest chair to Kiila's head.
"Do you like that they gave you your own room?"
A smile was all they got.
"Do you miss us?"
A weak nod was the answer
"Would you like us to come and visit when we can?"
A wide smile, as wide a one she could manage without too much pain.
"Then we will. We've taken care of the studio, so don't worry about that. They're even paying the bills."
Kiila managed an even bigger smile, before she winced in pain.
A nurse walked in. "Kiila needs her rest. I have to ask you to leave."
Maul was about to protest, but a look at Kiila told him the nurse was right.
"We'll be back tomorrow. Bye,"
Kiila managed a small wave with the hand that wasn't in a cast.
The End (For Now)