It was too early to tell, yet Emma knew right away. She was pregnant.
She bought a test from the drug store, and the result was negative, but she knew. Even so, she let herself believe that maybe she was wrong. Maybe the test was correct.
After fixing herself some hot cocoa, she sat at her kitchen counter and just stared at the negative result for a while, knowing full well that women only did stuff like this when they got a positive result, but she couldn't figure out how she felt about it. Of course, as her luck would have it, Snow decided to drop by in the middle of her morning routine. The knock on the door startled Emma so much that she almost spilled her mug all over the floor, and she quickly shoved the test back into its box and into a bowl in the cabinet closest to her.
And she left it hidden, knowing that she should at least tell Killian that she had a feeling she might be pregnant and that she'd take another test if in a couple weeks, she still felt like it was a possibility.
The only problem was, the longer that she left the test hidden, the less she wanted to tell him, especially when she missed one period and then another, and then without even needing a test, she knew for sure. But she still went to the hospital anyway because she wanted actual confirmation. She let them do a blood test, and sure enough, there it was in writing. Emma Swan was pregnant.
Emma made the mistake of leaving Killian alone in her apartment one day while she went to work, not wanting to wake him up because he looked so peaceful when he was asleep. It had only been a couple of days after she got her results back from the hospital, and she felt terrible about not telling him, so that was another reason she let him stay and continue sleeping instead of kicking him out like she usually did in the morning.
Killian woke up and decided that he didn't want to go back to his ship that day. He'd wait for Emma to get home, make her dinner, show her that he deserved to be allowed to stay longer than just the night with her. He knew from experience that she loved macaroni and cheese, even if it still did seem rather plain to him, so that's what he planned to prepare, only when he went to grab a bowl (after searching practically every cupboard), he found quite a bit more.
The box confused him for a moment, but he was smart enough to understand after reading everything on it what the device inside of it was used for. One line meant not pregnant, two lines meant the opposite. When he pulled it out, he saw that there was already one line in the little oval, which meant…that Emma had used it? Had Emma thought she was pregnant?
It took all of his focus to go back to making Emma dinner after seeing that, but he did it because he would go absolutely insane if he just sat around waiting. When he finished, he left her a bowl on the counter with the test right beside it. There would be no beating around the bush with him. He was going to make her talk about it as soon as she came through that door.
Finally, finally, Emma was able to get that damn test off her mind as she spent most of her afternoon at work with Henry, and when she walked through the door and saw it sitting there next to a bowl of mac and cheese, she felt her heart drop into her stomach. The look on Killian's face didn't help at all - a mixture of hurt and anger and confusion.
"Killian…" Emma started to say, but he cut her off.
"You thought you were pregnant, Emma? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because…I just…the test was negative. I didn't see the point of telling you I'm not pregnant when you already knew that." Lies. She was lying through her teeth, and she knew it was wrong, but she couldn't tell him the truth now. Not when he was angry with her and would probably not take it well at all.
"But you could have been! Would you have told me then?" He sounded so desperate for her to say that she would tell him, that for a second, Emma almost wanted to go grab the paper from the hospital that held the truth. But she didn't, digging an even deeper hole for herself.
"Look, can we not talk about me being pregnant? Why the hell are you even still here?" The closer she got to spilling the beans, the more irritated she became with him.
"I wanted to make you dinner, love. Since this is the first time you haven't kicked me out in months." His words had a bite to them that made Emma wince, not realizing it had bothered him so much that she never let him stay.
"I…I didn't know…"
"Didn't know what, Emma? That it hurts to know I only get so much time with you? That I'd do anything for you, but I know you don't want me around, so I leave when you tell me to? Well…now, you do." His voice almost cracked, and anyone else who was listening probably wouldn't have noticed it, but Emma did, and it killed her inside to know he felt that way. That she was the reason he was hurting right now.
Because she lied, because she closed herself off, and now it was too late because he was heading for the door without even giving her a second glance, probably embarrassed by his admission and the fact that she was just staring at him.
"Killian, wait, I need to-" she started, ready to lay it all out on the table.
"No, it's fine. You don't need to do anything, Emma."
She wished he'd stop saying her name because his voice went quiet every time he did, like it physically pained him to utter it. God, this was a mess. Why did she let it happen? Why didn't she just tell him as soon as she got back from the hospital?
And then Killian was out the door, shutting it softly behind him, which made it all worse because she'd been expecting him to slam it out of anger, and he'd just closed it like he was too exhausted to care. It was easier to deal with anger; Emma could respond to that, but he was hurt more than he was angry, and she knew it was going to drain her trying to come up with a solution to fix things now.
One week passed.
Then two.
Emma woke up every morning and thought this will be the day I tell him. Yet she never would. All she did was wait around, hoping he would be the one to come to her, and then she'd fall into his arms and apologize and tell him how sorry she was. But that never happened, and she didn't blame him one bit. She deserved to be ignored and avoided, and when he found out that she lied again, he would surely want nothing to do with her. And that scared the hell out of her.
It was late at night when she realized that she was starting to show. Her pants were tighter, and though it wouldn't be visible to anyone else just yet, Emma could feel the way her stomach was starting to form a bump. She'd read that you started to show sooner during your second pregnancy, and subconsciously, she was waiting for that moment before she told anyone. Well…now was the time then.
It didn't matter that it was late, Emma knew he'd be at his ship. She shoved the pregnancy test results from her blood test into her jacket pocket as she rushed out the door.
Killian wouldn't lie, he was having a difficult time with not giving in and going to see Emma, but the thing that kept him holed up in his cabin was thinking about the fact that he could have had a baby. A child. A little person that was a part of him and a part of Emma, the woman he loved but couldn't tell that to.
At first, he'd thought that it was a relief she wasn't pregnant because he could never be a father, not a good one anyway. He didn't know the first thing about it, and it wasn't like his own father was much of a role model. So maybe it was a good thing.
Then, he started to fantasize about the little girl - because the more he thought about it, the more he wanted a daughter - with his dark hair and Emma's beautiful green eyes and a sense of adventure that rivaled his own. And they'd never be able to get her to sit still, but he wouldn't care because he'd be more than happy to chase after her and take her on the Jolly Roger and teach her about sailing. So maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if Emma was pregnant.
A knock on his door shook Killian out of his reverie, and he cautiously crossed the floor, knowing it could only be one person while also being terrified that it was that one person. What would he say to her? What was she going to say to him?
"Killian, come on, I know you're in there!" was Emma's impatient shout from the other side of the wood, and he took a deep breath before opening the door.
"What do you-" he started to ask, but Emma clearly had an agenda because she wouldn't even let him get the words out.
"I need to tell you something." She pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket and shoved it at his chest, looking more nervous than he'd ever seen her before, which only made him more nervous.
Nothing on the sheet made sense to him. His eyes raked over it quickly, brows knitting together in confusion, frustration evident because he hated not understanding things in this world.
"I took a blood test," Emma said, finally speaking up after watching him for several moments.
"A blood test?"
"Yeah, I…didn't think that test you found was accurate." She went with a roundabout way of coming out with the truth, hoping he'd understand because she was having trouble coming up with the words.
"So this tells you if you're pregnant, too?"
"Yeah." Her impatient tone was coming through again.
"And?" Killian was almost holding his breath at this point, figuring the result was probably the same, but if it wasn't…
"I'm pregnant, Killian."
It wasn't.
The vision of that little dark-haired, green-eyed girl swam back into his head at her words, and he felt his throat constrict. All his worries about being a father came rushing back, as did his excitement about it as well, and he couldn't speak.
Emma didn't say anything either, just stood there, chewing on her bottom lip and looking everywhere but at him.
"How, um…how long have you known?"
"Officially? A few weeks. I suspected it since the first test, though," Emma confessed timidly, knowing this was the worst part of telling him. That she'd kept it from him. Again.
"And you didn't tell me? We're having a…a baby, and you didn't tell me?" Again, Killian could have easily raised his voice, yelled at her, gotten angry, but he didn't, and Emma almost started crying just because she wanted him to be angry with her. She couldn't stand the sad way he was looking at her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I was afraid you'd be angry or leave or…" Emma didn't even know what she was saying, words spilling out before she could think about them. All she knew was that she needed to apologize.
Killian pulled her tight against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. The hurt he felt dissolved almost instantly when she apologized, hearing that the reason she didn't tell him was because she thought he wouldn't take it well. That was much better than what he'd assumed - that she didn't want the baby or him to be the father. "Emma, I would never, never leave you. How could I be angry about this? This is wonderful. We're having a baby."
For the first time in months, Emma felt relieved. Confused…but relieved. Killian was happy about the pregnancy. He wanted the baby. It was way more than she'd expected, and she slipped her arms around his waist and held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her grounded at that moment. And in a way, he was.
"You really…you really want it?"
Killian just wanted to kiss away all of that disbelief etched on Emma's beautiful face. He brought his hand up and smoothed the lines on her forehead, forcing her to relax against him. "I really want it. I want you, I want the baby, I want a family."
Emma could feel herself blush, and she pressed her face into his chest in an attempt to hide it.
"Look at me, darling." Killian cupped the side of her face, tilting her head back so she would meet his eyes again. "I know things between us are-"
"Changing," Emma interjected. "While we're figuring all this out, you should stay with me more."
"Are you sure?"
"If you're sure you're ready to deal with me getting fat and asking you to go get me ice cream at two in the morning." A small smile inched its way onto her lips, and she realized how truly wonderful it would be to have someone around that cared about her this time.
Killian chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I will be there for everything, love. I'll take care of you, I promise."
And that was all she needed to hear. "Thank you, Killian." She wasn't quite ready to tell him she loved him yet. That would come with time, and they had a long way to go before she would get there, but just knowing that he was going to stick around and be there for her was enough for now.
"No, thank you, Emma." She was giving him a chance at being happy, having a family, and she trusted him. He loved her. He knew he loved her, but he wouldn't tell her until she was ready to hear it. Until then, he'd just have to show her over and over again how much she and the baby meant to him.